How To Have an Online Social Life When You're Dead 187
A wave of new companies are springing up to offer such things as virtual cemeteries, alerts to remind loved ones about the anniversary of your death, and even email services that send an alert to your sinful relatives in danger of being left behind when the Rapture carries you away. "People have a desire to perpetuate not only for themselves, but for their loved ones, the story of their lives, and technology has all these new great ways of doing that," said John McQueen, owner of the Anderson McQueen funeral home.
Well I Don't Want Anything WEIRD (Score:5, Funny)
Maybe (Score:2, Funny)
creep out your enemys (Score:5, Funny)
you could really creep out your enemys after you're gone, but you wouldn't be able to enjoy it.
still just knowing ahead of time. :-D
My condolences (Score:2, Funny)
...wants to be your friend (Score:5, Funny)
Problematic (Score:5, Funny)
How do you kill that which has no life?
Left Behind... (Score:5, Funny)
This site [youvebeenleftbehind.com], mentioned in the article, is particularly hilarious. I like how the way they know the rapture has happened is based on if enough devout christians they've hired to login everyday don't. It'd be cute if those people just lost internet access and everything were sent out early... or would that cause the RAPTURE? ;)
This is really insulting! (Score:4, Funny)
The relevant question... (Score:5, Funny)
The relevant question is: will these post-mortem emails have an unsubscribe link?
RE: Death (Score:5, Funny)
I'm not dead (Score:3, Funny)
I'm feeling better..... really
No your not, your dead.
Haunt (Score:2, Funny)
Heh (Score:5, Funny)
To: My Stupid-ass Kin
From: Your Vengeful Relative
Subject: BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Dear Weaselly Bastards,
If you're reading this, I'm dead. Since I'm sure you're all feeling really bad about treating me so rotten (especially you, Uncle Phil, for not lending me 5 grand for that Camaro), but I'd like to take this opportunity to rub it all in by hiring this company to Internet stalk you forever. Every birthday, holiday and anniversary of my untimely demise, this company will send you insulting messages reminding you of how great I was, and how deficient you all were (excluding Cousin Sally, who always put out for me, oops, that was our little secret).
I did this years ago. (Score:5, Funny)
This is pretty old stuff. Just before I died I configured a server to send out updates of my status and opinions to various online sites like Fark and Slashdot. It even alters the content based on the site. For Fark, it takes into account my general state of decay and runs the algorythm to come up with just the right level of troll and anti-social behavior.
For Slashdot, it takes the measurements from my corpse and runs it through a similar algorithm that pulls in the date, the most recently updated wikipedia entry, and combines the information from "Define:" google searches and returns the result.
So far the results have been promising. My Fark Algorythm has succeeded in broadcasting just the right amount of vile comments to hook a few responders and my Slashdot Algorithm has reposted just the right amount of plagiarized wikipedia entries to earn me enough "Insightful/Informative" comments to earn me enough karma for a comforable after-net-life.
Don't think I've forgotten about power. I requested that I be burried next to Edward R. Murrow and that a few loops be placed around his grave. With a simple RSS feed to our current 'news' sites like Fox, CNN, etc. I think this server is set to run into the next millenium.
Re:This is really insulting! (Score:5, Funny)
And thus with the outing of the last respected Slashdot community luminary as a LARPer, Slashdot began its quick plunge into irrelevance.
Re:Step in the wrong direction (Score:4, Funny)
"To my darling wife... You haven't thought about me today at all, have you? Already hard at work on you next husband, I see? It's ok, you'll be joining me here soon enough, you heartless bitch"!
Social Life?!? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Heh (Score:3, Funny)
And in-between it will send you info on how to make your penis larger and how to get that 49.000.000 MBP my executor is protecting from the Kenyan government out of the country. You didn't know I was so rich (in both departments), did you?
Great Idea (Score:2, Funny)
Re:bad enough (Score:4, Funny)
In my experience, they last ten minutes. Less than that if you do your corpse run.
Netcraft Confirms It (Score:5, Funny)
Your son is dead.
(Click here to stop receiving these notifications)
Re:The relevant question... (Score:2, Funny)
Subject: Don't forget to bring flowers this year!
X-Message-Classification: Spam
X-Spam-Category: The Dead
Re:I did this years ago. (Score:5, Funny)
algorythm
algorithm
Algorythm
Algorithm
Your Algorithm seems to misspell "algorithm" as "algorythm" whenever it is referring to Fark, but not Slashdot. I think you should debug it.
I died
oh, shi- ... nevermind.
Re:bad enough (Score:5, Funny)
Unless a bad system admin loses your body and forgot to make backups.
I can see it now, "Mrs. Smith, I'm sorry to have to tell you that your beloved John has been formatted and then written over. Along with our heart felt condolences, please accept this virtual urn containing the error codes we encountered while trying to retrieve him..."
Hello, My Name Is (Score:3, Funny)
Hello,
My name is Maybelle Mongumbo. I am a dead Nigerian widow with access to millions of dollars worth of bearer bonds and gold coins. I have spoken to god personally, and he assured me you were the person to help me transfer this money to the afterlife. First, I need you to send me you SS number, full name, birthdate, PIN, bank account information, and your mother's maiden name.
God bless you.