Gates Explains Microsoft's Need for Yahoo

eldavojohn writes "Perhaps it's obvious to you and perhaps you'll be pleasantly surprised by his answer but Gates revealed to CNet why Microsoft needs Yahoo. From his response, "We have a strategy for competing in the search space that Google dominates today, that we'll pursue that we had before we made the Yahoo offer, and that we can pursue without that. It involves breakthrough engineering. We think that the combination with Yahoo would accelerate things in a very exciting way, because they do have great engineers, they have done a lot of great work. So, if you combine their work and our work, the speed at which you can innovate and get things done is just dramatically more rapid. So, it's really about the people there that want to join in and create a better search, better portal for a very broad set of customers. That's the vision that's behind saying, hey, wouldn't this be a great combination.""

Breakthrough Engineering?

[jfbilodeau]

Microsoft's approach to breakthrough engineering is through acquisitions? Is it just me or do I sense an oxymoron here...

Translation:

[brennanw]

"Look, we innovate. We innovate the hell out of stuff. Just yesterday I innovated a donut by taking one off some old guy when I pushed him down a flight of stairs. And Yahoo!, well, we're innovating them right now, and we're going to keep innovating them until they stop moving. Then we'll use their bloated corpse to innovate any Google employee that gets in our way."

Gates Explain's Microsoft's Need for Yahoo

[Rik Sweeney]

from the Cmdr-Taco-needs-a-grammar-checker dept.

Or why not...

[whtmarker]

Yahoo is acquired by Google, then Yoogle turns around and acquires Microsoft. Classic Pac Man defense [wikipedia.org].

And here I thought...

[sm62704]

And here I thought it was because Yahoo's pages are as fugly and user-hostile as Microsoft's. Shows how dumb I am.

To Bill Gates

[uss]

Dear Bill Gates,

First, Take a look at http://www.eep.com/merchant/newsite/samples/ee/ee0801.htm [eep.com], for "Why Most Mergers Fail".

Next, take a look at press releases involving mergers in financial and industrial companies.
Note, how there is highest emphasis on cost savings, and very little mention of ideals and NEW business strategy after the merger.

Lastly, the kind of "merger" you are suggesting is typically done as a buyout of a small company by a much larger company.

See! This is what happens if you drop out of Business School.

For just a 0.1% Fee based on the deal value, I can help provide further advice.

Good Luck!

Re:Brute force and ignorance

[Silver Sloth]

a metric shitload

Is that the SI shitload? Is it bigger or smaller than the imperial shitload? Can you combine the two shitloads when, for example, landing spacecraft?

But you're so wrong!

[brennanw]

I mean, in terms of software DEVELOPMENT you're right. I'd even say "spot on." But in terms of defining how the computer industry does BUSINESS... well, they wrote the playbook of dirty tricks, copyrighted it, and leased it to the rest of the industry. Marketers in the computer industry, no matter where they work, have a picture of Bill Gates on their wall, candles lined underneath, and genuflect to it every time they enter or leave that room.

Comes from great minds

[Alzheimers]

This merger comes from the great minds who brought us Reese's Chocolate and Garlic Butter Cups.

Re:But you're so wrong!

[morgan_greywolf]

Marketers in the computer industry, no matter where they work, have a picture of Bill Gates on their wall, candles lined underneath, and genuflect to it every time they enter or leave that room.

Doesn't everybody have one those? *amazed*

Re:what about marketshare?

[Alsee]

No, they don't just want the marketshare. They want to synergize the paradigm!

And combined accelerate double the speed rapid faster.

-

Re:Brute force and ignorance

[Lilith's Heart-shape]

I wouldn't recommend combining a metric shitload with an imperial shitload when dealing with manned spacecraft, unless you want NASA to stand for "Need Another Seven Astronauts".

Re:Brute force and ignorance

[zehaeva]

I hope its SI, its a lot easier talking about kiloshitloads and centeshitloads as opposed to trying to covert imperial shitloads to shittons and shitgallons.

Re:Comes from great minds

[Stanistani]

It was an inspiring accident! A Microsoft CIO bumped into a Yahoo! CTO in the hallway...

"Hey! I got some of my 'sucks' on your 'blows'!"
"I got some of my 'blows' on your 'sucks'!"
"You know, combining 'sucks' and 'blows' is a great taste!"

Re:Um, didn't Gates quit?

[Kaetemi]

yep, he's responsible for putting back the chairs

Re:what about marketshare?

[smurfsurf]

> And combined accelerate double the speed rapid faster.

I like to add: Dear aunt, let's set so double the killer delete select all.

Re:Um, didn't Gates quit?

[wanderingknight]

I thought the Chair-Man was Ballmer?

Re:"because they do have great engineers"

[udippel]

Microsoft needs more programmers

DEVELOPERS!
it is, for the uninformed AC

Re:Translation:

[gambino21]

This reminds me of the simpsons episode where Bill Gates "buys out" Homer's internet company.
From the simpsons archive:

Bill Gates: Your Internet ad was brought to my attention, but I can't figure out what, if anything, Compuglobalhypermeganet does, so rather than risk competing with you, I've decided simply to buy you out.

% Homer and Marge quietly discuss this proposal.

Homer: I reluctantly accept your proposal!
Bill Gates: Well everyone always does. Buy 'em out, boys! [Gates' lackeys trash the room.]
Homer: Hey, what the hell's going on!
Bill Gates: Oh, I didn't get rich by writing a lot of checks! [insane laughter]

Re:Brute force and ignorance

[zehaeva]

you mean like how infinity + infinity = infinity? so then a shitload would be the finite version of infinity? I think I just gave myself a headache ...

Re:Brute force and ignorance

[redxxx]

Imperial shittones also only work on earth. Screw that mucking about with shitslugs nonsense.

Quick summary

[KodeWizard]

For those who don't want to RTFA, here is the gist: The richest man on the Earth said: I want more money!

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Brute force and ignorance

[Anonymous Coward]

you mean like how infinity + infinity = infinity? so then a shitload would be the finite version of infinity? I think I just gave myself a headache ...

If you really want a headache try studying Cantor's theorem of the cardinality of shitloads.