Australian Do Not Call Register

green-e writes "Looks like us Aussies are finally introducing a national 'Do Not Call' register. Under the plan all telemarketers would be banned from calling homes after 8pm on weekdays and 5pm on weekends. Companies that call a household on the register could face fines of up to $220,000 (AU), which could be legislated early next year. About time something like this should be set up. How effective has it been in the US ?"

$220000?

[Biogenesis]

What's up with the fine amount? $200k + GST?

Just use this

[mattjb0010]

The telemarketer counter-script [xs4all.nl].

The ultimate geek prank phone call

[strider44]

(Ring up someone you really hate at midnight sunday night)

*Ring Ring*

Hi, I'm from Microsoft. Have you heard about the exciting new things Windows now has to offer your business or home?

talk back

[Lil-Bondy]

ever tried talking to them casually? untill they eventually ask 'why did you call me?' 's happened to me

Re:As an Australian I can honestly say

[m4dm4n]

I get a certain kind of sick pleasure when asking the person on the other side to explain the offer in detail and then leaving the phone on the desk while I go back to whatever I was doing.

Re:Telemarketers?

[DavidHOzAu]

I always figured it wasn't a problem in Australia.

It's not, unless you watch Today Tonight.

You'd have an even bigger problem if you watched A Current Affair on Channel Nine. Not only are they're in cahoots with Micro$oft's m$n, as this site [ninemsn.com.au] proves, but their regional outlet, Win, is in charge of maintaining all the radio transmitters. I understand that in rural Australia their reception is on average 6dBm better than Channel Seven, and that's when you're wearing a tinfoil hat. I can't imagine how bad it would be without one.

Re:As an Australian I can honestly say

[minorproblem]

I ussually just start talking in swedish and they go away pretty quickly, works with those hobos who ask for money also.

Re:Pretty efficient here too

[Mateito]

The big advantage that you have in that neither the Italians nor the Swedish colonised Indina, leaving a billion cheap potential telemarkets who already speak your language.

I'll never forgive the poms for that.

Re:Just use this

[drsmithy]

Telemarketing is a shitty job that no one really wants to do. I did it when I was in college because I needed the cash. Did I go whistling to work just hoping I could annoy some people at home? No.

Mate, that's pretty desparate for cash. Why didn't you choose something relatively respectable, like drug pusher or illegal immigrant sweatshop overseer ?

Re:Just use this

[antic]

If they're trying to give you a free offer, insist on paying for it. Say that you like paying for things and that you've got two months to live and a friend challenged you to spend all of your money before you die.

It's usually an intro to a funny conversation and a very excited telemarketer!

Re:No phone, no problem

[tooth]

Well, since I moved to a cave on the southern slopes of Mt. Kosciusko *I* haven't had a call or asingle visitor in 3 months! It's a long hike to the nearest internet cafe to post to slashdot, but well worth it! :-) and best of all, no more personal grooming for me!!

Re:As an Australian I can honestly say

[TapeCutter]

Also it is only for certain hours, they can still call you during the 5:30 - 7:30 time slot when most people are home for dinner. Having once worked a 5yr stint on night shift I know unsolicited calls and door knockers are a pain in the arse. I had a routine that went like this...

Knock, KnoWooof, wooof,wooofock,wooKffGRRRRRRbark,yapyap,,,,KnHoooo wwwl..SIT!
I stomp to front door in my jocks and fling it open looking like the angry love child of Einstien and a 220lb Gorrila...
Me: "What?"
Door knocker: "Oh,umm,err, sorry...did I wake you?"
Me (calmer voice): "No, I was getting up anyway..." - wait for them to relax just a touch- "...TO KILL THE FUCKING DOG!". Slam.

They are getting worse, sometimes I pick up the phone and the trained baboon on the other end has put me on hold!!!

Here's the catch, the companies actually manage to stay in bussiness,ie: it works?!? There can only be one reason for that, there are some people who buy into the bullshit and therfore encourage it. If you know one of these people and want to help them gain some self-respect, telling cold callers to fuck off is a fun and rewarding therapy.

Offtopic: As another slashdotter from OZ I also remember the "pick me" calls from Johnny, but how corrupt is the current "marketing" of the proposed IR changes. I encourage the government to adverstise the law, but the IR changes are still only Johnny's proposal and his party should pay for the propoganda,,,err,,,advertising. OTOH, when it comes to the proposed terror laws they are threatening 30yrs jail for anyone who leaks a draft copy.

Apart from the obvious point about spending taxpayer's money to advertise a party political position on a proposed law, the more subtle point is this: If taxpayer's money is spent so that the public can be "educated" about the draft IR changes, why is the government spending taxpayer's money to keep the public "un-educated" about the draft terror laws.

Re:I have a better solution...

[meringuoid]

... keep an airhorn near the phone.

That I like, but we could do better.

I'm thinking it maybe wouldn't be too difficult to hack together a system to sit between your phone and the socket which would do nothing but play a really loud noise onto the phone line at the press of a button.

You might even have a menu to choose from. Let's see, how shall I interrupt the telemarketer's script this time? 'Airhorn, v loud' - good. 'White Noise' - nice, might make them think their system's broken. 'Beep, Sinusoidal, Annoyingly High Pitch' - a possibility. 'Baby Crying' - cruel! 'Barney Theme Song' - perhaps excessively sadistic. 'Fingernail On Blackboard Noise' - they don't deserve that yet. No, I think this telemarketer gets the 'Burst of Incomprehensible Dialogue From Puni Puni Poemy'. * click *

And having built it, post a webpage and submit to /. so we can all applaud.

One Aussies Current Tactic

[bikam0wz]

In the last few months the number of calls had been steadily increasing, polite request and angry threats seemed to make no difference. Now these calls go something like this...

**ring ring**

Hello, this is Bill from [insert company here]
Gday Bill
I'm calling today to offer you [insert crap here]
Wow Bill, that sounds great. Can you tell me more?
Well it is a great deal [bla bla bla]
Actually, the wife and I were discussing something very similar just yesterday - oh, can you hold on for a sec, I just have another call coming in on my mobile thats really important
Yes, sure

Bill is put on hold. I go make myself a coffee. If I'm feeling nice I will check to see if Bill is still there after about 7 minutes (they have usually hung up by then), but if I'm in a bad mood I will check back with him every two minutes, just to tell him that I won't be much longer.

Sure, you may have to pull this stunt a few times for each call center, but you eventually make it onto their internal do not call list.

Re:As an Australian I can honestly say

[Shakrai]

I get a certain kind of sick pleasure when asking the person on the other side to explain the offer in detail and then leaving the phone on the desk while I go back to whatever I was doing.

You think that's bad? One time I was bullshitting with a long distance salesman for about 15 minutes. I knew I wasn't going to buy anything but I didn't have anything better to do so I let him make his pitch. In the middle of all this I got a incoming call. I told him I would have to go -- he said I could put him on hold!

Twenty five minutes later I hung up the phone with my other call. It instantly rang -- he was still patiently waiting on hold even though I had forgotten all about him. There wasn't even any delay -- he was right there.

Kinda sad, actually.