How To Balance Life And Technology For Kids?

brs165 writes "Being a newly minted geek father as of 4 months ago, I've thought about problems I've never had reason to consider before. One issue which I'd like to hear from the ./ crowd is introducing technology to their children. What got me thinking about this was a blog post about 'Nature-Deficit Disorder', and I think it brings up some good points. I grew up playing in the local woods and creek with minimal tech until our first computer when I was 13. I hear stories from coworkers how some of their kids/grandkids hating going outside because it is boring and they'd rather stay indoors. Should I avoid introducing them to technology until absolutely neccessary, or is it a matter of achieving a balance?"

Your influence is the number one thing

[Humba]

I'm a geek dad of 4 kids (9, 6, 4, and 1 yrs). Obviously, a balance is necessary.

But the real thing is: Your kid(s) will be into whatever you're into. If all you do is stay inside with the XBox and plasma TV, don't be surprised if that's all they ever want to do. For Father's Day (in the US) today, I took the boys on a bike ride, then we did waste a beautiful summer afternoon in the movie theater watching Ep 3.

Always look for ways to re-live your youth with them: Legos, Star Wars, bike riding, snow forts, adventures in the woods, baseball, and mindless shows on Cartoon Network all play a part. The computer is just a new element to share together.

--H

Hold off on the tech.

[duncanbojangles]

You should definitely hold off on introducing all the crazy technology to your kids until they've done some growing up. I loved the days when all I cared about was running around outside in the woods. Anyway, kids that young only use computers to play games, I find. Get them a Nintendo (the original) and introduce them to computers when they want to know more about technology, and not games. First post?

Technology is not a substitute

[Lakers]

Use technology as a tool and a toy, not as a substitute for parental guidance like so many do.

In my opinion, children should be introduced to as much as the world has to offer. The problems occur when parents sit a child in front of a television or a computer and say "here, entertain yourself."

These are the kids that grow up with technology as a substitute for guidance. They will obviously become attached.

Moderation and interaction are the key.

Balance? Ha. Who needs it?

[Anonymous Coward]

...is it a matter of achieving a balance?

Yeah, this is a tough question. You should always think carefully before doing something as fundamentally dangerous as achieving a balance.

get them outdoors

[reverse flow reactor]

Let them see the outdoors, and if technology is there, it is a tool and not the toy.

DO: get them outside, go canoeing, biking, hiking, walking, skiing, camping, exploring, build and launch model rockets (please, lauch outside), build a treehouse... If you must involve technology, bring a GPS and a digital camera (but don't forget a map and compass - be sure they know how to use those when the GPS batteries die). While you are out there, talk to them abou the plants species, the mountains, how the compass works, how the water flows around the canoe and what make the bike stable while it is moving.

What did you enjoy doing outside as a kid? Why not try that? If they enjoy it too, that's great - you are doing somehting you enjoy outside, and your kids are there and having fun too!!

Is it possible for you to even raise your kids without a TV? I can certainly live without a TV (over a year now, almost 3 years depending on how you count it).

DO NOT: buy a Nintendo/PS3/XBox and let the toy babysit the kids for you. People at Slashdot will expel the virtues of how they learned problem solving and "other skills" while playing video games. Well, I learned a few German words playing a foreign game, and picked up some geography from Civ3, but try and keep the video games to a minimum.

Being a parent is an active responsibility (but it can be fun). Just be sure you go exploring. If you are having fun, they probably will be too. If the kids look forward to going biking with dad more than sitting in front of the boob-tube playing Mari Kart 12, you are doing your job well! If they hear "Dad's home, and were building rockets tonight!" and drop the video game in the middle of a game to join you, you are doing great!

Or is it a matter of achieving a balance?

[Anonymous Coward]

You have answered your own question. Perhaps this is THE job for all parents. To deliver a new child into responsibility involves learning to balance, given a world of endless choices. All this overprotection from parents is just creating a generation with no responsibility and no impluse control. Those that think they are protecting from all these suposed evils are merely creating monsters. Don't make the same mistake.

Some thoughts

[slavemowgli]

Major e longinquo reverentia, as they say - everything looks good (or, for that matter, better) from far away, and forbidden fruits appear tastier.

It's probably a better idea to introduce your kids to computers and all that early on. Compare it to the TV - your kids are most likely going to be allowed to watch TV before they're 14 (or whatever), but that doesn't mean you'll allow them to do it for eight hours each day without checking *what* they watch.

Do give them limits; enforce them, but don't be arbitrary. Above all, make them transparent and understandable - if you tell your kids that they can use the computer, but for an hour only, that's much better than only coming in after an hour and telling them that they have to stop *now*.

Don't give them a bad example; if you don't do anything except sit at the computer (or, more generally, stay indoors) all day, then your kids *will* question why it's bad for them if it obviously isn't bad for you, too.

That's about what I can think of right now. As a disclaimer, though, I don't have kids myself.

Re:Balance

[Anonymous Coward]

I hardly call that a balance. This is a sparkling example of what NOT to do. If you type behavior as "constructive but boring" or "fun but fleeting," you're going to find reality uncompromisingly tepid later on.

Balance means, for instance, approaching your work and hobbies with equal sincerity, so that both are edifying. If you teach your kids to 'putz around but work hard now and then!' they'll never learn to take joy from small things until far too late in life.

In terms of Sunlight vs. CRT, this means letting experiences from both worlds inform and instruct the other. You can't just juxtapose two extremes and say, "There, all balanced!"

That's like trying to balance thin air with lead. Life won't let you zero things out like that.

Re:Nature/Tech

[FreakyControl]

I don't understand this notion of, "We need to have our kids using computers from birth to better prepare them for the future." I didn't use a computer until middle school, then just for word processing. That certainly didn't hinder me from my current position as a PhD. student in engineering.

Think about it, many of us didn't have all of these technological toys when we were little, and we seemed to adapt just fine. Computer usage isn't some sort of esoteric skill that requires years of training to master. It's not like you're trying to levitate cars with your mind.

Perhaps if children were exposed to life outside of the digital babysitter they would develop their imaginations more, and become more creative, healthier (mentally and physically) people. Maybe if more kids ran around outside more often, child obesity wouldn't be so prevelent in our society.

Overall, as with most things a balance is what is necessary. Sure I had my Atari when I was a kid, but I was only allowed to play with it for a certain amount of time. Just as TV was limited. The same can be done with a computer, especially if your child doesn't have all of these technological wonders in their bedroom. Show your child all that the world has to offer and what the imagination can do with it.

And a final thought on, "what you want your kid to be when he/she grows up." - that decision should ultimately be left up to your child once they're old enough to make it, not one that should be forced on them from birth. I've seen many a miserable engineer and computer scientist for just that reason.

More than balance - life is more than Nature/Tech

[kninja]

Encourage multiple stmuli for their little developing brains. Read to them when they are young. Take them on nature walks. Introduce them to musical instruments (violin) perhaps in a social setting (childrens choirs), take them to art museums, boat rides, swiming pools, walks in the neighborhood, the zoo, etc. If you speak another language, start teaching them while they are young. Enroll them in art, theater, dance, sports, and any other class they don't know anything about.

Pretty soon they will tell you what they are interested in, yet keep pushing them in many directions they will continue to discover things they like and develop many talents.

Point is, you only get one shot, so introduce your kids to everything you can. They will thank you for it later.

Re:Welcome to the modern world...

[Anonymous Coward]

No, its that we don't want the kids to learn it the hardway like we did. there is a line, where you stop and let them suffer; but otherwise, you try to avoid them wasting time learning lessons that could have been skipped over.

TV is a complete waste of time. PBS was good, but I know it will not be later on... Even then, the benefit of PBS to me was minor. The harm of all that other tv was much worse.

I do not have a tv in the house. I make them read. kids have no imagination in the usa.

video games have some benefit. but I'd review them all 1st. I would promote old classics from the golden NES/SNES years. the new games are trying too hard to put you into a crappy movie world. They also leave nothing for imagination, most don't require any real skill level, are for the illiterate, and are made for lazy gamers who can't stand a challange.
Delaying gratification is a major lesson completely ignored in american culture today.

Re:Pete, get a vasectomy...

[Seumas]

Kind of undermines the effort of anyone else who does their part to keep the population in check, huh?

I have three words for you: Salt Lake City -- How much you want to bet?

Dogs v. Nature

[yintercept]

I love dogs. On the subject of wilderness, however, Dogs are extremely destructive. Dogs and wilderness do not mix. When you take them into the wilderness they chase all of the wild life away. They pollute streams and intensify the destruction of the wilderness.

Pets are more of a consumer product than they are an introduction to nature.

I've spent most of my life without a dog. Coco [protophoto.com] showed up on the porch a year and a half ago. I take her on regular walks in the mountains. It is freightening the amount of destruction I see being done by dogs.

In a discussion on the value of pets. Yes, kids and dogs are a great combination. However, pets are about the domination of animals. Taking Coco on trips into the mountains, I am now starting to see the extent to which dogs dominate recreation and the affect that they have on the diminishing nature around us.

In other words, you should only have a dog if you really, really want to have a dog. You should only have a dog if you are wanting a pet to be a primary focus of your recreation time.

You should budget two grand a year for dog care and food, and plan to spend a great deal of time with it.

Coco showed up on my porch because a family with two sons bought a puppy as a consumer product, and found out that dogs are a big hassle.

Re:Testimonial...

[reverse flow reactor]

I don't remember many of the video games I have played, or any of the TV I have watched, but I distictly remember many of the hiking trails and camping and canoeing and biking trips and model rocket lauching that my parents have taken me and my siblings on. In fact, I can remember very specific details and places (and could probably draw a map of the trails we hiked) even though some of those events were 15 years ago. And this from a guy who has already forgotten what he had for breakfast yesterday, and where is that pen I lost again? I think my keys are in here somewhere, and I forgot two passwords last week..

Re:Your influence is the number one thing

[NetSettler]

But the real thing is: Your kid(s) will be into whatever you're into.

I agree with this. Setting an example is critical. Beyond that, here are a few other tips that may work, though I doubt there's any one-size-fits-all wisdom in this business:

1. Unless you want your kid to be a hermit that lives in the woods with you and bombs places that approve of technology, your kid will grow up in a society that depends utterly on technology. So you might as well introduce them to it as early as it makes sense to do so, allowing it to seem like a natural part of life and not something geeky.
2. Remember that, like TV, a computer is not a baby sitter. Make sure kids can see uses of computers that serve real life needs, like "finding out what's going on in the world", "looking up a topic you need to know about", "finding TV and movie schedules", "keeping in touch with relatives", etc. The real value of a computer is that it can be interactive, requiring thoughtful input from users, not just feeding them instructions (turning people into computers) like TV does. Find programs that live up to that.
3. Be very strict about the amount of time they are allowed to waste on games, whether Solitaire or the latest fantasy fighting game, that suck the life out of them and provide nothing in return. An occasional game is one thing, but put a tight limit on it, especially as they get old enough that they should be doing other things with their minds and their lives.
4. Even though your kids will hate it, prefer a computer that's out in the living room to one in the kid's room, at least until they're old enough that you know whether they can be really trusted in the internet world alone. The simple knowledge that parents might see (or later find) what they're doing will often keep them in check.
5. Unless you want to be all over the internet in your underwear, or find that your son or daughter is, strongly consider not getting a webcam.
6. Consider telling your kids that while they may use headphones to listen to movies, they must keep the sound level turns down enough that they can still hear you. Don't let "I couldn't hear you" be a possible answer to why they are being non-responsive. Kids already have too many excuses for not getting things done already without a technical assist from computers.
7. Get a computer that allows you to give different privileges to different users and make sure your kids don't have the capability of downloading software onto the machine until they are intelligent enough to avoid downloading very dangerous things. In some cases, this age might never be reached by some children. Don't be afraid to tell them that some things are things they can do when they have their own house, computer, etc. but that you won't tolerate the risk on your own personal machine.

Remember, though, that what is a "computer" is changing now. So the really hard question probably won't be something "neat and pretty" like whether to give them a big blobby box on a desk and a login to Google or Yahoo anyway. The real question will be whether to get the internet-enabled teddy bear, whether they should have a voice-response lightswitch, whether the games they play should be things you pay for or whether they should be funded by ads for toys or foods you don't want to be buying them, etc.

Re:social evolution

[FreakyControl]

While I think you're joking you have a point that I'd like to respond to. My mom and my aunt grew up in NYC, and they played outside all the time. Besides, doing things that don't involve technology doesn't always mean frolocking with bunnies. A set of building blocks could suffice as well.

Re:Simple...

[Spetiam]

Personally, I would severely limit their computer time (as well as TV time), then very gradually relax starting around 13 or 14 or when they start high school. Until they're out on their own, unless they have a real ability with programming/networking/graphics/whatever, I'd encourage them to live life in the real world. If they're not developing a genuine skill or actively engaged in something productive (like writing a paper), there's no need for them to have more access than necessary. If they're using the computer for entertainment, I'd probably treat it like any other form of entertainment that fails to develop good social skills, i.e., restrict it.

Of course, the usual parental concerns of child safety, exposure to inappropriate content, etc., also come into play according to the parents' values.

Don't buy into the fear!

[soft_guy]

Playing down at the woods/creek isn't any more dangerous now than it was when you were a kid. Let your kids play outside.

My wife won't allow our daughter to play outside unless she can physically see her the whole time because she is sooo worried about "pedophiles". Totally insane.

Also, I've noticed that my kid has her own personality and interests. You will need to become interested in things that interest your child as well as sharing your interests with him or her.

Non-progressive future food

[chadjg]

Let's hope that a non progressive future includes several varieties of "Acme Health Pellets" and bottles of "AcmeFina." I've lived on dandelions and cattails for a few days. It sucks. Young dandelion greens aren't too bad as long as you have a more neurtral green to cut the flavor. Forget it if they're old. I've also had cattail rootstalks. They taste like funky cucumbers except with more slime. Other parts are edible if you're going to be in one place for a while and are willing to work for it. I wasn't hungry enough to go after the rodents so I don't know about that. Trust me, you'll be willing to endure a ramen fueled cube slavery after a few days of being back to nature. I'd say that the hunter-gatherer thing is much more difficult than being a cube drone. Still, making raw nature your bitch is satisfying.

Re:Some thoughts

[Illserve]

Agree. Kids have enormous flexibility at a young age to mold the way their brain works. This flexibility disappears in the mid-late teen years.

It's obvious that computers are here to stay, if you keep them luddites until they are 15, they'll be somewhat crippled in their ability to use computers for the rest of their life, in the same way that non-native speakers are rarely able to achieve quite the same level of language proficiency and accent as natives. And if they do, it comes at the expense of great effort, equivalent to 3 years of passive exposure as kids.

Re:SimPark + the real thing

[crs3210]

"Last but not least, do not buy them/allow them to play game consoles (which are always counter-productive, as opposed to a computer, which can be used for school/learning)"
Not really....I played games consoles all the time as a young lad. I didn't really start using a PC for anything more than games until I was...13, maybe. I'm now 20, at a university with a very good CS program, with hopes of going into the games industry. I don't really see why you shouldn't let them play consoles. They're fun, and in my case, inspired creativity.

Re:SimPark + the real thing

[Jabberu]

You'll have to forgive me, but I disagree with everything you say. I can't claim that I know of a better system, but the whole "play outside and then you can play on the computer" is in my eyes just as flawed as "do the dishes and then you can watch TV". What that is teaching is that computers and TV are a _reward_ to strive for which I believe to be a great error (I'm not saying the brats shouldn't do the darn dishes though). All you should really strive to teach them is moderation in everything, and trying to provide a varied area of both entertainment and learning. And as for the whole "consoles are counter-productive". I've grown up with Nintendo since I was 6 and because of games (both PC and consoles) I've managed to a great amount of English, and most importantly: I had fun. Kids learn through games and play, and who's to say that a console is inferior of entertainment than a PC?

Balance

[Britz]

Life is all about balance. Raising kids, too. Teach them as much as you like as early as you like. Just remember to balance work and play, outside and inside, free time and rules. Kids need rules and need to test them. They also need their own space. Limited of course, but their own.

You put it right.

Balance

Balance is the answer...

[guru312]

I'm a dinosaur geek...64 years old and been hacking electronics/computers/radios since I was 11...but I'm very lucky to have a 12 year old daughter, Rebecca.

Rebecca's mom is the technology coordinator for our local elementary school and I'm a consultant and designer of electronic 'stuff'. So, Rebecca has technology all around her. Her first eye-hand coordination was inserting/removing a floppy disk. I wrote little routines which challenged her with words, phrases and other coputer stuff.

Now...the balance. I live on a 95 acre nature paradise. We have ponds, nature trails and animals galore. Rebecca gets as much...maybe more!...fun from tracking animals in the snow or fishing in the ponds or wading in the ditchs for minnows as she does driving my robotic vehicle or messing with my radio equipment. She's equally adept at calling CQ DX on 20 meters and paddling a canoe.

Balance is a must. Games...I don't care what platform...are NOT the same as getting dirty or falling down or throwing a ball or putting bate on a hook.

Take your kids to the park, to a playground or any outdoor area. Fly a kite, build a kite, walk in the rain. Smell the flowers; dig in the dirt.

Equal time for technology and 'realworld' stuff.

Anything less than balance between nature and technology is detremental and damned unfair to the child.

To quote Robert Heinlein: "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

As much time outside as in front of the technology...computers or radios.

Be there for them!

[chris_eineke]

Don't leave your wife and your kids when your kids are three and one year old. It messes up your wife and the kids.

I know.

I'm talking from experience. I grew up without having a father I could talk to... :(

Re:Your influence is the number one thing

[syousef]

Absolutely. Besides have a look at the techy/geeky side of the outdoors. Here are some suggestions

1) Buy a GPS. Go geocaching. Plenty of geekiness, plenty of outdoors. Can also use this on trips and to go exploring. Also could teach them to navigate/hike. (Cheaper alternative: Map and compass).

2) Take your kids to the local airport to watch planes take off and land. Plenty of geeky stuff but they're getting out and learning. (Could preface this with showing them how hard it is to fly real aircraft ala MSFS2004).

3) Research and buy a telescope or if you can't afford a decent one good binoculars. Again plenty of outdoors adventure, and lots of learning, while still being true to the geek in you

4) Buy them a microscope and go collecting specimens with them. Some time indoors and some time outdoors. A good mix.

5) Remote control cars/boats/planes are great hobbies that get you out and about.

6) Take them out on a boat. Teach them about different aspects of steering a small craft etc.

7) Birdwatching. Buy a good birdwatcher's book and get them to identify the local birds. Then plan trips to see others.

8) Take them to your local zoo. Don't just walk around like a schmuck. Get them to learn about animal behviours, identification, classification etc. If you can't afford the zoo or a local wildlife park, even a duck pond will do.

All of these things cost money, but then since when do gadgets not cost money???

Point is if you think the real world is boring compared to the computer, you just haven't been out in the real world enough. There is SO much out there. Most of the things you had as a kid are still out there.

Re:Your influence is the number one thing

[Anonymous Coward]

That's true, but only half the story. There is generally another parent who has influence. Unfortunately my wife (who I love dearly) is a lazy couch potato who stares at television every evening and half the weekends, and the kids are doing more and more of that.

Oh well. I did try.

thoughts from a teacher

[b17bmbr]

I am a high school teacher. If I have one thing about kids today that infuriates me, it's that they don't read. I wonder half the time if they even can at all. I teach history (I'm a geek by avocation!!) and am shocked at the absolute refusal of so many to read. Not "I don't get it", but "f*** it, I'm not going to read it". If they don't even touch a computer, they'll be fine. Really. What is a computer but a simple tool really. I code for fun. Some do for profit. Fine. For most, it's a tool. Type a paper, check email, etc. Things like an OS, browser, email client, etc., mean nothing. (Which is why microsoft is really scared. Once people actually figure it out...)

Anyways, take them fishing, hunting, skiing, etc. Have them play sports, read books, write poetry. Whatever. Teach them to cook. The technology we need is an MRI in a hospital not an Xbox in the living room. My dad is 67 or something. He never touched a computer until he reitred a few years ago. Now, he uses the computer like a pro.

And since this is father's day (btw, I have three myself), the best you thing you can do is be their father. Whatever you have to do is not more important than them. I'm 36 and still fish with my old man. There's a reason. Buy him a hundred books, read a hundred books to him, take him to a hundred ball games, take him fishing a hundred times, play a hundred games of candyland (or whtever game), do a hundred other things a hndred times before you buy him a computer.

Re:SimPark + the real thing

[Curtman]

What that is teaching is that computers and TV are a _reward_ to strive for which I believe to be a great error

I couldn't agree more. If you want your kids to enjoy the out doors, then take them there. Go to the beach, go camping. Go play sports with them. And have a good time while you're doing it. Make that the reward, and the computer something to do in the meantime.

Re:get them outdoors

[hellanacho]

"Video games are evil."

That's a harsh statement. So does Mario sacrifice babies and kill bunny rabbits? Believe it or not, it's not very hard to moderate your kids PS2 time, just unhook the thing and take it with you when you think they've had enough. Its not like that takes a whole lot of effort.

"would you put a bag of candy in front of your 5 year old and expect them to eat a few pieces then quit because they know it's bad to eat too much?"

I see your point in this analogy, kids don't know whats best for them, but does that mean you never let them have any candy? Moderation is the key word here.

Re:Your influence is the number one thing

[cagle_.25]

9) Get a good butterfly book and teach them how to ID, photograph, and raise butterflies.

10) Let them help you with home repairs.

11) Teach them how to raise cool plants ... like Venus Flytraps.

Re:Be there for them!

[Strandman]

Don't leave your wife and your kids when your kids are three and one year old. It messes up your wife and the kids.

Sometimes it is better that the parents split up.
It is much better for kids to have parents living separately if they argue with eachother all the time together.

But every kid should have contact with both parents though, at least when theres no good reason not to.

-M

Re:Your influence is the number one thing

[CastrTroy]

2-4 Hours a day? Try to cut that one down a bit. Nobody should be spending that much time in the IM world. Especially someone who is at that age where they are developing important social skills. IM isn't all bad, but I think that too much of it can be a bad thing. Not to mention the complete lack of proper English on IM. I can't speak for your daughter spefically, but, most people not just kids, end up writing like LOL, Kewl, tx, and all that stuff, and don't develop good writing skillz. :)