Talking Web, Memory Aids, and Solar Phones In 5 Years 109
jbrodkin writes "A talking Web, solar technology embedded in windows and cell phones, and the end of forgetting will all come in the next five years, IBM predicts in its third annual Next Five in Five list, detailing innovations that could change our lives in the next half-decade. The other predictions: We will all have digital shopping assistants and, separately, 'crystal balls' to predict our future health.
If IBM is right, in five years we'll forget about keyboards and use our voices to surf the Web on solar-powered laptops. DNA profiles will predict our personal health risks, and we'll get automatic reminders to perform daily tasks, generated by digital recording and analysis of our conversations."
End of Forgetting (Score:5, Funny)
Totally going to happen.
Wait..
Where am I?
Do not want! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Do not want! (Score:2, Funny)
Wrinkly?
Re:Not sure about this one (Score:4, Funny)
Also, it might give "not safe for work" a whole new meaning, not to mention the "not safe for home"
Obviously they don't realize why the net was born [youtube.com]
IBM can shove their voice interactions. (Score:3, Funny)
IBM will move its HQ to India. (Score:5, Funny)
I predict that in 5 years, IBM will finish moving all of its datacenter support to India, will exit the CPU business in the face of withering competition from Intel, and sell its mainframe business from some yet to be identified Chinese company.
Future falshback. (Score:3, Funny)
"DNA profiles will predict our personal health risks..."
You will suffer the risk of constant blows to the head from your annoying personality. Have a nice day.
"...and we'll get automatic reminders to perform daily tasks, generated by digital recording and analysis of our conversations."
We have that already. I call mine, Mom!
Re:Not sure about this one (Score:2, Funny)
Well, you said "bar" (in awesome bar)
I know exactly how that works .I walk up .I make eye contract .I verbally describe the beverage I wish to purchase .I hand over too much money
*drink, wash, repeat
Re:Not sure about this one (Score:5, Funny)
Imagine how fun an office would be with everyone saying HTTP://SLASHDOT.ORG REFRESH all day long.
If the internet talks to me... (Score:2, Funny)
[+5 sarcasm]
Re:I'm skeptical (Score:5, Funny)
3. Voice input
Speech to text is still pretty bad. Some examples of problems it still struggles with are handling different accents, background noise.
Ack. Imagine trying to tell a computer to go to Slashdot [slashdot.org].
I'd rather just double the killer delete select all...
STDs? (Score:2, Funny)
Memory AIDS? I better start wearing my brain condom
Flying cars owned by private citizens (Score:2, Funny)
Next five in five my #$% (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Does anyone type to the web now? (Score:5, Funny)
Voice recognition mouse in action:
left one pixel!
left one pixel!
left one pixel!
left one pixel!
left one pixel!
left one pixel!
down one pixel!
down one pixel!
down one pixel!
down one pixel!
oops too far
up one pixel!
CLICK!
Re:Not sure about this one (Score:3, Funny)
Yeah, finally the name would have some purpose. It would be great to be redirected to HTTP:///..org
Re:Do not want! (Score:1, Funny)
Unused ...
Re:Misleading (Score:5, Funny)
"It looks like you're trying to make love! Do you need help?"
FUCK OFF CLIPPY
Re:Not sure about this one (Score:4, Funny)
I know exactly how that works .I walk up .I make eye contract
Yes. Forming eye contracts always works wonders. The contract is usually: "I wanna get as drunk as possible". The bar tender usually agrees to this contract.
.I verbally describe the beverage I wish to purchase .I hand over too much money
Well, there is where you're getting it wrong. Never EVER verbally describe the beverage. The bar tender will probably not understand your detailed explanation of yeasts and the molecular structure anyway. Just tell them "I wanna drink to get drunk" and they will understand better. Also, don't hand over your money. Place it on the bar and watch it like a hawk. If anyone tries to steal it (including the bar tender) defend yourself. Take a leaf outa Balmer's book and throw a chair (or bar stool, whichever is handy).
DISCLAIMER: I am not a lawyer. Do not take this as legal advice. I used to be a lawyer, but I got banned from the bar. (I can't believe I typed that)
Re:Misleading (Score:2, Funny)
So that's why everyone is saying "I'm a PC"?
Digital Assistants in shops! Cool... (Score:3, Funny)
No need to go shopping with the Mrs any more! Woo hoo!
Here let me give you head start on the code:
onShopperTalk(text) {
if (text == "Does my bum look big in this?") {
output("No, it looks fine");
sleep(2000);
output("What do you mean I wasn't looking? - of course I was");
}
}
Re:Misleading (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Misleading (Score:4, Funny)
That's not "the end of forgetting" - that sounds like a more annoying version of clippy.
You mean a wife? Yeah.
I see you're trying to watch Star Trek, would you like to:
- Tell me my ass does not look fat in these pants
- Take out the garbage
- Do the dishes