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Just Days After Release, Google's Nexus 4 Has Already Been Rooted

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  • by Psychotria (953670) on Saturday November 17, 2012 @08:06AM (#42011287)

    MEDIA RELEASE

    Status: Current
    Release: For general public
    Copyright: (C) 2012, McDaffy Duck incorporated, All Rights Reserved (R)
    Approved by: Timothy

    Introduction

    Today McDaffy -- a leading anti-virus/malware/knowledge vendor -- made a startling discovery. Researchers at McDaffy for months have been toiling over and reverse engineering code from myriad sources (although the source was not available.) McDaffy is disclosing this information in the interests of honest disclosure. Severe security flaws are found on Personal Computers and PCs.

    Background and Terminology

    Beginning in early 1986 McDaffy researchers began exploring the possibility of running arbitrary code on arbitrary hardware where not only was the "root password" was known but the hardware was directly available and accessible. After 26 years of careful research a talented intern hit upon the jackpot. Through a cunning combination of access to hardware, an open operating system, and 15 M&Ms he was able to inject carefully crafted code into the colonel.

    Colonel: The heart of a computer
    CPU: Cologne Prince(poofter) Unit

    Once the intern had impregnated the colonel with the tainted DNA (code) he had unimaginable access to the system. The colonel directs all orders of the computer. Orders of the user, I mean. Or something. Anyway this injection of sperm allowed the intern unimaginable power. He had zero day access!

    Zero day access: The time it takes to impregnate a colonel; in this case zero days

    Results

    The code was injected from the host (the intern) into the target. Target is a technical term for the colonel. This took 0-days (hence the term). The intern then inserted his CD into the Drive (CD = Crusty Doodle; Drive = Penis... err, or Vagina). Upon injection the Vagina immediately seized up, causing a terminal crash. Quickly removing the CD and inserting his USB (Unsatisfactory Satisfying Boobies, I see Boobies) into the vegena the intern immediately had rooted the thingy. And he was happy.

  • by Black Parrot (19622) on Saturday November 17, 2012 @09:28AM (#42011573)

    This is tanks to revolutionary

    +1, Unexpected Metaphor

  • by JustOK (667959) on Saturday November 17, 2012 @09:58AM (#42011671) Journal

    In other breaking news, scientist reveal night follows day SHOCKER!

    It's just a correlation

  • by davidshewitt (1552163) on Saturday November 17, 2012 @02:03PM (#42013093)
    ... due to lack of physical access. :-(

Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts -- for support rather than illumination.

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