How Do Militaries Treat Their Nerds?

An anonymous reader writes "Cyber Warfare is a hot topic these days. A major reorganization may be looming, but a critical component is a culture where technologists can thrive. Two recent articles address this subject. Lieutenant Colonel Greg Conti and Colonel Buck Surdu recently published an article in the latest DoD IA Newsletter stating that 'The Army, Navy, and Air Force all maintain cyberwarfare components, but these organizations exist as ill-fitting appendages (PDF, pg. 14) that attempt to operate in inhospitable cultures where technical expertise is not recognized, cultivated, or completely understood.' In his TaoSecurity Blog Richard Bejtlich added 'When I left the Air Force in early 2001, I was the 31st of the last 32 eligible company grade officers in the Air Force Information Warfare Center to separate from the Air Force rather than take a new nontechnical assignment.' So, Slashdot, how has the military treated you and your technical friends? What changes are needed?"

How Do Militaries Treat Their Nerds?

[Anonymous Coward]

Like cannon fodder.

Right, right

[elrous0]

Somebody said "DNS," Vasquez thought they said "INS" and ran away.

Re:Contract.

[Biff Stu]

You fail to realize that if the government were to do the work of the military, that would be communism.

Re:Contract.

[Redrover5545]

Hey, don't knock contractors. They helped build the Deathstar, you know.

Unrappreciated

[DoofusOfDeath]

The geeks get hardly any tanks for their had work.

Re:How Do Militaries Treat Their Nerds?

[Anonymous Coward]

Well duh he was supposed to take the ammo from people he had killed, haven't you ever played an FPS?

Re:Right, right

[WilyCoder]

Crap, now I have to watch that movie this weekend. Oh wait, that's a great movie! Thanks ^_^

(aware)

Re:Right, right

[Anonymous Coward]

i have to post anonymously because i'm embarrassed that i don't know what movie he's referencing. that said, can someone clue me in?

Re:If the military sucks, don't joint 'em.

[ciderVisor]

If it moves - salute it.
If it's standing still - polish it.

Re:Whats a compiler?

[GoodNicksAreTaken]

Let me fix that for you.

Anything requiring some sort of advanced knowledge was contracted out and for good reason, the military structure is not designed to facilitate such personnel. Anyone with such advanced skills cannot be retrained in the military.

Re:How Do Militaries Treat Their Nerds?

[mrdoogee]

"I see you need AMMO. I don't have any AMMO but if you take this REPORT to CAPTAIN WHATSHISFACE he can show you how to get to FORT SOMEWHERE and meet SUPPLY SGT GUY. He can then show you the secret path to AMMO DUMP. I hear he likes TWINKIES. To find TWINKIES you must first find...."

Re:How Do Militaries Treat Their Nerds?

[Legion_SB]

Well the guy's moron instructors didn't teach him how to instantly extract ammo from a dropped gun with his foot.

Re:How Do Militaries Treat Their Nerds?

[Rinikusu]

Actually, you're not far off.

Granted, it was post-basic and he was in Korea, and this is my interpretation of his story:

"We need a starter for that truck and we need that done today."

Hrm... we have no starters. Well, the Army uses the same truck, I wonder if they have any.

*phone call verifies they have them*

Drives over to the canteen
"I need a side of beef and 2 cases of beer for Col So and So."
"Col. so and so? Shit, here you go!"
Drives over to Army base and meets with supply sergeant
"I need a dozen starters for the truck"
"Man, I can't do that, let me call the captain."
Captain: "Man what are you doing on my base asking me for starters? Don't you Air force guys have any? ho ho ho ho"
"Ha ha ha, you're right. But you know, I've got this side of beef here and 2 cases of beer, when's the last time you guys had a base barbeque?"
"How many you need?"
"12"
"I'll give you 6"
"Deal!"
(even though he only needed... 1)

It's amazing how much you can apply this to the "real world" as well.

Re:How Do Militaries Treat Their Nerds?

[deathy_epl+ccs]

Make mine a crowbar, please.

Re:How Do Militaries Treat Their Nerds?

[jo42]

A really clever solider would have gone to the local Canadian Tire, bought some spark plugs and masking tape. He would have taped the spark plug packing and written "Diesel Spark Plugs" on it and handed them back.

Re:If the military sucks, don't joint 'em.

[Anonymous Coward]

For 125k/year, you can fuck me in the ass all day long. To be able to work for a "company" like the military that will always have work, but without having to be IN the military, I will blow you all day long. My respect is cheaply bought.

Oblig. Futurama quote

[Dachannien]

Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?
Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.

Re:If the military sucks, don't joint 'em.

[Keebler71]

Hmmm... sounds like you'd be a better fit in the Air Force than the Marines.

Re:How Do Militaries Treat Their Nerds?

[db32]

The BEST I ever heard was from a Navy buddy. They sent some poor bastard out looking for fallopian tubes. He apparently got sent to a dozen places around the ship until finally someone sent him to medical. So he rolls into medical asking for fallopian tubes...turns out one of the docs, a female Major, wasn't terribly amused by this... So the joke ended in them getting ripped apart by a Major and them having to hold their breathes to avoid exploding in laughter.

I had "cable stretcher" and "prop wash" told to me and had to explain that both of those things actually DID exist.