What The Internet Isn't

looseBits writes "Doc Searls and David Weinberger, co-authors of The Cluetrain Manifesto, have put together a 10-part guide for how to stop mistaking the Internet for something it isn't. It contains some painfully obvious and often overlooked characteristics of the 'world of ends' we call the Internet."

for sale...

[segment]

You know I saw an advertisement for a computer for sale...

For sale Dell Computer Pentium II with the Internet

I was shocked... First thing I thought was where the hell can I fit the entire Internet on my machine.

hmmm

[Anonymous Coward]

"It contains some painfully obvious and often overlooked characteristics"

Yes, we already know - porn...

Bill Gates...

[CeleronXL]

Anyone can make the Internet a better place to live, work and raise up kids. It takes a real blockhead with a will of iron to make it worse.

So Bill Gates is a blockhead with a will of iron now?

Let's all sing, digitally

[writertype]

OK, everyone hold hands. Yes, that means you, 63.47.108.33. Connect to 23.126.156.3. Good. Now, let's all sing/IM/VOIP call/FTP/HTTP:

We are the world
We are the Internet
We are the ones who make a better place
We are the bloggers.

(Take it away, Bob Metcalfe!)
It's a choice we're making,
We're changing our own lives...

ObSimpsons Quote

[Metallic Matty]

Moe: "Well, if you're so sure what it ain't, why don't you tell us what it am."

Forget the Cluetrain, get on the Gluetrain!

[Nova Express]

Behold, the Gluetrain Manifesto! [gluetrain.com]

Re:I always thought the Internet was...

[Anonymous Coward]

That's pretty much what the article says. Did you read it?

But what *IS* the internet?

[Danny Rathjens]

> It's the largest equivalence class in the reflexive transitive
> symmetric closure of the relationship "can be reached by an IP
> packet from". --Seth Breidbart

I think I got that from the nanog list a few years ago.

Obligatory Simpsons Quote

[Raynach]

Homer: Ahh, so the internet is on computers now...

ObAOLResponse

[red floyd]

AOL is not the internet.

But... but.. their commercials flat out say, "AOL is the Internet"!!!!

They wouldn't lie to me, would they??

Re:illegal internet

[OpenSourcerer]

I hope I can get the consent forms online.

Re:Let's all sing, digitally

[BuckaBooBob]

You seem to have forgotten about the 39 outbound connections (from spyware) telling all sorts of E-marketing firms what your up to and also the 400 inbound pop-ups also tracking all your communicatins on the internet..

Re:for sale...

[magores]

Kinda similar story, but not really...

I was helping a customer out with some tech support.

My Question 1: Are you in front of your computer right now?
His Answer 1: Yes.

My Question 2: Okay. What operating system do you have?
His answer 2: Dell

Maybe it was the same guy?

The internet

[digitalgimpus]

isn't a place for Geeks to feel superior

isn't a place to find pornography

isn't a place to talk sexually to a 50 year old man sitting half naked in his studio appartment.

What The Internet Isn't:

[MichaelGCD]

the internet isn't fun now that goatse's gone...

Re:Where is the Internet?

[Anonymous Coward]

Funny, I live in Idaho. I even have a closet. There is web server in said closet. I am the internet.

Obligatory

[gid13]

Oh, they have the internet on computers now?

Also look at this:
http://www.xs4all.nl/~neteagle/oops/downloa dnow.ht ml

I sent that link to a friend and she thought something was actually downloading. Just perfect.

Re:for sale...

[Anonymous Coward]

I've seen sound cards labeled "with MP3!" and graphics cards labeled "JPEG compatible" on store shelves before.

Re:for sale...

[jabberjaw]

An english teacher of mine was fond of this question.
Do you have the internet at home? I always wanted to burst out with something along the lines of "Yes, I have the inetrnet at my house, the whole fucking thing, it's in a shoebox under my bed".

Re:Bill Gates...

[FooAtWFU]

Not necessarily, just the executives at VeriSign. (rimshot)

Re:Obligatory

[Aero Leviathan]

Clickable: http://www.xs4all.nl/~neteagle/oops/downloadnow.ht ml [xs4all.nl]

Also, be sure to check out www.turnofftheinternet.com [turnofftheinternet.com] (turn your popup blocker off.. works best in IE6.. remember your Alt+Tab and Ctrl+Alt+Del.. it's nothing you can't get out of, don't worry). Funny trick to set up in a computer lab, for instance...

Re:Old news...

[fiddlesticks]

Holy cow, there are rules here? For the love of God, tell me where to find them!

Re:Where is the Internet?

[Araxen]

Hi, Al Gore!

Internet = porn ???

[xot]

I still have loser friends that still think the Internet is one BIG porn movie.Their sole purpose of logging on is to get porn.I bet there are a whole lot of these guys out there.

Internet for Dummies

[tsunamifirestorm]

I remember reading one of the Internet for Dummies a long long time ago. Anyway, the last point under "What the Internet Isn't" was
"The Internet is not a breakfast cereal. Yet."

IMHO

[mog007]

The internet isn't a lot of things, so I purpose that we improve it.

Let's make a website where people can gather together, and quote (or misquote) various famous television shows. Such as The Simpsons, or South Park.

We can also allow a certain sense of humor, and we'll offer news along with the humor. Everything will center around a penguin that has more power than the richest person on the planet.

What? Slashdot.org, huh? Well, I for one welcome our new slashdot overlords.

Re:Ironic?

[pla]

I'm having trouble getting the internet working under MacOS 9.

Well, the internet does have some standards, you know... ;-)

Dupe+1

[1u3hr]

If a dupe is two, then this is tripe:

World of Ends Public Draft [slashdot.org]
Posted by Hemos on Saturday March 08, 2003@09:39PM
from the and-i-feel-fine dept.
Doc Searls sent me the link over to the newest work that he and fellow Cluetrain person David Weinberger haveput together. It's called "World of Ends" although I like the subtitle "What the Internet Is and How to Stop Mistaking It for Something Else" better - but that's just me. In any case, some interesting reading, particular if you like/d The Cluetrain Manifesto. Update: 03/08 14:42 GMT by CN: Yeah, this is a dupe of yesterday's story. Everyone point at Hemos and laugh.

World of Ends [slashdot.org]
Posted by michael on Saturday March 08, 2003 @01:41AM
from the it-starts-with-an-earthquake,-birds-and-snakes dept.
epeus writes "At World of Ends, Doc Searls and David Weinberger explain the End-to-End nature of the internet in terms so clear even your manager could understand them. 'The Internet isn't complicated. The Internet isn't a thing. It's an agreement. The Internet is stupid. Adding value to the Internet lowers its value.' and so forth."

Maybe the date on the linked article "Last update: 4.28.03" might have been a clue that this wasn't hot news.

Time Magazine

[Anonymous Coward]

The Internet, of course, is more than just a place to find pictures of people having sex with dogs.
- Time Magazine, 3 July 1995, In Technology/Internet

Re:Where is the Internet?

[gcaseye6677]

When I was a senior in high school and visiting colleges to decide which one to go to, I was at Indiana University taking the campus tour. A student was leading a group of us around campus and was talking about what the dorms are like. Someone in the group asked if the dorms were wired for high speed internet access, this being back in the day when not all schools had this yet. The girl said that they didn't have the internet, but they had the ethernet, which she said was just as good. Most of the people in the group had to try hard to suppress a laugh after that. I think she was a psych major, go figure.

The very last page...

[ElliotLee]

...of the Internet [sizzly.com]

Re:hmmm

[ajna]

I wouldn't characterize porn is "often overlooked"... er, maybe I've said too much already about myself.

Re:Internet = porn ???

[ChaoticLimbs]

What are you alluding to? The internet has MORE than just porn? DUH. There's also the whole world of softcore and bathing suit pinups.

Re:for sale...

[Neop2Lemus]

But I still say "I don't know, can you?"

And then when I'm finished and they want it I hold it towards them and
"WHoops! You missed it!"
"Oh! You missed it again"
And
"Ok, I promise I'll stop, just take the salt. What? No, I wouldn't do that to you again - Ahhhh!!! It slipped through your fingers!"

"Owner of the Internet"

[laserone]

I was talking to a lady once who told me that "the owner of the internet is in town". Turns out she meant Stephen Case, CEO? of AOL. It blew my mind that anyone could think that one guy owns the entire internet.

Re:for sale...

[MattyCobb]

yes. after working in internet tech support for 6 months, and getting this answer WAY to often, I realized 90% of computer problems have nothing to do with the computer. 80% of them dont even have anything to do with a Microsoft product... they have to do with the users. sad, but true.

my other favorites include

"i am having a problem with my LSD" (they ment DSL... i hope. to which I always wanted to reply, call your dealer or OEM)

what version of windows is on your computer? "windows XP millenium edition" or "windows PLUS"

and my alltime favorite was an old lady from FL
"it says intercource explorer has encoumbered an error..."
wow, i know what she uses HER dsl for...

Re:Where is the Internet?

[Anonymous Coward]

1

Re:for sale...

[crayz]

How about this one:

me: So what browser are you using?
customer: Browser? me: For the internet...
customer: I'm using Yahoo me: You're using Yahoo as a browser?
customer: I'm not sure I understand...
me: What program are you using to view the internet?
customer: What program? me: Are you using Internet Explorer?
customer: Internet Explorer? I don't think I understand...
me: How are you opening this webpage? Did you click on something to get to where you opened the webpage?
customer: I just clicked it in Favorites. I have it in my Favorites me: OK, works for me

Want to know the best part? This isn't an ISP helpdesk. I work for a web hosting company. Yes, this lady apparently felt herself capable of building one.

Re:Where is the Internet?

[Anonymous Coward]

Instead of being a condescending ass, why don't you just use the simple telephone system analogy?

But then you have to describe the telephone system and that's tough, even for someone like Einstein. Look.

"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."

Re:for sale...

[zcat_NZ]

Personally, I'd assume they have some form of windows, so I'd instruct them through the process of identifying their windows version (right-click the "my computer" icon, select "properties" from the menu that comes up, etc..)

Mac users usually know they have a Mac. Linux users usually already know that the problem is at your end, and what YOU need to do to fix it.

The REAL Problem

[rixstep]

The real problem with the Internet is that there are too many articles about the problem with the Internet.

Re:for sale...

[mobby_6kl]

Of course Mac users know that they have a Mac, or it becomes clear when you tell them to right-click "my computer" ;)

Re:Where is the Internet?

[freeze128]

You must be unplugging your web server a lot... Many users here keep complaing that the internet is down. What's your support line phone number?

+5, Ironic

[DoNotTauntHappyFunBa]

Its poor grammar.

In simple term, short terms

[Annamite]

Those who would censor ideas might realize that the Internet couldn't tell a good bit from a bad bit if it bit it on its naughty bits.

Best statement ever.