Sorry For the Detainment, Here's a Laptop

A select group of 17 Uighur Muslims held in Guantánamo, and waiting for a nation to grant them asylum are getting laptops and web training from the US military. Their web training will take place in a virtual computer lab the military has set up. The lessons will be limited to DVD language training as well as a basic users skill — set to help in any future employment options. Nury Turkel, an Uighur rights activist, said the training would help the men "be reintroduced into a modern society," adding that it "also would give hope to the men that their freedom is nearing." This special group already gets to order fast food and use a phone booth for weekly calls. I think the government is on to something here. Nothing keeps a man pacified like an occasional phone call, a cheeseburger, and surfing for a little porn.

Missing option...

[bughunter]

an occasional phone call, a cheeseburger, and surfing for a little porn

I dunno. I can only eat, chat, and fap so much. But I could play CivIII [civfanatics.com] day and night.

Surfing a little porn

[notarockstar1979]

Nothing keeps a man pacified like an occasional phone call, a cheeseburger, and surfing for a little porn.

Tell my boss that. He won't let me surf porn or make personal calls at work. Cheeseburgers are alright though.

future employment options

[Capt James McCarthy]

I dunno, I'm sure some of their resumes are stocked full of skills that some countries would be interested in.

Sorry?

[gmuslera]

As waterboarding wasnt giving enough answers, they changed tactics and now are giving them laptops with Windows ME and Microsoft Bob. I'm sure there are international laws against that inhuman methods of torture.

Porn

[Andoman78]

Surfing porn attempting to get an idea of what those 70 virgins will look like.

Maybe they could work in IT

[Atrox666]

If they don't mind being treated a little worse than a terror suspect they could get corporate IT jobs.

Gold Farmers?

[daveywest]

Or it could be a plot by the US government to create an army of disgruntled, economy destabilizing gold farmers in WoW.

OLPT

[Anonymous Coward]

One laptop per terrorist!

Mod me down you wonderful bastards, it's called comedy!

Re:Surfing a little porn

[eln]

And they wonder why people are so lonely, sexually frustrated, and obese these days...

Re:Porn

[xenolion]

So they are in the Star Wars forums then... (Im just joking please don't hurt me)

Re:Porn

[BigJClark]

The girls I see when I surf porn don't look like virgins, at all ;)

Re:Sorry?

[Krneki]

And they are forced to install Vista if they don't behave.

Re:Uighurs

[linzeal]

If they woke up in the morning and had a bullet in their heads wouldn't that make them some sort of Chinese highlanders?

Re:These ARE FUCKING TERRORISTS what don't you get

[Locke2005]

They've been detained for years with only the companionship of other males... for the most part, I'd wager that these are non-fucking terrorists.

Nitpicking Article Summary

[Wowlapalooza]

"DVD language training"? Shouldn't that be "DVD-based language training"?

"DVD language training" sounds like there is a special language called "DVD", presumably composed of very long strings of 1's and 0's...

His goats on the other hand...

[Narcocide]

... hard core killers.

So what sort of laptops?

[Anonymous Coward]

This is Slashdot for goodness sake - why has no-one asked what processor or RAM the laptops have? And DO THEY RUN LINUX?