Laser Cannons Coming to an F-16 Near You

dxprog writes "Reuters is reporting that the US Pentagon is designing a laser cannon that's small enough to fit onto a fighter jet yet powerful enough to knock out a missile. "The High Energy Laser Area Defense System (HELLADS), being designed by the Pentagon's central research and development agency, will weigh just 750 kg (1,650 lb) and measures the size of a large fridge." Now all we need to do is make fighter jets space worthy for that true Star Wars feel."

let's just get this out of the way:

[WellAren'tYouJustThe]

Will there be friggin sharks on them too?

Forbidden?

[Saiyine]

Weren't they forbidden by the Geneva convention?

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Great...

[Seoulstriker]

Now they just need to be mounted on those damn sharks.

Top Gun

[thrillbert]

Tom Cruise will have to go in a re-dub the Top Gun Movie to say:

I'm too close for Missles Goose, I'm switching to Lasers!

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Will they make noise in space?

[spun]

Once we get them into space, will they make roaring, whooshing noises and manuever just like they did in atmosphere? 'Cause otherwise, forget about it.

That's nice...

[Anonymous Coward]

That's nice and everything, but when can I get them for my car?

Nice,

[seaniqua]

But will it cook a Jiffy Pop container 20' in diameter?

Laser cannon my eye

[jlowery]

NO, NO! NOT MY EYES! AAAAAaaaarrrrrghhhh.

Okay, now I have to enter this stuff to avoid the caps filter. Talk about spoiling a joke....

Re:Forbidden?

[Anonymous Coward]

Lasers that blind you were banned under International Treaty in 1995. I somehow think that pointing a 1, 15 or 150KW laser at your head is going to give you a lot more to worry about...

Missile defense

[robogun]

I can see the headline now: Air Force "reflects" on decision to purchase sexy new laser, after a test backfires when attempting to shoot down a mirrored missile...

& yes, defending against laser is that simple.

SO will they go

[fromtheblueline]

Pew pew or Brzzap?

A fridge is still a Fridge

[JamJam]

From TFA:

The High Energy Laser Area Defense System (HELLADS)...will weigh just 750 kg (1,650 lb) and measures the size of a large fridge... But the Pentagon's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency reckons it has solved the problem by merging liquid and solid state lasers to cut the size and weight by "an order of magnitude,"

Great, does that mean it'll eventually get to the size of mini-bar fridge?

Re:Forbidden?

[Chrontius]

No, we're going to see lots of brighly colored targets for optically-guided cruise missiles.

Re:Missile defense

[Spudley]

I can see the headline now: Air Force "reflects" on decision to purchase sexy new laser, after a test backfires when attempting to shoot down a mirrored missile...

& yes, defending against laser is that simple.

So how come Queen Amidala's ship had such difficulty getting past the blockade?

Re:Top Gun

[Nom du Keyboard]

I'm too close for Missles Goose, I'm switching to Lasers!

I'm too close for lasers, switching to Scientology.

Hello Mr. Enemy Pilot, may I Audit you?

measure your fridge from the air?

[phil4]

and measures the size of a large fridge. Cool! Lasers have been used for measurement before, but I bet this is the first time the military has been able to measure your fridge in your kitchen from 20,000 feet. The small hole in the kitchen ceiling is a small price to pay for this protection from oversize fridges.

Re:Top Gun

[Tackhead]

> I'm too close for Missles Goose, I'm switching to Lasers!
> I'm too close for lasers, switching to Scientology.
> Hello Mr. Enemy Pilot, may I Audit you?

Maveric: You don't know the history of frickin' lasers on sharks' heads. I do!
Goose: We regret to inform you that your son is broke because he is stupid.

Re:let's just get this out of the way:

[Fulcrum of Evil]

Will there be friggin sharks on them too?

Who needs a shark when you've got a veritech?

Kids today...

Re:Power Source?

[ShadyG]

It's just a wild guess, but maybe you can have one if you also have security clearance, $47 million, and room for a refrigerator in your car.

Re:let's just get this out of the way:

[HTL2001]

"...will weigh just 750 kg (1,650 lb) and measures the size of a large fridge."

thats a bit to heavy

then again... suppose 2 sharks carry it together... (to lazy to check monty python quote)

Re:Forbidden?

[MrVelvet]

Yes one must be fucking living to be blind. Just like telling no tales, the dead don't see shit..

Re:let's just get this out of the way:

[Jambon]

Will there be friggin sharks on them too?

Yes, the fighters are expected to carry laser guided mutated sharks to attack ships, submarines, and naval bases.

The technology is based on the theory that large predators are attracted to shiny objects. By shining the laser at the indended target, naval researchers believe that the sharks will simply follow the shiny light until it slams into the intended target, upon which the explosive chum fed to the shark will explode. Also, to aid in the transportation of the shark, the sharks will be put in a state of temporary hibernation. Once dropped, a chip in their brain will awaken them, giving them enough time to contemplate their existence before they hit the water and follow the shiny light....

Re:Nice,

[shmlco]

Only if you can also come up with a spinning phase-conjugate mirror AND manage to switch the targeting computer's rom.

HELLADS

[sl4shd0rk]

High Energy Laser Area Defense System

I think Gasseous Optical Nuetral Area Defense System would have been a better name. What do you suppose would instill more fear in the enemy?

"Run for your life! The HELLADS are coming!" ...or

"Run for your life! The GONADS are coming!"

Re:I hope not. Here is why.

[Rei]

I love your writing style - it reminds me of a Star Wars into crawl.

Episode IV: A New Lack Of Hope

It is a period of civil war. Rebel guerrillas, striking from hidden bases, have won their first victory against the PENTAGON. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to America's ultimate weapon, the MISSILE FRIGATE, an armored aircraft with enough power to destroy an entire peaceful wedding party.

Pursued by the sinister agents of CONGRESS, Princess Raghad Hussein races home aboard her taxi, custodian to the stolen plans that can dominate her people and change type of tyrannical rule in force in the country.

Re:Nice,

[Anonymous Coward]

Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris: Not right now.
Susan: A girl's gotta have her standards.

Re:Put some rein on those guys

[Anonymous Coward]

Sanity in military spending is not something you are going to find in North America ... period. It simply ranges from the ridiculous to the absurd.

Come north of the border and you'll find a military were troops have recently had to enter a desert-mileu dressed like a forest, because they didn't have proper uniforms. Were we have choppers that can't go up lest they come unexpectly down. Subs (4 subs ... just 4 .. with most weapons removed or not functional) that can't go down with a sure expectation to come back up. A Navy where they still have to count ships armed with 40 mm bofors left over from WWII (and a single machine gun) as 'warships'. An army that is having *ALL* its tanks retired ... and let see .. an airforce about to have 1/3 of its 20 year old fighter jets sent to the boneyard because the government doesn't want to pay to 'modernize' them (whatever that means...). A country where soveignty is asserted for the majority of it's landmass by overflying said landmass in a prop-plane .... once a year.

Re:Top Gun

[Oligonicella]

"I believe in Intelligent Design. It was all done by Benevolent Space Aliens. How else can you explain Tom Cruise?"

You call that benevolent?

Re:let's just get this out of the way:

[Anonymous Coward]

And if they actually MISS the target?
Doesn't the laser energy keep going?
Even with diffusion, this would put some serious heat on someones backyard barbeque yes?

Re:let's just get this out of the way:

[fyngyrz]

Umph. Laser cannons to shoot down missles, ait-to-air, eh?.

Harry, bring out the reflective surface treatment gear, would ya? Yeah, we're gonna want a nice mirror finish, but let a fraction of a percent through the nose, a laser spot'll make a great tracking datum.

Or maybe we can reflect and redirect it well enough to drill a hole in the jet that's generating it...

Oh, wait a minute, jets with reflective surfaces.

Crap.

Another billion down the drain. And I needed a new yacht, too!

Re:I hope not. Here is why.

[rumblin'rabbit]

It's bad enough to militarily compete with China, a country where the people outweigh and outnumber Americans ten fold.

Outnumber definitely. Outweigh never! Americans are the most substantial people on earth, and they've got the jelly rolls to prove it. China simply can't compete in the corpulence compartment, dude.

By the way, you write like a schizophrenic dope head. Nothing personal. I'm just glad you're in the NRA.

Re:let's just get this out of the way:

[Daetrin]

We have both this and the shape changing planes [slashdot.org] posted on the same day and the first thing you think of is if they have sharks on them? Now if you'd asked if they Transformed into sharks...

Re:measure your fridge from the air?

[hamsterspeed]

As has been observed elsewhere, while measuring your fridge the device can simultaneously heat a very large, specially designed jiffy pop enclosure. Versatile!

Re:Will they make noise in space?

[dzfoo]

>> Once we get them into space, will they make roaring, whooshing noises

No, its more like "BWEEOOP!".

        -dZ.

Re:let's just get this out of the way:

[UnapprovedThought]

General: How'd the flight test go, Colonel?
Colonel: Well, we got some good news and some bad news, sir.
General: OK, what are the bad news?
Colonel: Due to some unexpected turbulence, we missed the target and had a friendly fire incident.
General: *Curse*
General: And the good news?
Colonel: The good news are that your car rental's been upgraded to a convertible without touching the budget.

Re:4 out of 5 swinging dicks recommend...

[TomSawyer]

So what are your qualifications, anyway?

Dude, he's totally got xxx in front of his name and after. He's a total bad ass and you sir are out matched.

Re:let's just get this out of the way:

[ajnsue]

Klatu nik baratu? What they hell you talking about boy fire them missles!