Vaporware - the Tech That Never Was

An anonymous reader writes "CNet has published an incredibly detailed look at the most critical examples of vaporware ever seen in the tech sector. We're familiar with Wired's yearly round-ups, but this decades-long retrospective look at the most promising of all technologies that never saw the light of day, holds some fascinating technology I've never even heard of, including the wonderfully-named three-dimensional atomic holographic optical data storage nanotechnology. 'Continual delays, setbacks and excuses are the calling cards of a product that becomes vapourware. Windows Vista ran the risk of joining the club, and the terrific multiplayer first-person shooter Team Fortress 2 was in production for almost a decade before it was released in 2007. Devoted TF fans feared it would become a distinguished entrant in the who's who of vapourware. You might say Google Mail is in the running, having been in beta since 2004.'"

Not so much vapourware...

[Toreo asesino]

I don't know about anyone else, but when I were but a young'un, I remember being told by various techie fortune tellers that when I grew up GAMES would be completely virtual reality based complete with headsets/central-nervous-system connections, and nothing like the cutting edge 8-bit bitmaps bouncing across the screen with cheesy 2 tone music of the day.

I still remember the huge disappointment at trying my first VR system in some crappy French arcade years after that...instead of bouncing bitmaps, it was no more than maybe 20 untextured polygons being rendered before my eyes on a headset big & heavy enough to crush a small mammal. Yeah ok, so I could look around, but at a glorious 15 FPS I got sick after about 2 minutes and probably would've come face-to-face with my breakfast for the 2nd time that day had the credit not have run out due to the fact I didn't know what the I was supposed to be doing (bitch slapping the "evil plain-red polygon" with the mechanical wand one presumed).

My question really is; has has gaming tech progressed any further in this area? Rare is the occasion I see anything remotely VR anywhere now, (apparently, even the French have given up on it - a sure sign it's a shit idea), and yet still I would love to fulfil my childhood dreams of running care-free through a futuristic sci-fi world with a Big Fuckoff LaserGun (tm)....in a virtual reality, not in my bedroom.

Re:Not so much vapourware...

[Anonymous Coward]

First consumer VR applications will be pr0n-based, mark my words. If you want to be in the first wave of home VR-users, keep your eye on the pr0n scene. Games and other mainstream applications will follow.

That's why I'm keeping my eye on it. You know, I'm just hanging out waitng for some "interesting technological developments."

Obligatory tag missing...

[jgrind]

Surely a "dukenukemforever" tag is required for this post.

Re:Without even looking...

[jollyreaper]

1) Nuclear Fusion power plants
2) Room-temperature Superconductor
3) Human exploration/Colonization of interplanetary space
4) Faster-than-light space travel
5) Humanlike AI
6) World Peace

7) Hot, smart, horny bisexual women totally turned on by the brainpower of nerd-studs. *sigh* Heinlein, how could you have steered us so wrong?

Re:Without even looking...

[Animats]

The Second Coming of Jesus Christ is clearly the most significant vapor promise that never got delivered. The marketing organization has been promoting it for almost two thousand years and they still haven't delivered.

Q-Trax = Monty Python Cheese Shop

[szyzyg]

I feel some small grain of sympathy for Q-Trax having to deal with the record labels, but there are quite a few free, legal services that let you listen to any music you want, on demand, they all managed to get licenses figured out. It's one things to launch with limited content, it's another to arrange a million dollar launch party before the deals have been signed.
At the time I equated the Q-Trax experience to Mr Wensleydale's cheese emporium in the famous monty python sketch.
http://snm.imeem.com/blogs/2008/01/30/oF1HiZ3f/monty_python_vs_qtrax [imeem.com]
(slashdot won't let me post it since it ends up with too few characters per line....)

Re:Google Mail

[rodrosenberg]

HAha with the amount of bugs in software these days like Windows Vista and Home Server the whole beta tag looks like it should be on more products!

Re:Old vaporware

[MrNaz]

There is already a cure for the common cold. It was invented a while ago, they called it the "immune system". Not sure if it's still in beta though. I believe some l33t hax0r known only as AIDS has found an exploit, but requires root access in order to penetrate the system's perimeter. At the moment, the best defence is from a company called "Durex", who manufacture a patch for your hardware.

Vaporware?

[atlastiamborn]

Pah! Just you wait until they release Vaporware 2.0, that shit will blow your socks off.

Re:Not so much vapourware...

[psychodelicacy]

Reminds me of the "feelies" in Aldous Huxley's Brave New World - a new kind of movie experience in which you feel what's happening as well as seeing and hearing it, which is mainly used for pornography. Any tech that appeals to the senses in a more intense way than previously possible is probably going to be used for porn. Unless it appeals to the sense of smell, of course - Eau de Sweaty Muscle Man, anyone?

Re:Google Mail

[Captain Splendid]

I was about to make fun of you for having Hotmail in the number 2 position, but now that I think about it, Yahoo mail has gone to seed lately whereas Hotmail has improved.

Crazy.

Re:Scratch-proof coating

[ShadowOfMe]

I heard they scratched the project.

Re:Without even looking...

[Moraelin]

Pfft, if you think that's bad vapourware: The Jews had been waiting for their messiah long before Jesus was even born. As far as I know, they still haven't gotten it. But presumably it's gonna happen real soon now, as soon as God irons out the last couple of bugs ;)

(And no, Jesus wasn't it, since he didn't actually do what the Jews' messiah was supposed to do. Then again, I guess it wouldn't be the first time when the actual released product doesn't even resemble what the marketing hype told you to expect;)

Re:Google Mail

[knarfling]

While not an "official" definition, this has always worked for me.

Alpha Release - Unfinished software submitted for Internal testing. In other words, the bugs are going to be so bad that only people who have signed non-disclosure agreements are allowed to see them. Alpha is code-speak for "It doesn't work."

Beta Release - Unfinished software submitted to torture those outside the company. In other words, the bugs are ones we can either cover up, or actually admit to. Beta is code-speak for "It STILL doesn't work."

Re:Old vaporware

[Anonymous Coward]

There is already a cure for the common cold. It was invented a while ago, they called it the "immune system". Not sure if it's still in beta though. I believe some l33t hax0r known only as AIDS has found an exploit, but requires root access in order to penetrate the system's perimeter. At the moment, the best defence is from a company called "Durex", who manufacture a patch for your hardware.

Must... resist... making jokes... about... back doors...

Re:Without even looking...

[Anonymous Coward]

Bullshit. I've come a great many times over, but you assholes keep locking me up in some insane asylum. Fuck you all and I hope you rot in hell.

Hay-Soos

Re:Oh, come on. GMail?

[realthing02]

Do you know what the word everything means? I mean, I'm pretty sure airplanes, buildings, and software are under that umbrella.