Best Man Rigs Newlyweds' Bed To Tweet During Sex 272
When an UK man was asked to be the best man at a friend's wedding he agreed that he would not pull any pranks before or during the ceremony. Now the groom wishes he had extended the agreement to after the blessed occasion as well. The best man snuck into the newlyweds' house while they were away on their honeymoon and placed a pressure-sensitive device under their mattress. The device now automatically tweets when the couple have sex. The updates include the length of activity and how vigorous the act was on a scale of 1-10.
First (Score:5, Funny)
First!
130KG. 45 seconds.
Beowulf (Score:5, Funny)
Double blinded sex (Score:5, Funny)
Unfortunately (well, maybe fortunately) all parties in this hack are anonymous. Otherwise, the new groom could rig up an automatic bed bouncing machine and become a sexual legend of Web 3.0.
Like most Twitter feeds... (Score:5, Funny)
...this feed won't be updated much after a few months.
It'll be even more hillarious (Score:5, Funny)
If the device starts tweeting while the husband is at work.
Only one sensor? (Score:5, Funny)
The best man snuck into the newlyweds' house while they were away on their honeymoon and placed a pressure-sensitive device under their mattress.
So it only measures sex on the bed. How boring is that? That leaves out the walls, floor, couch, kitchen counter, pool table, the whole rest of the house and car sex un-Tweeted.
And, if you're Tiger Woods, the private jet, the yacht and the putting green.
Hmm (Score:5, Funny)
So how does the device work? For instance, how are these weight measurements being made? If you just put a load cell under the middle of the bed, it isn't going to measure the total mass. You'd need to use 4 load cells - one at each corner of the mattress. And the Mattress has to have a frame, like a box spring. Or you could use 1 load cell, but you'd have to build a special framework under the bed for it.
The next part is how do you translate these weight and vibration readings into a "sex detector". Where do you set the threshold, such that if someone just rolls over or even flops on the bed it doesn't set it off? Lots of ordinary acts, from scratching an itch to sitting up might create vibrations in the system that would fool a simple script into detecting "sex".
Plus, some sex acts create a lot more vibration that others. Position also matters quite a bit.
This is an interesting problem. I think it's solvable, to a reasonable level of accuracy. But you'd have to calibrate the system, which would require something that most slashdotters don't have access to....
Sounds interesting... (Score:3, Funny)
Wow, I want one, that sounds awesome. I wouldn't have it tweet when I'm having sex, but I'd probably keep some sort of online log that would graph the weight, volume, temperature (though that might be greatly skewed by the friction of the mattress constantly rubbing against the device) and if I can have motion sensors I'd have it log "the motion of the ocean."
Not that the data would serve much purpose other than to say "Hey check out what I made."
Re:This is weak even for slashdot (Score:3, Funny)
I've rigged my finger to tweet when it's pulled.
Re:It'll be even more hillarious (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Sounds interesting... (Score:1, Funny)
There's something to put in the baby book...
Re:Um... (Score:5, Funny)
Where did those extra 2.2 pounds come from?
I highlighted the word that might shed some light on the situation ;)
Yes, I'm going to hell......
Finally! (Score:5, Funny)
Finally, a use for Twitter!
Re:First (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Um... (Score:4, Funny)
Hah! Further proof of the secret buggy whip manufacturer conspiracy!
1-10 isn't good enough (Score:2, Funny)
For newlyweds it should go to 11.
my wife is an odd duck (Score:5, Funny)
Re:False positives (Score:3, Funny)
I wonder how many low-intensity sex sessions are actually false positives caused by tossing and turning.
But doesn't that count as foreplay?
Re:Like most Twitter feeds... (Score:5, Funny)
"Everybody Knows".... (Score:5, Funny)
there's gonna be a meter on your bed, that will disclose.. what everybody knows!..
never thought it would be LITERAL.
Re:Um... (Score:5, Funny)
1kg of the stuff ? I find that a bit hard to swallow !
Re:Um... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hmm (Score:5, Funny)
This. This is why I read Slashdot.
Re:Beowulf (Score:4, Funny)
Gross.
Re:Um... (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Um... (Score:5, Funny)
1kg of the stuff ? I find that a bit hard to swallow !
Thats what she said!
Re:Um... (Score:3, Funny)
Three-way! Kinky.
Re:Hmm (Score:4, Funny)
Then you need to detect extended signal within that band...
Um, aren't they British?
Re:Only one sensor? (Score:5, Funny)
That leaves out the walls, floor, couch, kitchen counter, pool table, the whole rest of the house and car sex
Ah yes, first stage of sex in a marriage.
Second stage is after a few years, pretty much confined to the bedroom.
Third stage kicks in around twelve or fifteen years. That's where you pass each other in the hallway and say "Fuck you!"
Re:Hmm (Score:5, Funny)
This? This is why I read Slashdot?
Re:Only one sensor? (Score:4, Funny)
Way to ruin a good punch-line
You're supposed to say "Hall Sex", and only after you get the "wtf is Hall Sex" look, explain it.
Re:False positives (Score:3, Funny)
wait a minute.. you're saying tossing and turning on a bed with someone isn't sex??! Damn it I thought I scored.
Re:Um... (Score:3, Funny)
Yikes. You're quite the bitter loser.
Re:Um... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:First (Score:1, Funny)
nah this one you gotta come last to win.
Re:my wife is an odd duck (Score:3, Funny)
I'm not quite sure if she will take kindly to being called a duck
I take offense to that!
Re:Hmm (Score:1, Funny)
Figure peak, average, and maybe std deviation of the frequency/ampitude spectrum recored for the "event" and use those numbers to do your "grading".
Std deviation? Thats gonna be a bit more invasive that just hiding a load balancer under the bed!
Re:Hmm (Score:5, Funny)
Good use of twitter (Score:2, Funny)
Wow, this is really evil
Let's hope... (Score:3, Funny)
tweet frequency (Score:2, Funny)