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Tech Firms Face Growing Resentment Toward Parent Employees During COVID-19 (cnet.com) 413

Over time, as Silicon Valley companies had to change the way its employees work during the COVID-19 pandemic, "an undercurrent of resentment has bubbled up across the tech industry against those splitting time between work and family, and it's spilled out in public on employee message boards, company chat software and on social networks," reports CNET. From the report: At Facebook, the pushback has forced COO Sheryl Sandberg, a parent herself, to defend the company's policies. "I do believe parents have certain challenges," Sandberg said in an August meeting, according to a report in The New York Times. "But everyone has challenges, and those challenges are very, very real." Meanwhile, some employees at Apple, Facebook and Uber say they're barely making it all work. More than half of 1,000 people surveyed by Care.com said they felt like they'd let down their colleagues due to juggling children and work during the pandemic. Of the respondents to the survey, published in August, 52% said they hide their childcare issues because they worry colleagues won't understand. And 45% believe their career advancement has suffered because they're juggling work and kids at home.

As the pandemic spread, many tech companies expanded policies to help parents deal with the sudden responsibility of caring for children while also working full time. Some, like Google and Microsoft, extended paid time off. Companies like Apple, Facebook and Uber also emphasized willingness to allow for more-variable work schedules. [...] Other tech firms express the same sentiments to caregiver employees and to the press. But some employees say the companies haven't successfully woven those feelings into their hard-charging cultures, which, before the pandemic, often included the expectation that people would endure long commutes to the office so they could be at their desks, working into the evening.

It's led to surprising clashes within tech companies, where parent employees are learning that some managers and peers resent the benefits and flexibility parents are getting. Many parents are also reporting they need more time to finish tasks, in part because of the regular interruptions caused by children. A July survey of 1,726 active job seekers by the recruiting site ZipRecruiter found that mothers at home with school-age kids expect work hours to reduce by 9%, while fathers say they expect a drop of 5%. Taken together, these new working arrangements have led some nonparent employees to accuse the parents of being treated better by management while failing to pull their weight.

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Tech Firms Face Growing Resentment Toward Parent Employees During COVID-19

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  • by awwshit ( 6214476 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @07:53PM (#60486342)

    No one chose to have so many roles that need to happen simultaneously. Its difficult and expensive. You have no idea until you live through it.

    • by BrainJunkie ( 6219718 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:08PM (#60486372)

      You have no idea until you live through it.

      Yeah.
      Then again, these same people who have kids and do remote work, almost certainly expect that the Amazon guy will deliver their Amazon stuff during this pandemic. Or the people at the grocery stores will be there to run the place. Or all of the people in those supply chains. Or the people running the machines that make all the stuff that goes into those supply chains.

      Plenty of those people are parents and they have somehow figured out how to do that despite having to physically show up so get everyone can get their stuff. So hard for me to muster much sympathy for people who spend their days working Jira tickets from their couch "barely keeping it together".

      • by awwshit ( 6214476 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:16PM (#60486404)

        My wife and I both have 'essential' jobs where we have to show up at the office. We also have kids at home and going to school remotely. I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm not asking for break, I'm asking that you are not an asshole about this situation that just happened to all of us.

        Going to work is actually easier than working from home with the kids. When I'm home with the kids there are constant interruptions and its hard to get anything done at all. At least when I show up at the office I can focus on one aspect of my life for a while.

        • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

          by h33t l4x0r ( 4107715 )
          When you say "essential" jobs, with the scare quotes like that, it forces me assume you work in an aromatherapy spa.
        • by minorproblem ( 891991 ) on Wednesday September 09, 2020 @06:20AM (#60487432)

          I got complaints from colleagues about working odd hours so that i could spend time with my kids during the day. I was working two shifts 7am till 11am and then 6pm till midnight that way I could spend time with my children in the afternoon and it meant they didn't interupt my work. Several people who don't have kids lodged complaints that i was ending emails late at night. My manager called me up and basically said he doesn't care but to try and please them to avoid it. I now just write all my emails in the evening and send them out first thing in the morning.

          I don't understand why people can be jealous of making the best of a bad situation! Really made me understand people can have weird motivations sometimes and how ruthless they can be if they feel threatened!

          • by jbengt ( 874751 )
            What sort of idiots complain about getting e-mails late at night? The sort that are too compulsive about their electronic devices to ignore e-mails from work when they're not working.
    • by Darinbob ( 1142669 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:23PM (#60486438)

      This is kind of a weird story Normally it's the other way around 75+% of employees normally seem to be parents, and those who are not parents or (gasp) single are looked on as the weirdos. I can sort of understand resentment if there is unfairness in the work assignments or expectation (ie, the single people being the only ones asked to work late or on weekends), but hopefully that is rare. If a work place is that competitive, it's a good idea to start telling upper management that there's a problem, and if it's not addressed then polish that resume.

      Benefits should be fair though. If Bob gets shorter work hours then everyone should get shorter work hours. And in a "tech firm" most jobs are salaried so that hours are mostly irrelevant. Everyone should be getting flexible hours. Even single people have issues to deal with given that they're home all day, and management in most countries cannot legally grill their employees about what their relationships are or whether they have kids or not or what sort of odd living arrangements they have. Maybe they've got a pot smoking bongo playing roomie that makes it hard to work; maybe mom has had to move in for extra care purposes; and omg I've got a new kitten I can't ignore the kitten let me show you my pix1!

      • This is kind of a weird story Normally it's the other way around 75+% of employees normally seem to be parents, and those who are not parents or (gasp) single are looked on as the weirdos.

        Even in Silicon Valley? That's the focus of the story.

        • Well, story was "tech companies", which could be anywhere. But yes, even in Silicon Valley. Granted, I've never worked at one of those IT-only or web companies.

      • by flink ( 18449 )

        My employer has been giving everyone an optional 10 hours of PTO per week that can be used for any kind of pandemic-related self or family care, no questions asked. It seems to be working out pretty well, and it avoids privileging people with kids in any kind of special way.

    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by nagora ( 177841 )

      You didn't choose to be a parent? Did you report this to the police?

    • I just lived through it. If you have decent work hours, two kids in a two parent household are not an issue. I sometimes worked a couple of hours in the evening, whilst in the day I helped my kids with their school work or the video connection (also my wife's). Hey, you missed IT support! Anyway, if the two parents don't have to be aligned (which with normal office hours is not the case), it can work really well. 8 hours sleep, 8 hours working leaves 8 hours to do household stuff, eat and socialize. If the
  • by Joe_Dragon ( 2206452 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @07:54PM (#60486344)

    good god we need better labor laws / more unions!

    Not managers who want 60-80 + an week with NO OT.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    Two sides to the coin...
    Management needs to be setting realistic goals for the current situation, taking into account the new variables.

    Kidless employees need to get their heads out of their asses and realize that everyone at the company is in this together and it's time to play as a team.

    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward

      Kidless employees need to get their heads out of their asses and realize that everyone at the company is in this together and it's time to play as a team.

      So..... It's now partially my responsibility to work harder to compensate your life choice to have kids? Great, so when this is over, I should be able to make life choices and you'll help foot some of the bill. We have to play as a team here, no reason one should get preferred treatment over the other for life choices.

      • by gillbates ( 106458 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:24PM (#60486442) Homepage Journal

        Having kids is team play!

        Those who have no kids pay their fair share of taxes. Those who raise kids pay their fair share of taxes, and create future taxpayers who will pay even more into the system.

        Yes, maybe their getting less done now. But their kids will be paying the taxes supporting your social security checks when you're older. Do you really want them to skimp on their duties?

        • Yes, maybe their getting less done now. But their kids will be paying the taxes supporting your social security checks when you're older. Do you really want them to skimp on their duties?

          And yet, whenever it's a single mom invariably the calls go out, "She should have kept her legs closed" or "Where's the father?"

          So which is it? Either we're supposed to help those with children, all those with children, not skimp their duties, or we tell those with children they should have planned better. If having kids

      • Let us know when you next make a "life choice" that literally determines the future of the human race and requires multiple years of personal sacrifice. I'm not even being facetious. It would be quite fair that if e.g. people decided to take 5-10 years out of their career to dedicate to a philanthropic or charitable cause that they be afforded some kind of compensation or support.

        • by ceoyoyo ( 59147 )

          I took twenty years out of my career to go to go to grad school and then do health research, all of which was freely given out for the public good. I got paid 25% or less of an industry salary for my trouble, AND wasn't working my way up this corporate ladder thing.

          Sounds like society owes me a few mil.

  • I'm guessing both sides would state their respective complaints less circuitously. Or maybe the culture of working yourself to death at a tech job after 5pm in any family situation is less prevalent. Or maybe it's the same.

  • by Rosco P. Coltrane ( 209368 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @07:56PM (#60486358)

    Before the virus, working parents could park their kids at the daycare center, kindergarten or school and forget about them for 8 hours a day. And that was already tiring and hard enough to manage.

    Now they're all rediscovering that there was a reason why one of the two parents' full-time job (usually the mother's) was raising children at home when nurses and private teachers were the preserve of the elite.

  • by seichert ( 8292 ) * on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @07:59PM (#60486360)

    If the non-parents are producing more, they should be paid more.

    • Not sure why modded troll. This is how it works, these whiners are just full of shit. If they are indeed heroes covering for all these "breeders" (as I imagine they call them) then their performance reviews should reflect it. If not, and in fact they are just nobodies with no talent who work on e.g. managing the Code of Conduct for their company and imagine themselves put upon while the people who do the real work are busy watching kids sometimes, then not sure why they're crying.

      As the digital intermediate social media paradigm officer I feel it's unfair that Joe, the engineer who keeps our fucking servers running, is out of the office from 2-4pm! Why, I'm, uhh, working more now or something!!!

  • This is so true (Score:3, Informative)

    by nomad63 ( 686331 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:07PM (#60486370)
    I lost count of times when I can not reach my supervisor on time critical matters, because, like myself, he is also working from home and have two school age children. The reason was always, "something or another came up with children". I am missing deadlines because, without his approval, my crap doesn't move forward. Then it comes the crunch time. This is not fair. I understand, parents have obligations for their children but when my peformance suffers or someone else's children, I have to ask myself "why".
    • by Bert64 ( 520050 )

      Your performance is not suffering, you are still completing your job and then hitting a blocker that's out of your control.
      You just need to ensure that this is taken into consideration whenever your performance is being evaluated.
      It is your supervisor who is failing to perform.

    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      ...but when my peformance suffers [f]or someone else's children, I have to ask myself "why".

      Because we're all in this together? Because your part of an organization rather than running your own company? Because you accept the socialism of your company when it benefits you, but are unwilling to support the same when it costs you? Because your manager may show more judgment in his currently available hours than you do in your five hours of work a day (after Slashdot time is figured in) making him worth more

  • How convenient (Score:5, Informative)

    by quonset ( 4839537 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:10PM (#60486382)

    An opinion piece [cnn.com], citing the same New York Times article, argues childless workers are being exploited.

    If the paid work that parents can't manage falls to the childless -- who already had full workloads, especially at big tech companies that have long erased the distinction between work and life -- of course there is going to be resentment and anger. That's not a lack of empathy or a sense of entitlement. It's a correct assessment of the fact that your workplace is exploiting you because of your parental status, and pitting parents against non-parents instead of solving the problem at hand: Too much work and not enough people to do it.

    I can speak from my workplace that absolutely there is too much work and not enough people to do it. It's a known issue which, for various reasons, won't be resolved any time soon. And yes, those without kids are bearing a heavy workload.

    As I have repeatedly said, corporations took their tax cut and wasted it on frivolous purchases of stock buybacks and executive salaries instead of doing something useful such as raising employee salaries or, as this article shows, hiring more people. This is the very reason salary growth was almost non-existent in this supposedly "booming" economy. Employees are worked harder for the same pay and they're not willing to relocate because they have kids. The childless were able to move more easily, but that only gets them so far until they're back bearing the workload of their coworkers.

    If companies are saying that people with children get special treatment such as additional time off or more flexible hours, that same consideration should be given to everyone. If you don't, morale will plunge and resentment will boil over. And the only ones to blame are those at top.

    As an aside, in Japan, a company said those who don't smoke get six additional days off [fox5dc.com] to make up for the people who take breaks to go smoke.

  • Comment removed (Score:4, Insightful)

    by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:13PM (#60486390)
    Comment removed based on user account deletion
    • by will_die ( 586523 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:53PM (#60486516) Homepage
      And they had smaller houses, didn't pay for seperate phones for everyone, had a single car, single TV, and lacked of lots of stuff everyone expects.
      you can still have a single income household, you just can't have the dual income lifestyle.
      • Comment removed based on user account deletion
      • by timeOday ( 582209 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @10:38PM (#60486762)
        Yeah, you can't. Because "keeping up with the Jones's" is not a choice, but a requirement, when it comes to making the rent. Housing prices rise to what people can pay. And if enough other people are willing to work 4 jobs between two people and take out a 40 year mortgage, that's how high prices go.
      • The smaller houses largely don't exist now. Because the cost of permits has risen, , it's not worth it to build small houses. The costs of phones, cars, and TVs has plummeted as a share of income, so those things are irrelevant.

        If the federal minimum wage were a living wage, it would be at least $15/hr.

        If the federal minimum wage had kept pace with employer compensation, it would be over $30/hr.

        You don't know what you're talking about.

  • by ZombieCatInABox ( 5665338 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:14PM (#60486394)

    It's fascinating how easy it is to sort out the parents and the non-parents by reading this thread.

    • by rndmtim ( 664101 ) <rndmtim&yahoo,com> on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:45PM (#60486496)

      I looked at the title and said to myself "bet there's gonna be a lot of libertarian sociopathy on display there" and man, I have not been disappointed.

      • by minorproblem ( 891991 ) on Wednesday September 09, 2020 @06:33AM (#60487462)

        I remember when i was young I use to look up to such people as socially, culturally and politically mature, they always seemed to be very clever and edgy. Now as a grown man i can see a lot of people support similar tenets, are of similar levels of intelligence but just keep their head down, raise their family and do the best they can without feeling the need to rub it in everyone's faces how great they are. I am almost embarrassed that i looked up to those obnoxious nerds, and pity that they seem so stuck in their ways rather than developing and growing over time.

    • There's a fair number aunts and uncles without kids who nonetheless support the flexibility offered to parents. Probably some school teachers without kids who know exactly how hard it is to manage a classroom come off sounding like parents, too. I'm going to guess that anyone who is actually plugged into their family instead of living alone in an apartment focused on nothing but their job and dating life is going to be defending parent flexibility right now.

  • by vinn01 ( 178295 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:30PM (#60486454)

    The concept of "drag" and "drag coefficient" has been a part of the tech companies hiring and retention since at the 90's. That's why many companies recruit right out of university. They don't want drag like spouse, children, and community responsibilities. Some tech companies want the whole employee, all the time. The company wants evenings and weekends that might otherwise be spent dating or pursuing outside interests. That's what you sign up for when you work for tech slave drivers.

    I've heard some pretty creative excuses why a co-worker had to leave the office "early", at 8-9 pm. Another co-worker actually got fired for having the gall to make weekend plans and was unavailable to work during the "crunch" that was not really a crunch. Glad that is behind me.

  • We are living through a 100-year pandemic. It will probably be less than a year before vaccines have it under control. And some employees are complaining that parents have it too easy?

    How stupid to turn on each other like that.

  • with rampant discrimination against individuals that have a personal life that involves another people.

    Says the self employed old guy that needs to remind himself to get home from the shop every few days to make sure he's still married ;) lol
  • by SuperKendall ( 25149 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @08:47PM (#60486502)

    There is zero issue with people feeling parents get special treatment, if they don't get treated differently than anyone else...

    Parents do have it rough, but if you think about it single people have similar kinds of issues, with stuff that needs to be taken care of, juggling personal life issues with work.

    So be flexible for everyone, then people don't complain about what everyone else gets. Let all workers have flexible schedules to be able to deal with whatever. Have understanding that anyone may have an emergency that requires slight shifting of schedules. It's not really that hard to accommodate most people.

    • But that's... inefficient!

      Why hire you when you have to take care of a family when I can bottom-barrel some lowlife who cares nothing for others let alone himself for the almighty dollar!

      Labor unions just might make a comeback during this pandemic, and for this I'm not upset.

  • Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • by memory_register ( 6248354 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @09:21PM (#60486606)
    Bona Fides: I worked in a tech startup for 7 years, now I work for a VC group. We're not in the Valley or even California, which probably helps.

    The team I work for now has about 50 people on it, with a 60/40 split of parents/childless (empty-nesters I count as childless here). Our management team recognizes that the parents on our team are struggling, but they didn't try to zero-sum the team and make the childless work harder. They simply said, "This year will be a little leaner, we won't be as productive, but we'll use it to focus on what matters the most."

    Thanks to principled leadership, the entire team has rallied together. The parents feel supported and the childless feel free to be generous with the parents when appropriate. Its been hard but really good.

    Note: I should probably also mention we're in a state that has open schools, which certainly makes the whole situation easier. I've got no idea how Californians are living through this with Gov. Gavin 'lockdown forever' Newsom.
    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by GFS666 ( 6452674 )

      Note: I should probably also mention we're in a state that has open schools, which certainly makes the whole situation easier. I've got no idea how Californians are living through this with Gov. Gavin 'lockdown forever' Newsom.

      We're doing quite well. Per your comment, it is about management and the trust people have with that management. People here trust Gov. Newsom. He has been leading the effort here, is very pro-active and has always been upfront with us on what he's doing and why he's doing it. Which is a heck of a lot better than some states (Florida, I'm looking at you). Is it a major hassle? Yes, yes it is. But if you look at the COVID statistics on our state, we are the most populous state in the union (almost 40 million

  • by Fly Swatter ( 30498 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @09:32PM (#60486654) Homepage
    A single salary should provide for a family, but here we are. A world where even two full time jobs is too often not enough.

    -work work work. what about living a life and not working it away?
  • Sure, why not? (Score:4, Insightful)

    by sloth jr ( 88200 ) on Tuesday September 08, 2020 @10:15PM (#60486736)
    There's a thing, and it exists, so let's just pick sides about it and make that yet another thing we can wrap our tribal flag around.

    FUCK!
  • In the long list of things that suck massively in 2020, this probably doesn't even make the top ten.

    I mean, right now it is clogged with wildfire smoke outside and there is this pandemic and stupid yahoos who won't wear masks and a possible civil war...

    As long as you are breathing easy right now you should be grateful. Literally. As long as most of us are still alive we might even be able to get out of this partially intact.

  • Productivity differs massively from employee to employee and in most jobs that is hardly reflected in pay. Why worry about parental breaks ... if they have 10 IQ points on you than you they probably still outperform you, if you have 10 IQ points on them it just got a tiny bit worse.

    Just throw it on the pile of the "injustices" of job remuneration.

  • This is a non problem because it will sort itself. If you are such a superstar that you are covering for yourself and those slacker parents, then your reviews and pay should match this. If not - find a new job, you aren't being valued properly.

    But like most things about "inequity" people are full of shit and imagine themselves to be super capable and "deserving" of the same or more pay than some other guy "just because".

    Add "parentism" to the huge list of *isms people delude themselves into thinking is resp

  • by gnasher719 ( 869701 ) on Wednesday September 09, 2020 @02:19AM (#60487086)
    All these kids that people are apparently complaining about will be the ones who pay my pension. So I'm not complaining, as long as the parents raise them to be good tax paying and pension contributions paying citizens.

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