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Facebook's New 'Secret Crush' Feature Called Creepy, Stupid (mashable.com) 192

Posted by EditorDavid from the loves-me-not dept.
This week Facebook announced a new feature that let's you tell the service that you have a "secret crush" on up to nine Facebook friends, reports the Bay Area News Group: Facebook will send you a notification if a person has added you as one of their secret crushes. However, you don't get to know who that person is unless you happened to have put them on your crush list. At that point, Facebook -- because it really does know everything about everything you do at all times -- will then match you together and reveal your crushed to one another. You also have to be signed up for a Facebook Dating profile in order to get the crush notifications....

Facebook Dating and Secret Crush won't be available in America until later this year. But if you live in Canada, Mexico, Argentina or 16 other countries... well, you can let the crushing begin now.
The Guardian describes it as "harking back to Facebook's humble beginnings as a tool for ranking strangers' attractiveness... Or you could always, you know, try telling them in person." And other sites also gave the feature a negative review. BGR says Facebook's new feature "isn't cute, it's creepy," adding "it would be foolish to trust the company with even more sensitive data about yourself."

But the harshest response came from Mashable, which writes that "the whole point of a secret crush is obviously to keep it a secret. The term really could not be clearer." They call Facebook's proposed solution "truly, madly, deeply sad... We as a society rely on tech for so much, but we shouldn't rely on it for declarations of love. We have to be braver than that."

Or, in the words of one Twitter user, "this is dumb as shit just tell them you like them cowards."
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Facebook's New 'Secret Crush' Feature Called Creepy, Stupid More

Facebook's New 'Secret Crush' Feature Called Creepy, Stupid

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  • Declarations of love (Score:5, Interesting)

    by 110010001000 ( 697113 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @04:42PM (#58542960) Homepage Journal

    WTF? A crush isn't a "declaration of love". Get over yourself. When did people get so friggin oversensitive? Everything is an outrage.

    • Re:Declarations of love (Score:5, Funny)

      by TimothyHollins ( 4720957 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @04:53PM (#58543002)

      In my day, a proper declaration of love could only be given as a sonnet to the woman as she rested on the banister of her balcony. Everyone wore tights back then.

      • Re:Declarations of love (Score:5, Funny)

        by TWX ( 665546 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @05:09PM (#58543074)

        In my day a proper declaration could only be given through holding up a boombox playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" outside of her home. Everyone wore Manic Panic makeup back then.

        • I think things were simpler in the time of our forefathers. It was my understanding that in their day they just clubbed them over the head and dragged them back to their cave. Maybe a few shiny rocks or a seashell or two (but not three, that's just confusing [youtube.com]) but nothing too complicated. Everyone wore whatever the hell couldn't run away from them fast enough back then.

        • In my day a proper declaration could only be given through holding up a boombox playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" outside of her home. Everyone wore Manic Panic makeup back then.

          I'm glad I'm not the only one old enough to remember that.

          Nobody ever gets arrested for stalking (or simply disturbing the peace) in those movies, do they?

          • Re: (Score:2)

            by TWX ( 665546 )

            In my own antics as a young adult I was never arrested for any stupid stuff I did. I was warned a couple of times.

            My guess is that most cops don't want to deal with the paperwork for something that will be difficult to classify.

      • Nope. Or we hid behind a bush while someone else did the proclamation!

    • WTF? A crush isn't a "declaration of love". Get over yourself. When did people get so friggin oversensitive? Everything is an outrage.

      I'm just stalking you, it isn't like I actually pounced out of the bushes and preyed on you.

      Why are you so friggin' oversensitive?!

      This is how freakishly stupid neckbeards are. If some archaeologist from the future is reading this; don't let our society's fate befall yours. If you see a neckbeard, solve it with fire.

    • It's a declaration of ETERNAL love (for the next week)

  • Why not mark everyone as your crush just to find out who has a crush on you? It certainly wouldn't be beyond the wiles of a 14-year old to try that. Hell, I've seen a few 30 year olds that act remarkably similar to 14 year olds, so I think this type of approach would be rampant.

    The Guardian describes it as "harking back to Facebook's humble beginnings as a tool for ranking strangers' attractiveness... Or you could always, you know, try telling them in person." And other sites also gave the feature a negative review. BGR says Facebook's new feature "isn't cute, it's creepy," adding "it would be foolish to trust the company with even more sensitive data about yourself."

    But the harshest response came from Mashable, which writes that "the whole point of a secret crush is obviously to keep it a secret. The term really could not be clearer." They call Facebook's proposed solution "truly, madly, deeply sad... We as a society rely on tech for so much, but we shouldn't rely on it for declarations of love. We have to be braver than that."

    Or, in the words of one Twitter user, "this is dumb as shit just tell them you like them cowards."

    While all of these give the obvious response, they are all complaining about something else. FB has with this approach given the users a tool for how they can approach crushes, while the journos (I don't think writing an opinion piec

    • You only are allowed to choose nine of your friends.

    • Why not mark everyone as your crush just to find out who has a crush on you?

      And then you'll find out that the person you don't *really* want to bed (but will do so to break a dry spell) actually, really, insanely has the hots for you, and what's worse she now thinks you feel the same way too!

      I'd really only use this on women I actually want to date.

      • But that is only a problem if you have empathy, something social media has been great at stripping from its users.

        • Empathy, or mind the possibility that the person you just made your crush simply to find out if they were crushing on you has one of the various mental health problems that tends to make it a bit hard to get them to grasp that you might not be that into them--especially since this would give them reason to think you are, outside of their mental health problems' input.

          There's a lot of problems with this feature, aside from Facebook's long-term failure to grasp that users might want some privacy or at least s

  • Crush? (Score:5, Funny)

    by PPH ( 736903 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @04:54PM (#58543008)

    "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women."

    That kind of crush?

    • Re:Crush? (Score:4, Funny)

      by sunking2 ( 521698 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @05:26PM (#58543148)

      And yet he's only remembered for "I'll be back"

    • More like the kind you'd probably share with your squadmate if you were in an ancient Greek Phalanx, or even if you weren't.

      • To be in a Greek phalanx, you had to be a rich person capable of not only providing your armor and uniform, but a whole team of supporters and even light infantry to protect your supporters in camp. This generally would include a bunch of slaves.

        These are not a bunch of soldiers in a foxhole together, these are rich fuckers who each have their own tents full of debauchery to retire to at night. It would be very rare indeed, and scandalous, for them to share a crush of that sort with each other, because they

  • One step towards the future (Score:3)

    by SuperKendall ( 25149 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @05:02PM (#58543034)

    This crush thing is kind of cute, but only a step to the final phase where Facebook is in charge of which members of humanity may (or have to) mate with whom.

    They are giving away the game a little by naming the first phase "Crush" though.

  • having a crush (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward

    Isn't the same as ranking a person's physical attractiveness. Often we can be into a person who doesn't fit society's mold.

  • #deletefacebook (Score:4, Insightful)

    by CaptainDork ( 3678879 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @05:08PM (#58543060)

    I did.

    • Re: (Score:1)

      by Anonymous Coward

      Why did you use it in the first place? I'm not impressed.

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by Anonymous Coward

        Yea- me either. Never got on Facebook. It was so clearly evil.

      • You would be very impressed if you had been fortunate enough to be on my Friend's list (which I'm sure wouldn't have happened).

        I'm a photographer with a large following. I'm also a retired IT guy. I got my first computer in Feb 1978, a TRS-80.

        MySpace and Facebook were great platforms for getting my photos out there.

        My tech background informed that Facebook is fucking dangerous. I quit.

    • I first downloaded all my "life" as those fuckers call it (there was some good posts, comments, and replies, mine an other people's), then deleted every single post and comment and like I ever made using a Chrome extension called social book manager. Then I deactivated my account. Every month or two I may reactivate and go on a weeklong posting binge, then I delete it all again and deactivate. And every time I visit it feels like a cesspool of caged personalities faking it or arguing incessantly, mine once

  • At that point, Facebook ... will then match you together and reveal your crushed to one another.

    It will also play "I've Got a Crush On You" by a random selection of performers [wikipedia.org], like Linda Ronstadt [youtube.com], who covered that song...

    [She also sang it to Kermit on The Muppet Show [youtube.com].]

  • Makes perfect sense ... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by CaptainDork ( 3678879 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @05:14PM (#58543092)

    ... because Facebook's Member numbers are stalling out. Injecting a dating app for 2.x billion people is a swell untapped market.

    CaptainDork, it's your secret crush's birthday (valentine) and we know she likes horses so click on the horse ad from EverythingHorses and send her 4 pair of horseshoes, size 6, girl and label the card "SallyRide," her favourite filly.

    • CaptainDork, it's your secret crush's birthday (valentine) and we know she likes horses so click on the horse ad from EverythingHorses and send her 4 pair of horseshoes, size 6, girl and label the card "SallyRide," her favourite filly.

      “Oh, and she has a beard... so a nice razor might be a thoughtful gift.”

  • This is my favorite t-shirt of all time:

    It says "NO, YOU CAN'T BE MY FRIEND I'M NOT ON FACEBOOK"

    And in small print it also says "(which may or may not be related)"

    If you are interested in purchasing one for yourself there are a few places you can get it:

    https://www.thinkpenguin.com/gnu-linux/not-facebook-t-shirt

    Or..

    https://libertyminded.com/collections/men/products/not-my-friend-on-facebook-t-shirt

  • Up (Score:1)

    by edis ( 266347 )

    Up to nine enabler.

  • Infinite potential for lulz and butthurt!

  • This is just another example of Facebook forcing their outdated and bigoted morals on the rest of us. Forcing this unnatural and damaging Enneagamous lifestyle on its user base is racist, sexist, homophobic, and serves its white supremacist ideology. Any person should be able to should be able to perform any sort of sex act Ze wants to with any number of carbon based entities in the privacy of Ze's home, public bathroom, park, or street.

  • Group Think (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward

    When Facebook does it it's creepy. When someone builds an entire business around the same exact thing it's revolutionary, the new way forward in dating. Yay Tinder, boo Facebook. Fuck all the journalists promoting this double standard. I'm glad I can recognize and try to avoid these types of stupid mind games.

    I'm concerned about the future where much of the population are unable to perform any action which is uncomfortable without someone whispering in their ear to go ahead.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by Agret ( 752467 )
      Tinder is the classic "hot or not" attractiveness game with strangers, it's designed for finding someone with mutual attraction to bang with no strings attached. "Secret Crush" on your personal connections is weird as hell.

  • Copied from Orkut! Get off my lawn now.... ;) (Score:5, Interesting)

    by sombragris ( 246383 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @06:04PM (#58543284) Homepage

    This is a feature lifted almost exactly from Orkut [wikipedia.org], a social network owned by Google. While it never became popular in the U.S., it got really huge in India, Brazil, Paraguay and other countries.

    Orkut had a "crush list". You could mark any friend as your crush. If the friend also had you in his/her crush list, both of you would get notified. This blog post [blogspot.com] is a nice explanation of that feature.

    So yes, it already existed, no one gave it much thought to it or got alarmed that Google had all that information into its hands, and people used it over 10 years ago. Now get off my lawn..! :D

    • See, what you've described here is fine. The problem with Facebook's implementation is that they notify you of a one-sided crush: you're getting messages that someone likes you, but you don't know who. This is basically indistinguishable from a stalker.

      Facebook obviously made this change because it helps promote the feature, but it turns a nice tool for breaking the ice into something bad.

  • ... and it wasn't a great idea when they implemented it, either.

    • Re: (Score:3)

      by leonbev ( 111395 )

      OKCupid is a dating site, though. If you're on there, you're probably looking to get laid.

      The Orkut analogy is probably better, On that site, you're just looking for friends. The added chance to get laid is more of a bonus feature.

  • Isn't it funny though, that it is exactly the kind of thing you would expect its creator would think is a good idea.

  • I'm surprised facebook took so long to capitalise on their dating potential.
    If I was still working in the online dating industry (yes, I've been on the inside of this industry and it's way creepier than you'd ever imagine) I'd be very concerned right now.
    So much so that I'd want FB's "secret crush" crushed in its infancy by attaching labels to it like "creepy" and "stupid".
    Even though those labels really apply more to what my industry has been doing for decades.

    If FB allows friends of friends to add you as

  • I don't see that option anywhere. I'm guessing it was already pulled because of backlash.

  • Facebook's engagement metrics keep falling. That's why this "Secret Crush" feature is being released. Zuckerberg is seeing his audience slip away (at least in the U.S. and Europe), so Facebook will be throwing more crap like this against the wall to see if anything sticks.

    But it won't help. People are done with Facebook, and Zuckerberg has proven time and again that he is absolutely amoral in his judgment and behavior. Whatever he does will only make the situation worse, because he cannot admit to himself that the main problem with Facebook is the person who runs it.

    • The issue is that facebook is no longer fun for most of us. It is a communication tool now. Telephones were novel, amazing and fun before they just became a useful communication tool. I can't have fun on facebook because my entire family is on it and about 90% of what is fun in my life is nothing I would want to share with my mother or half of my family. TBH, the issue with facebook is it's success and fundamental design. Google+ at least had circles. I have no love for Zuckerberg, but even if he resp

  • False advertising. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by viperidaenz ( 2515578 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @06:59PM (#58543516)

    Nothing on Facebook is secret.

  • My friend's mom operated a local fitness gym. I proposed that we create an app called "Secret Workout Partner". You could select a member and then any time she checked in, the app would send you an alert. We thought it was too outlandish to actually implement, but maybe not so much these days.

    • We thought it was too outlandish to actually implement

      No, it was too creepy to implement, but since you were her friend's Little Precious, she said something polite.

  • Someone at Facebook is:

    1. Old.
    2. Spent too much time on Adult Friend Finder.

  • Um, actually sounds like a pretty good idea (Score:4, Insightful)

    by Shane_Optima ( 4414539 ) on Sunday May 05, 2019 @08:16PM (#58543770) Journal
    What the hell? Seems like a weird thing to get up in arms over. Two out of the three most important relationships in my life began with someone else coming to me and saying "you know, so-and-so really likes you..." What exactly is so terribly creepy about people being able to discover if they have a mutual attraction without worrying about making asses of themselves?

    Maybe the ability to have nine crushes at once could a bit creepy or abuse-prone, but in general this seems like a pretty reasonable and useful use of technology. There are lots of times when it's nice to know if someone feels the same way and you don't necessarily have an intermediary to help you out, or else you don't really want it getting out. This is particularly true of the youth. I would've killed to have this feature in junior high. At one point, I was about 70% sure there was someone who was interested in me but she hung out with this ridiculously cool and particularly ruthless crowd. We were never alone together except a a couple unpredictable times, so asking her would've meant asking her literally right in front of them. I mean, looking back it's easy to say god what was wrong with me, it's not like that stuff matters, I should've just said geronimo... but that sort of hindsight really overlooks just how crazy intense and important everything feels back then. Even as an adult, I mean what if you have a coworker who works in your cube or something and one day it seems like she's sending you signals but you're not sure and you're worried about making things permanently awkward? The fact that it uses Facebook is pretty handy since a lot of people aren't going to rush out and make an OKCupid profile just to check about whether that odd moment at lunch yesterday meant something. (The act of suddenly making a dating profile is itself an admission of sorts.)

    Oh yeah and I hate to say it but, "in this day and age", there's also an argument for having a paper trail that someone is interested in you, particularly in a workplace situation.

    The details of implementation could be messed up but fundamentally, no matter how I look at it, this seems like a pretty legitimate use of tech that doesn't have a great IRL equivalent.
    • I mean, if the "creepy" aspect is just "oh noes, Facebook knows more about me", it's not really exploitable information that you're revealing (unless you're married. Then I guess a FB employee could blackmail you.)
  • Use the "secret crush" function on everyone.
    See what ads that results in.
    Enjoy the large amount of resulting "secret" ads after "secret crush" is set.
  • Well as if stealing everyones private data and information wasn't enough now they think people would want to literally volunteer some of the most sensitive and private information imaginable, too? Why stop there Facebook? Why not just encourage them to give details of their sexual encounters while you're at it?
    To hell with Facebook. I don't understand why anyone would want to use that thing anymore. You must all be nuts.
  • I remember being getting these dumb emails from crushlink 15 or so years ago which was mostly a form of spam/email address harvesting seemingly

    Sadly, I entered enough email addresses then I ultimately found who "linked" me and it was a bit unsavory...
  • Something else for incels to get worked up about? I guess I'm not the target market - since I don't have acquaintances that I have secretly lusted after for years, and even if I did, I would not have a shortlist of nine, I mean that is starting to look like you're not that choosy! I guess I could name nine celebrities though and perhaps get lucky one week? Could Facebook maybe put in a good word with Gal Gadot for me?
  • Facebook ITSELF is creepy and stupid.

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