Australia's Biggest Airline Grounds Its Entire Fleet

An anonymous reader writes "Australia's national airline QANTAS, famous for never having had a fatal crash, has been grounded effective immediately by its management. The grounding is in response to industrial action by union employees and has stranded passengers all over the world, with 108 planes grounded indefinitely. The Australian Government is seeking an urgent industrial relations hearing in a likely bid to suspend the industrial action and halt further damage to the Australian economy."

Found this joke about why QANTAS jets do not crash

[Registered Coward v2]

Apparently, after every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet’, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ Pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilots: Something loose in cockpit.

Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilots: Dead bugs on windshield.

Engineers: Live bugs on back-order. Pilots: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Engineers: That’s what they’re for.

Pilots: Suspected crack in windshield.

Engineers: Suspect you’re right.

Pilots: Number 3 engine missing.

Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilots: Aircraft handles funny.

Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilots: Target radar hums

Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilots: Mouse in cockpit.

Engineers: Cat installed. And perhaps, the best Qantas joke Qantas

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

Engineers: Took hammer away from midget