Under Armour/Lockheed Suit Blamed For US Skating Performance 357
Koreantoast writes "The United States' surprisingly poor performance in speedskating, despite strong performances in recent World Cup events, has been blamed in part on an untested speedskating suit. The Mach 39, designed through a joint venture between Under Armour and Lockheed Martin, was supposed to provide Team USA with a high tech advantage, using advanced fluid dynamic models and a dimpled surface to disrupt air flow and improve comfort. Instead, performances have been disastrous thus far, with athletes going as far as modifying their suits at the Olympics to try and reverse their fortunes. The suits have caused enough concerns that U.S. Speedskating is taking the unusual step of seeking special dispensation from International Skating Union to ditch the high tech suits and switch back to their old uniforms. Teams are normally required to keep the same equipment through the entire Games. Insert jokes and comparisons to Lockheed's more famous product, the JSF, here."
Re:Dice Blamed for Beta (Score:5, Funny)
In the ancient world, Greek athletes competed naked, and rubbed with a layer of olive oil.
I advocate this as the rule for all modern Olympians.
Eliminate technology advantages (Score:2, Funny)
Have the athletes skate in the nude, just like they did in the ancient winter olympics.
Re:Untested? (Score:5, Funny)
numbers? (Score:4, Funny)
I read the articles, and what's missing is the actual times.
The articles say they're slower than the other competitors, but what I'm curious about is this: are the USA skaters posting slower times in the suits than they did wearing other suits? If not, then it isn't the suits.
I know I could spend some time researching this on the Internet, but I'm feeling as lazy as the reporters that wrote the original article.
Re:Untested? (Score:5, Funny)
I don't know whether this should be modded +1 Funny or +1 SadlyObvious.
Re:Dice Blamed for Beta (Score:5, Funny)
Not in Sochi they wouldn't...
Re:Dice Blamed for Beta (Score:5, Funny)
I'm certainly ashamed of *my* human form and have no desire to cause economic damage to any nude resort by my attendance au naturel.
Re:Untested? (Score:5, Funny)
When they get the bugs worked out, yes. From their design brochure:
"It's basically a micro-sandwich — a high-efficiency filter and heat-exchange system. The skin-contact layer's porous with vortex-damping dimples. Perspiration passes through it, having cooled the body ... near-normal evaporation process. The next two layers . . . include heat exchange filaments and salt precipitators. Salt's reclaimed. Motions of the body, especially breathing and some osmotic action provide the pumping force. Reclaimed water circulates to catchpockets from which you draw it through this tube in the clip at your neck... Urine and feces are processed in the thigh pads. In the open desert, you wear this filter across your face, this tube in the nostrils with these plugs to ensure a tight fit. Breathe in through the mouth filter, out through the nose tube."
Re:Dice Blamed for Beta (Score:4, Funny)
As a guy who understands the effects of cold temperatures I'm going to say that's a bad idea for the winter Olympics.
As person of either gender who watches the games I'm going to say that's a bad idea for the winter Olympics. [mcpspeakers.com]
Re:Untested? (Score:5, Funny)
Olympic metal
Sorry, I don't usually point out minor spelling mistakes, but this one made me the picture athletes competing to be the most hardcore metal nation. The costumes would be awesome.