Vegas: Monorails v. Gridlock

TimeTrip writes "Vegas seems to be taking a little cue from Disney. 'Las Vegas, which never stops thinking big, has just embarked on its most ambitious, costly attempt to solve a problem that once seemed impossible to have in this sprawling desert valley: gridlock. It is building the nation's largest monorail system.'" Or maybe they'll be taking their cue from Lyle Lanly. Frankly this sounds more like a Shelbyville idea.

Obligatory

[teslatug]

The Monorail Song:
Monorail Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth Like a genuine, Bona fide, Electrified, Six-car Monorail! What'd I say? Ned Flanders: Monorail! Lyle Lanley: What's it called? Patty+Selma: Monorail! Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail! [crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically] Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud... Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud. Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend? Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend. Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs? Lyle Lanley: You'll be given cushy jobs. Abe: Were you sent here by the devil? Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level. Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can. Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man. I swear it's Springfield's only choice... Throw up your hands and raise your voice! All: Monorail! Lyle Lanley: What's it called? All: Monorail! Lyle Lanley: Once again... All: Monorail! Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken... Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken! All: Monorail! Monorail! Monorail! [big finish] Monorail! Homer: Mono... D'oh!

I have an irrestible urge to break into song..

[Dr. Carl Jung]

Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth Like a genuine, Bona fide, Electrified, Six-car Monorail! What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty+Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail! [crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud...
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll be given cushy jobs.
Abe: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man. I swear it's Springfield's only choice...Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
All: Monorail! Monorail! Monorail! [big finish] Monorail!
Homer: Mono... D'oh!

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no danger

[Skizamaskidz]

I see no forseeable danger in this at all. Just keep a big letter 'M' on the side of the train for emergency braking, along with an oversized steel donut.

Simpsons Wisecrack

[Stephen VanDahm]

Let's get this out of the way early:

SELECT *
FROM smartass_remarks
WHERE simpsons='t' AND
topic='monorail'


There.

*cough*hypocrite*cough*

[jaxdahl]

Look at your sig... this is the 3rd day of said blackout.. and you're POSTING constructive comments to the story? I don't think this tactic is working out very well, sorry to say. I pity you.

If you really wanted to make an impact, you'd really need to get together way more users to boycott slashdot than what is going on now.

"I call the big one 'Bitey'"

[phillymjs]

If Vegas gets a monorail, will we have HBO's "Monorail Confessions" to look forward to?

~Philly

Will Spock be doing the grand opening?

[Remik]

Quimby: And now, I'd like to turn things over to our Grand Marshall,
Mr. Leonard Nimoy.
Nimoy: I'd say this vessel could do at least Warp Five.
[appreciative laughter from the crowd]
Quimby: And let me say, ``May the Force Be With You!''
Nimoy: [annoyed] Do you even know who I am?
Quimby: [indignant] I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?

A possible solution

[jconley]

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet.
When toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down.

It was proposed to strap giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the back of a hundred tethered cats; the two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above the ground. Using the giant buttered toast-cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily resolve Vegas Gridlock!

Too low tech

[grinwell]

Vegas should just skip the monorail phase and go straight to transporters.

Or Segways [segway.com] . Close the strip to cars and fill the city with Segways. It'd be the perfect commercial for both the city and the Segway.

Or Trebuchets [trebuchet.com] . Boy, I'm full of helpful ideas tonight!

RIP Phil

[NiftyNews]

I miss Phil Hartman. Hit my karma if you need to, but I needed to say it.

E.L.V.I.S.

[torklugnutz]

There was a contest for people to come up with names for this contraption. My submission:

E.L.V.I.S. - Elevated Las Vegas Interconnect System

I haven't heard back yet, but it seems like a winner to me!!

Re:Simpsons Wisecrack

[sharkey]

Stephen VanDahm: "But Simpsons' references are old and overspoken!"
CmdrTaco: "Sorry Stephen, the trolls have spoken!"

Slashdites: Monorail!...MONORAIL!!...MONORAIL!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
JonKatz: "Mono-D'OH!"

Great, slashdotted again.

[Nethead]

You guys chewed up 15Mb/s of my bandwidth on monorails.org just a few days ago and now you have to put links in again. Look, we get this bandwidth gratis from ColoCenters [colocenters.com] and I don't want to have them bitch about all the traffic. The FreeBSD server takes the hits ok, but it sure shows on the MRTG graphs. Today UserFriendly also had us linked as LOTD so we're really pushing the bits.

What is it with geeks and monorails anyway?

And the Simpsons song just isn't funny anymore.

Re:RIP Phil

[Anonymous Coward]

Funny? Great modding job there.

Re:Built by Bombardier Transportation Systems

[supermoose]

Another interesting link...

Here's an image [monorails.org] of a Bombardier engineer giving a similar monorail a quick test run. Note the prototype's innovative energy-efficient air conditioning. The prototype doesn't have quite as much seating capacity as they expect in the final vehicle, but you get the general idea.

Re:Actually Disney Is Involved

[Rudeboy777]

Does this mean that once that monorail train really gets moving the "LV Mono" logo will tear off from the side revealing the "1960 Mickey's Fair" logo that it had covered?

Re:Obligatory

[grytpype]

Scientist: Sorry, I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut.

Marge: There's a man here and he wants to help you!
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman is a scientist.