Dear Microsoft Windows ... 617
SpaceCanary writes "I recently read this open letter to Windows and I think it's pretty funny. The guy writes a letter to his OS as if he was breaking up with it. It's a bit strange, but finally more people are starting to see the light and moving away from Windows. The writer chronicles his relationship with the versions of Windows and finally is able to move on in the end."
Dear Internet, (Score:5, Insightful)
I wish you weren't filled with self-righteous idiots who can only express themselves in manifestos, open letters, and rants. I wish people knew how to write meaningful criticism instead of half-hearted sarcasm.
Sincerely,
John Q. Irony
Re:Dear Internet, (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Dear Internet, (Score:4, Funny)
YOW! I'm TrackBacking my blog to this post from my Barcalounger. Anyone have a Permalink?
Re:Dear Internet, (Score:5, Funny)
Dear John Q. Irony
We understand how important it is for people to feel someone listens when they offer comments and suggestions. As a result, we've developed this automated attendant to help process your inquiry.
Thank you very much for your letter. Your letter is important to us. But first please check our knowledge base, F.A.Q., and unofficial message forums. If this fails, fill out the 3-page customer service ticket at http://internet.com/cust/level1/sectionA/form1a.c
If this fails, you can speak to a customer service representative but please make sure to do so during standard business hours in the country of Pakistan, and have Java, ActiveX, Flash, Quicktime and the latest version of IE before you visit the user support area.
Thank you. We do care.
- Internet Inc.
Re:Your .sig (Score:5, Insightful)
It's the classic story of the haves and the have nots. The haves (the ones with the state of the art weapons) sqeeze everything they can get away with from the have nots. Then they hang the have nots for daring to look at their women. It can go on like this for centuries until the have nots decide that they've had enough.
The English in India. The American South early last century. South Africa 30 years ago. The peasants in France pre-revolution. The workers in Russia pre-revolution. Linux giving away software as it's only weapon against Microsoft.
Today looks very similar. The trodden can only take so much before it doesn't matter how crude their weapons are... they fight anyway. And that war, as it turns out, is rarely winnable by the people with the state of the art weapons. Because you can't kill off _all_ of the people that do your laundry, buy your software, work in your mines and grow your food. When enough of them rise up, they find that even the crudest of weapons will do.
The only way to win against the crudest weapons is to assimilate the ways of the oppressed. China is winning because they're embracing many parts of capitalism. The Soviet Union won when their countries started holding elections. The only way the current overlords can hope to win is if they start showing respect to the lives of the people they're fighting against. As long as we consider them to be "evil" their crude weapons will carry the day.
TW
Re:Your .sig (Score:5, Insightful)
I am afraid that you have become a victim of a Western desease known as "sound-bite mania" or gross oversimplification of issues to make them appear black/white. This is a desirable effect of indoctrination by the "media", by like minded peers but most importantly by people who benefit from such abuse of your worldview.
To look at things in more detail: your "secularists" are not. The Western camp is divided in many groups, some of them equally vicious, bloodthirsty and dangerous as the Jihadists (Israel springs to mind). Some others are willing to sacrifice tens of thousands of lives to play global power games or prove their pet socio-economic theories (the Neocons). Some others are willing to resort to brutal repression to keep their state (for better or worse) from fracturing into thousand pieces, a process of fragmentation which is actively encouraged by the Neocons for their purposes (Russia). That last one is particularly insideous because the Neocons (and other power hungry jackals) are actually aiding and funding the same very Jihadists they are supposedly fighting desperately elsewhere. But as they say, lust for power knows no shame. I could go on. In the other camp you have a mix of religious maniacs, desperados and people who consider themselves freedom fighters. You have nationalists who blow themselves up under a US tank in a bid to free their country and you have psychos who send teenage girls to blow themselves up in a cafe while they jostle for political power.
This of course is just but a tiny sample of the actual complexity of the issue. But you are certainly doing a disservice to everyone by over-simplyfing it and at the same time you are also furthering the agenda of various Western-borne equivalents of "Jihadists" who wish to use this as a vehicle which they will ride to ultimate global power. Be wary because the fuel for that vehicle is ignorance and blood.
Re:Dear Anonymous Bastard, (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Dear Internet, (Score:4, Interesting)
Now internet explorer, on the other hand, I wouldn't touch with a 10 pica pole. I switched to Opera a few years ago and have been *much* happier.
Re: XP by choice (Score:3, Interesting)
Re: XP by choice (Score:3, Funny)
He mentioned "games."
Re: XP by choice (Score:3, Insightful)
You're missing the stated "runs on my computer" requirement.
Re: XP by choice (Score:5, Insightful)
Anyways I think people aren't "just" waking up to Windows being insecure, unstable etc. It's just that they are willing to live with it rather than investigate alternate OS
Re: XP by choice (Score:5, Insightful)
That and both points are heavily sensationalized over here. I run XP and 2K across several different computers. The general assumption here is that I spend hours a week dealing with viruses. I don't. I haven't been exploited in months. And, the one time I did, it was because I had a fresh install of XP out on the net sans firewall or a service pack. Doh.
The other assumption is that I spend lots of time rebooting. Nope. My machines get rebooted once every two weeks or so. This is laughable compared to Linux, but virtually nothing in terms of practical time used. Back in the Windows 95/98 days, this was a legit complaint. (3 or 4 reboots a DAY) Today, though, it's just not enough time to notice. I'm 'living with it' about as disturbingly as living with wrong number phonecalls.
So, by relieving myself of those problems with Linux, I'm not gaining a whole hell of a lot. I would, however, rack up a bunch of Google time trying to figure out how to make everything work. Linux is just going to have to do better than that to get people to switch. This has nothing to do with people having mixed up priorities.
Re:Dear Internet, IE (Score:5, Insightful)
Why, the first thing I notice about my Income Tax program from Intuit Canada (Quick Tax), is that it clearly uses IE dll's for all connections to the net. It is impossible to avoid IE in doing the most security critical things such as accessing absolute mandatory program updates (without with which it could not be compliant with all last minute changes to tax laws).
Ditto, with Norton AntiVirus. When you keep up with the latest virus signatures, it uses IE modules for you to download them.
The list goes on and on, but the worst of all is Microsoft Windows Update itself which is carefully designed to force you to use IE and ActiveX.
By the way, I find that with respect to gdiplus.dll, the one that may be vulnerable to the bug that allows exploits via jpeg images, both HP and Norton software may be using doubtful versions.
Yep, you sure can trust good old Microsoft! NOT!
Microsoft is the good old "ease of use" company that changes to the "most difficult possible to use" when the slightest need for security arises!
Re:Dear Internet, (Score:5, Insightful)
Monopoly or not, Microsoft knows how to build a solid OS.
You mean solid as in very big and thick as a brick? Or do you mean solid as in being an immovable, easy target for malware? As a former user, Windows doesn't fit my definition of a "solid OS". A solid OS isn't swiss cheese that requires virus scanners, anti-spyware tools, and anti-adware tools that suck up system resources while watching for bad things that the OS allows. Microsoft definitely knows how to market their software, which is a very different thing from building a solid product.
Re:Dear Internet, (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Dear Internet, (Score:3, Insightful)
Really? Hmmm. I've got a JPEG you'd probably like to see.
On the serious side, if it works for you, that's cool. There is a bit of a curve to switching, but it is no greater than the curve that someone has to climb when encountering a Windows-based OS for the first time.
FOSS is all about choice. If you choose to use what many in this crowd (including me) believe to be an inferior operating sys
Constructive criticism... (Score:4, Insightful)
* MS is "easy to use" vs. Linux. This may be becasue you are most familiar with it. You'd probably think Macs were harder to use if you think Mandrake or Lycoris or Linspire were hard to use.
* MS "looks good" - again a matter of personal taste--I personally think XP looks like garbage and it is the one of the main reason I refuse to upgrade my Win2k system at home to XP. At work--well--I just have to deal with it (customer is always right you know--besides there is always "classic mode"). If you DO like the XP look there are themes to make Linux look more like it, and Lycoris and Linspire were designed with that in mind.
* MS doesn't take too long to load up. That is crap--on todays hardware everything starts up pretty quickly. On slower hardware like my notebook (dual boots Win2k and Mandrake 9.1) I find Mandrake boots significantly faster. Perhaps you did a huge/full install of Mandrake and started all services if you found it slow. In the application space, you should try AbiWord and Gnumeric--they are lightweight and speedy and have enough features to be useful for everyday work (actually Gnumeric kicks all other spreadsheets butts!)
* Games - probably your only truly valid point. However video card drivers and game selection are slowly getting better
* You don't have to build Linux from scratch yo your statement comes across as a thinly veiled insult. In fact in my experience and many others that are documented on the web, most popular distributions of linux are in fact EASIER to install than Windows. Plus, if you are reinstalling windows 2k or XP be prepared to spend extra time finding offline copies of the most important updates and installing them, along with firewall and antivirus software before you get anywhere NEAR a network connection, or you could literally pick up a virus within minutes. The only reason XP seems "easy" is because PC makers do the work for you before you even buy the PC.
* you've acknowledged you use Opera over IE--but aren't you aware that IE is so pervasive and integrated now that it could rear its hideous head even when you are not surfing the 'net? Plus, to use windows update you MUST use it.
It's a free country and you are entitled to your choice (and if your PC is indeed your entertainment then XP is probably the best choice). It's also fortunate that you've had zero problems with XP, because (along with win2k)it has been the cause of countless problems in my life. Personally, computer games are only a very small part of my "entertainment", and should I decide I want the best, latest games I'll pick up an XBox or a PS2. For productivity, web surfing and so on (my needs are not demanding either) I feel safer and more at home with Linux.
Re:Dear Internet, (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Dear Internet, (Score:3, Funny)
/.ed (Score:3, Funny)
Re:/.ed (Score:4, Funny)
Re:/.ed (Score:5, Informative)
Netcraft output
---------------
Linux Apache 29-Feb-2004 69.5.25.92 FUTUREQUEST INC
Re:/.ed (Score:3, Interesting)
Dear Windows... (Score:5, Funny)
Re: Dear Windows... (Score:5, Funny)
"Well, I bet he doesn't have a real girlfriend to write the letter to!"
And future dating prospects are equally bleak when women find out he ended the affair to pursue his newfound love and infatuation with a slightly oily flightless bird that smells of herring.
(They sure are cuddly at night though...)
Re:Dear Windows... (Score:3, Funny)
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&cat
Paperclip response (Score:5, Funny)
Paperclip response XP (Score:5, Funny)
(click "No thanks")
Okay, you don't want my help! Should I close?
(click "yes")
Okay, I'll close. Bye! Shall I do a little dance as I go?
(click "Hell, no")
Come on, I love dancing! Pleeease?
(click "Do you want to find out how many times you can bend a paper clip out of shape before it snaps?")
Hmm, you make a persuasive argument. I think I'll just close now.
Re:Paperclip response (Score:3, Funny)
[X] Nazi
[_] Bagdad Bob
[X] SCO Lawyer
[_] Lisp geek forced to use Java at work
[_] Satan
goodbye server (Score:3, Funny)
The idea reminds of Microsoft Wife [infolanka.com], a joke that made the rounds years ago.
Re:goodbye server (Score:5, Funny)
Well, at least you know that you won't have to wait until your birthday for her to go down on you.
Dear Server, (Score:5, Funny)
Someone needs to (Score:5, Funny)
"IT was a spunky server, full of life and function, however the Good Lord deemed it necessary to remove this server from this world with an act of Slashdot".
Dear webserver (Score:5, Funny)
Wow... (Score:5, Funny)
Dear VMS:
You have tortured my life for the last time. I hate you with a pure and perfect hatred. Your renaming of my files is maddening. Your syntax is arcane and pointless. I would prefer attempting to cluster 500 Windows ME systems.
It's not me, it's definitely you.
Re:Wow... (Score:5, Funny)
Quote: I would prefer attempting to cluster 500 Windows ME systems.
I tried to visualize attempting such a feat. My brain rejected the idea totally, much like a coredump. I now have a headache for my heresy...
JMD
Re:Wow... (Score:3, Interesting)
Why is there not one single case-i
Dear Slashdot... (Score:5, Funny)
- Web Server
Re:Dear Slashdot... (Score:3, Funny)
Article Text (Score:4, Informative)
In retrospect, this letter should be of no surprise to you. For years now I have stood by you despite the terrible things people have said. We have always managed to work through our serious problems but too many things have been swept under the table. I do not think I can stand (idly) by you any longer.
What's that? No, another service pack will not help, not this time. I remember when we met, a warm April day, in 1992. For years I had been hearing about you, about your graphical user interface, innovations, and problems in the courtroom... I had seen you here and there, but it was not until that fateful day, April 6, that our relationship became serious. Though you had changed with the times, never like this. I was almost knocked off my feet when I first saw you. Right then I knew it, you had to be mine. Who else could offer me what you could? I wanted, no, I needed, your TrueType font support, your video playback capability, your color screen savers...
As time progressed so did my needs. Our affair took its next serious step on August 24, 1995. At the time I thought our happiness would never end. You brought me places I never thought possible. How could I refuse your Plug-and-Play cabability or your TCP/IP stack? I mean, you gave up your best friend, DOS, so our relationship could progress unhindered. It hurts me to look back at us, two starry-eyed lovers wanting nothing more than each other's company.
Then it almost all came tumbling down. June 25, 1998. What were you thinking? Were you thinking at all? You changed, like in 1995, but not like I thought you would. Still clinging to your DOS kernel, like a small, lost child clutching its teddy bear. Where was the OS I had learned to love? You feebly proffered USB support, DVD playback, and a Quick Launch toolbar, but you were beginning to mix with a bad crowd. With that invasive Internet Explorer. I knew about what happened... You let him access your Explorer. I thought that was something special between us.
Though we had a bit of a falling out afterwards, my love was rekindled after February 17th, 2000. You were once again new- Professional- just like I thought you could one day be. I knew you were once again stable, not like back in 1998, and that you were the only OS for me. I remembered what had drawn me you you in the first place- ease of use, speed, your stunning looks, your compatibility. I remember saying, "I hope things never change because I love you the way you are."
I thought that what we had meant something- your transformation in 2000 seemed to cement that. I know now that I was wrong. By Sept 17 you tried to change for the Millennium. I saw right through you- trying to settle down and fit in better with the 'home-user'. Did you think I would love you more because of a few cosmetic changes? I was not impressed with the full-color icons, fancy skins, or your new media player. I thought what we had was deeper than that. Luckily you gave me a choicer, I did not have to choose the new you, the old version would be fine. I know you meant well but you just shouldn't have done that, especially with the '1998' episode so fresh in my mind.
By October 25, 2001 more changes had come. Everyone told be how great the new you would be. I got so tired of hearing about how up to date, easy to work with, and slick looking you had become. That was all I could take. You changed so much that I didn't even know you any more. I really dug some of your new features but the old you, the you from 2000, could have done all this. So why did you have to change at all? I didn't want to upgrade you or make you into something you were not.
Well, like I wrote, I have reached my limit. Its going to take more than an automatic update to fix our relationship. I just don't feel like I know you anymore. For example, do you know what I found on the computer a few days ago? Spyware! I wonder who let that in...
Windows, I know you will try to
Re:Article Text (Score:5, Funny)
Windows attention span isn't that long.
Re:Article Text (Score:5, Funny)
PPS - Yes, SP2 *does* make you look fat.
Re:Article Text (Score:5, Funny)
m$w:hey but then by that time you were forcing me into two somes with that naughty grub & linux !! That was bad, really really bad,..
how could i ever forgive u ??
Reply to SC (Score:5, Funny)
S C
Dear S C,
I didn't give a fuck about you anyway -- already took all your money AND made you look like an idiot - what woman can possibly want more?
Sincerely,
Ms. Windows
Re:Article Text (Score:5, Funny)
As time progressed so did my needs. Our affair took its next serious step on August 24, 1995.
I think I need a shower...
Re:Article Text (Score:5, Funny)
In retrospect, this letter will be of complete surprise to you. For years I have stood by you, no matter how needy you have been. The time required has destroyed my once happy, fun filled life. I used to have friends, but you took them all away. You're just too high maintainence.
We tried many different fashions to see if you'd change... from hats to french laungerie. But you were always the same, time consuming woman who wouldn't let me live my life. And boy are you fucking ugly. I've had to learn the magical mysterious of Hollywood make-up to make you look good in the past, although recently you've gotten a bit better at looking sexy without days of my undivided attention.
There were good times. You were reliable, always around, always available. You were open and honest, and I could see into the very depths of your soul. But you were antisocial, getting anything to work with you was a chore and I've just about had enough of fighting with configuration files to get the most basic peripherals to work with you.
Perhaps, when you've become more friendly, and you work just as well in your various styles, we can be one again.
For now I'm off to that flashy babe Windows. She might be an expensive, unreliable whore, but she looks stunning and good in bed. (Can you go to bed with a computer?) Though I'll be back when she breaks my heart.
(I would go with that super model MacOS X but she's out of my league - my wallet is only 'so' fat.)
Fuck it. All the effort has to be worth something. I'll stick it out to see if, as they say year on year, this will be the year of the Linux desktop... the year it becomes easy. They have been saying it since 1997 but they can't be eternally wrong... can they?
Yours probably forever due to cash shortage,
C.
Re:Article Text (Score:5, Funny)
I am sorry to hear of the difficulties understanding my ways. I only offered you so many options so that I could try and work the way you wanted me to. Not everyone understands my flexibility.
I wish you success with your new babe called Windows. I understand that she is very strict and will only let you perform the functions that she wants you to perform. I also hear that she is very possesive and will try and stop you talking to others not like her and if you do she will show you her nasty blue side. Not wanting to slag her off I should warn you that she has a habbit of letting others use her, command her to do things you may not like, like giving out your credit card details, using the CPU cycle you paid for to send hundreds of emails to strangers and to allow others to perform criminal acts.
So this is the end. Maybe one day you will come back and enjoy my freedoms.
Love,
Linux
Re:Article Text (Score:3, Funny)
How can I forget the first time that I saw you, in 1988, immature and overdressed like a 16 year old street-walker. The sparkle was eye-catching, but I knew that there was not enought maturity to keep me interested.
It was years later before I had you thrust apon me again. An old friend of mine needed to use my 386sx to edit a Word document on, so he loaded up a mountain of diskettes and left you behind.
Sure, it was fun at first with Solataire and, uh, solataire... But you got in the way and I wa
Re:Article Text (Score:5, Insightful)
Your post is a great example of what is wrong with the moderation system. People treat mod points as PERSONAL rewards and punishments. Mod points should more properly be viewed as rewards and punishments FOR THE POST.
The post WAS informative. The site was dotted, and I wanted to read it. Thankfully, someone did.
True, it would have been more elegant if the poster had gone AC for it, but the fact that the guy may have been a whore in no way makes the post any less 'informative'.
But you, and others, will go ahead and use points to 'punish' people for being dicks. Go ahead, and be my guest. I, on the other hand, will use mod points as I belive they are intended: to allow users to separate the wheat from the chaff, should they so choose.
Why shouldn't it sound like a breakup letter? (Score:5, Funny)
- Only lets you do things with her approval
- Requires money once in a while to 'upgrade' her features
- Doesn't allow you to even think about seeing anyone else besides her
And to top it all off, you end up contracting a dozen or so STDs even though she says that she always uses protection.
Damn, that was my first wife to a "T"... (Score:4, Funny)
"Do the Right Thing. It will gratify some people and astound the rest." - Mark Twain
It's a Marriage of convenience anyways... (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:It's a Marriage of convenience anyways... (Score:5, Insightful)
> Lets face it. Most people stick with Windows because it's there and it takes effort to get something better
Sounds eerily like the reason most people stay in the relationship they're in.
My girlfriends are like Linux.... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:My girlfriends are like Linux.... (Score:3, Insightful)
Windows is what I would call high maintainance... gotta keep the virus scanner, firewall, and spyware detection tools up to date. Gotta do periodic manual scans to make sure everything is clean. Reinstall periodically when things get clogged up. That is high maintainance.
How is Linux expensive?
The only way Linux is like the girlfriend I think you are describing is that it is
Re:My girlfriends are like Linux.... (Score:3, Insightful)
What, all of them?
Here's an idea, try monogamy, then if you feel like multitasking, upgrade back to full blown polygamy.
Now, I'll be the first to admin that I'm no Casanova, but in my experience, women want pretty much the same things men do. The only difference, is they are more subtle.
Right on! (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah, because everything you see written on the Internet can be extrapolated into assumptions about the general population.
And you thought goatse was just one freaky guy...
So... (Score:5, Funny)
Dear Windows... (Score:5, Interesting)
I'll be home by 5.
Re:Dear Windows... (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Dear Windows... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Dear Windows... (Score:3, Insightful)
What delusion negates the EULA? Windows has no accountability.
Re:Dear Windows... (Score:5, Interesting)
This is demonstrably untrue. Several Windows computers in my office print through my Samba shares. I exchange Word and OpenOffice files with people running Windows, OSX, and Linux daily.
Were you using Office on OSX, those files would interchange easily between OSX and Windows. Similarly, were you using OpenOffice, you could exchange files between Windows, OSX, Linux, xBSD, Solaris, etc. Photoshop files created on a Mac open just fine on a Windows PC. Jpegs are jpegs, ditto pngs, GIFs, etc. PDF works great in the rest of the computing world.
If the boss says "Use Windows," you use Windows. Reason goes out the [ahem] window. But you, personally, present reasons which simply aren't correct.
Am I saying you should use Linux? No. What I'm saying is that all the reasons you keep reciting why you CAN'T are wrong.
Re:Dear Windows... (Score:3, Insightful)
You're implying that I'm not being honest. Care to explain where and why?
I'm not the original poster, but I'd say it's where you claimed that Foo is better when its the events surrounding Foo that are better. It's like claiming that one railroad gauge is "better" than another just because it happens to be the one most of the railroad tracks were built for, when there is nothing inherently better about it. It's just the choice that causes the least hassle. It's like you've never heard of the idea of an
Reminds me... (Score:5, Interesting)
"Microsoft simply makes some fairly mediocre software and charges a lot for it."
No.
Microsoft deliberately designs software that is inherently insecure and refuses to fix the fundamental design flaws no matter how bad the outcome is.
When Microsoft merged IE and the desktop, almost ten years ago now, I immediately acted to get IE and Outlook banned at work. Why? Because using the same APIs to operate on trusted (local) and untrusted (email, internet) objects makes every program that uses those APIs responsible for determining, independently, whether an object is trusted or not.
I and every security administrator I knew wrote Microsoft telling them this was a horrible idea. Nothing. They ignored the security community and went on to actually build IE in to the next release of Windows so you couldn't leave it out, as part of their game-plan to try and outflank the DoJ.
I didn't know what the result would be, but I knew it would be bad. I did what I could to discourage our users from running IE and Outlook, and waited.
We didn't have long to wait.
When the Melissa virus showed up, I thought, "OK, this should let them know they've got a problem. They'll pull out IE and settle, and we'll be able to secure Windows again". Boy, was I naive.
Here we are, it's 2004 instead of 1996, and there are still weekly exploits found in IE, Outlook, Windows Media Player, programs that use the MSHTML control. Get rid of that and you'd cut the virus problem by a factor of 10 or 100. 90-99% of the time spent fighting and cleaning up after viruses should be billed directly to Redmond, and because they did it to illegally avoid complying with the agreement they had with the DoJ, there should be criminal charges on top of that.
Microsoft doesn't merely charge a lot for mediocre software, they deliberately and knowingly force people to chew up lifetimes fighting a problem that should not exist, and they do it to win a little extra market share for a secondary product that they don't even charge money for.
Re:Reminds me... (Score:4, Insightful)
Personally I think Microsoft as a whole is just so incompetant they simply can't pull it off. Business policies, marketting, etc. all come together to make certain things more important than others, and a mindset of "just getting things done" versus "doing things right from the start" roll into the mediocre Microsoft mess we see today.
Unfortunately for them, to fix this, they can't just change a few lines of code. It requires a complete overhaul of the entire corporate culture in all respects. Doing that with a company the size of Microsoft would be pretty tough, especially with a mindset that tells them such things are unneccessary!
Re:Reminds me... (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Reminds me... (Score:4, Interesting)
The KDE developers have chosen a much better security model for integration. Microsoft did, in fact, implement some basic security measures, but they just left holes a mile wide, that's all.
Re:Reminds me... (Score:3, Funny)
McD Guy: A Big Mac and a Coke. That's 6,99
Bill G: I have just ordered a Big Mac
McD Guy: The Coke belongs to this. It's part of the whole package
Bill G: What? I won't pay the Coke!
McD Guy: You don't need to. The Coke is free!
Bill G: But the Big Mac alone was 3,99 before this?
McD Guy: Thats right, but the Big Mac has new features now. It has a Coke included!
Bill G: I have just drunk a Coke. I don't need another!
McD Guy: Then you won't have a Big Mac!
Bi
Co-dependency... (Score:3, Interesting)
The author is a lucky guy that he was able to get out of that abusive relationship.
"Do the Right Thing. It will gratify some people and astound the rest." - Mark Twain
Re:Co-dependency... (Score:3, Interesting)
Can't get to site (Score:4, Interesting)
But I'm making the change at home. I have a family, so I have to consider non-geek computer needs. I've ordered the imac G5.
Now, for the mac users out there, what would you use in place of virtualpc?
Re:Can't get to site (Score:3, Informative)
If you must use Visio I would suggest putting your Windows box in a closet someplace, only fire it up when you need it and use Remote Desktop [microsoft.com] to connect.
I use both methods only because VPC is easier with multiple OS installs and when I'm on the road I can still test. VPC is a dog, Remote Desktop is actually not bad if you don't mind having the extra box around.
Dear Slashdot (Score:5, Interesting)
What's that? No, another DOOM3 review will not help, not this time.
I remember when we met, a warm April day, in 1999. For years I had been hearing about you, about your terrible green HTML of death, Open Source advocation, poor social skills, web server obliteration, and problems raising money... I had seen you here and there, but it was not until that fateful day, April 6, that our relationship became serious. I was almost knocked off my feet when I first saw you. Right then I knew it, you had to be mine. Who else could offer me what you could? I wanted, no, I needed, your Cowboy Neal polls, your Insightful comments, your great techno music [mattie.net]...
As time progressed so did my needs. Our affair took its next serious step on August 24, 2001. At the time I thought our happiness would never end. You brought me places I never thought possible. How could I refuse your IOCCC results or your Napster articles? I mean, you gave up your best friend, financial independence, so our relationship could progress unhindered with OSDN. It hurts me to look back at us, two starry-eyed lovers wanting nothing more than each other's first posts.
Well, like I wrote, I have reached my limit. Its going to take more than mod points to fix our relationship. I just don't feel like I know you anymore. For example, do you know what I found on the site a few days ago? A dupe! I wonder who let that in...
Slashdot, I know you will try to change, but I have been hurt too many times. You should know that I have been seeing someone else for a few months now. She is fun [moveon.org], easy going, and will do something for me that you never even considered, oust the president.
I don't know what else to say- we had a good run, but now its over. Pack up your Beowulf cluster, your SCO stories, hell, take slashcode if you have to. I am sure we'll see each other from time to time but I know one thing, I'll never again have to depend on you.
Yours no longer,
N I
I'm sorry (Score:5, Funny)
Spyware... (Score:3, Insightful)
You did... surfing porn sites and clicking YES on every popup asking you if you wanted to install gain/gator/cometcursor/mysearch...
You can blame IE, you can blame Microsoft... but in the end... the real admins know... BLAME THE USERS!!!
Re:Spyware... (Score:3, Funny)
Any competent Systems Administrator knows that lusers lack any real clue what-so-ever, and therefore cannot be trusted with dangerous system level tools. If there is no Sysadmin that will be present, there should be no such tools within a 5 mile radius of any given luser.
I blame Microsoft for providing a toolkit that makes my lusers able to mess up my systems before I can LART them dead in thier tracks.
Oh, fsck, another one looking to see what this JPEG exploit code looks lik
People *are* moving away from Windows. . . (Score:5, Funny)
Just last week I read an article where Microsoft's consumer OS market share has been continually dropping -- down from from a 6 year high of 108 percent to 105 percent just last quarter.
The Microsoft rep that lives under the sink in my kitchen was quick to strike back, however, telling me that the drop came only as a result of survey companies no longer screening for "dirtbag hippies and Communists."
I'm hopeful.
Moving to Apple ! (Score:3, Interesting)
This is stupid... (Score:5, Interesting)
Just a rant with karma to burn..
Re:This is stupid... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:This is stupid... (Score:3, Funny)
my next computer will be a mac (Score:3, Interesting)
I have always looked out for quality - using Firefox at the moment, and it's come to the point where the Mac is the only quality package out there. I don't want to have to wait 3 years for another buggy OS.
Sorry Microsoft. We had some good times.
got mirror? (Score:5, Funny)
Stop buckling under slashdot's load, you vacuum-tubed dented cow-boxed surplus wimp! I cannot read the damned link.
Sincerely,
Pissed slashdot user
Dear John... (Score:5, Funny)
Dear /. (Score:3, Funny)
Anonymous Webserver.
I don't get it... (Score:4, Funny)
My letter.... (Score:4, Funny)
I know I haven't been faithful when it comes to computing. I've done it with your mother Win 2k at school, your great aunt Win 98 at my sister's, two of the Linux sisters, Redhat and Mandrake in our own apartment, and even your sister Win XP Home on my lap(top) right in front of you. I know your father M$ is mad since I've never paid him (a visit). But you've always been my main OS, ever since I first met you. I've always taken good care of you, patched all your flaws, protected you from viruses, and kept you secure when we go out in the world (wide web). Please don't leave me. None of the other OS's have everything I need and want.
-hopemafia
Windows reply (Score:3, Funny)
I came to you with the intention of helping you do your job better and make life at home a little less boring.
I gave you everything you wanted. I am trying to be everything to everyone with all of my features. There are people out there that use windows and are a little more sane when they install software and hardware.
Remeber the scanner incedent. You bought that cheap 29 dollar model and it wouldn't work. You blamed me for that. But you didn't think about maybe it was the scanner.
And the software you choose. Where should I begin. I gave you limited dos access for EMERGENCY use. You abused that until I finally said enough and took it away. I open up my DLL's so your precious software could get in and help with tasks i wasn't suited for but it was just ignored, and custom controls were written and guess who you blamed when it didn't work.
I gave you plug and play and you wanted USB i gave you USB and you wanted Firewire. I brought the internet to your doorstep and you just couldn't get enough.
I had patches available and you didn't install them. (Mental note: Self patch once moron leaves) and almost all of the time i didn't get sick until after the patch was avlaible.
And then the event that broke this windows pain. Spyware!!!! You just couldn't stop looking at porn could you. You had to buy those viagra pills.
Thanks for Nothing
Windows XP PRO SP2
Windows Responds. (Score:5, Funny)
Dear SC:
If you think you're going to just dump me and leave after you've used me for all these years, you have something else coming, bub.
I was a tramp when you met me, and you should have known this. I was brash, got around, was completely unstable. You weren't particularily good to me either -- you'd just disappear for hours every time you wanted to play Doom with your buddies.
And it wasn't as if you didn't have other options. There was that nice, stable, amd smart OS/2 next door who had eyes for you. OS/2 was smart, sophisticated, let you do more at once, and could handle twice the bits I could. But you wanted someone who got around, who had been with all your friends, and who didn't require you to think or learn anything, who let you leave me and covort around with your old DOS buddies whenever you wanted.
I did everything I could to try to hide the good life from you. I gave you some flash once in a while, but no substance. For some reason, you stuck around. I was always afraid you and your friends who used me would notice, so I had to take drastic measures.
First off, I had to routinely sneak into your house in every new PC you bought, even if you or your friends didn't want me around. In fact, even if you couold go to sufficient lengths to make sure I didn't sneak back into your home, you still had to pay for my services. You paid, and got nothing in return. And yet you still kept coming back.
I didn't like some of your friends. That DR-DOS guy bugged me, so I went somewhat haywire everytime you invited him around. I didn't want you to see that there were ways to improve me -- I never had any intention of improving.
Eventually you started noticing that my bits were only half of what the others were offering, so I promised I'd change. That I too would have 32 bits like the others.
And you believed me like a sucker. At first I claimed to support 32 bits through Win32s, but it was really just some more 16 bit stuff in a 32 bit disguise. I kept changing at random, not for your benifit, but to make sure you couldn't leave me by breaking OS/2's ability to run my software every month or so. Poor OS/2 was running around in circles trying to attract you by keeping up with my useless changes.
Then suddenly in 1995 I decided to get some cosmetic surgery. You were stunned when you saw me, but really I just showed the cosmetic surgeon some pictures of OS/2 and MacOS and had him take bits and pieces from them and re-shape me to look like their bastard child. I was still ugly underneath, with serious problems. I still couldn't do more than one thing at a time very well, was still unstable, and still got around with all your friends.
Worse yet, now even if you had wanted to get rid of me, I was going to show up. When you decided to upgrade your old 486 to a shiney new Pentium, I showed up uninvited. When you upgraded that Pentium to a faster model, I once again showed up, even though you already had paid for my services and held a valid license. I kept sucking your wallet dry, and was still mentally unstable.
Then I became schitzophrenic, and started offering myself in a real 32 bit version without the cosmetic surgury. But you avoided me because I wouldn't play with your old DOS games, and had serious issues that were new and strange to you.
In 1998, you started to sour. I'd been abusing you for years, but you like the sucker you are continued to stick around. I offered you a way to get onto the Information Superhighway, but ensured you could only do so in my way, when I felt like letting you. Sure OS/2 had been letting people do this for a few years -- I kept you away from the game as long as possible, but in the end, in order to keep you, I finally relented and gave you access to the new highway.
By 2000, I was able to become cocky, and my schitzophrenia grew worse. You had every right and option to leave me, but I had put blue screens over all your windows so you could
Re:first +1 post? (Score:4, Funny)
Mao OS was that the one the chinese were developing?
Re:SC? (Score:5, Funny)
In other news...
Re:SC? (Score:5, Funny)
If she thinks YOU'RE handsome, she'll definately let me hit it. What's her number?
NTITE
Bob Dole doesn't know what your problem is (Score:3, Funny)
Love,
Bob Dole
Re:So what's new? (Score:5, Funny)
cLive
Re:Well (Score:3, Interesting)
Funny.
I studied over the weekend, so I'm ready for my test.
Yes, a statement of fact does not and never will consist of a thesis. But the OP IMO isn't stating any fact. It seems to be a non sequitur since it doesn't qualify (let alone quantify). More people are moving away from linux doesn't sound like a fact to me -- it's too indefinite.
Gotta go, gotta get ready for my PSAT.
Re:Drivers are why I stay with Windows (Score:3, Insightful)
Good point. I have yet to use a telephone modem while operating Linux. Other than the telephone modem, though, all my other hardware works great...except my scanner, but the Windows drivers and software are just as crappy.
I'd have to say, though, the single most important feature that influenced me to make the switch to Linux is that I can obtain and use everything for free (while also avoiding unethical/criminal activity).
If I ha
Re:Dear Linux... (Score:5, Funny)
Isn't that just like a man? Inattentive, unappreciative, selfish. Gawd, what was I thinking when I went home with you?
Do you have even the slightest idea what I do for you, tirelessly, flawlessly, every day? No. You spend more time doting on your car than me. You've never even looked in /etc, have you? Oh, that's right, "I shouldn't have to think about that."
And to think you'd begrudge me ten measly hours. Do you have any idea what those ten hours will pay you back down the road? Don't you understand that we're trying to build a relationship here? And that relationships require time and commitment? But no, your eyes keep drifting over to that cheap, heavily-made-up harlot from Washington, and thinking to yourself, "Things would be so much easier and more fun with her." Yeah, for a little while. But then the problems would start, and multiply quickly after that. And you know something? The problems you'd have with her would turn out, fundamentally, to be the same problems you say you're having with me. I proved this to you; did you think I was lying? At least I'm being honest with you, and making you aware up-front of what you're getting into, and the work you'll need to do.
I may be cheap, but I'm not easy, buster. If you want something meaningful, something lasting, I'll always be willing to give that to you. Hell, I'll even dress up like that floozy Washington chick if you want. But you'd better be ready to get off your kiester and put in some effort. You may think I'm trying to emasculate you or humiliate you, but what I'm really asking you to do is become an adult. Otherwise, you're just going to go from disappointment to disappointment, and never understand why things keep falling apart.
I'll always be there for you,
Linnie
Re:Ugh (Score:3, Informative)
dvd::rip [exit1.org]