Best Buy + Windows Guru = Apple Store Experience? 600
CWmike writes "As part of Windows Vista's $300 million marketing rehab, Microsoft will hire an initial wave of 155 'Windows Gurus' to walk around Best Buy and Circuit City stores to answer customer questions and defend Vista's reputation against skeptics, reports say. Gurus will earn $20 an hour or more, plus benefits. (Apply here.) One way Windows Gurus will differ from Apple Geniuses is that they are not intended to be sources of free technical support for existing Vista users. 'The Guru role is to help sell Windows-based PCs. It is not to be an alternative tech support channel for Microsoft as this has no financial return beyond improved customer satisfaction,' Baker said. One reason: Windows Gurus could end up 'lightning rods for customers' frustrations with Vista.'"
Now we know who's been Bogarting the Sativa (Score:5, Funny)
We'd... um... like to be like that company... that sells that O/S... that every one like... likes.
So we're going to send out these expensive sales people... to hype our product... but not stand behind it like the other guys do... because that would... be like work, man.
Anyone named Bruno instantly hired (Score:5, Funny)
Oh my God, does this sound ominous. Any Best Buy employee explaining Windows "inappropriately" will be taken out back by a Windows Guru and "evangelized".
No Return Beyond Customer Satisfaction??? (Score:5, Funny)
Well, knock me over with a feather!
Cue the villagers (Score:5, Funny)
More like villagers with torches and pitchforks.
'lightning rods' for customer frustrations (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Guru? Not really ... (Score:5, Funny)
OK guys, let's help:
Windows Warriors?
Vista Vultures?
Ballmer's Boys?
Hardy Heron?
Apply here? (Score:5, Funny)
Vista Sala (Score:4, Funny)
Given the commercials, I think it would be more appropriate for them to wander around Foot Locker...
Um, Since When Did BB/CC sell non-windows? (Score:5, Funny)
Can I apply??
Guru meditation (Score:5, Funny)
They'll be easy to spot (Score:1, Funny)
"Baker said. One reason: Windows Gurus could end up 'lightning rods for customers' frustrations with Vista.'"
That explains the uniform, a helmet and athletic cup.
Best Buy + Windows Guru = Apple Store Experience? (Score:5, Funny)
I think I speak for us all when I say...
No.
Re:Anyone named Bruno instantly hired (Score:4, Funny)
Any Best Buy employee explaining Windows "inappropriately" will be taken out back by a Windows Guru and "evangelized".
"This sucks - avoid it" is appropriate, although perhaps not what they intended.
Re:Best Buy + Windows Guru = Apple Store Experienc (Score:3, Funny)
Some Questions To Ask (Score:5, Funny)
"I'm really interested in Vista, but I can't afford it. Are there any cheaper alternatives?"
"Hey, can I still use X feature of Vista if I downgrade to XP? Why not?"
"Quick question -- when is the next operating system after Vista coming out? I'm really excited about that one. No, I don't know anything about it yet..."
"How does Vista compare to non-Windows operating systems?" (Open ended, should provide some laughs)
"If Vista is so good, why are you being $20/hour to stand around and tell me how good it is?"
Re:'lightning rods' for customer frustrations (Score:4, Funny)
Do people actually get out of bed for $20 an hour? $20 an hour, and a target painted on your back as a Microsoft rep who's supposed know everything about Windows, but won't help you out with your crappy windows computer that you bought last month.
Worst job ever.
Comment removed (Score:3, Funny)
I discovered the script for Seattle. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Anyone named Bruno instantly hired (Score:5, Funny)
Good luck with that (Score:5, Funny)
they are not intended to be sources of free technical support for existing Vista users
Until the people they convinced to buy Vista come back to the store in a black fart of rage looking for blood or someone to kidnap until their machine works like it did before.
Good. Freaking. Luck.
Re:Guru? Not really ... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Anyone named Bruno instantly hired (Score:5, Funny)
FTA: The good thing is that Microsoft will be able to get Windows explained appropriately on the sales floor. Oh my God, does this sound ominous. Any Best Buy employee explaining Windows "inappropriately" will be taken out back by a Windows Guru and "evangelized".
It's Windows we're talking about here; not OSX.
Precisely, if it was OS X it would be the customers taking the employee outback, not the company rep.
Re:'lightning rods' for customer frustrations (Score:5, Funny)
So does the $20/hr include danger pay?
Danger pay is covered, but they don't reimburse you for the cost of your soul unfortunately.
Who comes up with this crap? (Score:5, Funny)
[Enter PC and Mac. Each of them has a friend.]
Mac, "Hey PC, who is your friend?"
PC, "This is my [Microsoft store tool]. She's here to tell everyone how great Vista is. I see you have a friend. What does he do?"
Mac, "This is my genius. He helps everyone USE their Apple and answers any technical questions that they may have. PC, does your friend answer technical questions? Does your friend do anything other than try to convince people to spend money on a product and then leave them out in the cold when they have questions about it? Huh? Does he? Or is he just another over paid, worthless, Microsoft marketing..."
PC, "Shut up Mac!"
Re:Guru? Not really ... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Anyone named Bruno instantly hired (Score:5, Funny)
Slashdotters - give 'em hell. Here are a few questions to ask:
"Where can I get that Linux thing that everybody's talking about?"
"What's the point of those stupid commercials we keep seeing? It's like Bill Gates has money and likes to mock us."
"Do windows PCs suck as much as the Mac ads say they do? I want to be cool, not old and dumb."
"Why did Windows Vista fuck my wife? I heard it also eats babies and starts wars with defenseless countries."
BSOD not enough? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:'lightning rods' for customer frustrations (Score:3, Funny)
Soul? Come on, CaptainPatent, there is no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.
Re:Anyone named Bruno instantly hired (Score:4, Funny)
OK, so they'll either:
1. Have a chair thrown at them
2. Have their F***ING air supply cut off!
real stoners (Score:5, Funny)
Don't have the energy or desire to determine all that.
I need a twinkie and some diet squirt.
Re:Best Buy + Windows Guru = Apple Store Experienc (Score:5, Funny)
And the products would, you know, not suck.
-dZ.
Re:Good luck with that (Score:5, Funny)
Until the people they convinced to buy Vista come back to the store in a black fart of rage
Either you mistyped "fit" or you have some seriously unpleasant anger issues.
Re:Guru? Not really ... (Score:5, Funny)
Oh Boy, a Living, Breathing "Clippy" (Score:5, Funny)
Just what MS needed....
Re:Guru meditation (Score:2, Funny)
yes, but for some reason, it always results in an error.
Re:The Application Form is a CIA intelligence jog (Score:5, Funny)
19. All positions require the successful completion of a thorough background check and multiple-panel drug test prior to the start of your employment.
I think you're reading this requirement wrong. "Successful completion" of a multi-panel drug test means that you need to show proof that you are actually taking some sort of mind-altering drug or they won't allow you to work for them. The reason for this is simple: Being willing to work as a Windows Vista evangelist without being under the influence of narcotics is a sure sign of dangerous mental illness.
Re:They feast on the computers of the living (Score:4, Funny)
So, you initiate conversation with a Vista Guru while continuing to walk through BB, innocently meandering towards the Apple area, making sure to get near the Apple rep (if any). Once within earshot, ask about the whole iTunes/Vista BSOD silliness, and wait until the Guru and the Apple guy knock each other out, then loot the bodies! Effortless!
Re:Guru? Not really ... (Score:2, Funny)
M I C, See the UAC!
R O S, Our O/S boots!
O F T, F U!
Re:The Application Form is a CIA intelligence jog (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Now we know who's been Bogarting the Sativa (Score:4, Funny)
Dude, you know way too much about weed :-)
Re:Cue the villagers (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Guru meditation (Score:2, Funny)
Fanboys aren't what they used to be... (Score:3, Funny)
However, he was usually outnumbered by Apple fanboys that came in to the store to spread the good word of Apple, for no pay at all. Apparently local Apple owners were so in love with their Apples that they were willing to come in and preach the word of how much they loved their Apple, just for the fun of it.
And yes, of course the fanboys sometimes new more than our Apple specialist on staff.
But now Microsoft is going to pay fanboys to go in to retailers and preach the gospel. That really says something when the product from Microsoft cannot build the fandom that Apple had 10 or more years ago.
Disclaimer - I use neither Apple nor Microsoft products in my own personal use.
Re:Anyone named Bruno instantly hired (Score:3, Funny)
That's why they're paid 20 bucks an hour!
Slashdotters - give 'em hell. Here are a few questions to ask:
"Where can I get that Linux thing that everybody's talking about?"
"What's the point of those stupid commercials we keep seeing? It's like Bill Gates has money and likes to mock us."
"Do windows PCs suck as much as the Mac ads say they do? I want to be cool, not old and dumb."
"Why did Windows Vista fuck my wife? I heard it also eats babies and starts wars with defenseless countries."
Try going into an Apple store and asking for the identity of all of the processes run by iTunes for Windows. I do it or a variation every time I go to the mall and have time to spare. It's genuinely fun - but please be polite, accept the amusement brought about by the answer, thank the Genius and walk away.
Re:Anyone named Bruno instantly hired (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Anyone named Bruno instantly hired (Score:3, Funny)
Two of those are bugs, the other is a feature. Which ones are which is left as an exercise for the reader.
Re:Sales Experience (Score:5, Funny)
I'd be livid if something I bought for $500 broke after only 5 months use, and if I then found out that because I was living in a country with barely any consumer rights I had no way to get this sorted out in a fair manner. I'd rip someone's guts out if they were in any way associated with that purchase.
You have a reasonable expectation at purchase that the goods will last a certain minimum amount of time.
(Empaasis added)
Do you also feel that one should have reasonable expectations about what scenarios will lead to having one's guts ripped out?
A: I'd like to return this $500 device which broke after only 5 months use.
B: Did you purchase the extended warranty?
A: No.
B: Sorry, the basic warranty only lets you return the product within 30 days of purchase.
A: I am livid for having found out that I live in a country with barely any consumer rights.
B: Hey, I hear you man. I'm actually a member of several consumer's rights groups, and have written quite a few letters to my political representatives.
A: I am going to rip your guts out, since you are associated with the purchase.
B: What? Are you serious? Hey, man, look, I'm just a poor college kid. I only got $20 bucks on me; but if you let me call my parents, I can try to get $500 bucks. I'll pay you out of my own pocket if it'll mean you won't kill me.
A: Rip. Guts. Out. Anyone associated.
B: Aaaaiiieeeee!
Re:Now we know who's been Bogarting the Sativa (Score:2, Funny)
I see you have admitted to smoking the reefer earlier in your life. Expect a pink slip come Monday.
-- Your Boss.
Re:The Application Form is a CIA intelligence jog (Score:5, Funny)
None of this has anything to do with actual software. It has to do with image. Strung out felons tend to not help create a good image.
Yeah. Stoners are bad publicity [wikipedia.org].
Re:Now we know who's been Bogarting the Sativa (Score:2, Funny)
This sounds like a terrific new opportunity for GNU/Linux and Mac users to get out more often: to go harass the local Windows Guru for a couple of hours as entertainment.
Re:The Application Form is a CIA intelligence jog (Score:5, Funny)
The reason for this is simple: Being willing to work as a Windows Vista evangelist without being under the influence of narcotics is a sure sign of dangerous mental illness.
$20 an hour or more, plus benefits? That's awesome for a job that doesn't seem to require much in the way of education or experience. I've never even used Vista and I'm tempted to apply 'cause it requires less effort and pays better than my on campus research/tutoring gigs.
Re:Guru? Not really ... (Score:1, Funny)
Vista Vixens, appropriately staffed, would do the trick ;-)
Re:The Application Form is a CIA intelligence jog (Score:4, Funny)
Well, the job certainly doesn't require you to know anything, because if you did, you couldn't sell Vista without lying.
Re:The Application Form is a CIA intelligence jog (Score:5, Funny)
Sure you can
"With Vista, you will find yourself working harder than you ever have before"
"I cannot recommend vista too highly"
"I am pleased to say I am a former user of vista"
Re:Anyone named Bruno instantly hired (Score:3, Funny)
Try going into an Apple store and asking for the identity of all of the processes run by iTunes for Windows. I do it or a variation every time I go to the mall and have time to spare. It's genuinely fun
You must be a blast at parties.