First American Internet Addiction Treatment Center 278
Posted
by
timothy
from the cure-for-what-doesn't-quite-ail-ye dept.
from the cure-for-what-doesn't-quite-ail-ye dept.
An anonymous reader writes "Taking their lead from China, two Americans have opened the first US-based Internet Addiction treatment center in Fall City, Wash. — ironically close to Redmond (Microsoft's hometown). The center, called reStart: Internet Addiction Recovery Program, is a 45-day treatment center where, for a steep set of fees, people can be cured of their addiction to the Web. After paying the $200 application fee, addicts are charged $14,500 for the 45 days, an additional $800 for a screening, and more for extra services, like kayaking ($1,575)."
reStart? (Score:2, Funny)
That would cure me... (Score:5, Funny)
Those telco companies don't know where to stop (Score:4, Funny)
SWEET! (Score:5, Funny)
Can I sign up online?
Brilliant! (Score:5, Funny)
I must give a nod to this highly creative solution to net addiction: charge the victim so much money they can afford neither a computer nor a net connection! The elegance of the solution is awe-inspiring.
Kayaking? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:money (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Website? (Score:2, Funny)
Probably the attendants will keep everyone informed about their progress on Twitter, and afterwards blog about their success, and maybe even put some videos on YouTube about how they are no longer internet addicts.
Re:reStart? (Score:3, Funny)
No, reboot comes before restart. Reboot's when you kick yourself in the ass for being stupid, before you actually do something about it.
I have my own internet addiction treatment center (Score:5, Funny)
So... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Website? (Score:5, Funny)
I had for a very extended period of time an addiction to an online game. I was very antisocial and i basically lived to play. Talking to Cosette helped me learn how to look at my addiction from another perspective. She got me to try to stop and i did. Now I am a much happier person and I have made an incredible amount of progress in my life. I have so many more friends, and I find that things come more easily to me, and I find joy in more things. Putting my life into one thing was horrible for me and now I have learned to apply myself, and I have broken my addiction. Thanks alot --Conner
Guide to the perfect testimonial:
Step 1: Use generalized words when talking about time. For example, instead of saying "for two years," use the term "very extended period of time."
Step 2: Mention that you now have a new perspective due to talking with --insert name here--. Don't go into detail about what your perspective is now or what it was then.
Step 3: Instead of detailing what steps you took to stop, just say - "she got me to try to stop and i did."
Step 4: Claim that you are happier
Step 5: Claim you now have bajillions of friends!
Step 6: ?????
Step 7: Profit!
Internet Addiction (Score:5, Funny)
Obligatory xkcd [xkcd.com]
Why is this tagged with... (Score:2, Funny)
... 'shakawhenthewallsfell' ?
Despite that this is a reference to one of the greatest Next Generation episodes ever, I'm not sure I see the connection.
Re:Website? (Score:4, Funny)
I have so many more friends, and I find that things come more easily to me
Obviously, she broke his WoW addiction by getting him addicted to Facebook!
Re:reStart? (Score:1, Funny)
What, you mean like paying somebody to beat you to death?
Re:I wonder if... (Score:3, Funny)
We prefer to call them, "Physical Realignment Therapy Sessions".
Re:Those telco companies don't know where to stop (Score:1, Funny)
A altered quote from the movie Half Baked:
Thurgood: I'm here today because I'm addicted..to the internet.
Rehab patient: You in here 'cuz of the internet?! Man, this is some BULLSHIT!
Bob Saget/Cocaine addict: The internet is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke.
Rehab patient: I seen him [do it]!
Bob Saget/Cocaine addict: Now that's an addiction, man. You ever suck some dick to get on the internet?
Thurgood: No, I can't say I have.
Bob Saget/Cocaine addict: I didn't think so.
Re:Internet Addition = Pornography Addition (Score:4, Funny)
So the program is ideal. Screw $1,500 of kayaking - think $15,000 of "exotic roleplaying." Man, this spa thing could be a winner - 45 days at a hotel-like spa with outside activities? Set it up right and Blue Cross will even pay for it.
I am so there! Sorry, boss, I need 45 days off to cure my internet addiction - I'll be kayaking, deep-sea fishing, and TFing hookers. No prob, I hate to do it, but it's the only way to reconnect with reality. Oh, and you are paying, don't make me invoke the "Americans with disabilities" law.
Re:That would cure me... (Score:5, Funny)
You know what they say about a fool and his money...
I'd best Google it, just to be sure...
Definition of "addiction" for Americans (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Internet Addition = Pornography Addition (Score:3, Funny)
Pornographic images and video have the largest percentage (although it may not necessarily exceed 50%) of Internet bandwidth.
there are other uses for the internet? ;)
Re:How about... (Score:5, Funny)
Naw, irony would be if they offered classes online.
WoW has wanton use of Weapons. Who's dangerous? (Score:2, Funny)
Porno just teaches one repetive maneuver that doesn't scale into weapons well, unless it's a small stabbing action with a knife. WoW is giant chatroom where everyone gets together and willfully injures another single or group of people. Those 2nd-amendment kids out there all studied their rifle and handguns, were disciplined in the safe and effective usage, and acknowledge the 3 stages of boastfullness so that the would know the origin of violence and how to be peaceful and honoured societies as to not escalating most disputes to a dead end. As a result of WoW, people develop opinions, get dummer, and ackowledge a weapon as the only easy way to achieve Gain.
And here in the United States everyone blaims the gun, even Obama, even Democrats and Republicans. Blame shallow perceptions of social interaction. Don't blame the fart, don't blame the beans, blame the undiscplined man that dealt it.
Porno teaches a well-rounded man how to use his or her genetitals; for the shallow mind, those matters of perception are not in sight but the perception of an entertainable activity.
Re:Odd (Score:3, Funny)
The best treatment for this is a behavioural therapy known as CBT.
While I concede that Cock and Ball Torture would indeed dampen my enthusiasm for online gaming I hadn't heard of it being a professional behavioural therapy option.
At least, not that type of professional..
Re:Odd (Score:3, Funny)
Maybe it's some sort of reverse Pavlov conditioning. You know, every time you cast a spell, you get your nuts stapled to the chair or something like that.