Microsoft Plans To Sell Anti-Virus Software 830
EvilCowzGoMoo writes "From the makers of our favorite OS comes: Anti-Virus! Yes you heard me right. According to an article on Reuters.com Microsoft is developing its own brand of anti-virus software. Asked if that would hurt sales of competing products, such as Network Associates' McAfee and Symantec's Norton family of products, Nash (chief of Microsoft's security business unit) said that Microsoft said that it would sell its anti-virus program as a separate product from Windows, rather than including it in Windows. My only question is: If they can't seem to patch their OS fast enough, what makes them think they can keep their AV software up to date?"
Bonus karma (Score:4, Funny)
the illusive second step (Score:4, Funny)
2) sell antivirus software
3) PROFIT!!!
Ummm (Score:4, Funny)
"Dr Kevorkian... Heal thyself"?
Re:A part of the OS (Score:3, Funny)
Other news... (Score:5, Funny)
That's been the real plan all along.... (Score:3, Funny)
2. Sell anti-virus software that 'somehow' works the best.
3. Take over the world.
Re:A part of the OS (Score:5, Funny)
So, what, it deinstalls Windows for you?
in italy we call this mafia (Score:5, Funny)
Holy Shit (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Bonus karma (Score:5, Funny)
"Hello? Microsoft? I need to re-activate Windows and my anti-virus software so I can clean out this virus..."
You just need the right OS (Score:4, Funny)
Re:paranoia mode enabled. (Score:5, Funny)
"There are 10 new holes in Windows XP - but the patches won't be out for weeks, so you'll need to buy the latest AV software from us to protect against it until the latest updates are out."
Re:Integrated AV (Score:2, Funny)
Re:A part of the OS (Score:2, Funny)
All we need to do now is to prove they include SCO code in their AV, and there'll be more than one set of sheets to clean!
Re:Bonus karma (Score:5, Funny)
MS beat us to it. It's called Outlook [satirewire.com].
Re:Business Lesson 101 (Score:2, Funny)
For awhile now, I've heard Windows-only n00bs mention how great the disk defrag utilities in Windows are, and how Linux sucks because it doesn't have things like that (Never mind the fact that MS filesystems seem to be the only ones that need regular defragmentation). I'm sure that at some point I'll hear something along the same lines about AV software: "Microsoft makes better AV software for protecting Windows against its own bad design than Microsoft's competitors do. MS is great. Yay!"
Re:the illusive second step (Score:2, Funny)
"Warning: Microsoft AV 2004 has identified wordperfect.exe[1] as a possibly dangerous or subversive program. If you would like MSAV2004 to remove this program, please click [Remove]."
[1] Ok, so that isn't actually the name of the program. Sue me.
Re:Extortion? (Score:5, Funny)
Why, it sure would, Guido. That's an awfully nice computer. It would be a pity if someone were to, say, surf with IE on it, or open attachments in Outlook, wouldn't it Guido?
Or even Outlook Express, Rocky.
Hey, now -- that's going a little too far. I do got standards, you know? No women, no kids, and no using Outlook Express.
Freedom to Innovate (Score:2, Funny)
But be sure always to call it please, innovation [microsoft.com].
Re:paranoia mode enabled. (Score:1, Funny)
It will be rather: We will disclose 10 new holes in Windows XP in a couple of weeks. Please, purchase new version of our MS-AV++ software now (or f* yourself).
In 4 weeks: Due to some minor issues of our MS-AV++, we recomend our customers to update to MS-AV#. MS-AV# is available now for discounted price as an upgrade.
Increasing sales (Score:5, Funny)
Mac version!?!?! (Score:5, Funny)
Fantastic! When can we expect a Mac version?
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:2, Funny)
Great, virus writers would probably love to use them...
I feel so DIRTY!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:3, Funny)
Sure it could be benifitial to have low level hooks in outlook (& -express), but in no way do you need to intergrate anything into the OS to be able to do so!
Simply use/make a registry key pointing to the
The only problem is that MS doesnt want any 3rd party software competing on a level playing field, so they keep intergrating applications into the OS, and keep any low level hooks undocumented, so that they automaticly have leg up over any competetion
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:5, Funny)
Well since you asked. Yes.
Re:Meh (Score:5, Funny)
Salesperson: Buy our Operating System!
Customer: OK.
Salesperson: Now buy our Antivirus solution! Without it, hackers will steal your identity.
Customer: Egads! Here! Take all my cash!
A fool and his software... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:2, Funny)
I'm sorry, what???
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:5, Funny)
Two Buttons:
Do What I Say
Do What I mean
Sounds simple enough to me
Re:Before getting your panties (Score:2, Funny)
I'm pretty sure he's safe now because he doesn't know how to install anything.
How ironic (Score:5, Funny)
It has to be said... (Score:2, Funny)
Monopolise Buggy OS...
Profit!
Neglect to Fix Holes in Buggy OS...
Charge for fixes the H4X0rs exploit...
Profit!^Profit!
Like buying a new car... (Score:1, Funny)
Wrong Topic. Should be "It's funny, laugh" (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:5, Funny)
College students are stupid enough, and when it comes to computers, most people that use them in their workplaces are even stupider. That said, I agree with you completely that the simplest solution would have been to not give us frisbees in the first place.
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:5, Funny)
You mean Microsoft could actually made Windows LESS SECURE? Holy crap!
What would it do? Network with your security system, wait until you're gone, unlock the doors to your house and use the outside speaker to blast an invitation for burglars to get free stuff?
Thank you. (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:4, Funny)
Clippy tried; alas, Clippy was even more stupid than the damn users.
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:5, Funny)
While Outlooks ubiquity might exacerbate ...
I'm sorry, what???
He said, "While Microsoft's desktop monopoly and inattention to security has screwed its own users . . ." But he was being polite about it. HTH.
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:5, Funny)
When they go to open the attachment called "Jennifer XXX cool.jpg.pif", what do you think they actually mean? Show me some porno! What do they get? Viruses.
Are we going to integrate some kind of porn finder into Outlook, just to keep the users safe?
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:4, Funny)
Baseball park owner: "Last night's marshmallows and lighters night didn't go so well. we didn't see that coming, really. That's why tonight is socks and oranges night! There's nothing harmful people can do with socks and oranges."
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:4, Funny)
That's why I use DOS, it's track record is untouchable even by OpenBSD. It's got 0 (count 'em, 0) remote root exploits in over 20 years!
Re:Perhaps It Belongs in the OS (Score:2, Funny)
No you Mac zealot, they are comparing Windows to Linux.... sigh..
Don't hurt me, it was a joke.