Navigating a Geek Marriage? 1146
JoeLinux writes "I am soon to marry my true love (a girl! yes! they do exist!). She is a literary geek, whereas I am a gaming/Linux geek. Being the RTFM-style geeks that we are, we have been reading up on marriage, making things work, etc. Unfortunately, all of the references seem to be based around an alpha-male jock and a submissive cheerleader-style wife. A lot of the references to incompatibility in the books don't apply to us (neglect due to interest in sports, etc.). What are some of the pitfalls and successes learned in the course of a more geek-oriented marriage?"
Intriguing (Score:5, Funny)
Just replace sports with raids. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Just some generic advice from me. (Score:5, Funny)
What good will that do?
0, 1, 10 ...
Re:Forget the books (Score:2, Funny)
Is that what you kids call it these days?
Re:Perhaps you can ask your girl (Score:5, Funny)
Oops make that "On the weekends she is READING..." LOL...
Yeah ditch WoW or... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:August (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Perhaps you can ask your girl (Score:5, Funny)
Paging Dr. Freud. Dr.Freud to the reading room.
What does it say about me that I actually read "reading" instead of "ready"? Can't be too good.
Re:Forget the books (Score:3, Funny)
Win-Win (Score:4, Funny)
Make her rewrite the Linux Documentation !
No differerent (Score:4, Funny)
So called "geeks" are no different to anyone else. So like anyone else your marriage will be a success if:
1) Your wife has no other man but yourself
2) Your wife should not encourage any other man to make love to her, or kiss or caress her
3) Your wife should remember to kiss and caress you, to honour and obey you and obey your every whim and fancy seven days a week and twice on sundays
4) Your wife should honour your name so that all other women will honour it also
5) Your wife should no provoke you to anger
6) Your wife should not search your pockets or night or annoy you with her hearsays
7) If you are walking in the street with another woman your wife should not shout at you in the street but wait intelligently until you get home where the matter can be dealt with decently.
8) Your wife should neither drink nor smoke
9) Your wife should not commit adultery since if she does she risks forcing you to murder her
10) Your wife should not covet her neighbours dress, nor her shoes, nor her bureau, nor her bed nor her hat nor anything which is hers. Your wife should not call your attention to anything which may be for sale in any stores since you will provide her with everything she needs for her daily purpose.
Re:Honestly: be honest, and stick together as a te (Score:5, Funny)
Intelligent people do not need the kind of rubberstamp advice you find in self-help books. As long you remain honest, open and calm, you are very well off. Not doing stupid thing like playing WoW (ATTN! compare to watching football with you buddies and sipping beer) through your anniversary helps, too.
I can't second this enough. In the 4.5 years I've been married, the ONLY time we ever ran into any real trouble was when I tried to "manage" information. The excuse you'll typically tell yourself if tempted to do this is that it's to "spare her feelings", "you couldn't cope with it then", or "spare us an unnecessary fight". Those are excuses...the real reason is you don't want to deal with her reaction and the fallout. Don't give in to that temptation. Be honest, and demand honesty from your partner. That, and a good dose of compatabiltiy and love, will take you through just about anything).
What's so bad about not wanting to deal with someone's reaction? I'm sure they don't tell you the sex sucked right after you're done ... just as you probably don't tell them it's the arse that makes them look fat not the jeans.
Small lies, it's what holds relationships together.
Re:Perhaps you can ask your girl (Score:5, Funny)
Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more? ;)
Re:Sandwich-making tutorial (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Backup (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Rating (Score:3, Funny)
Re:August (Score:5, Funny)
Ahh, this reminds me of George's marriage counselling days. The dude really saved our relationship. Nothing keeps a wife satisfied like shock and awe in the bedroom.
Re:August (Score:5, Funny)
I suggest some NLP training
I have to disagree with this. Non-linear programming is not appropriate for a marriage. If you can't express your needs as a set of linear constraints, then you're not trying hard enough. If you can't use the simplex algorithm to resolve resource allocation conflicts, then you're not ready to get married.
Re:Forget the books (Score:5, Funny)
Set up a home bugzilla server. Every complain she has she can log into bugzilla, from household repairs to you forgetting the anniversary.
Re:Honestly: be honest, and stick together as a te (Score:5, Funny)
I'm sure they don't tell you the sex sucked right after you're done ... just as you probably don't tell them it's the arse that makes them look fat not the jeans.
While I agree there can be a time and a place for the honesty. Nothing has improved my sex life with my wife more than being honest when it's boring, bad, or good. It's how you learn what the other person likes. If you're not honest when it's crap, you keep getting the same crap sex over and over. (At least until you get no sex)
I concur, but I sure don't like such a slap in the face as having an orgasm and then hearing "You know honey, that really sucked. I hope you do better next time"
Re:August (Score:5, Funny)
Remember to 'sudo'
Re:August (Score:4, Funny)
Eating your soup cold out of the can is even more efficient. Cooking != physics.
Re:Forget the books (Score:1, Funny)
you sir are a freaking genious. And I just downloaded the newest build to set this up.
Re:Rating (Score:3, Funny)
Name her breasts Han and Chewie.
But keep it funny and name the furry one Han, and the smooth one Chewie.
Re:August (Score:3, Funny)
;i'm nearly 100% certain that it's accurate
You sound like a very sad man.
Well duh. He already said he was married.
Re:August (Score:2, Funny)
I have to agree. I always used to apply logical operations on sematic operands (and don't tell me you've never done it: Do you want to wear pants or shorts? Yes!)
This only gets more annoying as other people listen to you over time! Natural Language Processing lets you still answer the question correctly while not pissing of your spouse.
Re:Nows not the time to be logical (Score:5, Funny)
And please, don't be someone your wife looks up to-- be someone she's proud of :)
My wife is 5'3... she has to look up at me.
Re:August (Score:4, Funny)
No - they taste best when cooked IN the can over a trashcan fire.
Proximity to railroad tracks or bridge underpasses seem to add to the taste.
Re:Forget the books (Score:3, Funny)
Resolution: Could not reproduce
Re:Forget the books (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Forget the books (Score:5, Funny)
"Please wear respectable clothes sometimes" -> Resolution: WONTFIX
"I can't figure out that Linux crap, get Windows!" -> Resolution: WORKSFORME
It's the perfect tool!
"I want a divorce!" -> Reassign bug to wife@localhost
Re:My Grandfather's Advice (Score:2, Funny)
Re:August (Score:4, Funny)
Have fun - marriage is to make your life better. If it is not going to make it better - why bother?
alimony
Re:August (Score:5, Funny)
See #1. You're not using them right ;)
Re:August (Score:4, Funny)
Going to bed angry breeds resentment.
ain't that the truth. in my case, it was 18 years of resentment. and then I had to pay to send resentment to college.
Re:Honestly: be honest, and stick together as a te (Score:2, Funny)
Why the hell anyone would ever need a class to teach them this is beyond me.
Re:Forget the books (Score:1, Funny)
#1323 "Forgot 2nd Anniversary"
[Closed] Duplicate of #629 "Forgot 1st Anniversary"
or worse
#2525 "I want a child"
[Closed] Cannot reproduce
Re:August (Score:3, Funny)
1) Fight well. I can't stress this enough, while arguing well with normal people is certainly important - arguing well with a fellow geek is imperative. Whether you are arguing about who the better Star Trek captain is, or who should do the dishes that night - geeks have strong opinions on all things that are generally based on well thought out logic. Chances are, in most situations you are both right according to your viewpoints. Learning to fight in a way that acknowledges that the fight is about a difference in opinion rather than a right/wrong dichotomy is the best way to maintain a good relationship. Keeping your cool and fighting on a logical basis will enable both of you to demonstrate respect for the other person's knowledge and experience. Of course, many fights are based on emotions that you don't fully understand but need to express - and understanding when this is occurring and to not take offense to these moments is also important. On the occasions that I yell at my wife - she almost immediately closes up and stops talking. She has confided to me that during these moments she simply thinks "wow, that is one angry monkey" and stops talking to give the "monkey brain" time to express itself.
2) Work together. Not necessarily at a job, but working together really builds a collective "us vs. them" attitude - even when "them" is the grass or laundry. Traditional sex roles don't really apply in a geek marriage (except of course, where they do) - so division of labor either doesn't exist or is negotiated explicitly. While division of labor is important the times that you work together are the moments that you really appreciate the contributions of the other (and geeks love to feel appreciated).
3) Unless otherwise stated, the ideas you read in books about how to make your wife feel special are full of crap (for a geek marriage). Yes, my wife likes flowers - but she'd return jewelry or any of the other varied objects of affection. The bad thing about this is that the traditional gifts are pretty worthless to her, so books don't help you. The good news is, she recognizes that time spent together is the best gift - since we both have hobbies that we might be doing otherwise. Stepping aside from a match of L4D and having a nice home cooked dinner together carries the same weight as other less practical gift giving might carry for other people.
4) You may find that some of the things that "normal" (boring?) wives do, simply don't happen. My wife hates to shop. I hate to shop. We rarely actually have new things like clothes because of it. While it's occasionally annoying to shop for my own underwear, it also means we never have to have a discussion about wasting money. It doesn't happen - except maybe for Transformers.
5) I asked my wife this question over lunch to see if she had any particular advice. He answer was rather poignant I think. "Two geeks getting married? They won't have any problems at all" I have to thank her for such unbridled optimism. She then followed it up with "He does know that actual emotion being expressed by either side is rare though, right? I hate emotional people." Quite right honey, quite right
6) Almost forgot! give them time alone when they want/need it. They have their own projects they want to do - give them the independence to accomplish them and she'll give your yours.
Re:Geekiness is irrelevant. (Score:1, Funny)
We, my friend, are your karmic balance. Every time you fail to argue over something big, we argue over a cup of coffee or a napkin.
We're out there, compensating for you.
nightmare! (Score:2, Funny)
I mean, lets face it, we don't fight fair, now can you imagine getting your arm twisted by a literary geek "Admit Caslon Pro pwns Helvetica or no sex!"
yeah, that's the stuff of nightmares.