MS Clearflow To Help Drivers Avoid Traffic Jams

MS Clearflow To Help Drivers Avoid Traffic Jams 243

Posted by kdawson on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:27AM from the get-me-outa-this dept.

Pioneer Woman writes "Microsoft announced plans to introduce a Web-based service for driving directions that incorporates complex software models to help users avoid traffic jams. The system is intended to reflect the complex traffic interactions that occur as traffic backs up on freeways and spills over onto city streets and will be freely available as part of the company's Live.com site for 72 cities in the US. Microsoft researchers designed algorithms that modeled traffic behavior by collecting trip data from Microsoft employees who volunteered to carry GPS units in their cars. In the end they were able to build a model for predicting traffic based on four years of data, effectively creating individual 'personalities' for over 800,000 road segments in the Seattle region. In all the system tracks about 60 million road segments in the US."

MS Clearflow To Help Drivers Avoid Traffic Jams

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Traffic James? (Score:5, Funny)

by davidwr ( 791652 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:29AM (#23023524) Homepage Journal

Does KD use Microsoft Spell-cheque?

well ... (Score:5, Funny)

by JaffaKREE ( 766802 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:29AM (#23023526)

Traffic James *IS* a dick.

Re: ... Traffic James (Score:2, Funny)

by InfraredAD ( 904482 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:31AM (#23023562)

I really hate Traffic James... they're everywhere. I mean, how can one man be in so many places at once? Santa's being given a run for his money... And yes, if the title gets edited, it really was "MS Clearflow To Help Drivers Avoid Traffic James"

Re:well ... (Score:5, Funny)

by minginqunt ( 225413 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:33AM (#23023600) Homepage Journal

Traffic James *IS* a dick.
And if that isn't a Slashdot memetag by bedtime, there's ain't no justice.

Tags: trafficjamesisadick

Woo!

Re:Traffic James? (Score:5, Funny)

by robably ( 1044462 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:33AM (#23023608) Journal

No, it's just that the system is designed for chauffeur-driven cars.

Re:but seriously (Score:5, Funny)

by TheMeuge ( 645043 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:34AM (#23023614)

I guess they decided to take phrases "computer crash" and "blue screen of death" seriously.

I could only imagine the program modifying GPS directions on the fly:

- Left turn ahead.
- Traffic ahead.
- Please turn right and over the railing
- Please fall 200 feet to the road below and proceed west on highway 53.

And when the system fails... (Score:3, Funny)

by rarel ( 697734 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:35AM (#23023626) Homepage

... it gives a whole new meaning to the word "crash"!

Is Traffic James Related To Ask Jeeves? (Score:5, Funny)

by Skeetskeetskeet ( 906997 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:35AM (#23023628)

Both probably couldn't give me directions to the nearest hooker.

I resent that (Score:5, Funny)

by JamesRose ( 1062530 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:37AM (#23023642)

Sometimes it just feels like people are conspiring to avoid me, finally I've got some proof!

so does that make accidents (Score:2, Funny)

by OrochimaruVoldemort ( 1248060 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:41AM (#23023676) Journal

the blue map of death?

Re:James? (Score:2, Funny)

by JaffaKREE ( 766802 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:43AM (#23023690)

He's a dick.

Who the hell is Traffic James? (Score:4, Funny)

by multipartmixed ( 163409 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:51AM (#23023776) Homepage

Some cop with a pink mohawk?

Re:What next? Air traffic control? (Score:2, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:51AM (#23023778)

I'd rather not trust suggestions by Microsoft software ("Hi, I see you're trying to drive to work!..."), particularly those which are based upon the decisions made by Microsoft employees. We've had too much experience with the results of their decisions.

Re:Traffic James? (Score:4, Funny)

by SailorSpork ( 1080153 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:52AM (#23023796) Homepage

I for one would like to welcome our traffic-monitoring overlord... James.

Re:but seriously (Score:5, Funny)

by ozmanjusri ( 601766 ) writes: <aussie_bob@hoMOSCOWtmail.com minus city> on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:53AM (#23023822) Journal

You are about to fall 200 feet to a road below.[Cancel] [Allow]

Re:Traffic James? (Score:5, Funny)

by catwh0re ( 540371 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @09:59AM (#23023884)

it seems that microsoft think we need help with driving.. on the contrary I think it's microsoft that need help with drivers.

The Unfortunate Fate of Traffic James (Score:5, Funny)

by soulsteal ( 104635 ) writes: <(soulsteal) (at) (3l337.org)> on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:00AM (#23023886) Homepage

Aye, 'tis been a while since I heard the name of the Hound of the Highway, Traffic James.

Jim Axelman was once an ordinary man. He had a wife, three kids, even a Labrador retriever named Buddy. But his life was changed forever as he drove to work on fateful day. You see, he was trying to change lanes while talking on his cell phone and jamming out to some Led Zeppelin playing on the classic cock station when he unfortunately cut off a Gypsy minivan-mom. The Gypsy, being a member of the same PTA as Jim, knew who he was and cursed his name to the Heavens. Since that day, he's been forced to drive the streets.

His blinkers never work. If you're in a hurry, he slows you down. If you're not rushed, he tailgates. He can't stop for food or bathroom breaks, his odometer never changes. He forever wanders the Earth in his dark blue Geo Metro.

It's been said that some nights, on an empty country road.... you can still hear the a never-ending play of Kashmir on the wind.

Re:I might believe this (Score:2, Funny)

by OrochimaruVoldemort ( 1248060 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:05AM (#23023956) Journal

it would be easier to put toll roads in vista.

Mod parent +1 punny (Score:2, Funny)

by davidwr ( 791652 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:10AM (#23023998) Homepage Journal

We really need custom mods.

Re:Clear type (Score:1, Funny)

by holyspidoo ( 1195369 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:21AM (#23024158)

Clearflow is based on Vista. It takes so much time to boot, by the time its ready, everyone is at work already and the streets are free. Genius.

Re:Traffic James? (Score:5, Funny)

by Traffic James ( 1270814 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:29AM (#23024260)

I love you too, man.

Re:Traffic James? (Score:5, Funny)

by Giometrix ( 932993 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:31AM (#23024302) Homepage

Im Traffic James bitch!

Re:well ... (Score:5, Funny)

by Traffic James ( 1270814 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:39AM (#23024426)

Traffic James *IS* a dick.
Hey - that's completely unfair! You don't even know me!

Re:well ... (Score:3, Funny)

by Traffic James ( 1270814 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:45AM (#23024504)

No you're not. *I'm* Traffic James, bitch!

Re:Stop Traffic Jams (Score:3, Funny)

by Stanistani ( 808333 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:51AM (#23024570) Homepage Journal

Yet another sad example of why Slashdot needs an ISO standard for sarcasm and humor tags.

Let's get Microsoft on the job immediately.

We need a six thousand page brief and some corrupt committee members, stat!

Re:James? (Score:2, Funny)

by Traffic James ( 1270814 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:54AM (#23024624)

Right here, dude! I took a shower this morning though, so maybe you guys can give me a second chance, huh?

Re:Traffic James? (Score:2, Funny)

by Texas Bill ( 1060854 ) writes: on Thursday April 10, 2008 @10:58AM (#23024680)

Welcome to the party [slashdot.org], James.

You put the apostrophe too low (Score:2, Funny)

by tepples ( 727027 ) writes: <tepplesNO@SPAMgmail.com> on Thursday April 10, 2008 @11:47AM (#23025374) Homepage Journal

*I'm* Traffic James, bitch!
You put the apostrophe too low. The proper way is as follows: "I'm Traffic James' bitch!"

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MS Clearflow To Help Drivers Avoid Traffic Jams 243

MS Clearflow To Help Drivers Avoid Traffic Jams More Login

MS Clearflow To Help Drivers Avoid Traffic Jams

Traffic James? (Score:5, Funny)

well ... (Score:5, Funny)

Re: ... Traffic James (Score:2, Funny)

Re:well ... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Traffic James? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:but seriously (Score:5, Funny)

And when the system fails... (Score:3, Funny)

Is Traffic James Related To Ask Jeeves? (Score:5, Funny)

I resent that (Score:5, Funny)

so does that make accidents (Score:2, Funny)

Re:James? (Score:2, Funny)

Who the hell is Traffic James? (Score:4, Funny)

Re:What next? Air traffic control? (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Traffic James? (Score:4, Funny)

Re:but seriously (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Traffic James? (Score:5, Funny)

The Unfortunate Fate of Traffic James (Score:5, Funny)

Re:I might believe this (Score:2, Funny)

Mod parent +1 punny (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Clear type (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Traffic James? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Traffic James? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:well ... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:well ... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Stop Traffic Jams (Score:3, Funny)

Re:James? (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Traffic James? (Score:2, Funny)

You put the apostrophe too low (Score:2, Funny)

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