Can Twitter and Facebook Deal With Their Dead?

Barence writes "One and a half million Facebook users die each year. Twitter faces a similar mortality rate. Yet the social networks have been relatively slow to deal with the uncomfortable business of death. Only this week has Twitter finally unveiled a policy for handling the accounts of dead members. Yet the process for closing the accounts of deceased relatives is complicated, while reminders to follow the accounts of people who have long since passed away continue to arrive, adding to the pain of grieving friends and relatives."

So serious

[odies]

You know what, before I die I will create a program that posts random predefined messages to my Facebook account after I have died. One of the morning messages could be "having a morning coffee with satan" and late night message could be "man do I appreciate cold beer right now".

You only die once. The least you can do is have some fun creeping out people about it.

Poor grieving relatives...

[grub]

But in order to achieve this, the grieving relatives must send Twitter their full name and contact details, an explanation of their relationship to the deceased, the user name of the Twitter account and links to a public obituary that provides proof of death.

That's ridiculous; Netcraft confirmation should suffice.

.

Re:The system should automatically disable an acco

[charles xavier]

Who in their right mind pokes a dead person?

Where's the Bureau of ATF?

[PocariSweat1991]

"One and a half million Facebook users die each year."

That's about 3 times as many annual deaths as tobacco users!
Where's the Bureau of Alcohol, Twitter, and Facebook when you need them?

Re:So serious

[Captain Splendid]

Awww, why did you have to go and plant that idea in my head? Now I've got a serious jones to reactivate my FB account just so I can do this 30-40 years from now!

Re:The system should automatically disable an acco

[manybit]

Yeah... Looking forward to the new groups. "Need 250 more people to poke my recently deceased grandma!"

Re:So serious

[Mr. Bad Example]

> One of the morning messages could be "having a morning coffee with satan" and late night message could be "man do I appreciate cold beer right now".

I've had sort of the same idea, only mine is an IM bot that will occasionally fire off messages to my friends at 3 AM saying things like "Look behind you" or "HE COMES".

Sounds dangerous

[Turzyx]

I didn't realise using Facebook and Twitter was such a risky endeavour.

Re:Where's the Bureau of ATF?

[sakdoctor]

Twitters die younger
Facebook when pregnant harms your baby
Your doctor or your pharmacist can help you stop posting
Facebook is highly addictive, don't start
Farmville may reduce blood flow and cause impotence
Protect children: don't make them a zombie

Re:I don't know about Twitter, but..

[Mongoose Disciple]

That's really surreal. I can only imagine what kind of Facebook profile question answers you pick for a dead guy.

"Relationship Status: It's Complicated."

Not a problem

[PPH]

I crave immortality.

Bring out yer dead

[circletimessquare]

Web Crawler: Bring out yer dead.
[a Robots.txt responds to the request with a packet]
Robots.txt: Here's one.
Web Crawler: That'll be nine bytes.
Dead Person's Webpage: I'm not dead.
Web Crawler: What?
Robots.txt: Nothing. There's your nine bytes.
Dead Person's Webpage: I'm not dead.
Web Crawler: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Robots.txt: Yes he is.
Dead Person's Webpage: I'm not.
Web Crawler: He isn't.
Robots.txt: Well, he will be soon, he's got bitrot.
Dead Person's Webpage: I'm getting better. Look, new content from friends and family.
Robots.txt: No you're not, you'll be stale content in a moment. No more page requests.
Web Crawler: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. Robots.txt, you should take him off your Disallow list.
Dead Person's Webpage: I don't want to go to the 404.
Robots.txt: Oh, don't be such a baby.
Web Crawler: I can't take him.
Dead Person's Webpage: I feel fine.
Robots.txt: Oh, do me a favor.
Web Crawler: I can't.
Robots.txt: Well, can you 302 temporarily redirect him for a couple of days? He won't be long.
Web Crawler: I promised I'd be at the Facebooks'. They've lost nine today.
Robots.txt: Well, when's your next round?
Web Crawler: 20100821 04:32:55 UTC.
Dead Person's Webpage: I think I'll go for a retweet.
Robots.txt: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?
Dead Person's Webpage: Status Update: I feel happy. Status Update: I feel happy.
[Web Crawler spiders up and down the fibre optic pipe furtively, then silences the Webpage with a whack of his delisting]
Robots.txt: Ah, thank you very much.
Web Crawler: Not at all. See you on 20100821 04:32:55 UTC.
Robots.txt: Right.

Re:Snore

[jeffmeden]

Unless you're getting spam from someone who's logging into the dead person's account to help their own Farmville game or whatnot, you shouldn't even be getting anything that would remind you it's still active.

NickJones08 is pushing up daisies in Farmville!
Play Farmville now and help him out!

Re:Where's the Bureau of ATF?

[Anonymous Coward]

Log off and light up? I think I manage that...

Re:Perhaps a "key escrow" feature?

[dangitman]

Sent an e-mail to the account holder's registered e-mail address with a link to an "I'm not dead" page,

Dear Facebook,

I'm not dead, I was just pining for the fjords.

Sincerely,

Percival Q. Parrot, Esq.

Re:So serious

[need4mospd]

I was thinking more along the lines of, "I see you masturbate more than I do." or "It's so much more fun here, come join me!"

Re:So serious

[bth]

or are you?

Re:So serious

[Anonymous Coward]

If you set up automatic texts and the phone keeps going off at 3AM, you may have the pleasure of sending from the great beyond sooner than you had planned.

Re:So serious

[Apocryphos]

This isn't my first account either. My last account was a single digit, but that wasn't my first account either. My first account was actually before they had invented numbers, and it was actually a Sanskrit phrase. Unfortunately, the rock I chiseled my passwords into was destroyed in the Cretaceous-Tertiary extinction event, so I can't log in with them anymore.

Re:So serious

[TheLink]

What? So that you can do this?

Captain Splendid: Oops... Looks like I'm dead. Damn... :(
Tuesday at 10:00pm

Captain Splendid likes 10 ways to tell that you are really dead
Tuesday at 10:02pm

Captain Splendid: Anyone have a res handy? Urgent!
            Captain Splendid needs a resurrection! Give him one and you'll get HadesVille points!
Tuesday at 10:13pm via HadesVille

Captain Splendid: Where's the restore from quick-save option when you really really need it. Sigh...
Tuesday at 10:17pm

Captain Splendid: On the bright side, I guess I don't have to show up for work tomorrow :) @Boss.
Tuesday at 10:20pm

Captain Splendid: Hmm, wonder what time the funeral will be tomorrow. I'd hate to be late ;). Haha I kill me sometimes (but not this time, it was Professor Plum with the candlestick!).
Tuesday at 10:32pm

Captain Splendid: I guess I'll call it a night, no point doing the graveyard shift, don't want to be like a zombie tomorrow...
Tuesday at 10:50pm

Captain Splendid: Good morning! I'm up! OK not so good and not so up. Oh well. At least the mortician made me smile, put stitches in my side too.
Wednesday at 7:30am

Captain Splendid likes What's worse than waking up early in the morning? Not waking up at all!
Wednesday at 7:32am

Captain Splendid: I guess I'll skip breakfast, no stomach for it today... But I'd die for a cup of coffee :p.
Wednesday at 7:35am

Captain Splendid: Wow, people are actually coming to my funeral!
Wednesday at 8:43am

Captain Splendid likes a minute of silence
Wednesday at 9:01am

Captain Splendid: Aww don't cry... OK so I'll really be forever in your debt, but hey I did say the payback's gonna be "out of this world" right? XD
Wednesday at 9:05am

Captain Splendid likes The Sweet By and By
Wednesday at 9:10am

Captain Splendid: @MaryNotMarried now's the time to ask that pesky aunt "When's your turn" just like she does to you at weddings... Haha!
Wednesday at 9:13am

Captain Splendid likes short sermons and even shorter skirts
Wednesday at 9:20am

Captain Splendid: ok Human Torch time!
Wednesday at 9:30am

Captain Splendid: getting kinda warm in here... I hate stupid ties and suits.
Wednesday at 9:35am

Captain Splendid: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSMOKIN'!
Wednesday at 9:37am

Captain Splendid: Flame on!
Wednesday at 9:40am

Captain Splendid: The ultimate fat burning program... Watch the pounds melt away. And never come back- 100% guaranteed!
Wednesday at 9:45am

Captain Splendid: ok I guess I can fit in that sexy "size nothing" urn now... Check out my new curves... Hey guys, I'm coming out of the closet! Just kidding! Don't look like you've just seen a ghost.
Wednesday at 9:55am

Captain Splendid: It is very dark. I wonder if grues eat ashes.
Wednesday at 10:00am

Re:Bah, who needs a script

[TheLink]

Nah wireless is more convenient. As long as you don't hold the phone in a death-grip.