Nanotech Brings Battery Life Extender for Mobiles 489
An anonymous user writes "Using latest nanotechnology research, BatMax developed the first cellphone battery life booster that extends the mobile phone battery life and reduces charging time. BatMax is based on the IonXR, a new exclusively developed nanoceramic material, resulting from years of laboratory research. BatMax foil slows down the loss of capacity of Ni-CD, Ni-MH, Li-Ion and Li-Polymer batteries and thus provides improved battery performance. BatMax is a small (1.14 x 1.92 in) rectangular sticker which is installed on the mobile phone battery. Users just need to attach BatMax to the battery or the cellphone. They claim users will notice a battery life improvement after 5 to 10 charging cycles."
Cool! (Score:5, Funny)
Pseudoscience (Score:1, Funny)
Oh, it is not april 1st yet? Sorry...
Far greater energy potential for micro-nukes (Score:2, Funny)
right thats it! (Score:4, Funny)
Great new tech! (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Far greater energy potential for micro-nukes (Score:2, Funny)
Hurry before someone patents it.
Do you believe in sea monkeys? (Score:3, Funny)
Works for Cars Too! (Score:5, Funny)
Hmm.. sounds... convincing (Score:2, Funny)
I call junk science! (Score:3, Funny)
I wonder...If I stick one on my fuel line, will it work like the double-your-gas-mileage gasoline ion chargers?
Re:Hmmm... (Score:2, Funny)
6. Profit!
Re:Snake oil (Score:3, Funny)
Nicotine patch for batteries? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:right thats it! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:help? (Score:5, Funny)
"They will welcome us."
Re:Same bullshit, different buzzwords. (Score:5, Funny)
But it's all explained on their site! (Score:4, Funny)
I'll take two bridges please...
This really works! (Score:3, Funny)
If only they can create a penis enlarging ring-tone like the breast enlarging one they made for those babes in Tokyo, I'll be the shizla!
Re:What a load of pseudo-scientific bullshit (Score:3, Funny)
Quite stupid actually, it is common knowledge among chemists that you get better results when extracting nanoceramic materials for stick on battery enhancers from supernatrural stone.
Re:Blah (Score:2, Funny)
extend your cellphones by 5 to 10 inches (Score:5, Funny)
Also increases the volume of - oh, that makes sense
Re:Right, and I have a bridge I'd like to sell you (Score:3, Funny)
Actually, what they are claiming is:
The foil and the material are designed to:
Absorb the electromagnetic waves generated from the battery.
Generate a flow of negative ions.
Interact with the battery's internal electrolyte and ions.
Which makes absolute no sense
Re:Snake oil (Score:5, Funny)
Perhaps.. (Score:5, Funny)
Eric reads between the lines (Score:5, Funny)
It sure sounds like those "parabolic" TV antennas guaranteed to boost your reception after just a few viewings, doesn't it? Not to be cynical, but:
Using latest nanotechnology research, (we read an issue of Wired)
EricBatMax developed the first cellphone battery life booster that extends the mobile phone battery life (which is why we call it a "battery life booster")
and reduces charging time. BatMax is based on the IonXR, a new exclusively developed nanoceramic material, (we grind ceramic tiles into a fine dust)
resulting from years of laboratory research (it was hard to grind them small enough).
BatMax foil slows down the loss of capacity of Ni-CD, Ni-MH, Li-Ion and Li-Polymer batteries (we guarantee it works the same on all of these)
and thus provides improved battery performance (not to be redundant again).
BatMax is a small (1.14 x 1.92 in) rectangular sticker (we sandwich the dust between some sticky aluminum foil)
which is installed on the mobile phone battery (the hard part was keeping it really thin).
Users just need to attach BatMax to the battery or the cellphone (where they'll quickly forget about it once the cover's back on).
They claim users will notice a battery life improvement after 5 to 10 charging cycles (by then the placebo effect should kick in).
The Vioxx recall and spam reduction [ericgiguere.com]
Re:Works for Cars Too! (Score:2, Funny)
"The use of the tin-foil hat provides two benefits to the user. The first is to provide an isolation chamber for the brains activity, reflecting any stray thoughts back into the brain cavity where they can be reused efficiently.
Secondly, and potentially more significantly, govenerment and corporate spy-rays are completely blocked, thus allowing the individual the freedom to think truly enlightening thoughts."
When quizzed on the latency of the effects on the brain, Hugh explained:
"Basically, it is a matter of time for the brain to get used to using these new resources without the controlling influence of government and the international lizard cartel. It needs the time to notice that it can do these new things."
As a bootnote to the story, it is pointed out that Hugh is currently under investigation by the feds for potential DMCA violations for the brain.
In related news... (Score:5, Funny)
Tinfoil hats, everybody! (* special offer *) (Score:2, Funny)
Prices are from only $1 per square foot!
If the product doesn't have the desired effect, you can return it to SKM&C, Netherlands....
Credit card payments are, of course, welcome.
Refunds at our discretion
Fraud Alert! (Score:4, Funny)
this faus device isn't worth $00.02. Apparently,
the "inventor" ran out of "perpetual motion
machine" and "cold fusion" marks, hence the new
"invention".
The poster used far too many buzz words and far
too little science to make any valid case --
"Nothing to see here. Move on
Re:Fraud Alert! (Score:3, Funny)
Definitely a scam. This should have been posted under "humor".
Did anyone else... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Works for Cars Too! (Score:1, Funny)
Homer.
Re:What a load of pseudo-scientific bullshit (Score:5, Funny)
Sounds to me like the answer to this poll actually is CowboyNeal.
-JDF
What would happen if.... (Score:2, Funny)
Would the nanoceramic 5-30 micron electron-releasing sticker excite the brain neurons so that only real stories get posted to
Re:Why can't I believe this works? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Why can't I believe this works? (Score:3, Funny)
"Kaffefahrt" literally transfers to "coffee trip"
And there was I, thinking it meant the bout of troublesome flatulence I get after my morning espresso...
Re:Started the company in 2004 (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, it makes sense, but they were hoping nobody would notice the apparent incongruity. See, they also invented a time machine, and have been using it extensively to reduce perceived development time for IonXR. If it weren't for that, we'd have to wait another 10 years before IonXR was available to the public. But they don't want to announce the time machine's existence until they work out the problem with periodic instabilities in the quantum flux ion regeneration matrix that are induced by harmonic interference arising from pico-mesons in the nano-photonic resonance substructure.
It's about the ION's people! (Score:2, Funny)
People will try anything, I mean anything. The worst part is when you tell your cousin she's an idiot for paying someone $50 to install a Transistor on the backplate of her watch to "Amplify the good energy flowing through her body", she gets all huffy and calls you on the carpet for your sacrilegious hate speech.
I'm off to invent a self producing ION injection headband for joggers. And if any of you
Re:right thats it! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Cynical Cynic (Score:4, Funny)
No... it just pads the manufacturer's waller.
Suggested "Update" text: (Score:3, Funny)
My suggestion: Update from CowboyNeal: Sorry for the bogus story, I don't really have time to read Slashdot submissions what with all the ordering of penis enlargement kits and discount Rolexes I have to do. But I'm currently in negotiations with deposed Nigerian officials that I can't go into detail about because they requested discretion but it should net us enough to hire more editors. I thought it would go faster but you wouldn't believe the red tape involved!
Where is my Pyramid Hat (Score:3, Funny)
DIY for cheaper - RYP nanotech (Score:3, Funny)
Ingredients:
-200 grit sandpaper (made with natural stone)
-aluminum foil (made of "nano-molecules" of Al)
-glue stick (the kind astronauts use in the office)
Instructions:
1. Slap all that crap together however you like.
2. Apply to battery.
3. Brag your ass off!
I'm getting 80-100 more hours out of my cellphone battery, easy. I put my homemade stickers on BOTH sides of my battery for uber performance.
Re:Yeah right (Score:1, Funny)
The latter is actually possible, inasfar as wearing pants may prevent you from playing with yourself long enough to pay attention and learn something.
Dear BatMax..... (Score:1, Funny)
As we outlined during the pitch, we pride ourselves both on our strong relationships with both clients and media. Our intimate knowledge of the lives of tech journalists, and of senior executives throughout the mobile industry, has been invaluable in achieving our unsurpassed record. We have not lost a client yet, except to natural causes.
The recent campaign is running extremely successfully, with unprecedented traffic to the website. We will be invoicing you for this shortly.
In the meantime, our product specialist has suggested we extend your product range to children's toys. This would legitimise our inclusion of certain photographic assets in the next brochure, and help capture some of the demographic outliers. I realise product development is not our core competence, but, with due respect, the most it would require is a slightly larger print run.
Your assistant has recently expressed some concern to me that audiences have reacted negatively on some sites. I apologise for this. We take this extremely seriously, and will be working to apply corrective action very shortly. Of course, there will always be some editors we do not have on file, but our agents are in the field as I write.