Swiss War Game Envisages Invasion By Bankrupt French

An anonymous reader writes "The Telegraph reports, 'Hordes of bankrupt French invade Switzerland to get their hands on their "stolen" money — such is the imaginary scenario cooked up by the Swiss military in simulations revealed over the weekend. Carried out in August, the apparently outlandish army exercise was based on the premise of an attack by a financially stricken France split into warring regions, according to Matin Dimanche, the Lausanne-based daily. ... Operation "Duplex-Barbara" went as far as imagining a three-pronged invasion from points near Neufchâtel, Lausanne and Geneva, according to a map published in the Swiss newspaper. Behind the dastardly raid was a paramilitary organization dubbed BLD, the Dijon Free Brigade bent on grabbing back "money that Switzerland had stolen from Saônia". "For its credibility, the Swiss army must work (to ward against) threats of the 21st century," Antoine Vielliard, Hauate-Savoie councilor, told Matin Dimanche. However, Daniel Berger, captain of the Swiss armored brigade, sought to play down the specificity of the threat. "The exercise has strictly nothing to do with France, which we appreciate" he told the Swiss press. ... "French towns were cited to provide soldiers with a real scale," he said. ... Neutral Switzerland has not been invaded since the Napoleonic Wars of the early 19th century. '"

Reality is Stranger than Fiction

[VortexCortex]

Just wait till the shut-down the government in USA.

It'll be like Tienanmen Square, but with tanks vs smart phone slinging teenage mutant ninjas.

Even worse! All of the 401ks are backed by the stork market.... Another crash and it'll be 60 something hippies in business casual firing Ronald Rayguns.

Not to worry!

[Black Parrot]

Neutral Switzerland has not been invaded since the Napoleonic Wars of the early 19th century.

By, uhm, France.

It won't go well...

[Anonymous Coward]

I know this, because I'm old enough to have googled French military victories [albinoblacksheep.com].

Re:Countries do this all the time

[Dave Emami]

Famous but probably-apocryphal conversation between a visiting German general and his Swiss counterpart, prior to WW2:

German: How many men are under your command?
Swiss: I can mobilize one million men in less than twenty-four hours.
German: What would happen if I marched five million men through that pass tomorrow?
Swiss: I would call up my men. Each man would fire five shots. Then I would send them home.

Operation "Duplex-Barbara"..?

[drkim]

I saw a movie called "Duplex-Barbara" once, but it was about this girl named Barbara taking a shower (in her duplex), and then the Pizza delivery guy arrives.

Now that I think about it - there was some French kissing in it...

Re:Countries do this all the time

[cold fjord]

True, but Switzerland takes it up a level. Permanent tank traps in farmers fields, hidden military installations all over the country, bomb shelters, and a huge military reserve with regular training.

And for some of them [telegraph.co.uk], an almost fanatical dedication to the pope.

Re:Countries do this all the time

[Anonymous Coward]

Also, what else should Switzerland do in their scenarios? Elbonia Invades? They only can pick France, Germany, Italy (on the other side of the alps...) and then they have a very small border with Austria. All four are ridiculous candidates. They simply do not have many candidates to chose from - and unless they want to go totally cliche, they cannot pick Germany.

They should be preparing for the most dastardly enemy of all, Lichtenstein. You think those "denture" factories produce false teeth? Think again. They are gearing up for war, it's only a matter of time.

Re:Countries do this all the time

[laejoh]

Oh my gawd, I didn't expect that!

Re:Countries do this all the time

[Sique]

I often compare the number of people dying in a terrorist attack in Germany with the number of people dying due to suffocation by a fishbone (because I have the numbers for both). During the last 40 years, there were less than 200 deaths in Germany caused by known terrorist groups (32 of them killed by the Red Army Fraction [wikipedia.org], 10 by the National Socialist Underground [wikipedia.org]). Every year, 700 people choke on a fishbone, which gives us 28000 fishbone related deaths in the last 40 years.

When do we start the War On Fishponds?

Re:Countries do this all the time

[bfandreas]

I think most countries plan to try not to be invaded rather than plan for being invaded.

I know that's the case here in the UK, we generally focus our efforts on keeping invaders out rather than worrying about them getting in.

But I guess we have the benefit of being an island which means we have a somewhat better natural protection against invasion which makes that easier I suppose.

You feel safe now, but just you wait. UKIP has uncovered an insidious plan! Apparently ALL Dutch citizens have been issued drinking straws to drink the North Sea empty so they can safely walk over to you and install their own king. Again.
They are only waiting for an extra large shipment of Kool-Aid.

Nigel Farage came to me in a dream dressed like a pixie and told me only I could prevent this by voting for him.

Simple solution

[RMingin]

Ok, so Switzerland, who is entirely familiar with the concept of mercenaries, is invaded by France?

The solution lies directly North of Switzerland. Calculate expected damages due to invasion, offer half that amount to the Germans, and watch France surrender.

Hell, if you play your cards right, maybe Germany will cede some of France's territory to you after a few hours, when the French surrender!

(This is for comedic value and is not a serious statement regarding Germany, France, or Switzerland.)

French invading?

[operagost]

Better wear sunglasses; the glare from all those white flags coming out will be intense.