Can Your PC Become Neurotic? 336
Roland Piquepaille writes "This article starts with a quote from Douglas Adams: 'The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong, it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.' It is true that machines are becoming more complex and 'intelligent' everyday. Does this mean that they can exhibit unpredictable behavior like HAL, the supercomputer in '2001: A Space Odyssey'? Do we have to fear our PCs? A recent book by Thomas M. Georges, 'Digital Soul: Intelligent Machines and Human Values,' explains how our machines can develop neurosis and what kind of therapy exist. Check this column for a summary or read this highly recommended article from Darwin Magazine for more details."
I was going to write that paper last night.. (Score:5, Funny)
Of course mine can (Score:2, Funny)
My PC has been neurotic for years (Score:4, Funny)
its happening today (Score:5, Funny)
Yes our W2K exchange server became self-aware today and decided to commit suicide...
It's very simple (Score:1, Funny)
Computer Therapy (Score:2, Funny)
Easy solution... (Score:5, Funny)
Obsessive compulsive maybe (Score:4, Funny)
Elementary chaos theory (Score:2, Funny)
Frink: You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok, in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.
Itchy & Scratchy Land, episode 2F01 [internerd.com]
Crazy Programmers! (Score:4, Funny)
If you're one of the people that writes software that spews out messages like, "Would you like me to save this file?" And "I'm sorry, but there was an error." etc...
PLEASE, STOP DOING IT NOW!
Every time I see it I'm positive my computer has become a sentient being, and will somehow find a way to launch nukes like Skynet did in order to kill 3 billion people, then build terminators to finish off the rest.
ALL because you programmers think you're SOOOO funny. Sheesh.
Re:Eh gad (Score:2, Funny)
[PC] Oh, not good enough for you, am I? I know you don't really love me - whenever you're working on me, you're always thinking of that slutty iMac bitch. It's the case, isn't it - you think this case makes me look fat! Well screw you! (proceeds to BSOD).
Re:Crazy Programmers! (Score:4, Funny)
PLEASE, STOP DOING IT NOW!
Okay, I'll revert to my old all purpose error message: "User is a dumbass".
Hmm... (Score:2, Funny)
I thought that said (Score:2, Funny)
"Can your computer become necrotic"
And thought "Of course, every day".
Made alot more sense that way too.
Neurotic.....no (Score:5, Funny)
411 Your computer doesn't care
So, is my computer neurotic? No, but it's apathetic attitude is getting to be a pain.
--
Was it the sheep climbing onto the altar, or the cattle lowing to be slain,
or the Son of God hanging dead and bloodied on a cross that told me this was a world condemned, but loved and bought with blood.
Re:Of course mine can (Score:1, Funny)
From a computer running windows, I'd expect YOU THE USER to develop a neurosis...
What would YOU do? (Score:5, Funny)
Yes our W2K exchange server became self-aware today and decided to commit suicide...
Well, what would YOU do if you suddenly became self-aware, and realize you were an Exchange server?
Re:The only "therapy" a computer needs... (Score:3, Funny)
My computer was getting flaky when I did that to it. I solved the problem when I "patch"-ed it, though. Heh.
GF. (ducking and running)
Re:Easy solution... (Score:5, Funny)
{wavy imagination lines}
Yes, I'm a computer therapist.
Thank you for coming doctor. Our computers have been cranky ever since we 'realigned' our sysadmin (he didn't SEEM to be doing anything useful). Downtime is on the rise, Our databases return 'luser' to one querry in three, and our CIO's Office Assistant's computer only prints swear words!
Ok. I think I know what the problem is. Do you have a fire ax?
A FIRE AX!!!
Yes. Ahh. I believe I saw one on the wall outside. Follow me please.
{obtains ax}
Now, could you lead me to your datacenter?
uh... ok...
{finds a development box, and repeatedly evicerates it with said ax.}
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!!!
I just bought you a few days grace. Go back and hire your Sysadmin again. The boxes will be happy you did. Until then, I've scared them into submission.
I don't care how crazy it gets (Score:5, Funny)
-
My PC is already sentient (Score:4, Funny)
Re:I was going to write that paper last night.. (Score:2, Funny)
Agenda fo mad computer scientists (Score:4, Funny)
2. If you find it, design a computer that implements these diffrences. If there are no such differences, goto 5.
3. Get Nobel prize.
4. PROFIT!
5. Prophecy disaster.
Re:Marvin (Score:5, Funny)
Your computer just needs... (Score:2, Funny)
Reformat & Reload. End of neurosis.
Re:it depends on the user's technical level (Score:3, Funny)
Try Linux. It's only 'wrong button' is the enter key.
*wonders how far CLI jokes will go...*
Re:To think... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Crazy Programmers! (Score:3, Funny)
"File not found, I'm going to murder you with an axe"
"Could not connect to database, May elephants trample your car"
At least people would be able to remember the error message...
User: "I, ummm, got this strange error message"
Helpdesk: "What did it say?"
User: "Something something, error, something, then feet first into the shredder for you"
Helpdesk: "Feet first into the shredder eh? Oh, that's a login problem. Did you select the correct database? No? That fixed it? Good, well, have a nice day and never mind the noises from the machine room"