TSA Wants You To Keep Your Seat, and Your Hands In Sight 888
An anonymous reader excerpts from an AP story as carried by Yahoo News about changes stemming from yesterday's foiled bombing attempt of a Northwest Airlines flight: "Some airlines were telling passengers on Saturday that new government security regulations prohibit them from leaving their seats beginning an hour before landing. The regulations are a response to a suspected terrorism incident on Christmas Day. Air Canada said in a statement that new rules imposed by the Transportation Security Administration limit on-board activities by passengers and crew in US airspace. ... Flight attendants on some domestic flights are informing passengers of similar rules. Passengers on a flight from New York to Tampa Saturday morning were also told they must remain in their seats and couldn't have items in their laps, including laptops and pillows." The TSA's list of prohibited items doesn't seem to have changed in the last day, though.
Re:They now need a "pee fee" - not what you think (Score:5, Funny)
Re:They now need a "pee fee" - not what you think (Score:3, Funny)
I fly regularly. It's really not that bad. I've never had a problem at the checkpoints, even when I'm randomly selected for a detailed search. Even U.S. CBP has been courteous when I cross the border.
This last hour sitting bullshit is rather fresh, of course.... but the TSA's measures aren't much of a hassle to date.
Shoe bomb vs. pants bomb (Score:2, Funny)
whack a mole policy at its finest (Score:2, Funny)
Re:They now need a "pee fee" - not what you think (Score:3, Funny)
"My fear that eventually travelers will all have to fly wearing issued paper-tissue gowns and be sedated during the flight approaches..."
You say fear, I say unrequited fetish.
Re:Just take a train. (Score:3, Funny)
I, for one, am absolutely convinced that a train crossing the ocean (apart from that pesky tunnel [wikipedia.org]) would be fucking awesome. And you know what else is awesome? Monster trucks. So what's the logical conclusion? Stick monster truck wheels on a train and it will cross the ocean. But it doesn't end there. Monster trucks are like SUVs but more awesome. Throw a bunch of trains with monster truck wheels into suburbia and they'll crush all the SUVs there. And just like that, BAM, global warming is solved. The only cars around will be Priuses because Prius owners are gay and don't fashion monster trucks. So paint the monster truck wheeled train pink and that's solved, too, killing not only Detroit but also Japan, which is mostly Toyota and a little bit of Honda. Whales around the world will rejoice. For three days. Then monster truck train safari is invented. Whales around the world are deep fried in monster truck train kitchens around the world. Now you can have your Fillet-O-Fish and eat another one, too. Also, whale cake, which is awesome!
Re:Oh, look! (Score:2, Funny)
The Patriot Act really helped to stop this guy (rolls eyes)
Re:Oh, look! (Score:2, Funny)
As a member of a flight club, I can fly a private Cessna 182 at 150 MPH
The first rule of flight club is you do not talk about flight club!
Re:What this incident proved... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Question (Score:1, Funny)
More like you are opening yourself up for a new suit.
Re:10,000,000+ U.S. commerical flights annually... (Score:2, Funny)
I notice that the chemical bonds for Pentaerythritol spell out HO HO HO HO. Make of that what you will during this holiday season.
Re:Its never going to work (Score:4, Funny)
start with the plastic forks
Re:Oh, look! (Score:5, Funny)
As a member of a flight club, [ ... ]
But isn't the first rule of flight club that you don't...
Oh, wait, never mind.
Re:NO! (Score:3, Funny)
Be careful people, we are dealing with some smart terrorists.
The DHS are the terrorists (Score:5, Funny)
DOCTOROW, Schneier, Sunday — After the Detroit Christmas firecracker incident, the Transport Security Administration now requires all US airline passengers to be strapped into their seats naked with catheters fitted, for their comfort and convenience [newstechnica.com].
"It's the most efficient way to keep the country moving and let the TERRORISTS know they haven't won," said TSA head Gale Rossides. "We're just trying to work out what to do when the TERRORISTS work out how to set off bombs by clenching their butt cheeks together."
Passengers are advised not to bother with laptops ("You could explode the batteries with your urine!"), iPods or the vile containers of sedition such as "books." "Carriage of any carryon item will result in lengthy security delays for the customer," said a TSA advisory, "but, in response to customer concerns, the TSA officer with the latex glove will give you a box of chocolates and promises to respect you in the morning, and will definitely call you later in the week. Honestly."
US tourism offices have finally given up and shut up shop. "I hear Afghanistan is pretty nice this time of year. Iran's pretty good too."
Officials at Amtrak did not give a comment on the phone, just the sound of dancing around their offices singing "We're In The Money."
The passenger who allegedly set off the firecracker has mounted a stern defense, showing his paycheck from the Department of Homeland Security's Subdepartment of Job Preservation.
Re:Oh, look! (Score:1, Funny)
Who cares who said it, we all thought it!
As for myself... (Score:3, Funny)
...I'll stop flying as soon as someone tries blowing up a plane with a rectal bomb or by making his underwear explode. "Please stand in line for a short rectal bomb check"
Re:Oh, look! (Score:3, Funny)
As a member of a flight club, I can fly a private Cessna 182 at 150 MPH (pretty much) anytime I want, at a cost that's perhaps 25% higher than driving.
But can you use your laptop or get up to go to the toilet during the last hour of the flight?
passengers (Score:5, Funny)
I wonder if more interaction between passengers would actually help matters.
I'm sure keeping people from the toilet won't help anybody though, as people simply cannot always be forced to hold their pee.
If an airline ever holds you in your seat when you need to pee, simply call an attendant to explain that you likely cannot hold it, and offer that they may either (a) bring you a bucket, or (b) frisk you and let you go. I bet the airline must ground the plane for longer if you pee in your seat or on the floor.
If you carry a pee bottle, then explain what your doing to nearby passengers first, as you don't want them attacking you for "mixing stuff".
Re:NO! (Score:5, Funny)
Ah bacon: the cornerstone of any Islamic fundamentalist terrorist breakfast!
Re:NO! (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Congrats TSA/Al Queda (Score:3, Funny)
The TSA confiscated his Shift key!!