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Ashish Kulkarni writes "Google has just announced the launch of Google TiSP (BETA)(TM), a free in-home wireless broadband service that delivers online connectivity via users' plumbing systems. All the dark fibre that google has supposedly laid out is now fully operational! Check out the description of how it works."
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See, the internet really *is* a series of tubes, after all! I know this is an April Fools joke, but that just had to be said. Coincidentally enough, the word I have to type to log in to reply to this message was "blockage".
I've been a beta tester for Google TISP for the last 3 months. Without any reservations, it simply beats the shit out the competition. And it's free! Only caveat- you might have difficulty taking a dump and surfing the net at the same time, unless you have more than one bathroom (I've got 1.5, so no problems).
Along with the plumbing connection, Google has added a new web page ranking system called PipeRank. Where as Google's original PageRank algorithm worked to boost pages to the top of their search engine results, PipeRank penalizes pages. PipeRank is measured by counting the number of people that flush the toilet while visiting a web site equipped with Google's plumbing based wi-fi system. Using Google Toolbar enabled laptops as they sit perched on the throne, Google has announced that this is their best new weapon in preventing crap on the Internet from affecting their search results.
I have just developed a Unix device, using Signetics' "Write Only Memory" chips, which not only collects unwanted bits, but also actually flushes them down the toilet. Simply "pipe" unwanted data to "\dev\toilet" eg:
> more foo.txt | toilet.
Also, for Mac & PC users, it comes with a more appropriate icon to replace the Trashcan icon - it's the new "Toilet" icon, and with it you can flush those no-longer-needed files down the drain!
We are currently in alpha test, and users should beware of one small problem currently being debugged: occasionally, when un-deleting a file (OS-X cmd-Z), the file comes back with a few extra bits of dark matter stuck to it which can stink up your system.
And what about security? Anyone could hijack someone else's sewage pipe to capture the flow traffic. Perhaps you could discourage such practices by sending packets with a particularly evil bit set.
Sanitary... (Score:5, Funny)
This could cause a great many plumbing bills... (Score:3, Funny)
Series of tubes (Score:5, Funny)
Re:This could cause a great many plumbing bills... (Score:5, Funny)
Groan (Score:4, Funny)
Previous TISP Beta Tester (Score:5, Funny)
Re:This could cause a great many plumbing bills... (Score:5, Funny)
This could bring a whole new meaning to "buffer overflow exploit".
I love it! (Score:3, Funny)
And even better, my rural home has a toilet, so it ought to get broadband now! I just hope it's septic tank compatible.
PipeRank - Google's New page ranking algorithm (Score:5, Funny)
Damn... (Score:3, Funny)
Oatmeal (Score:4, Funny)
Now I get it - (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Fooling yourself (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Sanitary... (Score:3, Funny)
love the faq (Score:3, Funny)
When things go wrong with TiSP, they go very, very wrong. Let's leave it at that.
Priceless.
Don't forget about GMail Paper (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Fooling yourself (Score:3, Funny)
Also, their logo is cool: TiSP [google.com]
Re:Series of tubes (Score:2, Funny)