DARPA Celebrates 50 Years of Pushing the Envelope

holy_calamity writes "The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency was founded in 1958 after the Soviets shocked the world by launching Sputnik. New Scientist recounts the history of the agency charged with protecting the US from 'technological surprise' and lists some of its most spectacular successes and failures."

Spectacular miss

[Red Flayer]

FTA:

The mechanical elephant: Frustrated by a lack of decent tarmac in the jungle, DARPA sought to create a "mechanical elephant" during the Vietnam war. Its vision of high-tech Hannibal's piloting them through the forest never came true. It is alleged that when the director heard of the plan he scrapped the "damn fool" project immediately in the hope no one would hear about it.

Subsequent to the pulling of funding for the mechanical elephant, the head of the project suggested, "What if we build a large metal badger...?"

Seriously, tohugh, sounds to me like someone wanted to build an AT-AT.

Sweet.

Summary for those who don't RTFA

[davidwr]

Successful projects: The internet, GPS, speech translation, stealth planes, gallium arsenide
Failed projects: Hafnium bombs, the mechanical elephant, telepathic spies, FutureMap futures market for terrorism, Orion nuclear-bomb-propelled spacecraft

Conspicuously missing:
Successful Projects: Slashdot
Failed Projects: CowboyNeal Dating Service

Re:I wish this one wasn't killed....

[maxume]

Make that "whether". Stupid homophones.

Re:DARPA and open source

[jbeaupre]

I'm not going to follow your links. You're probably just hyping some older woman/younger man dating service. Through agents no less.

Very impressive

[InlawBiker]

I don't care what anybody says. I'm still impressed that the DARPA Initiative was able to slow time down on that Island and create that cool underground bunker where those scientists had to enter the code every 108 minutes.

Re:The Internet? DARPA?

[megaditto]

Al Gore invented Global Warming you dumbass.

STOP BUILDING THE METAL GEAR, By Solid Snake.

[Jaqenn]

(Adapted from an awesome post from many years ago on Gamespy.com)

STOP BUILDING THE METAL GEAR
By Solid Snake

Hello. My name is Snake. You probably know me from the first time I destroyed Metal Gear. Or, you may remember me from the second time I destroyed Metal Gear. Or, the third and fourth times I destroyed Metal Gear. Perhaps, instead, you may be familiar with me as we eagerly await the fifth time I'm going to destroy Metal Gear, due for release in June 2008.

Sometimes people ask me -- a renowned Soldier of Fortune and virtually invisible stealth operative -- how we can best keep the increasingly global threat of terrorism at bay. Time and time again the united governments find themselves at the mercy of elite squads of terrorists who, often during sweeps week, hijack indestructible robots armed with nuclear strike capability and -- for reasons that even I can't fathom -- one lone operative (me) always has to stop them against all odds. Well, I have an answer to your little terrorist problem, Mr. four-star general and united world government military advisers.

STOP BUILDING THE METAL GEAR!

For heaven's sake, it seems like every couple of years some pathetic spongecakes in suits are sitting around a conference table and one of them says, "Hey, let's build the Metal Gear again." Then they say, "Certainly those pesky terrorists won't attempt to hijack the Metal Gear this time." Then when all the hell and the hurting happens, they're not the ones strapped to a table getting electrocuted by some pony-tailed punk who looks like Colonel Sanders.

I mean it. Certainly we can figure out something else to do with giant robots aside from using them as mobile platforms for 20 megaton nuclear warheads, although offhand I can't think of anything. Why do we need giant robots at all? Why can't we all just raise dogs, like I do when I'm not silently killing people from behind? I like dogs. Dogs are always happy to see you. They jump up and lick your face. Rarely do they don invisible Predator-esque stealth outfits and gang up on you in an elevator. Hardly ever have I seen a group of dogs pre-meditate a global holocaust by assaulting a giant robot stronghold. Primarily they spend their time smelling one anothers' butts.

In Conclusion, I cannot stress enough the problems associated with giant robots. One minute they're secure on a military compound quietly protecting the free world, the next thing you know there's a floating bald dude in a gasmask convincing your girlfriend to blow her own brains out. I'm drawing the line! Next time you jackholes build the stupid Metal Gear, I'm not going to save your asses. I'm gonna hang out in Alaska, munchin' cheetos on a bearskin rug while some husky licks my face.

You hear that, DARPA chief? The next time you build a Metal Gear, you, your advisors, and your giant robot can collectively suck my stealthy ass. Just try to find me! Hah hah!

Thank you for your time.

-Snake, Solid.

Re:STOP BUILDING THE METAL GEAR, By Solid Snake.

[VGPowerlord]

Just try to find me! Hah hah!

! ...just a box.

Re:Remote Viewing

[ZonkerWilliam]

I knew you were going to say that!