Inside the Windows 7 Launch Party Pack 267
Barence writes to tell us that it seems Microsoft has been grinding away in the corporate world for so long, they have forgotten what "fun" means. PC Pro managed to get their hands on one of the "party packs," and it seems woefully inadequate. Nowhere did we see a pin-the-chair on the Ballmer game, giveaways that you might actually use, or even a few balloons or streamers. Instead, the only reason to get a party pack seems to be the free copy of Windows Ultimate Signature edition, which doesn't do much for your party guests (unless you burn them all copies I guess, but we would never condone that). All-in-all, it seems that Microsoft should have gone to the nearest dorm room and asked for some pointers on how to have a good party.
Yep (Score:4, Funny)
This pretty much sums up the image of "nerds party pack" or nerds throwing a fun party.
Sad, but insightful.
Chair not included? (Score:4, Funny)
OMG! (Score:2, Funny)
Releasing easily-hackable, infectable code is shameful. Not knowing how to party is unforgivable!
Windows 7 Ultimate party pack (Score:5, Funny)
Rubber tubing, gas, saw, gloves, cuffs, razor wire, hatchet, gladys and my mitts.
There is no walk of shame quite like (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Yep (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Chair not included? (Score:2, Funny)
Chair throwing isn't for Mac/Linux users. It's for people who use Google maps to find directions to your party.
Oh, I get it now! (Score:4, Funny)
The Windows 7 Launch Party, it's like the birthday party for the loved one you adore who has a terminal illness and is unlikely to see another year.
I wasn't sure this is real (Score:3, Funny)
The video of Balmer getting out of breath was worth it.
Balmer, you really need to get some exercise!
It looks for real and you can get a free version of Windows 7 Ultimate if you host a party!
What to do with your copy (Score:5, Funny)
Be a sport and raffle it off as a door prize or auction it off, and give proceeds, less your real costs for providing food and drinks, to a charity. Does the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation accept donations?
Re:Windows 7 Ultimate party pack (Score:5, Funny)
Text MacGuyver:
? (A)pply rubber tubing to mitts
Tubemitts added to inventory
? (A)pply gas to Tubemitts
Gas-filled tubemitts added to inventory
Operation failed. Find a way to secure the gas-filled tubemitts first.
? (A)pply handcuffs to gas-filled tubemitts
Gas-filled cuffed tubemitts added to inventory
? (A)pply saw to gas-filled cuffed tubemitts
Gas-filled cuffed tubemitts explode in your face. CHA -10. Gas-filled cuffed tubemitts removed from inventory.
Crap, this Macguyver stuff is harder than I thought. Maybe those are tools to build a bong?
Re:There is no walk of shame quite like (Score:4, Funny)
It's better than the occasional "Hey, I should try installing FreeBSD! [xkcd.com]" I get when drinking beer on the computer.
Re:I agree (Score:4, Funny)
They should have at least thrown in a couple grams of blow.
Yeah, that was my second thought, after trying to figure out how to fit hookers in a shrink-wrapped package with an indefinite shelf life. Though I guess they could be inflatable hookers, "bring your own blow".
Re:I wonder (Score:3, Funny)
You're frightening me.
Re:Windows 7 Ultimate party pack (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I agree (Score:5, Funny)
Re:That about sums it up (Score:5, Funny)
Please see Windows ME and Vista for reference.
Re:Yep (Score:5, Funny)
It is a great excuse to have a party
No, it really isn't.
"Hey, it's Friday!" is a great excuse to have a party.
"Hey, MS sent me marketing crap, let's have a party!" is a great excuse to dress your dogs up in sweaters, because they're the only friends you'll ever have.
Re:That about sums it up (Score:1, Funny)
You have balloons, streamers, a deck of cards, and a puzzle. It's like they want you to throw a lame children's birthday party. I really have to wonder how this got through without anyone noticing how terrible it is.
At least Ballmer isn't going door to door dressed as a clown. Although that might not be entirely a bad idea at this point...
Re:I wasn't sure this is real (Score:5, Funny)
If you promise to hold a party but don't you receive two copies as punishment.
Windows is a seven year old girl (Score:4, Funny)
Microsoft is trying to deflate the "John Hodgeman as PC" meme. So, since everyone knows that it's not appropriate to pick on little girls, "Windows 7" is personified by the (almost) seven your old girl in the ads. Apple looks like a big ,meanie. Why not give her a little birthday party, with cake, and games, and clowns, and.... OMG PONIES!!!
Man, this is really really dumb (Score:5, Funny)
It boggles the mind how something like this got out of the door. Seriously. Many of us here on
I don't see that anywhere in this effort. It is so laughably bad, that I almost can't believe it's real. Puzzles? Cards? A party for an operating system? WTF is going on here? Is this serious? Or am I being punk'd? Where's Ashton?
The Debauched Launch Party Edition (Score:3, Funny)
Yeah, since Windows 7 has so many different editions, the should also have a Windows 7 Debauched Launch Party Edition. All you need is lots of booze. And I mean 64 bit proof booze. Gallons of it. When your guests get tanked enough they won't give a shit about food or . . .
You have balloons,
Blow up some condoms.
streamers,
Put a bunch of razor blades in your printer, and print out a bunch of shit.
a deck of cards,
A stack of CD-ROMS and a marker. Make your own.
and a puzzle.
The desire and ability to do a puzzle can be quashed with more booze. Followed by some flaming shots, more booze.
It's like they want you to throw a lame children's birthday party.
If children are present at the Debauched Launch Party, you are going to be doing time.
I really have to wonder how this got through without anyone noticing how terrible it is.
At the Debauched Launch Party, most people won't even remember being there.
And the goodies you're supposed to give to guests? Two of them are cards for antivirus software. I guess that's being responsible, but pointing out ways to fix your software's faults is still a funny way to market a new product.
At the Debauched Launch Party, you give your guests STDs
Re:Windows is a seven year old girl (Score:5, Funny)
Windows 7 isn't a seven year old girl. It's the village retard given a new shirt and some fresh napkins to clean up the snot and drool.
I'm not sure what they got... (Score:5, Funny)
I received my package yesterday and it had everything mentioned in the article plus balloons, streamers, and a few more goodies. Sounds like their package wasn't complete.
The way we're going to do it is I'll install a temp copy of 7 on my laptop, show a few things I know, and then let my guests play with it. We're also hosting a BBQ, playing some GH [guitarhero.com], RB [rockband.com], Wii Sports [wii.com], and just plain chilling out.
I'm still undecided on whether to raffle off the single goodies (e.g. playing cards) or do some kind of trivia game: what kind of car was BG [wikipedia.org] driving when he got hauled for the infamous mugshot?
After everyone's gone home I'll simply put my production hard drive back in the laptop and start using with my copy of Windows 7 Ultimate [microsoft.com]. :)
All in all, it should be a good time just getting together and hanging out.
Re:Windows 7 Ultimate party pack (Score:3, Funny)
Crap, this Macguyver stuff is harder than I thought. Maybe those are tools to build a bong?
As seen in "MacGuyver: The College Years".
Re:Windows is a seven year old girl (Score:4, Funny)
Why you insensitive clod! Now you've made her cry.
Re:Yep (Score:2, Funny)
I got one of these and... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Windows is a seven year old girl (Score:3, Funny)
The next Mac vs PC add is going to be John Hodgeman having an awesome party with the cards and posters and little tote bags.
All by himself.
Then the Mac (Justin Long) comes in and asks "What are you doing PC?"
PC replies "STFU! These are MY toys for MY party and they ROCK and you aren't invited!
He then cries quietly in the corner.
What? (Score:4, Funny)
Wait? No Condoms?
Re:Oh, I get it now! (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Yep (Score:5, Funny)
It could have been worse. They could have included copies of Windows for the guests, too.
Party Service Pack (Score:5, Funny)
Re:That about sums it up (Score:1, Funny)
Stop. Aren't there enough people with clown phobias already?
Re:I wasn't sure this is real (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Yep (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Man, this is really really dumb (Score:3, Funny)
Many of us here on /. work in corp environments and as much as we detest marketing-droids, at the end of the day, we realize their usefulness on some level.
Sure, they keep the horde of undead occupied while you escape via the parking garage or roof.
Re:Chair not included? (Score:5, Funny)
What will I be able to throw at the Mac/Linux users who show up?
I don't think you'll find many Mac/Linux users at a Windows 7 party. Unless there's promise of alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. Judgement impairing alcohol...
You'll want to prepare for your party by burning multiple copies of the Windows 7 DVD. You'll need extras because at first, the Linux and Mac users will damage them by playing Windows 7 Ultimate Frisbee, and popping them in the microwave, etc. Once the discs start remaining relatively unmolested, you'll know your trap is set.
Be prepared to receive the cold shoulder for a while, or perhaps even lose a few friends, for you see, what will transpire the next morning/afternoon is your former friends will awaken in a haze, feeling something is not quite right, but not sure what it is. They'll replay the previous evening's events in their minds to make sure they didn't do anything overly regretful, and then it will hit them.
In a panic, they'll rush to their computer, boot it up, knowing what they'll find while hoping and praying it didn't really happen, only to find themselves staring, in horror, at that damned Windows 7 fish.
Once they come out of their shock, the damage control begins. Mac users will have the advantage of being able to undo everything, as they've used protection (Boot Camp).
The Linux users will find no such comfort. Linux is the OS of an Open Source Master. It's not as clumsy or random as Windows, destroying all partitions in its path. It's an elegant system for a more civilized age. Because Windows is not, it will have written over their Linux partition, rendering the previous night's indiscretion much more serious and the data loss irreversible.
On the other hand, their wireless will start working...
Re:Chair not included? (Score:4, Funny)
And there are more people driving beetles, than beetles driving people...
Re:I agree (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I agree (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Yep (Score:3, Funny)
"Hey, MS sent me marketing crap, let's have a party!" is a great excuse to dress your dogs up in sweaters, because they're the only friends you'll ever have.
Hoooooooooooooold on.
Cats? Fish? Star wars figurines?!
Friends are practically oozing out of the knotty-pine paneling!
Re:I agree (Score:3, Funny)
The Windows 7 CD certainly weighs a couple of grams and is guaranteed to blow. I don't see what your gripe is...
Re:Yep (Score:3, Funny)
Re:OMG! (Score:3, Funny)