New Laser Makes Pirates Wish They Wore Eye-Patches

vieux schnock writes "The New Scientist has an article about a new laser developed by a company in Farnborough, UK, that aims to deter modern high-seas pirates. Devised as a 'warning shot' to 'distract suspected pirates rather than harm them,' the meter-wide beam can scan the pirates' 6-metre skiffs and make it difficult for them to aim their AK-47 or rocket-propelled grenades at the ship."

Cue something about sharks

[vakuona]

in 3...2...1

Re:Cue something about sharks

[badran]

Sharks

Don't look at approaching ship

[line-bundle]

with remaining eye.

related?

[Jeek Elemental]

Import of mirrors and mirror related paraphernalia spiked sharply in Somalia, leaving traders baffled.

meter-wide bean?

[theskunkmonkey]

> meter-wide bean

That's a huge bean!

Re:I have a better idea

[Anonymous Coward]

It's actually quite difficult to snipe from a moving ship.

That's non-sense. These pirate boats are six meters per TFA. I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home. They're not much bigger than two meters.

Re:I have a better idea

[fuzzyfuzzyfungus]

Luckily, active-duty Navy SEALs are approximately representative of the sniping ability of your average nautical rentacop, so there should be no difficulties with applying this scheme more broadly...

Re:Will not work

[fuzzyfuzzyfungus]

So, 1.5 million a pop(not counting the necessary radar, integration, staffing, and maintenance), per turret(larger ships would almost certainly need more than one, to prevent attacks on their blind spots), to deal with a problem that affects under 1% of the ships passing through that area?

I'm fairly sure that that sound I hear in the distance is the actuaries at Lloyds laughing through their stiff upper lips...

Re:Will not work

[HornWumpus]

Any port that doesn't have gun emplacements big enough to stop me.

Re:I have a better idea

[lennier]

The religion says that conceal-carry would lead to the Wild West all over again, with gunfights in the streets everywhere. The facts say

that this would be awesome. Also there would be dinosaurs and space ships and ghost wizards who all shoot bullets from their nose when they roar.

Whether it's on foot in the streets or on ships in the sea, the basic predator-prey nature of violent criminals and their victims remains unchanged.

Because as we all know, the human species is genetically split into two completely non-inter-breeding subraces, the Victims and the Criminals, so all comparisons based on the Discovery Channel are completely valid.

And that, gentlemen and ladies of the Institute, is why we must arm the gazelles immediately. Because do we want an African veldt where only the lions have surgically implanted Uzis?

I know I don't, and that's why I created the hoof-held Stinger.

Need Letters of Marque and Reprisal

[dirkdodgers]

Are you listening Obama? Do you care about jobs?

Then authorize Blackwater (Xe) and Dynacorp to go after these scallywags in exchange for bounties put up by shipping companies. Pay out $100,000 an ear.

It will stimulate the economy, create jobs, and provide gainful employment for ex-military facing challenges reintegrating into the domestic laborforce. I see no downsides. It will cost the taxpayers nothing.

Then the next time these pirates approach a merchant vessel, they'll see a gunboat coming around the stern of the ship flying a US flag and ready to kick ass and take names.

It will be the economic gift that keeps giving. Just wait until the movies start to come out. "Pirate Hunter", "Pirate Hunter 2: With a Vengeance", "Rambo V: Arrrr!". America could become known worldwide as the finest mercenary exporting nation since the middle ages.

Re:I have a better idea

[Anonymous Coward]

DON'T FEED THE BEARS, it just makes them lazy and viscous.

Ah, just imagine all these viscous bears flowing down the hills...