Best Way To Get Back a Stolen Computer? 482
davidphogan74 writes "I have some stolen computers checking in with a server we have (software pre-loaded), and I have full access to the systems. What's the best way to deal with this situation? The local police (to the theft) have been contacted several times and seem to be clueless. I personally have no financial interest in these computers, I just don't like atom-thieves. What's the best way to handle knowing the IPs, email addresses, MySpace sites, the Google login, etc. when working with law enforcement? The officer I spoke with (who genuinely seemed to care) didn't know an IP address from a mailing address, so I called others. Nobody cared. Anyone have any ideas?"
You need to go beyond the law. (Score:5, Funny)
Change the background pic (Score:5, Funny)
First idea (Score:3, Funny)
Obvious Solution (Score:2, Funny)
Treat it as an Open Source problem (Score:5, Funny)
Become a cop and solve it yourself.
The same we you resolve all problems on a computer (Score:5, Funny)
First you go get a gun, then you run around shooting complete strangers (don't worry - they'll respawn eventually), and make your way toward any glowing switches you happen to find. For no apparent reason, this will advance you toward your goal of getting your computer back.
OH! Don't forget to find a good spot to spawn camp to get your frag numbers up! I hear the nursery ward at the hospital tends to be a good camping spot...
Help 911! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Obvious Solution (Score:4, Funny)
xkcd has the answer (Score:5, Funny)
Something similiar to: http://www.xkcd.com/440/ [xkcd.com]
Set it to download kiddie porn... (Score:5, Funny)
If the police will not help you then set it to up/download dubious content. They will be round like a shot. You might get nicked visiting a FBI kiddie-porn honey trap during your research for this though...
Maybe try the RIAA. Claim that it has downloaded an Amy Winehouse track or something like that.
Easy! Make some money. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Across State lines? (Score:5, Funny)
Or make the computers send a death threat to each member of the congress and executive office (including the candidates) then the FBI moves in, and at the impounded auction you can buy it back for pennies on the dollar.
PowerSolution (Score:5, Funny)
Call the cops back, tell them not to worry about following up the theft, as you just went around and shot the thief.
See how fast they scuttle ;)
Re:You need to use the police to get the ISP's inf (Score:5, Funny)
If you have monitoring software on the computer, just wait until they do some sort of financial transaction using the company machine.
Then just use the info to order a few dozen more PC's at their expense, and send them an email saying you won't tell if they won't.
Re:Set it to download kiddie porn... (Score:3, Funny)
Well he has full access so he can do the search from the notebook and get perfect results :)
Obvious (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Across State lines? (Score:5, Funny)
Or make the computers send a death threat to each member of the congress and executive office (including the candidates)...
I've got to admit that this appeals to me. Just don't sign it "Osama" or mention WMDs... It seems there are some things they're just not interested in finding. [g]
Re:You need to go beyond the law. (Score:5, Funny)
This is Slashdot. (Score:5, Funny)
Phone analogy? This is Slashdot. It's car analogy or GTFO.
Re:If you don't care about getting them back... (Score:1, Funny)
Agreed, you have to at least make the computer explode like a bunch of C4 when they hit the Esc key...
Re:Take a picture (Score:3, Funny)
+/-0 lazy git
Re:This is Slashdot. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Seems to be common these days (Score:3, Funny)
So, duct tape your computer to your irrigation controller, and everything will be OK?
Re:Treat it as an Open Source problem (Score:5, Funny)
If it's an open source problem, it's very likely that it's already been fixed in CVS. Just make sure you have the latest GCC (GNU Crimefighting Compiler) and when you do run your autoconfig, make, make install, be sure to run it in a chroot jail.
Re:You need to go beyond the law. (Score:5, Funny)
No, but I thought he'd be taller.
Or connect it to (Score:3, Funny)
An irrigation system as that seems to get a system recovered.
Harold and Kumar go to Guantanamo (Score:5, Funny)
Or send a threatening note to the white house along with pictures of swarthy people in turbans. Fast track them to Guantanamo.
Re:Set it to download kiddie porn... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:You need to use the police to get the ISP's inf (Score:5, Funny)
So, pretend to call as the RIAA.
Re:Obvious (Score:1, Funny)
I preferred the justice delivered by The Equalizer (http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Equalizer)
easy... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:You need to use the police to get the ISP's inf (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Use a phone analogy? (Score:3, Funny)
"It's like a stolen donut, and I have the address of the hole..."
Ok, maybe that analogy needs work.
Re:You have remote root? A few ideas :-) (Score:3, Funny)
You said you didn't care about the money, so install kiddie porn/dirty bomb plans/some other terorist shit on their machines.
Then send from their email some death threats to the worlds most loved politician(s).
That should get them some heat.
Re:Go to a lawyer (Score:3, Funny)
You don't pay taxes to fund law enforcement so they'll investigate people who commit crimes against you. You pay taxes to fund law enforcement so they don't come and take your property away and/or throw you in jail. It's a protection racket, nothing more.
Re:You have remote root? A few ideas :-) (Score:4, Funny)