Grand Ayatollah Says High Speed Internet Is "Against Moral Standards" 542
An anonymous reader writes A Grand Ayatollah in Iran has determined that access to high-speed and 3G Internet is "against Sharia" and "against moral standards." However, Iran's President, Hassan Rouhani, plans to renew licenses and expand the country’s 3G cellular phone network. A radical MP associated with the conservative Resistance Front, warned: “If the minister continues to go ahead with increasing bandwidth and Internet speed, then we will push for his impeachment and removal from the cabinet.” “We will vigorously prevent all attempts by the [communication] minister to expand 3G technology, and if our warnings are not heeded, then the necessary course of action will be taken,” he added.
This will be hugely popular. (Score:5, Funny)
UNCENSORED high-speed internet (Score:5, Funny)
I accidentally RTFA'd and realised the fatwa is actually against high-speed internet that isn't government controlled and censored:
All third generation [3G] and high-speed internet services, prior to realization of the required conditions for the National Information Network [Iran’s government-controlled and censored Internet which is under development], is against Sharia [and] against moral and human standards.
Thus I conclude that internet porn is just fine, so long as it's consumed slowly, scanline by scanline. He clearly wants you to enjoy the anticipation.
And the lord said unto them... (Score:5, Funny)
64kb/s ought to be enough for anybody.
High Speed Internet Against Moral Standards? (Score:5, Funny)
Quick!, Get the Australian Government on the phone, slow national broadband is their policy! :)
Mr Malcolm Turnbull, We have a sale for your broadband plan.. Iran is interested in your vision!!
Great, (Score:5, Funny)
Re:If the Grand Ayatollah's against it.... (Score:5, Funny)
fake illegal downloads
I'll have you know all my illegal downloads are real and the NSA will back me up on this.
Re:And the lord said unto them... (Score:2, Funny)
For $59 a month, I'm sure Comcast can market a Halal connection for 64kb/s. Act now, and receive a free burka! Whooo.
Sounds like Cable's arg. against Municipal Fiber (Score:5, Funny)
Re:If the Grand Ayatollah's against it.... (Score:5, Funny)
Wait, you're saying nerds used to have lives, it's just high speed internet that killed it? That alt.sex.pictures.oddly.specific.weirdo.porn was a relatively recent invention?
I'll have you know that TRUE nerds used to have to jerk it to 320x200x256 palletized images. Nipples would be fucking CYAN half the time, but it was that or play wing commander. SuperVGA made the situation oh so much better, we could get 640x480x16bit in 200-300kB files that would take 2 hours to download, but hey, pink nipples! Assuming some family member didn't pick up the phone right before that line was downloaded and ready to rasterize. The cure for THAT were progressive jpeg's, we could jerk it staring at what either was snatch, or a golden retriever, the connection would probably drop before we could find out.
No the only thing that has changed is the quality of porn and the number of viewers.
Or so I'm told, I think I read about all this in a book.
Four-gee (Score:4, Funny)
Whenever someone says "4G" half the time all I hear is "orgy". Is it just me or are other people having this same problem? This all started with the T-Mobile 4G chick and proceeded downhill from there.
Had to pause and rewind the commercials... all I kept hearing was "my touch orgy" .. when I knew consciously she must be saying "my touch 4G" ... I'm clearly going to hell.. and clearly high speed cellular networks are sinful.
Re:If the Grand Ayatollah's against it.... (Score:4, Funny)
If they are outside playing and not inside surfing the internet, they are harder for the priests to catch.
Re:If the Grand Ayatollah's against it.... (Score:5, Funny)
Pope Francis says the Internet is a 'gift from God'
That guy will take credit for anything.
Re:If the Grand Ayatollah's against it.... (Score:4, Funny)
I dialed this number, but the beast put me on hold listening to muzak.