Don't Dismiss Online Relationships As Fantasy 357
Columnist Regina Lynn has a look at how online relationships seem to be blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. "The common thread among these stories is that people get deeply involved in online relationships and make decisions about their real lives. Calling any of these online relationships 'fantasy' dismisses the impact they have on the people involved and on those closest to them... I have yet to encounter anything that challenges my core belief: Relationships are real wherever they form."
All relationships are a fantasy (Score:5, Funny)
Re:All relationships are a fantasy (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:All relationships are a fantasy (Score:4, Interesting)
What about making plans to move to another country to live with them after you find out how compatible and perfect you are for each other, all because you decided to roleplay textually online and discover each other's desires?
You can indeed be intimate online. It can tell you a lot about the other person, sexually and emotionally.
Don't dismiss what you haven't tried.
Re:All relationships are a fantasy (Score:5, Funny)
As you can see, the Internets (yes! all of them) are not for losers only any longer. Friendship is possible!
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What about the perceived intimacy, that is completely voided when meeting in person and the hot 20 year old girl turns out to be a fat, ugly 40 year old man??
The internet - where men are men, women are men, and children are undercover FBI agents.
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Who says online relationships are not real? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Who says online relationships are not real? (Score:5, Insightful)
They are real alright.
Depends. As I have noticed, online relationships' realness depends on how well they pass the test of time, and how well the relationship survives the shit it goes through.
Now that I come to think about it, it's the exact same thing in real-life relationships. Real-life one night stands or relationships that live no longer than a couple of weeks have little credibility.
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Re:Who says online relationships are not real? (Score:4, Informative)
Wait, are you trying to say that interacting with someone online and in real-life produces different experiences!? NO WAI! Does it also mean I must put clothes on, look presentable and not pick my nose when I'd hypothetically interact with people in the real world?
Mind boggling!
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Smelled? (Score:2)
Re:Who says online relationships are not real? (Score:5, Insightful)
And no one works on changing their voice so they can appear to be more (or less depending) authoritative than their normal voice makes them seem.
And no one dresses up (or down) to try and mask their socio-economic status from whatever social circle they're trying to get into.
And no one flat out lies about themselves in the real world too. All perfectly honest.
Just because you're close enough to a person that you could slap them, doesn't mean the person is any less of a mirage than they are online. Hell, in the world of blogs, you can often find out more about someone than you can from meeting them.
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My personal experience? Don't let someone you truly don't know effect your emotions anymore than you can willingly handle, regardless of their physical location. And don't get involved in "internet drama"
reminds me of the time (Score:5, Funny)
living in the real world (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:living in the real world (Score:4, Insightful)
I agree, but there are lots of problems with online relationships, though they are not inherent to the medium. In the grandparent's example, it's easy for a 56 year old male to fake being a young female. The idea bothers me, I'd much rather be conversing with the real person, since a real sexual relationship is out of the question anyway. Perhaps people don't value nonsexual friendship enough, and they try to turn everything into sex.
Re:living in the real world (Score:5, Informative)
There's a simple test for that. Ask the lady to describe herself. If she says: "Well, I have big tits!" it's a dude.
Note to mods: (Score:5, Funny)
Re:living in the real world (Score:4, Insightful)
So why is this such a shock when it occurs online?
Sounds very much like real life, actually (Score:3, Insightful)
I had a similar problem (Score:5, Funny)
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If anyone wants a serious example. (Score:3, Interesting)
We met nearly 3 years ago and for a while we just sorta hung out together as friends. Over the course of the past year, though, we started getting serious about being more than just buddies. We were spending every available waking moment talking to each other online.
Here's the twist though. I'm 26 and I thought she was 20. It turns out that she misrepresented her age by about 7 years. So in reality she is a 13 year old girl still in Jr. High. She told me the truth not
Real? (Score:5, Insightful)
So sure, don't just dismiss them as fantasy, but don't just accept them as reality, either. Same as pretty much everything else in the world.
Re:Real? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Real? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Real? (Score:5, Insightful)
And that's the big clue, guys -- relationships aren't built on sex, love, lust or any of those things (though they help to get a good relationship going). Relationships are built in characteristics like caring, trust, and honesty. If any two people share these characteristics with one another, no matter how they met, who they are, or what part of the world they live in, they can have a successful relationship, online or offline.
Re:Real? (Score:5, Insightful)
Caring, trust, and honesty are great things to have in a relationship, but remove the attraction and what do you have? You've got a friend.
Re:Real? (Score:4, Insightful)
People who think relationships are built from attraction are the types who are likely to have infidelity in their relationships and/or are the most likely to get divorced. Successful romantic relationship cannot exist without caring, trust and honesty. Successful romantic relationships can exist without attraction -- it's done everyday.
Re:Real? (Score:4, Insightful)
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I've had both, and fscked both of them up. I had a girl who was pretending to be single, but was in reality a junkie who wanted some fun away from her boyfriend, and I had a real sweetheart that moved in with me. The junkie I found out abo
Re:Real? - me too (Score:3, Informative)
I've been married for two years to a woman I met online (she was my fantasy, and still is). She emailed me as a stranger in 2003 to ask for help with a document on my website, and we became pen pals (platonic - there were 10,000 miles between us and we never expected to meet). After I went to another part of Asia, she offered to show me around her country...I stayed for six months, and we're back in the USA now.
Ho
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We met almost 12 years ago at a place called Shadow BBS, hosted at the Illinois Institue of Technology, it's all but gone now (I think it's still running, but always empty) but in the heyday of telnet BBSs it had a 55 user limit and commonly a 40 person queue. She's not the first woman I met online, so I can attest to the numerous posters above being accurate in the 'crap shoot' type description they're offering.
In our case however, we've
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And that's the big clue, guys -- relationships aren't built on sex, love, lust or any of those things (though they help to get a good relationship going). Relationships are built in characteristics like caring, trust, and honesty. If any two people share these characteristics with one another, no matter how they met, who they are, or what part of the world they live in, they can have a successful relationship, online or offline.
You are absolutely correct. I have to add, however, that they keep it going
Re:Real? (Score:5, Insightful)
The point is, get to know someone without getting your feelings involved in it. Then when you meet them, you won't be disappointed if they're not like they are on line. Only AFTER you spend some real time with them is it reasonable to develop feelings. If you haven't put in the face time, you're not really falling in love with that person, but the idea of the person. Remember, it's just a game, or it's just chat. It's a great way to make connections, but do your loving in person.
Re:Real? (Score:5, Funny)
The last online GF I tried to meet offline turned out to be a cop in drag.
Re:Real? (Score:4, Interesting)
IMO, that is always the case. No matter how you interact and how long you have known a person,
you will never know them completely.
I find interacting with people through "poor" media like IRC usually reveals a lot that interacting through "rich" media (like actual face to face conversation) would keep hidden. I think it is because these media _force_ people to realize that the other person can't read your mind and can misunderstand you.
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Only AFTER you spend some real time with them is it reasonable to develop feelings. If you haven't put in the face time, you're not really falling in love with that person, but the idea of the person. Remember, it's just a game, or it's just chat. It's a great way to make connections, but do your loving in person.
I respectfully disagree.
While I understand your intentions, I've found online communication to be an excellent way to cut through BS and really get to know someone. Gone are insecurities about looks, shyness, and other such nonsense. Also eliminated is the abysmal dating experience where you basically spend the night being critiqued. Did you hold open the door? Did you stand too close? Not close enough? You make HOW MUCH for a living? Rather than face these typical, and often uncomfortable situ
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I adhere to that by believing we live in a big computer simulation: it's all simulated, but has real impacts for people in the Overworld who are observing us.
Re:Real? (Score:5, Interesting)
I consider it to be like reading a book and then watching the movie. Regardless of the level truth put forth by the other person I always draw a different mental image of the person and their behavior. When I meet them in person it's always different than what my mental image of them was.
I do my best to act just as I would in real life online as I do anywhere else and I really hope that the other person does too. At least when people meet me they already know I'm a fucking foul mouthed asshole. The rest of me is just gravy
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Just like any relationships in life, sometimes it's a disaster and sometimes it's great.
One name - Cyrano de Bergerac (Score:2)
linky [wikipedia.org]
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As long as the relationship STAYS online, it's fine... But meeting the person in real life can be a disaster.
If I was that terrified of disasters, I would not have travelled 600 miles to meet a woman that I met online.
I would not have enjoyed 5 years of blissful marriage with her (so far).
And I would not now have a beautiful 6-month-old baby boy with her.
Try jumping in the water every once in a while. If you dip your toe first, you can be reasonably sure it won't burn you.
Re:Real? (Score:5, Insightful)
As long as the relationship STAYS online, it's fine... But meeting the person in real life can be a disaster.
Interesting point. I'm generally the sort of person who would dismiss on "online relationship" as fantasy, since you don't really know who the other person is. For clarification, I would say that some relationship IRL are a fantasy, too. People often don't really bother to get to know each other, but instead build up little images in their own heads about each other. Sometimes this goes to an extreme, and the whole "relationship" isn't really a relationship at all.
Like, you know how the girlfriend you had in elementary school wasn't really your girlfriend? You're not really dating or anything, but it was more like you were putting on a play, trying to act how your little-kid mind thought boyfriends and girlfriends acted. Well, if you pay close attention, sometimes you'll catch some adults doing the same thing.
However, I think this one part of your post convinced me that I was wrong. Online relationships can be a real relationship of a sort. I mean, there are business relationships and casual acquaintances, and those are genuine relationships of their sort. They just don't necessarily have a lot of depth or weight. I think online relationships can be of the same sort of thing. They can be genuine online-relationships, but you shouldn't confuse that with being real friends.
I know some people will think this is an arbitrary distinction, but I have real reason for saying it. I think real friendships are forged over time through presence and actions. The bonding of physical presence can't be replaced with "virtual presence", and also actions can't be replaced with words. You can say all the flowery words you want, but my friends are the people who will pick me up from the gutter when I fall in.
And when I say, "pick me up from the gutter", I do mean that metaphorically, but not in the sense of "boost my spirits". I've known people who talk a good game and will tell you that they care about you, but when you actually need something from them, something that will cost them, they won't do it. The idea of "cost" is important here. Lots of people will say and do all sorts of nice things for you, up until the point where it becomes difficult or costly. It's the difference between someone who will spend an evening with you when you're injured, and someone who will spend an evening with you when you're injured even though they'd like to be out partying instead. It's the difference between someone who will help you up when you've slipped in some mud, and someone who will ruin their favorite pair of shoes helping you up when you've slipped in mud.
I just think that those are the moments that solidify friendships, and they're such complicated moments that I don't think they can be replicated over wires. Even if someone will "spend time with you" online while you're injured, they can still do it at their own convenience, in their own comfy chair. Even if they send you some money (which I think is the height of online trust), they're just sending some money. There's nothing very personal there. It's all detached.
If you really don't know what I mean by all of this, and you don't think that physical presence and real-life actions mean more than virtual presence and virtual actions, then I'm very sorry for you.
Happily Everquest After (Score:5, Interesting)
Apparently a group of players decided they're gonna have two of their friends get married in the game, complete with ceremony. I mean they were really serious about this! They apparently sent out invitations and got all worked up over it like it was real.
Unfortunately, upon hearing this, my friend built up an army of warriors to pay a visit to this little event. As the bride and groom exchanged vows, they charged in like Lancelot and began their slaughter. A paralyze spell was used on the bride who was then carried off onto a boat. The groom was hacked to bits and the rest of the wedding party was killed off as the bride and her captor sailed off into the sunset.
Now I have to ask myself this: Do those people have a right to be upset that their "wedding" was so rudely interrupted? Or did this serve as a healthy eye-opener to the ludicracy of the situation and a much needed return to reality for all persons involved?
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that while I believe these online relationships may indeed be very strong, there comes a point where you're just going taking this "fantasy" too far. There comes a point where you have to face reality, not escape it. Otherwise we will lose our ability to deal with problems in the real world.
Caller: "When his pet hamster died he yelled, 'Mommy, mommy, where's the reset button?' Lazlo, life does not have a reset button." Lazlo: "But this radio show does! -click- I love that button..."
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Now in SL that sort of thing seems to happen pretty often. I'm not aware of the details because I don't get involved in things of the sort, but I think you can even rent a private simulator (part of SL run on one CPU) and make it private so that there can't be interruptions.
Let me sum it up what it did mean (Score:2, Insightful)
Story tells me that your friend was a socially disturbed wannabee. Which, i can e
uh, what is everquest? (Score:5, Insightful)
so the guy made a bloody raiding party on a wedding. in reality, that's front page horrible news. in everquest, it seems to me to be par for the course
why do you expect any different, why do you think you ever could expect any different? everquest: people have swords and spells. they hurt things. that's the whole damn point of it to begin with: pointless violent escapism. and that's not bad: it's a harmless outlet
i don't think you are deluded. i don't think you are taking something too seriously. i just don't think you understand the rules here
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True. In real life, I would be very annoyed if some evil-doer raided my wedding, cut me into pieces, and cast a paralyze spell on my bride.
The Internet is not a game and I am not an NPC (Score:5, Insightful)
I'm a huge internet troll, mainly because i know i couldn't get away that kind of behavior in the real world. my personality online and off are night and day. here i am loud angry and rude. in real life i am quite pleasant. for me, the internet represents catharsis: a mental taking out the trash that leaves me capable of not blowing my stack in the real world
in other words, my personality here is not only completely unlike my personality in real life, my personality here allows me to be someone else in real life. and i completely understand the boundaries
This attitude is precisely the reason I despise internet trolls. Not because of the whole signal-to-noise ratio thing; newbies posting stupid questions and other minor breaches of nettiquette accomplish roughly the same thing and I don't mind them at all. No, the reason I hate trolls is because they treat the internet like some kind of damned videogame and other people on it like NPCs at worst, other players to be "beaten" in the "game" at best. But despite the fact that you're accessing the internet through a keyboard and screen, it's not a damn game. And I don't mean that the internet should be a serious, demure place of pure business and scholarship either; I'm here to have fun more often than I'm here to do work. I just mean that the internet is less like baseball and more like a game of catch, less like the debate team and more like chatting in the living room with your friends. It's not a competition, you can't win at it, and so playing manipulative social games trying to get certain reactions out of certain people for fun (or "catharsis" as you say) is just as despicable as if you were to treat IRL conversations with your friends that way. (Granted, some people do the same thing in real life, and I'd consider them assholes too).
Do you assume a different persona and play social games when you converse over the phone? How about through postal mail, on the off chance that you actually write letters to people? Why is the internet any different? It's just another means of communication - one which, due to its breadth and efficiency, is if anything MORE like real life than the phone or mail.
The same thing applies to people who are dicks in the non-game aspects of online games, e.g. game chat. Yes, if you're playing a competitive game the objective is to blow up the other guy or what have you, and you shouldn't complain that people are being "mean" when they do so efficiently. At the same time, there's this little thing called good sportsmanship which has been pretty well established in real world competitive activities, and I see no reason why it applies any less online. So, just because someone is competing against you in something that actually IS a game on the internet, doesn't mean that when you communicate with them within the context of the game (but "out of character", if such a concept is relevant) you're free to be a dick, anymore than it's OK to shout demeaning insults at the other team in a real-world sport, or to gloat over your victory or throw a tantrum over your loss.
On the other hand, there is something to be said for people behaving differently in person and online. Someone may be more or less comfortable in one venue than in the other, and so censor certain parts of themselves where they're not comfortable expressing such traits. But then, that just gets back to what the person you're responding to was saying; some people reveal their "true personality" more online than they do in real life. If you might be inclined to be an asshole in person but don't feel that that's OK, so instead you're an asshole on the internet (which honestly I've never seen you be, here on Slashdot at least), then that means that somewhere in your "true personality", you're an asshole, and you just censor that in real life and let it out on the internet so it doesn't stay bottled up. Even if the actual personas you're adopting online are all fake and consciously so, just put on for the response that other people give
Yea, it reminded me of the famous.... (Score:2)
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Yup, and if I was in the groom's place, I'd be ready to kill that wedding crasher.
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Wow. It's an on-line multi-player game in which people get to pretend to be whoever they want, and do things they couldn't do in normal life without getting killed, arrested, or what have you.
Calling it an un-civil act implies that in a world where you can kill anyone you feel like without recourse has an expe
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Really?
So following the rules of the game, playing in character if that character happens to be an orc or dark elf or undead whatever or evil magic user, and having that character do something evil makes the person behind the character a socially disturbed wannabee? Instead, I'd say that makes them an involved and effective player who is adding to the fun of the in-game world.
If you're in an MMORPG, and it allows PVP, isn't this type of action exactly what people are paying and playing for?
In the case o
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Re:Happily Everquest After (Score:5, Insightful)
Nobody was physically harmed, but quite possibly somone had their fun spoiled. Purposefully destroying the fun of others is rude, regardless of how it happens.
Similarily, if you're sitting in a park and having a quiet talk with someone, you'd be annoyed at someone who decided to leave their ghetto-blaster, playing the soundtrack of a porn-movie at full volume 2 meters away from you. This action too, hurts noone physically (aslong as it's not loud enough to be hearing-damaging) but nevertheless I think you'd find most people would be annoyed at it.
Is it ridicoloous for an amateur theatre-group to have a play where a wedding is part of it ?
And if not, why would it be more or less ridicolous if the players use online avatars rather than their own physical bodies ?
Does the ridicolousness change if some of the players involved have a crush on eachothers ? It's not as if it's unheard of for actors who *play* a couple to also *be* a couple. (or to become one during the period of the play)
I guess I just don't get it. Are relationships that depend in part or in whole on letters, telephones or any other method of communication not "real" ? Why'd it make a difference if your messages go trough the internet rather than trough the telephone-network ?
In all cases you're talking to real people. In all cases there's a real chance that one of the involved persons are less than completely honest. That's part of life, nothing new about it.
Maybe I'm biased. My first girlfriend I learned to know to a significant part trough writing old-fashioned letters. We had 2-3 wonderful years together. My wife I met trough exchanging email. I find the two situations to be very similar, and don't see what's so special about one being "online" and the other being in "real life" at all. If we'd been chatting or role-playing together online, I don't know what the fundamental difference between that and telephone should be.
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Nobody was physically harmed, but quite possibly somone had their fun spoiled. Purposefully destroying the fun of others is rude, regardless of how it happens.
How do you know their fun wasn't spoiled. I don't play Everquest but I'm thinking this would sound like grand fun. Wedding party crashed, guests slaughtered, wife kidnapped. This sounds like a good vehicle to organize a quest to get her back.
Similarily, if you're sitting in a park and having a quiet talk with someone, you'd be annoyed at someone who decided to leave their ghetto-blaster, playing the soundtrack of a porn-movie at full volume 2 meters away from you. This action too, hurts noone physically (aslong as it's not loud enough to be hearing-damaging) but nevertheless I think you'd find most people would be annoyed at it.
Well, with the social rules vary from place to place, but this is generally accepted as being rude. Most public parks have rules regarding noise pollution. Skate parks ghetto-blasters and music are often par for the course. I don't see this as being an issue as
GIFT (Score:2, Insightful)
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19 [penny-arcade.com]
Myth (Score:2, Informative)
Also, a paralyze works for like 5 seconds or some such.
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MMORPGs (Score:3, Insightful)
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Being a recovering wow Addict, and Having spent nearly the whole of it's release period playing it (310 days played, total) I can say with utmost certainty that you develop real relationships with the players you've known for so much time. it cannot be avoided. if you avoid it, the game just won't consume 300 days of your time. Even now, having quit the game (I no longer PLAY it) I still maintain an account, not to attend raids or do dungeons, but simply to log on and chat with friends
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"Sorry, I'm in an instance."
"Raiding, bbl."
"Cant talk now, fighting (x boss)"
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Can you really blame them for wanting to play the game they're shelling lots of good money out to access, though?
Not at all. But some people don't think that way. Recently, a friend of mine lost a lot of his "friends" to another guild. He thought he was good friends with these people, but now they don't talk. I explained exactly what you said. This is a video game. The point is to have fun. That can mean making friends, but more often it just means "phat lewtz!!1".
I have seen real relationships formed, but for every one of those I have seen twenty superficial relationships ended by the promise of better loot
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Real? - of course (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Real? - of course (Score:5, Funny)
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it can work (Score:4, Insightful)
I always shake my head when i hear respected professionals denounce online relationships as fake. It just goes to show they have no understanding of the online culture.
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I'd argue that if you're not having sex at least once a week your relationship is fake whether it's online or not.
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Either she doesn't like it, has issues, or just doesn't have a sex drive. After 7 months you should look at your relationship and go "This is normal. Do I want to keep doing this?"
My Wife and I met on #php (Score:5, Interesting)
Friendship can be real. (Score:3, Interesting)
Now. Relationships are another matter. Relationships need an element of physical proximity. They fall apart anyway. I wouldn't feel comfortable in an online relationship. Long distance relationships generally don't work out even when its telephone conversations.
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Text based mediums create a different issue. Your much more likely to find out about a real person because they aren't quite so obviously playing a game. In the case of text media like IRC, are you in love with that person? or are you in love with the person created in y
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strawman? (Score:4, Insightful)
Sure, caution is needed, but many people are finding love online, and if it works for them, can't we be happy for them? It's hard to meet people in today's society. It's not like we have town dances or whatever the devil they did 100 years ago. (yes, i'm sure some town's have dances still). And really, in the 19th and early 20th century many relationships developed via letters. My grandmother used to send daily 'what's up' postcards to people in the next town before phones, and when phones came along I'm sure many people new each other first only through that medium. So I don't think this is a new phenomenon. If you make the assumption that the other person is honest and fall in love with them, and that assumption is correct, you win. If it somehow isn't, well, there are 50 ways to leave your lover.
Based off what I've seen, we could all use more lovin, online or otherwise. Won't get it as easy by pigeonholing your possible relationships avenues.
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Nonsense. I met my wife because, while visiting a friend, I said 'hi' over the fence to his neighbor while out having a smoke on the porch. (I knew her well enough to chat with as I'd been over to my friends multiple times.) The neighbor introduced me (just by way
"Me too" (Score:2)
I've always thought of it as thus. (Score:2)
It's posts like this (Score:3, Funny)
Various types (Score:2, Insightful)
It's okay, nothing wierd going on.. (Score:4, Funny)
EVERYTHING OKAY. Proceed with life
Matter of Definition (Score:5, Interesting)
That sounds like it wasn't what you expected. Apparently,
people have some idea that relationships should only
developed through normal means, for some definition of normal.
And there, I said the magic word: definition. What is the
definition of relationship? When is a relationship real? What
means are normal?
My feeling is that this is going to be similar to the question
whether machines can think. Some people define thinking in a way
that machines can't possibly satisfy (usually, the argument is
exactly "if a machine does it, it's not thinking"). Other people
use definitions where thinking machines are always just around
the corner, but never actually there. And some people use
definitions by which we've had thinking machines for a long
time now.
As for relationships, I think that, no matter what your definition
of a relationship is, the (real) feelings you get from interacting
in a virtual world are about the same as those you would get if
the interaction had happened in the Real World. For me, that makes
the relationship real.
Of course, some aspects of relationships that develop in the Real World
will be missing from relationships that develop in some virtual
reality. On the other hand, there may be things in virtual reality
relationships that aren't in Real World relationships. There are
some very interesting effects here. For example, there are great
opportunities for misrepresenting and hiding things...in both virtual
and Real relationships.
Virtual reality being virtual, it also provides great opportunities for
experimentation. Some people never get past the "let's offend people
and see what happens" stage, but other people go much, much further.
Some people get married and/or have children in virtual reality, and
I think that this gives them some insight in what it
would feel like if they did the same thing in Real Life. To me, this
seems a valuable experience. And I'd much rather this experiment be
run in virtual reality with virtual children than in Real Life with
Real children.
All this is my 2 cents, of course, but those cents have been given to
me as the result of having both Real World and virtual reality
relationships, and even some that were both.
Online = offline (at least socially) (Score:3, Interesting)
However, during the last decade or so, games have developed an entirely new facet: social structure. Be it World of Warcraft or Second Life (is that even a game? I can't decide), people are getting deeply involved not only with the game itself but with each other, albeit in a virtual world. One might even say that actually playing the game is less important than being socially active in its context.
When social interactions become a part of the picture, changes occur in the balance between gaming and living. There separation between the game world and the real world begins to blur and fade as players make connections between game-world and real-world values. We have already seen people defining their real-life life by their in-game personas, businesses, and achievements. And this may be a problem. Maybe it's not very apparent now, but this kind of game is a relatively new phenomenon.
If a person forms a relationship in Second Life (for instance), there are bound to be more than virtual feelings involved. This is fundamentally different from being, say, a GTA addict. In GTA, one can be a car-stealin', cop-beatin' badass, and still be a loving family member (assuming that person can tell one world from the other).
A player's character would not start a virtual relationship with another player's ditto unless there is some emotional bond between the players themselves. One would have to be particularly schizophrenic (that's a joke) or an unnaturally good role player to claim that there is no conflict of interest between having a real-life relationship with one person and having an online romance with another. It would take a very well-spoken husband to convince his wife that he is happily married.
More and more, your online persona is a reflection and augmentation of your actual self. And yes, this is the case even if your online persona is Batman or GothGirl -- however radically different from your physical appearance, it's still a form of self-realization. Unless you're seriously schizophrenic (again with the humour...).
The old mantra that "on the Internet, nobody know you're a dog" is being obsoleted. Perhaps it should be replaced by "if you die in the game, you die for real" (what movie is that from again?). My point is that as games become ever more social, they're not just games anymore. Online romances equal emotional unfaithfulness and should be taken seriously.
my sister married a guy from the net (Score:3, Interesting)
They've been married for almost 10 years now, and are doing just fine.
If it works - it works - nothing wrong with it. Lord knows it's better than going to Yente the Matchmaker...
Hodel, oh Hodel,
Have I made a match for you!
He's handsome, he's young!
Alright, he's 62.
But he's a nice man, a good catch, true?
True.
I promise you'll be happy,
And even if you're not,
There's more to life than that---
Don't ask me what.
Chava, I found him.
Won't you be a lucky bride!
He's handsome, he's tall,
That is from side to side.
But he's a nice man, a good catch, right?
Right.
You heard he has a temper.
He'll beat you every night,
But only when he's sober,
So you're alright.
Did you think you'd get a prince?
Well I do the best I can.
With no dowry, no money, no family background
Be glad you got a man!
Brrrrr. Between Yente, and the millions of Arranged Marriages that go down Every Single Year to this present day, and the resulting resentment and far-too-common acts of violence [wikipedia.org], I think if people can find love in this hypersexualised culture it doesn't really matter what medium it takes to make that connection.
One of my very best friends met his wife through an advertisement in one of those cheezy urban free weekly newspaper. (SWM seeks SF, etc.) 14 years later - they're still fine and loving, with two adorable kids.
So it doesn't matter: SWM ISO SWF, OKCUPID.COM, or alt.tasteless - love is good where-ever you find it - as long as it is true.
RS
In fact... (Score:2)
The ups and downs of online relationships (Score:4, Interesting)
I've played World of Warcraft for the last year and a half or so and when that many people come together it's only natural that some of them develop relationships. Sometimes these things turn out really good and the people actually start seeing each other in real life if they're physically close enough to do so. I don't know if it's happened on the server I've played on, but I have heard of people getting married after meeting in an online game after e-dating for a while and eventually getting to know each other better in real life.
Of course there are also the horror stories of online dating as well. I've seen relationships that haven't worked out and it makes some people bitter. There have been people kicked from guilds or guilds that have been broken up over the drama caused by some online relationships. The worst (and perhaps the funniest) thing I've ever seen is when two people who were e-dating on our server broke up and the girl posted some pictures of the guy posing naked in front of a webcam for her. The thread managed to last overnight before the GM's removed it, but a substantial portion of the server got to see a guy grabbing his junk and trying to strike a sexy pose.
One of my friends had a younger brother who met someone online and recently moved to live with them on the east coast after visiting and having a good time. I think there are a lot of people who scoff the idea of online relationships, but with the technology we have in the world today, I think they can be a good thing. Of course when the people in them don't act intelligently they can turn out bad and people you know see you wearing nothing but a smile on the internet.
My own geek story of fantasy turned reality (Score:2)
Eight years ago I separated from my (then) wife - a marriage that soon lead to the following:
ME: What happened to you saying you would do 'this', and be 'this' way and do 'these' things... HER: I told you exactly what you wanted to hear me say for you to marry me.
I couldn't believe it. The hell with it, I served divorce papers and within the next 30 days I decided to (for the first time) try an online dating service.
Withi
This isn't science (Score:4, Insightful)
This reminder brought to you by the people out there who haven't yet succumbed to iPhone-style hype religion about the internet, technology or humanity.
Thank you for reading. You will now be returned to your regular neurotic programming.
Identity theft...of sorts (Score:4, Interesting)
Anyway, so one day I get a message on there which read something like: "Why are you using a dead guy's pictures?". This puzzled me so I replied that in fact I'm using my own pictures. His reply to that "No, the pictures you are using are of a guy named such-and-such and he lives in [a town like 26 states over] and he recently passed away and you suck for using his pictures".
Anyway, I won't go into details here, but I offered to prove to him that I was the person in the pictures, not because I felt like any particular need to prove it, but because I felt like he needed some closure. And so we did (webcam does the trick nicely).
Anyway, then the story came out - he'd been talking to someone on craigslist of all places who posted an ad with my pictures. They got into it quite heavily (though obviously they never met), talking every day and such. Finally, when this other guy got bored of the game he invented a cyber-death and had his "sister" email the original guy to tell him that her brother is dead.
Long story short, it was interesting to examine this situation. The poor man, he seemed totally crushed. He even told me at the end that he could never really get to know me as a person, since he's tied my pictures to whatever personality the liar invented. For my part, I also felt very bad - I'd almost say guilty - even though I did nothing wrong. And I really pitied the guy - his emotions were wracked in a very real way, even though the entire thing occurred online, and even though, let's face it, he should have known better.
Why Not? (Score:3, Insightful)
Obviously there's dangers to meeting people and forming relationships online, but there's similar dangers to meeting someone in a store or in a bar - the advantage that online provides is you can figure out generally if the person is genuine, their likes and dislikes and it *can* save several dates and then realizing you like different things.
If it worked for me.. it can work for anyone else.. but just like everyday life, you have to keep your wits about you.
ELIZA (Score:3, Funny)
All relationships are fantasy (Score:5, Insightful)
There is no two way communication. There is your feeling towards someone else, it does not mean they have the same relationship with you.
Fortunately, when the fantasy is smashed, most people can get up and go on..but some keep living their fantasy until they believe it is true.
The problem with online relationships, is that people bond(i.e. have mutualy ralationship fantasy) without key data. Looks, mannerisms, daily behaviour off line.
All of which is important, for very real reasons.