Nuclear Officers Napped With Blast Door Left Open 238
Lasrick writes "AP's Robert Burns reports that 'Air Force officers entrusted with the launch keys to long-range nuclear missiles have been caught twice this year leaving open a blast door that is intended to help prevent a terrorist or other intruder from entering their underground command post.' Why is that signifcant? At least one of the officers was napping at the time. Airforce officials said other violations like this have undoubtedly occurred and gone undetected. Yeesh. 'The blast door violations are another sign of trouble in the handling of the nation's nuclear arsenal. The AP has discovered a series of problems within the ICBM force, including a failed safety inspection, the temporary sidelining of launch officers deemed unfit for duty and the abrupt firing last week of the two-star general in charge. The problems, including low morale, underscore the challenges of keeping safe such a deadly force that is constantly on alert but is unlikely ever to be used.'"
In their defense (Score:5, Funny)
It gets hot in there, and Johnson is always farting.
Re:In their defense (Score:5, Funny)
"Close the blast doors! Close the blast doors!"
Boring conversation, anyways...
Re: (Score:2)
Luke, we're gonna have company.
Re:In their defense (Score:5, Insightful)
Your other choices?
Haliburton? Blackwater?
Oracle?
Re:In their defense (Score:4, Funny)
Your other choices?
Oracle?
Microsoft:
It will randomly decide to launch, the guidance system will crash, and even if it does get to it's destination there is no warhead because this was only a "premium" version of Weapons of Mass Destruction.... you have to purchase the "Ultimate" version to get the payload. Also, you might as well just go home, it's been exploited several times already and six other countries are currently fighting for control of it since the exploit patch isn't due out until the next patch Tuesday.
Gentoo:
Whenever the hell your missile finally compiles without error you have a small window of time to launch where it will get to target milliseconds faster than any other missile giving you bragging rights... Until you realize you forgot an important USE flag and have to revdep-rebuild world.
Debian:
Your ICBM may have been built some time in the cretaceous period, but damn if it doesn't just keep humming along rock solid and stable. If you are lucky newer missile tech can be back-ported. You could get gutsy and upgrade to testing to have the newest missile tech while still remaining as stable as your competitors "stable" releases, or you could go with missile "sid" but run the risk of pieces of your missile going missing on your daily upgrade.
Re:In their defense (Score:5, Informative)
"Wow. Another ignorant poster who is somehow under the impression that things have gotten *worse* since Bush left office."
Wow. Another poster who misinterpreted somebody else's post and goes off on a political diatribe.
"And that's in spite of a Republican-controlled House that simply refuses to vote on anything that might make Obama look good."
And what might those things be? What, in your opinion, would make Obama look good? Let's see:
Bailouts? (It might have been Bush's idea but it was Obama who did it.) Did that make him look good?
Increased foreign wars, after he had vowed to decrease them immediately? Did that make him look good?
Inflationary monetary policy? A recession we still aren't out of? Massively increased debt and deficit? Do those make him look good?
Obamacare? Is that making him look good?
Increased domestic surveillance, when he had vowed to decrease it, immediately? Does that make him look good?
Increased intrusion into constitutional rights, when he had spoken out against it in his campaign? Does that make him look good?
Hmmm. Making a serious effort to be as objective as I can, I would still have to say no, no, no, no, no, and no.
Re:In their defense (Score:5, Insightful)
I always find it funny how people complain about the ineptitude of the government when it is a reflection of the society as a whole. You don't like it, do something about it. Or, you know, act like the people in your government act and just pass the buck while complaining. See, it works out perfectly.
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"You do know that this shady government entity is populated by your fellow countrymen right?"
Committee members are people. A committee is not.
Bureaucrats are people. (An especially loathsome class of people, but people nonetheless.) Bureaucracies are not.
Politicians are people (who also often tend to be lowlifes). Politics are not.
Of course I know that the government is made up of people (though it is not, itself, "people"). But I don't really give a damn whether it is made of people or ants or gerbils. If it's incompetent, it's incompetent. And in recent years, it has very definitely show
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As of today, they haven't been representing ME or my interests. And I'm not responsible for them being there, I voted for somebody else. So don't give me this "abdication" sh*t.
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"Ah, you didn't vote them in so you have no responsibility for what they do.
Do you see what you did there?"
Ah, distorting my meaning.
Do you see what you did there?
Let's be more specific: I am not responsible for politicians who have been doing things that I have actively been opposing for all of my adult life.
Is that clear enough for you? Or are you going to continue to try to play armchair psychologist?
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Obama has castrated the military by letting in faggots. I'm surprised they slept without chastity belts on what with the fanny bandits now allowed to publicly flaunt their perverted lifestyle.
While I hate to dissapoint you, gays were in the military long before Obama took office.
Is anybody surprised? (Score:5, Insightful)
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if(false){
for(Missile missile : missiles){
missile.launch()
}
}
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Then you're relying on just one byte to never be changed by memory corruption forever.
if(false && false && false)
for(Missile missile: missles)
missile.launch()
Re: (Score:3)
Re: Is anybody surprised? (Score:5, Insightful)
Shall we play a game???
Re:Is anybody surprised? (Score:4, Funny)
More like
while true
do
sleep 300
if false; then
for i in $SILO; do
launch $i
done
# XXX: Add case to check blast doors
fi
done
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for i in $SILO; ; launch $i
"Dangit, I think a cat got into the silo again!"
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Maybe we should have an AI in charge of the nukes?
Back at base, bugs in the software
Flash the message
"Something's out there"
/
Panic bells, it's red alert
There's something here
From somewhere else
The war machine springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
Focusing it on the sky
if(false)
Signed-off-by: me
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until such a time as you are instructed to commit the greatest mass slaughter in human history
To worry, worry, super-scurry
Call the troops out in a hurry
This is what we've waited for
This is it boys, this is war
Any questions?
"So you pay for college?"
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Uh ya, since alarms and shit are going to sound when I need to bring an end to humanity, why do I have to stay awake until then?
Re:Is anybody surprised? (Score:4, Interesting)
Hey there troops, listen up! It's your job to sit in this drab, overbuilt concrete coffin, sitting on your lazy asses like the cold war relics you are, until such a time as you are instructed to commit the greatest mass slaughter in human history. Any questions?
I do have a suggested alternative.... Have at least 5 or 6 command post stations; with at least 10 different pairs of watchpeople holding the launch keys.
In the event, that a launch condition is signalled -- a random command post, or a plurality of command posts; is selected to be the command post whose launch keys will activate the launch.
That way..... when the command posts are ordered to turn their keys Nobody at the command posts actually know which key turns will be the final approval for the launch to commence; hence, they will all have plausible deniability.
(2) If terrorists compromise one of the command posts; it will be unlikely that just happens to be the right post that was chosen to signal final approval.
(3) if only one or two command posts turns their keys, then the launch is aborted
(4) the command posts have security cameras monitoring each other; not in such a way as the other command posts can determine if another one has actually turned the keys, BUT in a manner, that a command post can see if another is under duress.
(5) An alternate key, and an alternate keyhole is provided for operators to use, in case under duress; a key that "prohibits" launch and neutralizes that post's abilty to approve ----- instead of approving launch.
Re: (Score:2)
That would ce
I can't decide... (Score:2)
...if nuclear silo duty is the best job in the Air Force or the worst.
As best as I can tell, you haven't had to do anything since...uh....longer than anyone's been on active duty.
Re: (Score:2)
Except perhaps, closing the blast doors while napping.
Re:I can't decide... (Score:5, Funny)
"Except perhaps, closing the blast doors while napping."
That's what's this all about.
1. If you sleep, the door must be closed.
2. If the door is closed, nobody can catch you sleeping, even if you sleep at times when you shouldn't.
3. Ergo, always close the fucking door.
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Please if they were smart they would do one better....
1. spill paper clips on floor several feet from door
2. Sleep on floor with feet touching door.
3. If door opens, yell "sorry one second" and explain that you were on the floor picking up the paper clips.
Apparently this is an old trick. Wouldn't work for me as my office door has a full height window next to it (perhaps for exactly this reason); and of course, I snore like a buzz saw.
Job Requirements (Score:2)
1) If I press this button millions of people will die.
2) This will probably include myself and my family.
3) Ergo, never push the button.
Re:I can't decide... (Score:4, Interesting)
It's a horrible, awful job. My father was in the airforce and maintained a lot of that equipment. Think of it this way, you are locked underground with 2 other guys. Everyone has a gun and have been psychologically tested to be sure that they could kill YOU immediately if ordered to, or if you hesitate in following an order. Spend 6 months with those guys and try and have meaningful interactions with them... oh right, you might have to shoot them to... so don't get too attached.
It's basically a recipe for the worst reality show ever. My father said the second he'd show up to work on stuff the guys would begin yapping their traps non-stop. Being the first human they'd seen in months that had no designs on shooting them in the head, he was their new best friend.
Lastly, the blast doors aren't the only doors. It's an entire facility. It just takes the blast doors a loooong time to open. So they dont close them unless they absolutely have to. Granted, his experiences were in the 60s and 70s so I'm not sure how much of it still applies. But I bet it's still pretty much the same.
Re:I can't decide... (Score:5, Interesting)
It does sound like your dad is talking about Titan II, but even then its not nearly as bad as you make it out to be (still pretty shitty though) and better than MM LCCs (the Titan II facilities were much larger... but also built right next to the silo).
Far worse were SAC B-52 crew alerts. You'd go on on ground alert for days at a time, where you had to eat/sleep/live within running/short drive distance of your bomber and couldn't really leave.
Re:I can't decide... (Score:4, Insightful)
He also has the kill your colleague if they don't follow an order thing wrong.
All those missiles can be controlled from another launch facility, so if one of the missileers doesn't want to turn their key, control of their silos is just assumed by another launch facility and their missiles are launched anyway.
The sidearms were for defense of the facility, not to use on fellow officers is my understanding.
Re: (Score:2)
By your father, you mean 'Wargames'?
Because I worked in the field at these silos, and you sir, are full of shit.
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Promotion in that position? What's that look like?
I hereby promote you to the rank of "Corporal Chair-napper over by the nukes"...
Elaborate honeypot? (Score:2)
Or they could just be setting up a trap. "Come on into remote location, I promise we're just napping".
Re: (Score:2)
Worst... Trap.... Evar.
Like Molten Core [wowwiki.com], without a lewtbomb and the end.
The worst job on earth (Score:5, Interesting)
You'd think about the obvious reasons for nuclear disarmament, but nobody ever spares a thought for the poor sods who have to sit there watching these doomsday devices: if they ever get used it's the end of the world, if they're ever attacked it will be with overwhelming force, and they are expected to be running their AAA-game 24/7/365, no holidays, no vacations.
(Interesting thought experiment: replace "nuclear weapons officer" with "megabank sysadmin")
Give me a break (Score:5, Interesting)
Oh, I think of the 'poor sods' in the missile silos... to laugh uproariously at them and how 'hard' they work. They're on duty in the silo for 24 hours once a week or so, and when they're not on duty they work 9-5 and get weekends off. When something in the system breaks, they phone home and someone else comes out to fix it.
I sat my missile fire control console six on, twelve off, mumble feet under the North Atlantic for sixty to eighty days a pop. If the system went down, it was on us to fix it. No nine to five. No weekends. No meals at home. No sunshine. And back then, the Walkman was brand new and the absolute height of personal electronics. (Not that personal electronics make up much for what you're missing.) I truly had to have my AAA game, because there were dozens of ways to die or be badly injured surrounding me 24/7 for days on end.
When it comes to a hard life in the strategic weapons world, the chumps out there with the prairie dogs aren't close to having the hardest. That (dubious) 'honor' belongs to my brothers and sisters boring holes out there in the deep blue.
x-FTB2/SS, USS Henry L. Stimson 655B 1983-87.
Re:The worst job on earth (Score:4, Insightful)
Arguably, US morale is the lowest it has been since the US Civil War:
Anything is arguable. The post Vietnam War period was worse. You also had in addition your list, widespread drug use and widespread lack of discipline.
Morale is extremely low. If this wasn't the case, there wouldn't be any Snowdens or Assanges.
Neither had anything to do with the US military.
SubjectsInCommentsAreStupid (Score:2)
Strange... (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Strange... (Score:5, Informative)
Re: (Score:2)
The door is often left open. It gets really hot and stuffy. BTW to get to that blast door you need to go through another bigger blast door. If the Bigger one was left open it either mean they had problems testing the generator, or some screwed up.
Re:Strange... (Score:4, Funny)
LOL ... sounds familiar [epicquotes.org] I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I actually know a couple of narcoleptics who can't drive any more for precisely this reason.
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Given a comment a few above this one stating that he once had the misfortune to work on one, and they often made him work several days in a row with no sleep... that actually does sound like it's probably the reason, and I can't really blame him for it.
Recent firings of general & admiral (Score:2)
Maybe this is a clue as to some of the reasons a couple of high ranking officers have been fired in that command recently. Figures.
Re: (Score:2)
With the end of the Cold War, the importance of SAC (and it's successor STRATCOM) has declined markedly - and it's gotten even worse with the various battles/wars/whatever in the Middle East producing actual combat veterans who've started getting a leg up on the promotion ladder. Also the second best and brightest* aren't being recruited into the USAF strategic forces anymore. The results are pretty much what you'd expect. Everyone expected the 2007 muck up with the nuclear tipped ALCM's to be a wake up
Open Door Policy (Score:5, Funny)
No longer in effect.
Why hold them to higher standard? (Score:3)
Seriously do these guys get hardship pay or anything? Is it a rotational program where they get to go somewhere better after they do their time in the bunker? Or is this really just the worst assignment in the Air Force?
Anecdotally by buddy's father who is in the Air Force Reserve was deployed somewhere in the Arabian Sea doing logistical support for the operations over there. He said it was the best vacation he ever went on. He loaded and unloaded planes, planes that sometimes came frequently and sometimes did not. When he wasn't loading and unloading planes he was playing golf, hitting the beach, or hanging out with his fellow airmen. I would be pretty envious if I were stuck in a bunker in Idaho.
Re: (Score:2)
"Why hold them to a higher standard".
Oh, I don't know, maybe because they are guarding "Weapons of Mass Destruction".
At least close and lock the damn door if you are going to nap.
I highly doubt someone could get that far without someone tripping an alarm and the guard(s) waking up, but still...
Re: (Score:2, Insightful)
The term "Weapons of Mass Destruction" has lost most of its bite since they redefined it to make the Boston bombing sound more damaging than an average industrial accident.
Re: (Score:2)
I would nap and probably do a bunch of much worse stuff too if I were them. My other buddies from the academy are stationed in tropical paradises picking up the locals when they go on leave, General Sleeps with His Biographer is getting some, and here I am stuck in America's asscrack buried deep in a bunker with another guy who won't shut up and keeps eating my lunch out of the fridge.
These guys specifically sign up to be part of the nuclear arsenal team - it's not like they assign these jobs to random privates fresh out of boot.
Kinda like the saying*, 'don't join the Marines if you don't want to kill anyone,' you shouldn't join the nuclear arsenal team if you don't want to spend the majority of your time sitting on your ass guarding missiles from nobody.
* Yes, I just now made that up.
hey, it's an important job! (Score:2)
Re: (Score:3)
Incorrect.
Most officers didn't choose to do that, they were assigned when there was an issue in their previous duties. Like screwing off and destroying a fighter.
Or couldn't cut it in the field they chose, and took this instead of resigning.
Sometime Some can't do their previous jobs for reason outside of their control, and there isn't a position to move to. For example Vision going bad on a pilot, but there isn't a position of their rank open. I didn't meet a single member of the crew where this was the pri
Re:Why hold them to higher standard? (Score:4, Insightful)
So... basically what you're saying is, the people our government puts in charge of the most deadly, destructive arsenal ever known are, essentially, the worst of the worst and laziest of laziest?
I wish I hadn't found that out.
Re:Why hold them to higher standard? (Score:5, Interesting)
Yes, it's a sucky job. Often it gets assign to former pilot, and no one wants to do it.
F.E.* Warren Air Force base is horrid, it's in a horrid place, and threes things happen when someone goes there:
1) The retire
2) The put 100% of their effort to getting a new station
3) They just give up to get discharged.
I was their for 18 months. During that time promotions were frozen(Thanks Reagan!) We were at 30% staffing. Meaning I spent many weeks work 72 to 100 houre, straight. as in No sleep, or at best an hour a night Plus I was told no one in my classification would every get transferred out because that don't see staffing getting put back up to 100%
Plus, for some reason, they thought I was talking drugs, os about every month I had to go pee in a cup. I have no idea why they would think that
The security teams the send out to the site our horrible people who will rob you blind.
*Fuck Everybody Warren.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Good point.
OTOH, it was the whole services group not just me. They did have the gall to ask why there were some many alcoholics.
I could go on, but I will spare you.
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The folks I used to work with in the DoD would always refer to the USAF as the 9-to-5 branch of the military.
Re: (Score:2)
I always heard the USAF referred to as "white mans welfare" by the people i knew in it.. Always have a job, only the officers are in harms way, and you get retirement too.
Re: (Score:2)
"only the officers are in harms way,"
Clueless much?
Re: (Score:2)
There aren't any more active silos in Idaho
They are in Wyoming, Montana and North Dakota
Reminds of the scene from 'Spies Like Us' (Score:2)
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In one of the greatest achievements of a guy above his pay grade, Dan Ackroyd ended up married to Donna Dixon, the hot blonde Soviet soldier. I just happen to be in the middle of Doctor Detroit which I just read is where they met.
Above pay grade (Score:2)
Billy Joel -- Cristy Brinkley now that was marrying above his pay grade. Gives hope to us all
Re:Above pay grade (Score:4, Funny)
On Slashdot 'marrying above your pay grade' usually means getting the tricked out version of a Real Doll [realdoll.com].
Re: (Score:2)
I'm going with Lyle Lovett/Julia Roberts. Although they didn't last either. Hmm.
Re: (Score:2)
Billy Joel gets +1 in a band, 1+ rich and +5 he's the goddamned piano man, bringing him squarely up from a 1 to an 8.
She's since had plastic surgery to look more like mom... ...but still sings like her.
Re: (Score:2)
Donna Dixon was a spy from the other team (and still way above Ackroyd's pay grade). Vanessa Angel was the Soviet soldier.
Summary does not enhance my calm (Score:2)
Can we not use the phrase "abrupt firing" when talking about nuclear missiles please?
Re: (Score:2)
I actually used to work in one. (Score:5, Interesting)
A) There are two blast doors.
B) They are [REDACTED] meters below ground.
C) There is an elevator
D) They are their for more than a day, so they sleep.
This isn't really much of a deal. There is nothing that can happen that they can nap through.
Their Job is extremely boring, and their isn't a regular thing to watch. Like gauge, or pressure valves.
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Re: (Score:2)
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conventional explosives are used to start the nuclear reaction.
Re: (Score:2)
Current nukes, yes. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun-type_fission_weapon [wikipedia.org]
Re: (Score:2)
Well, if you've gotten that far, you might be able to make off with it.
And if you can't, if you can detonate in place ... you still create a hell of a mess.
The point is, if the guards are sleeping and the door is open, all of your security up to that point is useless. If security falls apart at the weakest link, it sounds like they identified some.
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I don't know, but you will have to bypass that last remaining 50c switch or no boom-boom: http://www.theguardian.com/world/interactive/2013/sep/20/goldsboro-revisited-declassified-document [theguardian.com]
Re: (Score:2)
You are under the illusion that the missile is in the same room as the people launching it. It is not.
Re: (Score:3)
What happens if somebody does walk past the guards into the nuclear arsenal?
You get shot dead by the guys in the bunker, who are armed and psychologically screened not only to be able to launch nuclear weapons, but to be perfectly willing to shoot intruders first and never ask questions.
Re: (Score:2)
15-30 meters down, isn't it? I toured the (decommissioned) Minuteman command silo at Whiteman AFB in the mid '90s and I seem to remember it being pretty far down.
I'm sure you're right about it being boring as fuck, yet stressful.
Re: (Score:2)
Not a problem (Score:5, Funny)
This is one of the most important missions . . . (Score:2)
This is one of the most important missions that the Air Force ever will have. I'm sure they put their best officers on it.
That's DEEP SARCASM.
This is a command problem.
Re: (Score:2)
Parallels to the Night's Watch (Score:2)
Does it matter? (Score:3)
... if all the lauch codes are zero anyway? [theguardian.com]
(Well, alright that was some time ago, but really... this points to systemic issues, and I don't think they'll have been fixed within a few years.)
So... (Score:3)
How come we're not all dead? I thought (was told) there was a terrorist hiding around every corner.
Re:So... (Score:5, Funny)
How come we're not all dead? I thought (was told) there was a terrorist hiding around every corner.
That's why missile silos are round. Duh.
Submarines are better! (Score:3)
Job title (Score:2)
I bet the button pushers job title is "Mass Population Control Specialist" /DNRTA
Navy (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
In the Navy, on a nuc sub, if you screw up, you're likely dead (sunk).
huh, and all this time I thought the main feature of a submarine was to sink and not be dead.
Re: (Score:2)
Re:Nuclear Launch Detected (Score:5, Funny)
How about a nice game of chess?
Re: (Score:2)
"Shall we play a game?"
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They're SUPPOSED to sleep during their 24 hour shift.
They're just supposed to close the door when they do it.
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Good grief, and I thought my wife's dog was a coward. He can't hold a candle to an AC.
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Yeah, because that would be doable in a finite amount of time.