Microsoft's Home Of Tomorrow Has No Bathroom

Starman9x writes "Over at the The Toronto Star reporter Rachel Ross got a tour of Microsoft's home of the future. She writes with an appropriate amount of humor, given all the easy targets Microsoft has set up. While the writeup is light and witty, there is an unspoken Orwellian undertone to it -- after all, do we really want Microsoft to have that much control over things?"

uhhhh

[majestynine]

New comment creation has been disabled on this discussion.

Looks like slashdot have found the solution for getting rid of all these trolls.

Disable comments.

Way to go chrisd.

The bathroom? What for?

[red_gnom]

Come on guys, the windows is all you will ever need.

It is not like Slashdot without "Reply" button.

Attention

[Anonymous Coward]

Who needs a bathroom when you can shit all over Microsoft's latest and greatest?

I'll be the first...

[skermit]

I'll go ahead and be the first to make a potty joke...

Where do you want to "go" today?

*snicker*

and just in case you're against the Wintel water closet, here's the oldschool iToilet:
http://www.electric-chicken.co.uk/ [electric-chicken.co.uk]

Or another funny by John McPherson:
http://cutlerscove.com/cartoons/images1/bathroomco mputer.jpg [cutlerscove.com]

Fellow /.'er Dragon213 posted this last December:
http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=47736&cid= 4874656 [slashdot.org]

and last but not least, Philips has a home of the future design speculation website:
http://www.design.philips.com/casa/bathroom/frames .html [philips.com]

toilets

[macragge]

What do you do when your toilet blue screens? Jiggle the handle?

No bathroom

[intermodal]

I guess that's for consistency...windows leaves all kinds of shit all over your system, so why not your house as well?

Re:01753 567100

[macshune]

"The house of the future has no bathroom.
And I really have to go."

Sorry, please install Service Pack 1b for the crapper.
Have a nice day.

no bathroo? because...

[skydude_20]

its not a bathroom, but a recycle bin. it can go for awhile without emptying, just until you fill up a certain percentage of the house that you allow. actually, each partition of the house has one, though reliability can be flakey at times, oddly sucking away at all the other resources of the house (electrical, water, etc..). though for the most part works, but keeps you forever wondering why they call it a recycle bin

Home of the future

[drmofe]

No shit!

Oh great...

[Arctic Dragon]

Now where am I gonna put all my bathroom reading material?

No toilet?

[Yottabyte84]

It's a demo house. Would you want people trying out your toliet? And what about the customized toliet "reading material" hmmm, I think not.

Oh, and why was comment creation disabled for half an hour? New slashcode feature.

Senior care..

[Anonymous Coward]

The TV also has a message about grandma. According to the television, she is having a "normal day." Heath explains that the message is part of a larger system envisioned for senior care. Sensors in a retirement home, she explains, would monitor her activities to make sure everything's okay.

Oh yeah, I would love to sit down to watch CSI, and be greeted with Mom fell and broke her hip, has bed sores, and vomited during bingo.

ugh..I think I'll pass on something like that.

Re:01753 567100

[cscx]

Apple: The house would be see-through.

Sun: The house would look like absolute shit asthetically, but it'd be stable, and never be able to be knocked down.

Novell: I don't know, but there'll be a lot of guys in black ties and white shirts ringing the doorbell.

Reality TV!

[litui]

Forget Big Brother or Survivor! Now we have Grandma TV 24/7! Watch Grandma gum her oatmeal! Listen in on Grandma's steamy phone calls! Find out who's really stealing the pennies at those poker games!

All this and more, brought to you by Microsoft.

Let's put this together with MS's rep for security

[carlmenezes]

Conversation between 2 burglars :

"Which house shall we pick?"
"I've already chosen one. It's running Windows Home Edition"
"But those have biometric scanning"
"Yeah. A buffer overflow will take care of that"
"I don't think so." (busy trying to hack into the wireless LAN)..."seems they've patched it"
"Rats! I didn't want to do this. The home owners don't deserve it, but here goes...send in Slammer..."

The toilet from hell!

[Wrexs0ul]

They're just waiting for the:

Hyper-
Accelerated
Loo

Model 9000, keeps freshness in and those nasty guests who stink up your place out.

"I'm sorry, I can't let you poop that Dave..."

-Matt

textmessage : Grandpa pooped!

[hmccabe]

Some have already been tested in senior centers. It's still in the early stages of development, but such a system isn't entirely a fantasy

Speak for yourself, lady, but my fantasy isn't monitoring seniors all day.

it's x10.com, right?

[Anonymous Coward]

a few little hacks, a couple of spy cams^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hhome automation devices, and i'm totally in the house of the future.

Re:01753 567100

[neuroticia]

Heh. Actually, AppleHome would be see-through and striped, and come in all the colors of the rainbow or a cool titanium finish that would scratch and dent. =] You could only have 1 or 2 Rooms in it (5.25 bays), but the Rooms would do everything (Superdrive/combodrive) You'd only be permitted to run AppleHomeOS on it, until someone came out with LinuxHomeOS For the AppleHome. AppleHome users would account for only 10% of the population, but would be MUCH more vocal about their love of the AppleHome than MS users.

And if you used something in Beta, you'd erase your bedroom (iTunes, Safari)

It would definitely have better aesthetics than Microsoft-Home, though. Eeek.

-Sara

Wellcome Home Bob!

[TheLoneCabbage]

Imagine walking home... it's been a long day.

As you enter, you are greeted by a warm Muzac entry sound. "Welcome Home" It chimes in an even, an unoffensive voice.

As you walk in, you are followed by wall mounted screens delivering custome tailored advertising. Who knew I could grow another 6" safely and without any effort?

You hang up your coat and you are chimed by a tone, that says "Thankyou for using MS coat rack" Ding!

You go to the kitchen to put away groceries, but before you get there a 6 foot holographic paper clip stops you. "Your grand mother is not eating her food. Do you wish to feed her"

"No it's ok, I'll talk to her later Mr. Clippy"

"Are you SURE you dont' want me to feed her. It's not healthy for her not to eat"

"She's made it 80 years on her own Sir, she knows when to eat"

"Older peopler need to eat, human, or they could starve!"

"Fine, what ever. Give her some food"

You can hear sounds of mechanical arms wurring in the distance, and an old woman screaming... ugh just another bug.

You go to put away the food, but as you insert some fruit and turn around, you see it spit out of the fridge. "What now?!"

"This fruit is not compatible with this refridgerator"

"It's a banana you talking box of ice, just take it"

"MS Fridge 3.1 does not recognize this typen of fruit. Are you sure you want to store it in MS Fridge?"

"YES!! I want to store it in MS Fridge!!"

"Open the door manualy to continue."

You put away the rest of the food, with only a few more discussions regarding the unlicensed eggs, which aparently were not grown at McMSoft Farms, and therefor do not have the correct nutritional value. And the fit the cubbard through over you buying flower... It insists that MS Breads are a more efficient use of your leasiur time.

As you go to the TV, you realize that you won't be watching TV tonight since all that's on is the BSD show.

Sudenly out of nowhere a lazer shoots you inthe pocket and burns a hole, destroying a tape you had in your pocket. "Hey!! what was that?"

"You were carrying ilegaly coppied music. I have corrected the issue for you."

"It was a mix tape from a friend!!"

"All copyrighted materials must have digitial copy right signitures, or they may be stolen. You don't want to steal do you?"

"It's from his band you nit! Never mind, I'l just go take a shower"

You dissrobe (hoping the computer isn't watching this time) and turn on the shower.... ICE cold.

"Computer turn up the heat, please"

"The heat is on"

"No it's not, it's freezing"

"The watter is hot at 37 degreees"

"In Celcius!!"

"Error: Unknown variable.... Reporting bug.... Bug fix will be available when you upgrade to MS House XP: The Next Generation"

You scream into the night as you run naked into the woods, trying to escape the MS Tree 3000's (better greener foilage). You find your self a nice cave and grow hemp in the field. Not because you like hemp, but because you heard it causes memmory loss, and you want to forget.

Obligatory Bathroom Humor

[Anonymous Coward]

Wow...all that technology and no place to log in!

Re:I'll be the first...

[m0nkyman]

I do NOT want to see a "blue screen of death" in my toilet; You have performed an illegal function...

Bathroom of the Future!

[Tsali]

Microsoft couldn't improve the bathroom of tomorrow? Come on! Where's the innovation?

My ideas....

- Auto-sensor for build up of noxious odors.
- Wireless connect in bathroom, naturally.
- A scale that keeps track of who is on it so it knows when to lie.
- A soap container that doesn't leave a white-yellow wax pond.
- An XBox to hold my toothbrush (doubles as a hair dryer).
- A medicine cabinet mirror that Photoshop touches up your appearance before you go out. Even better, a mirror that dims to match the ambience of a bar you are going to so that you can see exactly how pretty you are before your true looks are discovered.
- Temperature sensing based on biometrics.
- Flat panel for pornographic - er - custom content viewing.
- Any old style RIAA literature to shit on.
- A toilet that doubles as a bidette (sp?) - with override.

I would take the trip to Redmond to see that one.

As it is, I hope they have newspaper on the ground.

T.

Re:01753 567100

[AndroidCat]

With a Microsoft-Home: if you threw a party, once the nineth person entered, the house would shut down util you upgraded your licence.

Re:Is this really necessary?

[AndroidCat]

Say! That might be a useful feature if you're living with room-mates and the system could tell who swiped your food.

Touch screen at the front door

[Anonymous Coward]

"...visitors can leave a message using a touch screen at the front door". Touch screen? Oh YEAH, I can just imagine how long THAT would last before the neighborhood teenagers vandalized it.

Clippy

[lateralus_1024]

I thought Microsoft's animated *assistant* appears after you drop a hot load on the sofa.

"It appears that you have moved your bowels in a most inappropriate way. Would you like to add the turd to the clipboard for later use?"

Re:01753 567100

[sryx]

In the Apple House: You would always be better than your neighbors.

In the Sun House: You would always be smarter than your neighbors.

In the Novel House: Neighbors?

In the Linux House: You have to rebuild it from scratch every few months but at least you got 45,312 people who will help you out (or at least call you a newbe until you read up enough to build it your self)

In the Minux House: You wouldn't have one big house to hold everything but instead many smaller separate houses, one for each purpose.
-Jason

Re:01753 567100

[neuroticia]

All the more reason to opt for a Linux-house or BSD-house. Everything's made with open technology, so when you don't like something you just have to poke around at it until it changes. You have your choice of how you want your house to look, and you can tweak it quite a bit. Plus, since it's open you don't have to go to the locksmith's when you want to change the keys. Just grind your own.

Applehouse and MSHouse are a tad bit too restrictive for my tastes. I'll stick it out and wait for GPLHouse, even if it won't always support the latest and greatest new House-ware.

And, of course, RedHouse will make every House-UI look alike, which will confuse you to death when you expect something to act one way, but it acts a different way... Until you realize you're in Gnome-House and not KDE-House.

Gentoo-house would be interesting.... Quite interesting. But somehow I think that most of the population would end up making a mistake and locking themselves out of it.

And bloody hell, the Everything-Drake Mandrake house with Toilet-drake, espressomachine-drake, chair-drake... Ok. I admit it, even the Linux-Houses will have their issues.

This is corny.

/me exits

-Sara

It *did* have a bathroom.

[fireboy1919]

The visitors just didn't know how to use the three seashells. :)

Oh I can't wait...

[KanSer]

for Microsoft to start running advertisements about invading our privacy to sell us products... oh wait...

Microsoft kills me. What kind of back-water morons do they take us for?

It seems to me that I already have the best Biometric system in the world.

*Doorbell rings*

Me : Who is it?

Them : The (Man/big brother/the police/ cindy Lauper/Jenna Jameson/Hey-suess H. Chriiiiist).

ME : *Gun cocks* Git offa my dirt farm. And I'll take them sacks of money, too.

the end (or the cause of more) arguments

[more fool you]

i reckon the real gem of any voice recognition software would be to grep a wav for a "regular expression".

it would be useful to have total recall of what was said when misunderstandings happen. and then have that played over & over again ;-)

Re:the solution to productivity

[sweetooth]

Well, maybe they've started filtering /. at the firewall. That would probably recover a LOT of lost productivity ;)

Re:01753 567100

[helix400]

Microsoft Hot Patch End-User License Agreement for MS Toilet XP.

This EULA grants you the following limited use rights...

1. ....you are allowed only one instance of Microsoft Toilet XP in your home.
2. 
   ....any attempts to disassemble, reverse engineer, etc., this toilet are illegal.
   ....If you suspect this toilet is pirated, please call 1-800-PIRACY.
   ....You may not rent, lease or lend this toilet to other users.
   ....Microsoft reserves the right to update this toilet at any time.
   ....Do not taunt Microsoft Toilet.
   ....Microsoft reserves the right to terminate this EULA. In such an event, you must destroy all traces of this toilet and its component parts.
   

That's Great

[omega9]

Microsoft does not need^H^H^H^Hdeserve this much control.

It's bad enough the world has to deal with things like the SQL Slammer, but there's no way in hell I'm going to risk waking up one morning to the Toaster Twister and Coffee Cruncher, visit the bathroom to great the Rectal Reamer, and find out my mailbox says STOP ERROR 0x00000e24 - INACCESSABLE BOOT DEVICE.

Only to be topped off by being yelled at by some /. troll becuase "Hotfix Q1873672 has been out for your microwave for 3 months!!1 It's your own fault you can't walk upright anymore!!". Hmm.. must be time to patch the house again.

NO SIR.

Quantities adjusted by the number of people inside

[cOdEgUru]

Scenario One:

Heath : Computer, why did you select the quantity for four. Its just me in here..

Computer : Sweetheart, I thought I should cook for the three gentlemen hiding in the attic with guns too..

Scenario Two:

Heath : Please select quantity as two for myself and my boyfriend.

Computer : Your boyfriend was here with the blonde from the coffeeshop. Believe me sweetie, he ate.. Oh how he ate!!

Arthur Dent and the Nutrimat Machine

[Anonymous Coward]

Is anyone else reminded of the scene in Hitchiker's Guide in which Arthur is trying to get a cup of tea from the Nutrimat?

Arthur: Why is the air being filled with cheap perfume?

Ventilation system: But you like scented air. It's fresh and invigorating!

Arthur: Damn! Why is the floor moving?

Floor: Massage away your tension...

Arthur: TURN THE SOOTHING MUSIC OFF!!!!

it...

[m1chael]

may not have a bathroom but does it have a backdoor?

Douglas Adams predicted this...

[Doobian Coedifier]

MARVIN: "It is..."
ARTHUR: "What?"
MARVIN: "Ghastly. The noise. Absoulutely ghastly. Just don't even talk about it. Look at this door. All the doors in this spacecraft have a cheerful and sunny disposition. It is their pleasure to open for you, and their satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done."
DOOR: "Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
MARVIN: Hateful, isn't it? Come on, I've been ordered to take you up to the bridge. Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they tell me to take you up to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? Cause I don't."
FORD: "Excuse me, which government owns this ship?"
MARVIN: "You watch this door. It's about to open again. I can tell by the intolerable air of smugness it suddenly generates. Come on."
DOOR: "Hummmmmmmmmmmm....glad to be of service."
MARVIN: "Thank you the marketing division of the Syrius Cybernetics Corporation."
DOOR: "Hummmmmmmmmmmm....you're welcome."

With the greatest respect and admiration for Douglas Adams. RIP.

Re:01753 567100

[hype7]

Sorry, please install Service Pack 1b for the crapper.

Can you imagine what would happen when Slammer hits that thing?

-- james

Re:Is this really necessary?

[Albinoman]

If the War on Terrorism is still raging ten years from now and things have gotten even tighter and more invasive Im gonna take one for the team. Ill change my name to "Terrorism" and surrender.

Re:01753 567100

[Anonymous Coward]

No, it's because before they start building these homes of the future, they're planning to replace everyone with *robots*. MCSE'S?

No bathroom?!

[Anonymous Coward]

I guess you'll just have to go in the Recycle Bin.

Re:Wellcome Home Bob!

[argStyopa]

Not to mention being bombarded with:

(in the shower): "At Last-- You can flush away excess Pounds and Inches BEFORE they attach to your body! Lose up to 22.5lbs in the next 3 weeks!"

(as you walk out to the garage): "Save 40% on insurance! Compare insurance quotes from some of the most trusted names in insurance. A fast and easy way to shop for individual or family quotes.
The original online Insurance Service. Ten years Online! GUARANTEED!"

(as your wife leaves to go shopping): "Is she really going where she says? Brand-New VERSION 8.2 Just Released: Astounding New Software Lets You Find Out Almost ANYTHING about ANYONE..."

(and, after she finds out you've been snooping, and filed with MSDivorce version 1.0): "Hello, I started a new website for women like me - Married & Lonely. We're looking for guys like you ! PUSH THIS NOW TO SEE US !"

(and finally, ALONE in the bedroom) "Bob, #1 DOCTOR RECOMMENDED PENIS ENLARGEMENT FORMULA. In just a few short weeks, you'll watch with amazement as your penis grows into the biggest, thickest, hardest tool imaginable - the one you've always fantasized about having! No penis enlargement system is faster, easier to use, or more effective than MAG-RX+.

That's all I want. LifeSpam.

[sampled quotes not meant to advocate any product, just a tiny snippet of the email CRAP that I get that Outlook's junkmail 'filter' leaves untouched in my inbox.]

Re:01753 567100

[netsharc]

"It looks like you are about to urinate. Would you like any assistance?"

and when you're
"The application "Toilet" has an error at 0x0124FB0. The septic tank can not be "written". This Program will now terminate."

Re:01753 567100

[MicklePickle]

Actually more likely to be:

Sun: The house structure would be strong and stable, but bits would occasionally fall off, like doorhandles and drawers. You would also need great gobs of cupboard space for all that coffee.

HP: Foundations would be a bit unstable, but the walls would be 10 inches thick, doors 4 inches thick. You would have to rip up the foundations every time you wanted to add another room.

Linux: You would have so many rooms with so many decour choices that you'd get lost. You'd have the chance, though, to really DIY. Of course this would mean that the house would never get finished.

AIX: Would need extensive modifications to kitchen cupboards just to install a toaster. Would require you to press the garage door opener to be able to have a shower.

DOS: Would be a one room house with a ceiling height of 6' 40". (Why would you need it to be taller?)

Windows: Would have to keep going out to the power board and turning the power off and on. You could only use M-rated applicances in the house. The house voltage would be 189V, (reguardless of country). And you wouldn't be able to look out of the windows half the time because of a blue haze.

Can't readily think of any others.

Just be glad it's a Windows toilet

[TheConfusedOne]

If the thing went bad do you really want to be looking through Unix Core dumps from it to debug it? :-}

Where do you want to Go?

[goombah99]

Well the lack of a toilet fits perfectly with microsofts slogan.

Where do you want to go today?

Not here at home that's for sure.

In Microsoft House...

[Farce Pest]

In Microsoft House, toilet uses YOU.

If the toilet crashes ...

[Bowfinger]

If the toilet crashes, does the shit hit the fan? Literally? How can you tell a BBOD (Blue Bowl of Death) from regular Tidy Bowl? Finally, a home for Microsoft's crappy software. Way too many one-liners with this story.

There's a reason.

[sharkey]

Do you really want Steve Ballmer hunched over a monitor somewhere and sweating while watching you lather up in the shower?

Re:01753 567100

[sql*kitten]

All the more reason to opt for a Linux-house or BSD-house. Everything's made with open technology, so when you don't like something you just have to poke around at it until it changes. You have your choice of how you want your house to look, and you can tweak it quite a bit. Just grind your own.

And your house will arrive in the form of piles of bricks and sacks of cement, with a single photocopied sheet of paper titled "HOWTO: Build a house"!

Hmm... makes me wonder if...

[Cheese Cracker]

you have to frequently reboot the oven... that would spoil the Thanksgiving dinner... :(

on the other hand...

[Cruciform]

Linux's home of tomorrow does have a bathroom... you just need the permissions to use it.

Re:A few problems/useless innovations....

[Reziac]

I (shades down/lights at medium/soft jazz), my girlfriend (shades up/lights on/pop), my best friend (shades down/lights on full/metal), his girlfriend (shades up/lights on low/classical), and my parents (shades down/lights up full/NPR) all walk in at once... house explodes.

So you call the warranty center to RMA your house, and are curtly informed that this sort of abuse isn't covered under the warranty.

(And neither is the mess from when I laughed so hard at your comment that I spilled my breakfast. :)

Re:Is this really necessary?

[AndroidCat]

Never had that problem myself, but did you ever try the dog food "stew" in the fridge trick?

A can of dog food, $2
Plastic bowl to put it in, 50 cents.
Look on room-mates' faces when you ask who took the bowl of dog food out of the fridge, priceless!

A Microsoft home? No thanks..

[CONTROL_ALT_F4]

The last thing I want to hear when I get home from a hard days work....D000d! 3y3 h4xx0R3d Ur h0wS3!!