Facebook's New 'Secret Crush' Feature Called Creepy, Stupid (mashable.com) 192
This week Facebook announced a new feature that let's you tell the service that you have a "secret crush" on up to nine Facebook friends, reports the Bay Area News Group:
Facebook will send you a notification if a person has added you as one of their secret crushes. However, you don't get to know who that person is unless you happened to have put them on your crush list. At that point, Facebook -- because it really does know everything about everything you do at all times -- will then match you together and reveal your crushed to one another. You also have to be signed up for a Facebook Dating profile in order to get the crush notifications....
Facebook Dating and Secret Crush won't be available in America until later this year. But if you live in Canada, Mexico, Argentina or 16 other countries... well, you can let the crushing begin now.
The Guardian describes it as "harking back to Facebook's humble beginnings as a tool for ranking strangers' attractiveness... Or you could always, you know, try telling them in person." And other sites also gave the feature a negative review. BGR says Facebook's new feature "isn't cute, it's creepy," adding "it would be foolish to trust the company with even more sensitive data about yourself."
But the harshest response came from Mashable, which writes that "the whole point of a secret crush is obviously to keep it a secret. The term really could not be clearer." They call Facebook's proposed solution "truly, madly, deeply sad... We as a society rely on tech for so much, but we shouldn't rely on it for declarations of love. We have to be braver than that."
Or, in the words of one Twitter user, "this is dumb as shit just tell them you like them cowards."
Facebook Dating and Secret Crush won't be available in America until later this year. But if you live in Canada, Mexico, Argentina or 16 other countries... well, you can let the crushing begin now.
The Guardian describes it as "harking back to Facebook's humble beginnings as a tool for ranking strangers' attractiveness... Or you could always, you know, try telling them in person." And other sites also gave the feature a negative review. BGR says Facebook's new feature "isn't cute, it's creepy," adding "it would be foolish to trust the company with even more sensitive data about yourself."
But the harshest response came from Mashable, which writes that "the whole point of a secret crush is obviously to keep it a secret. The term really could not be clearer." They call Facebook's proposed solution "truly, madly, deeply sad... We as a society rely on tech for so much, but we shouldn't rely on it for declarations of love. We have to be braver than that."
Or, in the words of one Twitter user, "this is dumb as shit just tell them you like them cowards."
Declarations of love (Score:5, Interesting)
WTF? A crush isn't a "declaration of love". Get over yourself. When did people get so friggin oversensitive? Everything is an outrage.
Re:Declarations of love (Score:5, Funny)
In my day, a proper declaration of love could only be given as a sonnet to the woman as she rested on the banister of her balcony. Everyone wore tights back then.
Re:Declarations of love (Score:5, Funny)
In my day a proper declaration could only be given through holding up a boombox playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" outside of her home. Everyone wore Manic Panic makeup back then.
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In my day a proper declaration could only be given through holding up a boombox playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" outside of her home. Everyone wore Manic Panic makeup back then.
I'm glad I'm not the only one old enough to remember that.
Nobody ever gets arrested for stalking (or simply disturbing the peace) in those movies, do they?
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In my own antics as a young adult I was never arrested for any stupid stuff I did. I was warned a couple of times.
My guess is that most cops don't want to deal with the paperwork for something that will be difficult to classify.
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Nope. Or we hid behind a bush while someone else did the proclamation!
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WTF? A crush isn't a "declaration of love". Get over yourself. When did people get so friggin oversensitive? Everything is an outrage.
I'm just stalking you, it isn't like I actually pounced out of the bushes and preyed on you.
Why are you so friggin' oversensitive?!
This is how freakishly stupid neckbeards are. If some archaeologist from the future is reading this; don't let our society's fate befall yours. If you see a neckbeard, solve it with fire.
Re: Declarations of love (Score:2)
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Who the fuck cares? It is just an amusement. Get over yourself.
All around stupid (Score:1)
Why not mark everyone as your crush just to find out who has a crush on you? It certainly wouldn't be beyond the wiles of a 14-year old to try that. Hell, I've seen a few 30 year olds that act remarkably similar to 14 year olds, so I think this type of approach would be rampant.
The Guardian describes it as "harking back to Facebook's humble beginnings as a tool for ranking strangers' attractiveness... Or you could always, you know, try telling them in person." And other sites also gave the feature a negative review. BGR says Facebook's new feature "isn't cute, it's creepy," adding "it would be foolish to trust the company with even more sensitive data about yourself."
But the harshest response came from Mashable, which writes that "the whole point of a secret crush is obviously to keep it a secret. The term really could not be clearer." They call Facebook's proposed solution "truly, madly, deeply sad... We as a society rely on tech for so much, but we shouldn't rely on it for declarations of love. We have to be braver than that."
Or, in the words of one Twitter user, "this is dumb as shit just tell them you like them cowards."
While all of these give the obvious response, they are all complaining about something else. FB has with this approach given the users a tool for how they can approach crushes, while the journos (I don't think writing an opinion piec
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You only are allowed to choose nine of your friends.
Re:All around stupid (Score:5, Insightful)
Yes, so you choose 9, then unchoose those and carry on.
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You are way too clever for Slashdot. I would never have thought about that.
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Given that they are rolling out a feature for removing yet another of the events that make life worth living... Yes, yes I do think that.
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You only are allowed to choose nine of your friends.
Makes sense, given the crush list would be stored in the cloud.
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Add the lady from HR to your friends list and make her a crush. I'm sure it will work out.
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If the limit is 9 crushes, this only works out if it is a very small company, or you already have been sent for sensitivity training a few times.
Otherwise, she'll never know.
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Why not mark everyone as your crush just to find out who has a crush on you?
And then you'll find out that the person you don't *really* want to bed (but will do so to break a dry spell) actually, really, insanely has the hots for you, and what's worse she now thinks you feel the same way too!
I'd really only use this on women I actually want to date.
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But that is only a problem if you have empathy, something social media has been great at stripping from its users.
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Empathy, or mind the possibility that the person you just made your crush simply to find out if they were crushing on you has one of the various mental health problems that tends to make it a bit hard to get them to grasp that you might not be that into them--especially since this would give them reason to think you are, outside of their mental health problems' input.
There's a lot of problems with this feature, aside from Facebook's long-term failure to grasp that users might want some privacy or at least s
Crush? (Score:5, Funny)
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women."
That kind of crush?
Re:Crush? (Score:4, Funny)
And yet he's only remembered for "I'll be back"
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And "Get to the choppa!".
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"It's not a tumor!"
"Hasta la vista.. baby"
and quite a few more, really.
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To be in a Greek phalanx, you had to be a rich person capable of not only providing your armor and uniform, but a whole team of supporters and even light infantry to protect your supporters in camp. This generally would include a bunch of slaves.
These are not a bunch of soldiers in a foxhole together, these are rich fuckers who each have their own tents full of debauchery to retire to at night. It would be very rare indeed, and scandalous, for them to share a crush of that sort with each other, because they
One step towards the future (Score:3)
This crush thing is kind of cute, but only a step to the final phase where Facebook is in charge of which members of humanity may (or have to) mate with whom.
They are giving away the game a little by naming the first phase "Crush" though.
Re:One step towards the future (Score:5, Funny)
Actually, this explains so, so much.
Well.. (Score:2)
Are you saying Zuck is a secret Bene Gesserit witch?
You know, I wasn't before, but I sure am now!
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I find it interesting that I don't seem to have the ability to make anyone a crush (even my wife) on Facebook yet.
Did they purposefully block this feature for married people, just to avoid backlash from the religious right over creating a new platform for adultery?
Re: One step towards the future (Score:2)
having a crush (Score:1)
Isn't the same as ranking a person's physical attractiveness. Often we can be into a person who doesn't fit society's mold.
#deletefacebook (Score:4, Insightful)
I did.
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Why did you use it in the first place? I'm not impressed.
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Yea- me either. Never got on Facebook. It was so clearly evil.
Re: #deletefacebook (Score:2)
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You would be very impressed if you had been fortunate enough to be on my Friend's list (which I'm sure wouldn't have happened).
I'm a photographer with a large following. I'm also a retired IT guy. I got my first computer in Feb 1978, a TRS-80.
MySpace and Facebook were great platforms for getting my photos out there.
My tech background informed that Facebook is fucking dangerous. I quit.
#deactivatefacebook (Score:2)
I first downloaded all my "life" as those fuckers call it (there was some good posts, comments, and replies, mine an other people's), then deleted every single post and comment and like I ever made using a Chrome extension called social book manager. Then I deactivated my account. Every month or two I may reactivate and go on a weeklong posting binge, then I delete it all again and deactivate. And every time I visit it feels like a cesspool of caged personalities faking it or arguing incessantly, mine once
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Just giving a suggestion to people who feel trapped by facebook. It's to show you can have your crap cake and not have to eat it.
In addition ... (Score:2)
At that point, Facebook ... will then match you together and reveal your crushed to one another.
It will also play "I've Got a Crush On You" by a random selection of performers [wikipedia.org], like Linda Ronstadt [youtube.com], who covered that song...
[She also sang it to Kermit on The Muppet Show [youtube.com].]
Makes perfect sense ... (Score:5, Insightful)
... because Facebook's Member numbers are stalling out. Injecting a dating app for 2.x billion people is a swell untapped market.
CaptainDork, it's your secret crush's birthday (valentine) and we know she likes horses so click on the horse ad from EverythingHorses and send her 4 pair of horseshoes, size 6, girl and label the card "SallyRide," her favourite filly.
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CaptainDork, it's your secret crush's birthday (valentine) and we know she likes horses so click on the horse ad from EverythingHorses and send her 4 pair of horseshoes, size 6, girl and label the card "SallyRide," her favourite filly.
“Oh, and she has a beard... so a nice razor might be a thoughtful gift.”
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I like the feature, but I'm not on facebook (Score:1)
This is my favorite t-shirt of all time:
It says "NO, YOU CAN'T BE MY FRIEND I'M NOT ON FACEBOOK"
And in small print it also says "(which may or may not be related)"
If you are interested in purchasing one for yourself there are a few places you can get it:
https://www.thinkpenguin.com/gnu-linux/not-facebook-t-shirt
Or..
https://libertyminded.com/collections/men/products/not-my-friend-on-facebook-t-shirt
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Up (Score:1)
Up to nine enabler.
Let me guess: No age restriction (Score:1)
Infinite potential for lulz and butthurt!
Forcing Their Outdated Morals (Score:1)
This is just another example of Facebook forcing their outdated and bigoted morals on the rest of us. Forcing this unnatural and damaging Enneagamous lifestyle on its user base is racist, sexist, homophobic, and serves its white supremacist ideology. Any person should be able to should be able to perform any sort of sex act Ze wants to with any number of carbon based entities in the privacy of Ze's home, public bathroom, park, or street.
Group Think (Score:1)
When Facebook does it it's creepy. When someone builds an entire business around the same exact thing it's revolutionary, the new way forward in dating. Yay Tinder, boo Facebook. Fuck all the journalists promoting this double standard. I'm glad I can recognize and try to avoid these types of stupid mind games.
I'm concerned about the future where much of the population are unable to perform any action which is uncomfortable without someone whispering in their ear to go ahead.
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Copied from Orkut! Get off my lawn now.... ;) (Score:5, Interesting)
This is a feature lifted almost exactly from Orkut [wikipedia.org], a social network owned by Google. While it never became popular in the U.S., it got really huge in India, Brazil, Paraguay and other countries.
Orkut had a "crush list". You could mark any friend as your crush. If the friend also had you in his/her crush list, both of you would get notified. This blog post [blogspot.com] is a nice explanation of that feature.
So yes, it already existed, no one gave it much thought to it or got alarmed that Google had all that information into its hands, and people used it over 10 years ago. Now get off my lawn..! :D
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Facebook obviously made this change because it helps promote the feature, but it turns a nice tool for breaking the ice into something bad.
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Shocking indeed! Ohh the scandal!! The outrage!! :D
Borrowed the idea from OKCupid... (Score:2)
... and it wasn't a great idea when they implemented it, either.
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OKCupid is a dating site, though. If you're on there, you're probably looking to get laid.
The Orkut analogy is probably better, On that site, you're just looking for friends. The added chance to get laid is more of a bonus feature.
Stalky McStalkerFace (Score:2)
Isn't it funny though, that it is exactly the kind of thing you would expect its creator would think is a good idea.
Someone's upset and worried (Score:2)
I'm surprised facebook took so long to capitalise on their dating potential.
If I was still working in the online dating industry (yes, I've been on the inside of this industry and it's way creepier than you'd ever imagine) I'd be very concerned right now.
So much so that I'd want FB's "secret crush" crushed in its infancy by attaching labels to it like "creepy" and "stupid".
Even though those labels really apply more to what my industry has been doing for decades.
If FB allows friends of friends to add you as
No, I'm in Canada (Score:2)
You can expect a lot more of this sort of thing (Score:3)
Facebook's engagement metrics keep falling. That's why this "Secret Crush" feature is being released. Zuckerberg is seeing his audience slip away (at least in the U.S. and Europe), so Facebook will be throwing more crap like this against the wall to see if anything sticks.
But it won't help. People are done with Facebook, and Zuckerberg has proven time and again that he is absolutely amoral in his judgment and behavior. Whatever he does will only make the situation worse, because he cannot admit to himself that the main problem with Facebook is the person who runs it.
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False advertising. (Score:5, Insightful)
Nothing on Facebook is secret.
Reminds me of an app that I proposed. (Score:2)
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We thought it was too outlandish to actually implement
No, it was too creepy to implement, but since you were her friend's Little Precious, she said something polite.
I know this... (Score:2)
Someone at Facebook is:
1. Old.
2. Spent too much time on Adult Friend Finder.
Um, actually sounds like a pretty good idea (Score:4, Insightful)
Maybe the ability to have nine crushes at once could a bit creepy or abuse-prone, but in general this seems like a pretty reasonable and useful use of technology. There are lots of times when it's nice to know if someone feels the same way and you don't necessarily have an intermediary to help you out, or else you don't really want it getting out. This is particularly true of the youth. I would've killed to have this feature in junior high. At one point, I was about 70% sure there was someone who was interested in me but she hung out with this ridiculously cool and particularly ruthless crowd. We were never alone together except a a couple unpredictable times, so asking her would've meant asking her literally right in front of them. I mean, looking back it's easy to say god what was wrong with me, it's not like that stuff matters, I should've just said geronimo... but that sort of hindsight really overlooks just how crazy intense and important everything feels back then. Even as an adult, I mean what if you have a coworker who works in your cube or something and one day it seems like she's sending you signals but you're not sure and you're worried about making things permanently awkward? The fact that it uses Facebook is pretty handy since a lot of people aren't going to rush out and make an OKCupid profile just to check about whether that odd moment at lunch yesterday meant something. (The act of suddenly making a dating profile is itself an admission of sorts.)
Oh yeah and I hate to say it but, "in this day and age", there's also an argument for having a paper trail that someone is interested in you, particularly in a workplace situation.
The details of implementation could be messed up but fundamentally, no matter how I look at it, this seems like a pretty legitimate use of tech that doesn't have a great IRL equivalent.
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As for cheating well anything that helps people date could also help people cheat so that's a fairly lame excuse, does not seem reasonable to discourage datnig for that reason alone.
Go full secret ads (Score:1)
See what ads that results in.
Enjoy the large amount of resulting "secret" ads after "secret crush" is set.
Cheeky bastard Zuckerberg (Score:2)
To hell with Facebook. I don't understand why anyone would want to use that thing anymore. You must all be nuts.
Crushlink (Score:2)
Sadly, I entered enough email addresses then I ultimately found who "linked" me and it was a bit unsavory...
'Stalking' (Score:2)
Seriously? (Score:2)
I gotta disagree with Mashable (Score:5, Insightful)
I guess I understand why some people might find it a little bit creepy, but I have to disagree with Mashable on this point:
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"the whole point of a secret crush is obviously to keep it secret"
--
There are certainly situations in which you'd want to keep quiet about it *unless the other person feels the same way*, which is when Facebook reveals it. In long-term friendships and other situations it could be quite awkward to "hit on" your friend. Because both people recognize that it could cause awkwardness, both might keep quiet until the feeling passes, or at least fades.
If you have a long-term friend of the opposite sex whom you respect and enjoy being with, I think it's only natural to occasionally feel attracted to them. It's not always wise to bring it up, though - unless they happen to feel the saw way at the same time.
Note I'm only talking about when there is a good reason to be hesitant. If the only reason you haven't asked her out is because you're nervous, go ahead and do it. It's not that big of a deal. Do it *before* you get trapped in the friend zone. Two tips on how to ask her out without it being such a big friggin deal:
Method 1. Don't ask her to "go out with you", ask if she wants to check out the $goodband concert, or see $newmovie. Find an event she (or he) will probably like, based on your knowledge of their lives and dislikes. Ladies tend to be hesitant to start going out with a new guy. They are less hesitant to see Avengers.
Method 2. Every word of these these sentences is carefully chosen and proven to work:
--
I'd really like to talk with you more about $X, but I have some people waiting for me and I have to run. I'm a little busy this week, but I could squeeze in an hour for lunch Wednesday or Thursday. What kind of food do you like, Mexican, Italian?
--
Notice it's just lunch, just an hour, no big deal. Notice also you've said you're busy and people are waiting for you - you have a life, and other people find you worth waiting for, so maybe she'll find you worth spending a lunch hour with.
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I guess I understand why some people might find it a little bit creepy, but I have to disagree with Mashable on this point:
-- Some will consider this as sexual harassment. It isn't just creepy, it's Junior High level dopey
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> It isn't just creepy, it's Junior High level dopey
It does have an element of elementary school "check here if you like me", doesn't it.
> Some will consider this as sexual harassment.
Unfortunately that statement is true for any value of "this". Some people consider a ham sandwich sexual harassment. The worrisome thing about that is - when we fail to distinguish between actual harassment and things that very much are not, we then lose the ability to recognize and name actual sexual harassment. If e
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Some people consider a ham sandwich sexual harassment.
Depending on your definition [urbandictionary.com] of ham sandwich, I could see how some narrow-minded people would consider that to be sexual harassment if it was done without consent.
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Some people consider a ham sandwich sexual harassment.
Depending on your definition [urbandictionary.com] of ham sandwich, I could see how some narrow-minded people would consider that to be sexual harassment if it was done without consent.
Plus there was a picture going around the internet of a ham sandwich that looked a lot like a v*****a. I'd post a link, but you know, we have reached that strange point in society.
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> It isn't just creepy, it's Junior High level dopey
It does have an element of elementary school "check here if you like me", doesn't it.
>
Oh hell yeah. Given that Facebook doesn't have that many young people on it any more, pretty pointless as well. And if they try to turn it into a Tinder clone, it's going to get weird pretty quick
> Some will consider this as sexual harassment.
Unfortunately that statement is true for any value of "this". Some people consider a ham sandwich sexual harassment. The worrisome thing about that is - when we fail to distinguish between actual harassment and things that very much are not, we then lose the ability to recognize and name actual sexual harassment. If everything is "sexual harassment", then the word ceases to have any meaning.
Pretty insightful. In our sexual harassment indoctrination classes, we were told that the simple act of telling a woman that she looked nice today, or noted that she had a pretty dress, or that you liked her new hairstyle was sexual harassment. When asked for something to define sexual harassment since that was a p
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>There are certainly situations in which you'd want to keep quiet about it *unless the other person feels the same way*,
>which is when Facebook reveals it. In long-term friendships and other situations it could be quite awkward to "hit on" your friend.
>Because both people recognize that it could cause awkwardness, both might keep quiet until the feeling passes, or at least fades.
Interesting. I wonder if this really works the way they think it does, in practice. TFA says that FB will inform you if
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Mashable is just flying its autist flag again, getting stuck on the word "secret". They're not likely to be influential to normal people.
BTW, it's nice to see that you understand relationship dynamics; hopefully your advice helps some people here, from the other 97%.
Funny thing is some friends and I bandied this scheme around in the 90's. Ultimately we had no reliable authentication method that could be free, so we dropped it. FB has that component . It will be popular.
That's great. What does that have to do with my po (Score:2)
What does that have to do with my post?
I suggested that if you want to go on a date someone, and the only reason you haven't is because you are nervous, you should go ahead and ask them to lunch. So I'll try to connect that idea to the question:
> What exactly is wrong about remaining a virgin until you find the right person and marry him or her?
In my experience, if you want to find the *right* person, it helps to have conversations with some people and find out if they are the right person. If you neve
"The One for me" really exists? (Score:2)
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I've had plenty of lunch breaks without sex.
You're doing it wrong.
Re:One positive (Score:4, Interesting)
Also for young people who are afraid to admit their feelings to each other, for socially awkward adults, etc.
On the flip side, I have a feeling this won't work out as intended in many cases. Most people are pretty terrible at hiding their feelings, so there's a decent chance that a "secret" crush is only secret in the mind of the person with the crush. But if the other person doesn't feel the same way and is sufficiently mean about it, he or she could presumably pretend to have a mutual crush to verify the person's identity, and then use that as an excuse to socially destroy the other person.
Re:One positive (Score:4, Interesting)
Also for young people who are afraid to admit their feelings to each other, for socially awkward adults, etc.
You shitting me? Pyjama parties are going to now include "Lets cycle through all the boys in school, marking them as a secret crush and find out who fancies each of us" giggle sessions. Cheap cider optional.
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Cycling was my first thought as well. A clever 14 year old might be able to script it out too; probably just needs to past a little javascript in the console on the developer tools to make it happen. Might take a little work but could be worth it if you have 100s of "friends".
The question is how does the feature work. Is it a "see your matches" type thing or is it a generate a notification someone matched you type thing. If its the later you will generate notifications to people that have listed you as
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That problem would, of course, be almost completely solved by a slightly modified design:
Cycling would then be ineffectual, because the person doing the cycling would not get notified (unless the other person just happened to register a crush during that brief period when he/she was listed).
Another approach would also somewhat work:
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1. First approach would make the first mover to be lead on [thefreedictionary.com]. I know we are geeks here, but from reading literature and watching movies it should be obvious that it is massively embarrassing. Being led on is, not without reason, said to be slightly better than being raped. Even less than ethical women are known to apologize for unintentionally leading on men who are their acquaintances.
2. There are plenty of technology illiterate people, and people barely literate in the language they are using Facebook in :
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This would be good for the situation where it would be inappropriate to express affection. Think a manager with a crush on a subordinate. But if it was mutual crush now youd know
That alone makes it unethical for the manager to use the feature.
Finding out it is mutual is exactly what you're not supposed to even be trying to do.
Re: One positive (Score:2)
Down with Love! Down with human nature! Live to work! You are a robot! Totalitarian capitalism forever!
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The ongoing consentual relationship can still present problems if the parties to the relationship is in a superior / subordinate position. Can the superior be completely objective about expense reports? Job performance reviews? Compensation adjustment? Time-off requests? What if they have to fire them?
Will there be retribution from the subordinate either at the office or outside if they are? Can both parties completely firewall that relationship from the work relationship, with no damage being done ei
Re: One positive (Score:4, Insightful)
If you both know you've got the hots for each other, it's a mutual thing rather than a possible, even if unintentional, abuse of authority.
Though it's still not a good thing to fool around with co-workers, especially those in your own department, chain of command, etc.
Re: One positive (Score:4, Insightful)
Instead it replaces a possible conflict of interest with a certain one.
"I know the manager is hot for me due to this creepy Facebook bullshit, so no sex for them unless the expense report is approved!"
There is a reason why many large organizations forbid fraternization within the chain of command - at the best case you're causing friction in two people's personal lives from the course of regular business, and in the worst case you've got straight up prostitution.
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Back? It never left.