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The Restaurant Nearest Google (theverge.com) 30

Thai Food Near Me, Dentist Near Me, Notary Near Me, Plumber Near Me -- businesses across the country picked names meant to outsmart Google Search. Does it actually work? From a report: Thai Food Near Me isn't the first business to think of the Google-first naming convention. There are reminders of Google's kingmaker status in online discoverability everywhere in cities across the country. Among the businesses I was able to find: a chain of half a dozen Affordable Dentist Near Me's in Texas; an Antiques Near Me two hours outside of New York City; seven Plumber Near Me businesses; a Phone Repair Near Me in Cape Cod, Massachusetts; a Psychic Near Me in Chicago; and more than 20 iterations of "Notary Near Me" across the US. Felix Silva decided on the name Barber Shop Near Me after considering more than 20 other options for his Coral Springs, Florida, store in 2019. The name is meant to be neutral and memorable -- another one in contention was "The Barber Shop" -- but Silva fully leaned into the Google joke: the logo is a red location pin resembling Google's own, with a blue, white, and red barber pole pattern in the middle.

[...] As with Thai Food Near Me, the most powerful thing an SEO-driven name might be able to do is get customers in the door. From there, it's up to a business to give them a good experience, whether that's a great plate of pad see ew or the perfect haircut. Then, the cycle continues -- happy customers leave good reviews. Good reviews help the business's Google Maps profile rank higher. Silva uploads high-quality photos and videos to the page and shares updates, too. That's another SEO move; some experts say active profiles can improve a business's rankings. Still, the naming scheme has caught on: one acquaintance selling Christmas trees, for example, rebranded his business to be called Christmas Trees Near Me, Silva says. (Silva's is not the only Barber Shop Near Me, either -- there are also shops with the same name in Oak Park, Illinois; Queens, New York; and Muskogee, Oklahoma, according to Google Maps.)

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The Restaurant Nearest Google

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  • by Whateverthisis ( 7004192 ) on Friday October 27, 2023 @10:33AM (#63958479)
    I just used Google on all of these and not a single one came up. Instead paid sponsored ads was the top, then Yelp listing of locations near me, etc. I didn't get an actual barber shop until rank 9.

    Yelp is far better optimized to get high ranking on Google this way, because people really use Yelp for searching for things near them. TBH, the first thing i do when finding a thing I'm looking for near me is then look at the reviews; if it's less than 4 stars i don't even bother. If it's 4 stars are more, then I go read the low reviews first and see if the location responded to the low review. Only then can I be sure they have good service and a good experience.

    If you're a mom and pop or a restaurant or whatever, you need to focus on Yelp reviews (or Trust Pilot in Europe), staying high on 4+ stars, and responding to negative reviews. Google reviews I don't trust quite as much, except as an occasional alternative/validation of Yelp reviews. People will find you; just getting top rank on google as a brick-and-mortar simply isn't enough.

    • Did you try inside Google Maps?

    • by AmiMoJo ( 196126 ) on Friday October 27, 2023 @10:50AM (#63958537) Homepage Journal

      Obviously they aren't doing it hard enough. Should have called it "Affordable Cheap Thai Best Restaurant Near Me Nearby Local Good Reviews not Korean Japanese Vietnamese".

    • by drinkypoo ( 153816 ) <drink@hyperlogos.org> on Friday October 27, 2023 @11:31AM (#63958657) Homepage Journal

      Yelp is far better optimized to get high ranking on Google this way, because people really use Yelp for searching for things near them.

      Idiots, you mean. Yelp is scum [reddit.com] (not quite on the level of tripadvisor [npr.org], but that's meager praise) and anyone who hasn't figured that out yet is a total tool. What's more, Yelp is fucking worthless. They don't prune old listings so they are continually advertising restaurants that literally no longer exist.

      If I want to find a restaurant near me I absolutely use maps. If I want to review a restaurant, I only do it on maps. One of my photos of a local taco truck's menu has over a thousand views so I know other people are using it too, which makes sense because it's what comes up when you use the search tool on Android.

      Restaurants may well have to coddle Yelp despite the fact that it's a total scam, but that only makes them more awful. Stop using Yelp. Otherwise you are pro-scam.

      • If I see a business on Yelp, sometimes I will actively avoid it. Not because I hate the business, I know nothing about the business. But you can't trust Yelp, or any business for that matter that uses extortion. Fake reviews and reviews by wannabe critics don't help in any way. The only thing Yelp tells you that is useful is an address, but even then there's a good chance that it's wrong.

    • Yelp? (Score:4, Informative)

      by Comboman ( 895500 ) on Friday October 27, 2023 @11:43AM (#63958687)

      >>If you're a mom and pop or a restaurant or whatever, you need to focus on Yelp reviews

      Yelp? Really? Is it 2013 again and nobody told me? Yelp has been worse than useless for at least a decade. Full of paid reviews/fake reviews/review bombs/etc. You can't trust anything you see there and what's worse is that they actually charge business owners to fix reviews (fake or otherwise). [www.cbc.ca]

    • Who the hell uses Yelp for anything?
      More to the point, who ever used Yelp for anything in the history of mankind? Or have I just been living under a stone for 20 years?

      • Apparently you're living under a stone. Many of the replies to me are like yours; who uses Yelp?

        91% of people read online reviews. [inc.com]

        A study from Harvard, Berkely, and Leigh University [yelp.com] showed that revenue on average increased 5 to 10% upon joining Yelp.

        A Cornell study [cornell.edu] showed that 26,000 reviews are posted on Yelp every minute, and 98% of reviewers actually bought something from that store.

        While Yelp does do sponsored posting so it can be pay-for-top-ranking, it's impact is still pretty incredible

        • A study from Harvard, Berkely, and Leigh University showed that revenue on average increased 5 to 10% upon joining Yelp.

          Yes, you have to join Yelp in order to get them to take down their fraudulent reviews.

    • If you're a mom and pop or a restaurant or whatever, you need to focus on Yelp reviews

      Fuck Yelp.

      They sell ratings. Or, to be more exact, blackmail businesses with threats of bad ratings. "We noticed some recent negative reviews of your business on our site. We would be happy to work with you to insure accuracy of these ratings, just sign up for a paid account..."

  • Google Maps is so broken.
    If I'm in a small Mexican town, and I'm searching for a store of some kind, it's very rare that it doesn't go "Did you mean this store that is on the other side of the world?"

    We have the technology to fix it, we just choose not to for profit.

    • Search for the store in <location> instead of just searching. But IME Maps is good about showing local results first if they are in Maps. You are arguably better off using google search, and then you will see any maps results mixed in with web results.

    • by piojo ( 995934 )

      That's like how they ignored reports about a broken bridge for two years until someone died. It's not profitable to do these ethical good basic things.

  • Could there be backlash from people who do a search for "near me" just to discover that the misleading name is really "nowhere near me"?
    Could these people then spam the business with bad reviews?
    Just a thought.

  • by cirby ( 2599 ) on Friday October 27, 2023 @10:51AM (#63958541)

    It's just the 2020s version of the old AAA-prefixed business names from the old printed Yellow Pages phone directories.

  • I have no insight on how google search works in the backend, but if "near me" is a keyword to tell the search engine to check the location of the user and then provide results within a certain distance range, it is likely that the text "near me" is removed from the actual "text" search. Any google search engineer here (are there any left in the department, anyway?) care to share some knowledge?
  • Nothing new. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by www.sorehands.com ( 142825 ) on Friday October 27, 2023 @11:12AM (#63958609) Homepage

    This had been done for years by Companies Name AA Plumbing, A&A Auto Repair. Same gimmick, different medium.

    For you Gen-Z's, it is called the Yellow Pages. It is like a search engine, but on paper and arranged alphabetically.

    • by pjt33 ( 739471 )

      I use the Yellow Pages every day. I've got a few, still in their cellophane wrap, raising my monitors to a convenient height.

      • by dfm3 ( 830843 )
        Now that's funny. Literally the last time I can recall seeing a phonebook is circa 2016 or so when I worked for a college where they dropped two damn pallets of them in front of a building shrinkwrapped with instructions to "please distribute to your residents" and we told them they needed to come remove them or we'd file a police report and have them charged with illegal dumping and then pursue them to recover our costs for disposal. They did remove them, and I don't think I've seen a phonebook since.
    • I called my shop @@ Auto Repair. I win!
  • Did you mean nero? There aren't many results near you so we didn't bother, but try some of our paid sponsors.
    Actually, since google needs a script to work I didn't bother. Internet search is pretty much useless anymore. Anyone else want to try crawling the web and put together a page with a search box on it? Just a thought. Variety is the spice of life and stuff.
  • I named my restaurant "Cheap Mexican AROUND(10) Seattle", but the only customers I get are smelly nerds who all have pocket protectors.

  • Online reviews & ratings are pretty much useless. We've all seen the A-boards outside restaurants that say, "Come & try the worst X you've ever had, according to a Yelp review." or something similar.

    Just list ALL of the businesses or establishments or buildings of the given type within a certain radius. Also, make sure it's correct & up-to-date. Is that too much to ask?
  • Am I the only one who remembers, in the early days of Google, typing "Hardware Store near me" into Google, and getting a list of hardware stores....in Maine (abbreviation ME)? Believe me, most of the United States was between me and Maine.

  • I have to say, I draw the line at New Jersey's Murder, Inc. Near Me.
  • So my restaurant is also listed first in the phone book.

Top Ten Things Overheard At The ANSI C Draft Committee Meetings: (10) Sorry, but that's too useful.

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