Amazing Things Your Automobile Can't Do

dslmodem submitted this NYT story on nifty automobile technology that isn't coming to the United States. The report suggests that legal liability is a significant reason for not offering various driver-distracting options in the U.S.

Stuff British cars have

[Xpilot]

I haven't read the article, but I assume American cars won't have ejection seats, machine guns and rocket launchers hidden with a flip of a switch like those British Aston Martins have.

Wow... point and click parallel parking... COOL!

[Delta-9]

"This device automatically parks the car, maneuvering the Prius backward and into the space. To activate it, the driver first pulls alongside the forward vehicle, then drags a picture of a flag marker and parking triangle on the car's touchscreen display, until they are positioned where the vehicle should wind up."

Here's something amazing my car doesn't do

[The_Rippa]

Here's something amazing my car doesn't do...it doesn't wrap itself around a tree while I try to check my email and read a fax at the same time.

Gee, I can't figure out why this is bad...

[codemachine]

From the article:

"In many vehicles nowadays, you can check your e-mail, view Web sites, even watch television, from the comfort of your driver's seat."

How can't it be a bad thing if US drivers start watching porn on the TV/web while talking on the cell phone while driving and listening to loud music?

I would think that even if these options started to appear in the US, that insurance for vehicles equipped with them would be expensive.

Re:Wow... point and click parallel parking... COOL

[StevenHenderson]

To activate it, the driver first pulls alongside the forward vehicle, then drags a picture of a flag marker

...Sounds like Minesweeper. :)

Re:Glad

[SlamMan]

But I have to admit, people around DC drive like they're trying to play Dance Dance Revolution.

Re::: fingers crossed ::

[Anonymous Coward]

What, you don't approve of autoeroticism?

Re:Wow... point and click parallel parking... COOL

[ppz003]

So what happens when you hit a bomb? Does the car crash into the vehicle in front of you?

Top 10 Lists of Things Car Can't Do

[AtariAmarok]

10. Automatically incinerate Kerry or Bush bumper stickers placed on them.
9. Go to Hill Valley whenever the car reaches 88 mph.
8. Make really cool "putta-pa-put-put-putter-pa-pa-put-pa" bubbly sounds when Fred McMurray drives it through the air.
7. Make Steve Jobs shit his pants.
6. Not enough room on the hood for the Trump logo.
5. Why won't anyone invent the full-windshield TFT display so we can play Doom 3 while we drive? Come on now!
4. Annoy David Hasselhoff.
3. Get 400 miles to the gallon (we KNOW Exxon-Mobile has warehouses filled with home-garage built super carburetors).
2. where's the middle headlights??? Too bad Tucker is dead.
1. "Take out the trash".

Can't you just see it now???

[DigitalSorceress]

d00d,I just r00t3d y0ur C4r

or even worse...

Road Rage takes on a whole new meaning after the first couple of "hot teen xxx site" "enlarge your %RND_BODYPART%" spams

No thanks, I'm happy with my handleld mapping GPS. If I really need to get on the net that badly while I'm traveling, I can always use that and the laptop to wardrive for a convenient unencrypted wap. (just kidding*)

*sort of

Great....

[rsborg]

so we're gonna miss out on car based web-surfing (imagine a laptop keyboard "nipple" in your steering wheel!) when more distracting Car DVD players [google.com] are available?

Sigh... I guess i have to get my commuting pr0n from dvds and not the web :-(

Re:Stuff British cars have

[dcphoenix]

.....American cars won't have ejection seats, machine guns and rocket launchers.....

Why bother using a foreign car to blow stuff up and get tossed into the air? Buy American - get a Pinto!!

Gets rid of those #&%! kids and their soccer b

[wsanders]

Also it can run over any annoying kids and soccer balls if they get in the way of your urban assault vehicle. Guess you don't get sued for that in Europe or Japan. Damn US legal system!

People in Europe or Japan spend most of their time crawling in traffic anyway, in their toaster size cars with 700 cc engines. I *like* that about Europe and Japan. Isn't there a nationwide 50 mph / 80 kph speed limit in Japan?

Don't bother

[GeckoX]

Any that are still and haven't blown up already are probably lemons anyways.

Re:Stuff British cars have

[dfj225]

For a "reasonable" fee I would be willing to install some "aftermarket modifications" for you ;)

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Video would be nice

[zfractal]

Why do I get the funny feeling that traffic on the freeways will get even worse due to people trying to stay at 3MPH so that they don't miss out on what happens next on [insert reality TV show here]?

Re:good, we don't need that crap.

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't worry, I'll grow them just in time to slash your tires and scratch "fuck you" into the side.

Slashdot user != USA resident

[sicking]

I'm not living in the US you insensitive clod! My Automobile will be able to do those things!

Re:good!

[Eccles]

i dont want the people passing me watching TV while they're driving.

The European system shuts off if the car is going more than 3 MPH. If you're getting passed by someone going 3 MPH, perhaps you should just pedal your Big Wheel a bit faster?

Re:good, we don't need that crap.

[The_K4]

Jest this weekend I was driving a stick shift truck with a UHAUL trailer behind it when my cell phone rang. I had to use the same hand for my Egg McMuffin and the wheel, while using my other hand for the speaker phone and the stick shift. Considering the pooring rain and my broekn foot i thought I was doing pretty well.

Re:Stuff British cars have

[Anonymous Coward]

Funny you should mention this......

I dated a girl once whose brother raced w/ a 455 burning alchol, and a bolt-on pinto body. From memory, a stock pinto won't hold anything bigger than a 5 liter (302?).

Also, growing up in rural Michigan, there used to be a lot of pinto bodies bolted onto a 4wd chassises (jeeps, I think).

Re:good, we don't need that crap.

[Enonu]

How'd you drink your 64 ounce thirst destroyer?

Discrimination!

[TiggertheMad]

You read those comments by the Europeans in the article! Inflamitory! They are suggestiong that, we Americans, are irate little hot heads that would litigate for trifiling nusances. I won't stand for it, I'm going to sue them for slander!

...uh..never mind....

Re:Wow... point and click parallel parking... COOL

[DG]

Does it play "The Blue Danube"?

DG

Re:good, we don't need that crap.

[Idarubicin]

(Score: -1, Didn't Get Joke)

Though to be fair, I have to agree--the McWhatsit family of breakfast products are pretty gross....

Re:It's too easy

[SmurfButcher Bob]

Yeah, well you left out the hardest part -

The damned tests are written entirely in German!

Re:good, we don't need that crap.

[mrclmn]

But did you spill your beer?

Re:Glad

[clem9796]

Finally! The reason why everyone drives a SUV with a turbocharged 6.0 Liter engine. :-)

Re:Tort Reform Redux

[Anonymous Coward]

"shutting off the video when the car goes faster than 3mph"

Apparently some german roads (where this was first used) now have otherwise unnecessary 3mph traffic queues...

Re:Stuff British cars have

[scribblej]

Did you just say your wife lacks anything worthy?

Daaayam... She may be a CS-playing geek, but I hope she doesn't read Slashdot.

Re:Tort Reform Redux

[Anonymous Coward]

"Last I heard" is hardly a reputable source.

Hell this is Slashdot. "Last I heard" is considered documented evidence here.

Re:Stuff British cars have

[neolith]

His car? A pinto. The car is so damned light that it beats a lot of muscle cars for the 1/4, and nothing, I mean nothing, is worth more than the look on the face of someone who was just beaten by a car known far as wide for it's lack of anything worthy.

I get a similar feeling when people realize they were just owned by my wife at CS. :)

I personally can't wait to find out what happens when your geeky wife logs onto slashdot and finds you implicitly comparing her to something known far and wide for its lack of anything worthy. Buddy, are you in for the "-1, flamebait" of your life...

Re:good, we don't need that crap.

[Anonymous Coward]

it was a joke, laugh. :)

Do you really think that's a safe assumption?
You don't live in the same city I do, apparently.

Re:good, we don't need that crap.

[grammar fascist]

Though to be fair, I have to agree--the McWhatsit family of breakfast products are pretty gross....

I dunno. I kinda like the McGuessBurger and the Mystery Meat Salad.

Re:Gets rid of those #&%! kids and their socce

[superpeach]

Some cars use the brake pedal for starting the engine, you stick the magnetic card in, press the brake pedal down and push the start button. Wont start unless the brake pedal is down. If you don't know the car now it's a bit like figuring out nintendo cheat codes to get things to work. Brake, Brake, Start, Clutch, seat forward 2, indicate left, 1st, 3rd, handbrake, horn.. god mode enabled.

Re:Stuff British cars have

[Thing 1]

I had a buddy who was a gear head and use to race drag when we were in high school...

Cut to buddy wearing high heels...