Google's Sinister(?) Plans

puppetman writes "This week, Robert X. Cringely makes some interesting observations as to what Google's up to next. He theorizes that Google is looking to create a bandwidth shortage that will drive ISP/cable/telephone customers into it's open arms (often with the blessing of the ISP/cable/telephone company). The evidence: leasing massive amounts of network capacity, and huge data centers in rural areas (close to power-generation facilities). The shortage will only occur if the average bandwidth consumption by individual consumers skyrockets; think mainstream BitTorrent, streaming moves from NetFlix, tv episodes from iTunes, video games on demand, etc, etc. Spooky and sinister, or sublime and smart?"

Google?

[Columcille]

Come now, Google don't do evil.

Re:What? Me worry?

[dreddnott]

Quit your whining; at least your roads are paved.

I've been waiting for something faster than dial-up for ten years!

Skynet

[teal_]

It's Skynet, of course. Somebody get John Connor into hiding.

Google wants to be YOUR Internet.

[cyfer2000]

Does that mean the blue E will be replaced by a blue G? Yeah, I know what is Internet, the blue E...

Re:Is it

[Wonko the Sane]

You're comparing him to Dvorak?
That's harsh. What did he ever do to you?

Re:I'll believe it when it happens

[rob1980]

For serious. I've seen more credible conjecture come from 13 year olds arguing over who would win in a streetfight between Batman and Wolverine.

Re:Google?

[User 956]

Come now, Google don't do evil.

This prediction sounds less like google and more like Skynet. Especially the "piggybacking on power-generation facilities" part.

Re:bandwidth shortage?

[Colin Smith]

With an axe... Obviously.

 

Re:Is it

[dreddnott]

You're right. On further investigation, Cringely reminds me more of Art Bell.

Re:I'll believe it when it happens

[shigelojoe]

Batman.

Re:I'll believe it when it happens

[Anonymous Coward]

Nah, Wolverine.

Re:Here's a column for you, Cringe...

[__aaclcg7560]

You do know that Apple is located in California?

Re:What is he smoking?

[kfg]

Did he ever think. . .?

No.

KFG

Re:Yet another moronic mistake in the blurb...

[Anonymous Coward]

Think: HIS HERS ITS.

Yes, Her tits!!

Wait a.. Oh.

Re:bandwidth shortage?

[Tony Hoyle]

I'm sure google could afford to lease the dark fiber in an area... the stuff is all over the place and plentiful supply normally -- cheap.

The problem comes when you want to light it. Then it gets expensive.

Re:Plotting for the inevitable?

[k12linux]

<pedantic>

(meaning .0000000000001% of Slashdotters)

I know you are trying to make a point but that % of all people alive on earth today is about 1/15,000th of a person.

</pedantic>

Re:Google?

[Tablizer]

Come now, Google don't do evil.

You'll start seeing a new search results paging icon:

Eviiiiiiiiil
     

Re:I'll believe it when it happens

[User 956]

Nah Aunt May beat the Hulk too, so that's not a very good unit of fighting abilty.

Aunt May did not defeat the Hulk in a fight. That's ridiculous.

Dial-up? I would vote for (odious) to get dial-up!

[smittyoneeach]

I have to snail-mail cassettes from my Vic-20 just to get posted on /.
Do you believe that?

Re:What, and miss out on a chance...

[Columcille]

oooh I can't wait to see it come out in beta!

Re:Is it

[Adult film producer]

I take exception to that remark because Cringely is just a tool whereas most people recognize Art Bell as a serious investigator of the paranormal, a professional respected by collegues in his field. Art Bell has uncovered and revealed many dark secrets about google on his show, including their plans to harvest energy from the unborn. A caller to the show who only identified himself as "Mr. X" claimed to have been part of a team that designed the amorphous bio-pod that the unborn would be stored in, in a semi-concious state of dreaming stasis whereby quantum energy guides would capture excess xeon particles for current generation. I'm sorry if you missed it because the truth about google's plans will blow the lid off of civilization once it's known.

Re:Dial-up? I would vote for (odious) to get dial-

[cralewyth]

Do you believe that?

No.

Re:bandwidth shortage?

[grammar fascist]

I'm sure google could afford to lease the dark fiber in an area... the stuff is all over the place and plentiful supply normally -- cheap.

Well, if astrophysicists are to be believed, only 4% of all communications is visible fiber, 22% is dark fiber, and the remaining 74% is a strange and exotic substance called "dark light." Personally, I think they're on crack.

Re:Here's a column for you, Cringe...

[Anonymous Coward]

I thought we already went over this, but you PC users are so slow to learn. It's because you're boring, unadventurous folk, so intimidated by passion that you'll shy away even from missionary. But we Mac users? When we have sex, we don't just have sex. We have S E X. It's not news to those of us longtime Macworld and WWDC attendees that Rendezvous (cum Bonjour) lives up to its name. And when it comes to juggling commitments, the word "reschedule" is not in our vocabulary, if you know what I mean. There's a reason events in iCal are see-through.

And somewhere in that frantic fuckfest, sure, you're bound to stick it in a pooper or two. But you know what? We're not the neurotic type of person to care. Even leaving the sausage out of it, we're still having more sex than you.

Lonely and loveless as is your life, perhaps it's time you came to realize that beige [imageshack.us] really ain't all that hot.

Re:bandwidth shortage?

[Korin43]

Imagine millions of people jumping online, downloading entire porn sites..

Re:What, and miss out on a chance...

[stunt_penguin]

So, all the fire and brimstone of regular evil, but with email notification and search built in?

Sounds good to me :D

Re:I'll believe it when it happens

[cdrdude]

Batman vs. Wolverine? Chuck Norris, hands down

Re:Dial-up? I would vote for (odious) to get dial-

[Jotii]

Don't complain. The stones with binary dots are too heavy for FedEx, so I have to walk to their headquarter in two meters of snow.

Again and again?

[Freedom451]

You can't really 'beat' Wolverine, of course, he just keeps coming back. Eventually, Batman's technology would run out of charge and his armor would be shredded, and he would be toast.

Of course he would talk Wolverine down long before that, and they'd go get a few dozen pints...

Of course Wolverine would also be able to out drink the Bat, but Batman would hook up with the best looking babe in the joint and take off before that ("wanna shee my basht mobeeel"), and Wolverine would get pissed and beat the cr*p out of everyone left at last call.

Re:Plotting for the inevitable?

[Satorian]

Anybody who has ever planned a large network (meaning .0000000000001% of Slashdotters) already knows that getting users to hog MORE bandwidth doesn't require an evil plot.

No. Just porn.

Re:Dial-up? I would vote for (odious) to get dial-

[wild_berry]

The smoke sign67 for this post was c0rrptued by r41n.

Re:Here's a column for you, Cringe...

[Caffeinate]

We have S E X.

No no. Mac users have iSex.

Re:Here's a column for you, Cringe...

[Anonymous Coward]

I don't know about you, but I could go for less iSex and more wiiSex.

Re:Google?

[Anonymous Coward]

No, just a new option : I'm feeling evil