For Airplane Safety, Trying To Keep Birds From Planes 368
The Narrative Fallacy writes "Every year pilots in the US report more than 5,000 bird strikes, which cause at least $400 million in damage to commercial and military aircraft. Now safety hearings are beginning on the crash of US Airways Flight 1549, where a flock of eight-pound geese apparently brought down a plane, plunging it and 155 people into the frigid waters of the Hudson River. Despite having experimented with everything from electromagnetics to ultrasonic devices to scarecrows, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has yet to endorse a single solution that will keep birds out of the path of an oncoming aircraft." (More below.)
"The best bet right now is understanding bird behavior, although an intriguing old pilots' tale — that radar can scatter birds — may carry enough truth to ultimately offer a viable technical solution to a deadly problem. 'We need to find out, is that an urban legend or is there some truth to that?' says Robert L. Sumwalt, the vice chairman of the National Transportation Safety Board. The Federal Aviation Administration already has an extensive program in place for 'wildlife hazard mitigation,' but it seems ill suited to the problem that faced the US Airways flight, which struck geese five miles from the runway — too far for the New York airports to take action — at an altitude of 2,900 feet — too high for radars being installed around the country to detect birds. 'There's no silver bullet,' says Richard Dolbeer, a wildlife biologist and expert on bird strikes. 'There's no magic chemical you can spray or sound you can project that is going to scare the birds away.'"
Shoot them (Score:1, Funny)
"the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has yet to endorse a single solution that will keep birds out of the path of an oncoming aircraft."
Um, shoot them?
I know one person that can do it (Score:5, Funny)
Dick Cheney will shoot them all in the face. :)
Re:Shoot them (Score:4, Funny)
I knew those sidewinder missiles I purchased for my Boeing 747 were going to come in handy.
Birds are smart (Score:5, Funny)
Most people don't realize this, but birds are very smart. They learn very quickly after getting hit by an airplane or being sucked into an engine, they NEVER do it a second time. People are usually not that smart, but birds learn quickly.
-Charlie
Re:Shoot them (Score:5, Funny)
By 'them', do you mean the planes or the birds?
-Charlie
Sharks (Score:2, Funny)
With lasers on their heads.
Best. Plan. Ever.
Cost factor (Score:5, Funny)
"What'd ya do today, Jake?"
"Shot at pigeons."
"Really? I thought the range was only open on weekends."
"Not them pigeons. I got me a job with the airport. I'm shootin' real pigeons, plus geese and anything else with wings. I just wish that darn airport were closer to Sesame Street. I've always hated that Big Bird..."
If everything else failed (Score:1, Funny)
Put a clown on each wing
Turrets! (Score:5, Funny)
Fly Around Them (Score:3, Funny)
Are flocks too small to pick up on the plane's radar? If not, fly around them.
Scarecrows (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Shoot them (Score:4, Funny)
Paint the plane gray like a shark, attaching lasers that shoot the birds, with a giant cow catcher as a windshield, with a giant windmill attached to the top, and have a beowolf cluster of Dick Cheney's be the pilots for all of them.
Now there's a solid solution we can try, and 1 of them is bound to end in success.
Re:Fly Around Them (Score:3, Funny)
"fly around them"
Why not fly with them? If you cant beat them, then join them :)
Re:Warning signals (Score:5, Funny)
Maybe we should add a warning signal for the birds. Like a really loud noise.
They tried that with the concord but it didn't work, so they gave up on the idea.
Re:Fly Around Them (Score:1, Funny)
Why not let them fly the plane? They have thousands of hours experience flying.
duh (Score:3, Funny)
"The best bet right now is understanding bird behavior, although an intriguing old pilots' tale â" that radar can scatter birds â" may carry enough truth to ultimately offer a viable technical solution to a deadly problem. 'We need to find out, is that an urban legend or is there some truth to that?'
Isn't that what the mythbusters are for? c'mon guys.
Re:Shoot them (Score:5, Funny)
(2) The Canada (blame Canada!) geese that were ingested into the engine were just passing through the area on their migration route. So any sort of habitat destruction on the ground would have zero effect on them anyway. Good luck changing their migration routes too.
So, these geese were illegal immigrants, crossing our sovereign national border without permission, invitation, or documentation, stealing food from decent hard-working American duck flocks, fouling American land and water with their unregulated duckish emissions, and ultimately causing mayhem and near-total disaster on American transportation systems.
We definitely need a better security fence. I hope our Homeland Security Department jumps on this.
Re:why not kill two birds with one stone (Score:3, Funny)
we're past that; we're looking for a more efficient use of stones. our original target was a 5:1 bird/stone ratio, but right now 3:1 is looking more feasible; at 2:1 you have to factor in the weight of a half-flock of rocks added to your cargo.
Re:Hopefully That Control System Won't Brunning Li (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Shoot them (Score:3, Funny)
Keep Birds Away from Planes (Score:5, Funny)
I quite agree with the FAA here. They should never have let women qualify to become pilots in the first place...
Oh wait...ah, I see... never mind...
Re:Fly Around Them (Score:2, Funny)
Yeah, it turns out meat doesn't show up on radar very well.
Clearly we need robot birds.
Re:I know one person that can do it (Score:4, Funny)
Natural predators (Score:4, Funny)
Cats (Score:5, Funny)
Birds hate cats, so simply mount a few dozen cats outside the plane near the engines. Don't forget to mount the cats with their feet pointed down, or the plane will flip when you try to land.
Chaff rounds packed with bird seed could also work, but the cats should be more cost effective.
Re:Shoot them (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Shoot them (Score:5, Funny)
I like to think outside of the box though, I say arm the birds.
Good God, man. Have you already forgotten the lessons of Hitchcock? Tippi Hedren barely made it through when those feathery sons of bitches were engaging in hand-to-ha... er... hand-to-wing combat. Arm them and we're all doomed!
Shield (Score:3, Funny)
Why not stick a shield in front of the engine?
No, not a disc, but a grid of thin spikes (parallel to the plane), ahead of the engine.
Everyone bitches about not being able to dodge the birds because the plane moves straight and can't turn quickly.
Use that to your advantage. Put a little frame of thin metal poles far enough ahead of the engine that it doesn't block the airflow. If a bird is on a collision course with the engine, it'll hit the spikes and get stuck. Make the spiked long enough to stack several birds. If it breaks, it breaks. You survived a bird attack, and that spiked grid will just fall to earth and hopefully impale some people.
Re:Shoot them (Score:2, Funny)
but if they were armed then they couldnt fly. try it yourself. wave your own really fast.
Re:Shoot them (Score:2, Funny)
Any animal that pisses on golfers is a species that ought to be treasured and protected.
There, fixed that for ya.
Re:Shoot them (Score:3, Funny)
Yes, a fence in the sky.
I for a long time said that Canada need to follow the example of their US brethren and build a fence on their southern border to prevent the undesirables from moving north.