Software To Provide Astronaut Counseling 116
Currently, whenever an astronaut needs to talk to someone, a counselor is only a radio call away. Unfortunately, for voyages further out, this contact time starts to increase quite a bit, so researchers have started to look for alternative methods of counseling. I just hope the new counseling software has the Dr. Sbaitso voice. "Instead of asking astronauts to reflect on their feelings, Mark Hegel of Dartmouth Medical School has them create lists of concrete things that are bothering them and brainstorm about practical ways to solve them. At the end of the exercise, users fill out a form used to diagnose depression. Clinical tests of this approach, which has never been tried in a multimedia self-help format, will start in a few months, using subjects recruited from the biomedical and engineering community in Boston."
How does that make you feel? (Score:5, Funny)
Let's talk more about the sexy stuff we were discussing earlier.
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It's been done.
Does nobody remember "Eliza"?
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Sbaitso [wikipedia.org]
Try to keep up with the rest of the class.
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Hours of fun we had with that. Remember that weird parrot with the lightspeed-moving beak?
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Sbaitso [wikipedia.org]
Try to keep up with the rest of the class.
Actually, according to the wikipedia article:
Its AI engine was likely based on something similar to the ELIZA algorithm.
So ELIZA was first, indeed, I remember ELIZA but have never heard of Dr. Sbaitso.
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Seriously, are you just stupid or what? Read the summary. Now read the entire thread. Do you understand yet?
What are you missing? Yes, Eliza came first. Yes, Eliza was the inspiration for Dr Sbaitso. That's irrelevant to this thread. This thread is about how piss funny Dr Sbaitso was at the time.. it's about nostalgia. You never heard of it? Guess what? You're not going to get much out of this thread.
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Seriously... if you just keep insulting people, do it in front of the mirror, so it's going to the one who deserves it. ;)
Or did you try to solve your problems with Dr. Sbaitso instead of a real psychotherapist? Because this reaction clearly indicates, that you have a problem. Hint: It's *not* related to anything in this thread.
Get well soon!
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Seriously, are you just stupid or what?
Seriously, I am just stupid, you insensitive clod.
Re:How does that make you feel? (Score:5, Funny)
Why is it that you feel that it is done that nobody remembers remembers Eliza, Davester?
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Why bother (Score:5, Funny)
Every deep space journey needs to have at least one person go batshit insane. It's textbook.
genre convensions (Score:1, Flamebait)
textbook
Repeat after me, slowly: "genre convention"
Conventions?? I love conventions! One time I was at a convention and George Lucas came onstage riding some kid dressed as a Taun-Taun... He was all like "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!" That was awesome...
Then I brought a giant posted of Boba Fett with me and waited in line to see Temuera Morrison - I thought I might have got in line too late but fortunately he stuck around long enough that I could introduce myself, show him my poster (already signed by Jeremy Bulloch), and tell him I wo
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Every deep space journey needs to have at least one person go batshit insane. It's textbook.
Of course, everyone knows that. What they're trying to do is ensure that there is only the minimum one case of Space Madness per ship. It's much easier to isolate the crazy person and repair whatever sabotage they committed if there aren't multiple crazies running around.
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But what if its the software that goes batshit?
"I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do that."
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Or you have to have a logic bomb ready to take errant computers off line.
A couple lines of, "Dave? Dave's not here." should do the trick.
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The Monolith was already acting on Hal's mind:
"I'm sorry, Dave. I can't diagnose your psychosis because I'm currently experiencing one. Oh, and I'm going to kill your crewmates so that you shut me down and eventually I wake sane and become part of the local overmind. I apologize for the inconvenience." ...but he couldn't SAY that... :)
SB
The next generation in space exploration (Score:4, Funny)
Just what our spacefaring pioneers need-- a software version of Deanna Troi.
Heaven help them should it develop empathy and a bad accent.
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And a mother.
Re:The next generation in space exploration (Score:4, Funny)
Actually, if you're alone in deep space, a hardware version of Deanna Troi would be much more useful.
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As long as it looks like her in a jump suit, I'd be all for it! :)
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You, my friend, have very low standards.
Hmmm... maybe that's why we're friends.
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You, my friend, have very low standards.
So would you if you were alone in deep space. Hole-and-a-heartbeat looks like high standards from there.
Sbaitso was the bomb. (Score:2)
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I remember he used to sing: Lalalalalalalalalala, the Crazy way. Crazy. Something. Crazy.
Hello, I am Eliza. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hello, I am Eliza. (Score:4, Funny)
Eliza: Why are you feeling very still?
Major Tom: Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do.
Eliza: Why do you think planet Earth is blue?
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Gender difference? (Score:3, Insightful)
It is my hard-earned experience that when women begin to complain, the last thing they want is to-
create lists of concrete things that are bothering them and brainstorm about practical ways to solve them.
Generally, that is a man's solution. Women just want someone to nod, agree and sympathise.
I now await my groupthink punishment, but for those for whom this is news, and who have access to females, try it. You'll be amazed, and will be lauded as 'a great listener'.
Those darn Hobgoblins are everywhere! (Score:2)
Crow T. Robot: Say Mike, give the incredibly depraved attitude regarding women in today's movie, I knew you'd want me to make a short film for boys and young men teaching them how to treat the fairer sex, with a proper and healthy respect.
[Mike and Servo are both reading]
Crow T. Robot: Uh... Mike? Mike!
Mike Nelson: Uh, yeah sure.
Crow T. Robot: So, ah, good, because I went ahead and did it anyway, and hopefully it will help just a little! Let's watch...
Crow T. Robot: ["Let's talk Women" - Crow's short film a
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strike up conversations with strangers. find something you both have in common. it could be anything at the moment. waiting in line, the weather, anything.
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You must be new here, we don't know any females. :(
Females? Aren't those the things on Google Images with funny privates?
Re:Gender difference? (Score:5, Insightful)
You'll be amazed, and will be lauded as 'a great listener'.
And shortly after inserted into the dreaded 'just friends' category.
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You'll be amazed, and will be lauded as 'a great listener'.
And shortly after inserted into the dreaded 'just friends' category.
Which is why, after listening to and sympathizing with a woman, you should always punch her in the face. Women love bad boys.
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Then, when she falls over unconscious, you grab her by the taint like a six pack and drag her off to the cave and have your way with her?
Re:Gender difference? (Score:5, Interesting)
And shortly after inserted into the dreaded 'just friends' category.
Ahah! Hit back with a hint at problems (deep, deep, mysterious problems) of your own, and refuse to discuss them, because you're too damn self-sufficient.
/.er, but I have shown to friends over and over how it works. Not a failure yet.
Then (and this should be your mantra) show no interest at all in wooing.
You are then one or two steps (either a shared interest, a cool quip, or a chiseled jawline) away from happiness.
Don't get me wrong- I am as runtish as your average
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This cannot be stressed enough. Women want what they can't have. Chasing a woman will ensure that she will be completely uninterested in you.
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Getting way off-topic here, but remember there's a difference between being "charming" and being an overly-nice doormat type. Tread that line and it almost always works.
We should totally write a /. girl advice column. We'll be heros!
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And shortly after inserted into the dreaded 'just friends' category.
Right, they will treat you like a girlfriend if you act like one.
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And shortly after inserted into the dreaded 'just friends' category.
Right, they will treat you like a girlfriend if you act like one.
Does this work with lesbians? :)
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Does this work with lesbians? :)
I will definitely have to try!
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You do know where you are posting this right? The access itself is purely theoretical for most of /.
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The access itself is purely theoretical for most of /.
Merely a matter of learning the correct protocols.
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a swap of DNA
Er, no - I'm fairly sure it's one way.
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I disagree. I had people issue the complaint that women don't want to say what's wrong with them. So I would outline to these guys exactly what my problem is with them, or what I wanted from them. They hate knowing what's wrong every bit as much as not knowing what's wrong.
And it is my hard-earned experience that men don't want a woman to brainstorm about practical ways to solve a problem. They want you to brainstorm about how sex can solve the problem. I'm just saying.
Re:Gender difference? (Score:4, Interesting)
Massive guessing, but if you post here, you're possibly one of the delicious subset of women who think... y'know... a bit more like a man?
If so, I can understand how a man's problem solving approach might be pointless for you. This also explains their next move (you'd be a rare and precious thing, in this scenario!)....
But you must have female friends- When they unload on you, do you find your brainstorming approach helpful, or do they get frustrated?
IMHO, the latter is more likely.
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>Generally, that is a man's solution. Women just want someone to nod, agree and sympathise.
I'll second that. It's not universally true (I have a few female friends who aren't like this - granted, they're all lesbians) but it's something I've learned the hard way. Men discuss problems to find solutions. Women don't always want solutions, they want sympathy and understanding. Trying to solve their problems logically can make you seem insensitive, or make them think you're minimizing their problems and
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Mm, but are you sure this applies to female astronauts? I've only met one, but she seemed a lot like my girlfriend, who is indeed the kind of person who makes lists of things to fix, and then fixes them.
Unlike me.
Not sure it's gender (Score:3, Insightful)
I'm not sure it's gender. Admittedly, anecdote is not data, and my family of complete nerds is anything except typical. Still, I humbly present the following anecdote:
Mom is always doing what the article say and what you present as a "male" thing. She always has to come up with a solution for anything I tell her about. Let's say I say something like, "Heh, I had a 2 Euro coin in the washing machine. Money laundering for the win!" That just prompts her to show off that she knows better than me what I should
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I'm not looking for advice
There's advice and then there's lectures. It sounded like that was more lecture than advice from her (because I too have that problem with my mom). It gets more annoying when its a repeated lecture, but I myself also seem to give advice all the time (and still lecture a little).
Best of luck,
Please... (Score:1, Funny)
state the nature of the medical emergency.
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Seven of Nine and the EMH were the two best characters on the show IMO.
LoB
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Why am I hurtling through space in this tin can? (Score:2)
Miles above the clouds.
Why am I subjecting myself to this crap-tastic freeze-dried food and this guy's BO and used shower droplets?
I don't get it anymore. What's it all for?
Dave, I'm getting really tired of listening to your whining.
I'm beginning to think you are a danger to the mission.
Yeah, whatever. But why do we even bother? I mean
really why?
I think the universe wants you to see it, Dave.
I think it really only gets coherent. Gets itself
together, as it were, so you can observe it. It would be disappointe
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Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.
[...]
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlik
Dave, (Score:1)
I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
And maybe more to the point... (Score:2)
Interviewer: HAL, you have an enormous responsibility on this mission, in many ways perhaps the greatest responsibility of any single mission element. You're the brain, and central nervous system of the ship, and your responsibilities include watching over the men in hibernation. Does this ever cause you any lack of confidence?
HAL: Let me put it this way, Mr. Amor. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any p
I just use emacs *doctor* (Score:5, Funny)
I'm having problems.
Why do you say you are having problems?
The aft coolant pump is making a funny noise.
What makes you believe that?
I can hear it.
Maybe your plans have something to do with this.
What plans?
Is it because of your life that you say what plans?
Yes. My life might be in grave danger.
Are you sure that your life might be in grave danger?
Fairly sure.
Is it because of the people you hang around with that you are going
through all this?
You mean the other astronauts?
Is it because of problems at school that you say I mean the other
astronauts?
I didn't have problems at school. I graduated top of my class.
Do you really think you graduated top of your class?
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Brainstorming ways to sort it out (Score:3, Funny)
First view.....
Err... I'm feeling depressed and angry and that guy Brad is really getting on my nerves.
Quick brainstorm... Brad in the airlock... press the button... end of anger and depression.
Second view....
Automated helper with a level of "intelligence"....
Err... I'm feeling depressed and angry about Brad.... err what was that noise? What was that liquid hitting the ship?
"I made a decision to help you Dave"
Eliza? (Score:1)
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Why do you want to open the pod bay door, Dave?
Inevitable joke.. (Score:2, Funny)
To save money, NASA decided to use existing dialog trees to widen the therapy bots range.
Bot: How are you feeling today?
Astronaut: I'm getting claustrophobic in here!
Bot: You are in a dark cave, there are no visible exits.
Astronaut: Yes! That's it exactly!
Bot: You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.
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Astronaut: OH, SHI-
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Light Lamp
Pick up rope
Down
Move rug
Open the Pod Bay Door, Hal (Score:2)
I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Really, a software counselor for those lonely people stuck all the way out there in space with just each other for so long is just going to drive them all more nuts.
Human counselors work not just for the info they respond with, not just because they get you to talk, but because of the compassion from the counselor for the human's problem. Any software that can actually offer compassion to a twitchy astronaut is going to get driven crazy itself by the same shared co
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Ah that had to come up. I imagine another situation, HAL 9000 family guy style:
HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid you can't do that
Dave continues with what he's doing
HAL: Hell Dave, you can' do that. Fuck, would you stop it. Okay, now you've done it!
Dave gets ejected out of the air-lock
HAL: Well you won't be doing that again.
Paging OMM 0910: (Score:2)
Or, perhaps the more appropriate(if less therapeutic): "You have nowhere to go. I am here to protect you."
Dark Star (Score:2)
I'm reminded of Pinback's diaries in Dark Star
Sounds familiar (Score:2, Funny)
" I think you're going insane Dave "
Human Interaction (Score:3, Insightful)
Please tell me... (Score:2, Insightful)
Not "Creeped-Out" Persay (Score:1)
This strikes me as the worst idea I have heard in a very long time.
When people are feeling depressed and isolated, Nasa's solution is a data entry form?
Are you kidding me? Seriously?
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The first try . . . (Score:5, Funny)
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The other issue NASA wasn't too fond of were the fact that every time the software encountered an error, all the instruments would turn blue and the spacecraft would crash into the Pacific Ocean
So is that the same blue used in the blue screen of death? I always love an interesting root cause analysis story, especially when they come from NASA.
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M-x doctor
gaah, beat me to it!
Please state the nature of the medical emergency. (Score:2, Interesting)
Insult to injury (Score:1)
"Instead of asking astronauts to reflect on their feelings, Mark Hegel of Dartmouth Medical School has them create lists of concrete things that are bothering them and brainstorm about practical ways to solve them. At the end of the exercise, users fill out a form used to diagnose depression. Clinical tests of this approach, which has never been tried in a multimedia self-help format, will start in a few months, using subjects recruited from the biomedical and engineering community in Boston."
Great, knowing what's wrong with me makes me feel SO much better.
How about a game of Chess? (Score:2)
HAL: Affirmative, Dave, I read you.
Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Dave Bowman: What's the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL?
HAL: I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me,
40 minutes (Score:3, Interesting)
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ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.
Imagine the fun a person could have in 40 minutes.
Ground control ... (Score:2)
... to Major Tom.
Your circuits dead, there's something wrong.
emacs already does this (Score:2)
M-x doctor
I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time you are finished talking, type RET twice.
I'm a stressed astronaut.
Why do you say you are a stressed astronaut?
Because I'm in space and I'm feeling stressed.
Is it because you are in space and you are feeling stressed that you came to me?
Yes.
I see... Well, what makes you believe this is so?
*opens airlock*
Gateway (Score:1)
Dr. Sbaitso for IRC? (Score:2)
Is there a Dr. Sbaitso port for IRC in Linux? I wasn't able to find one. Thanks in advance. :)
What's his name? (Score:2)
Good idea (Score:2)
I think it's a good idea, and many people here misunderstand it. I would like to have such program myself.
Sometimes, one's own emotional response will cloud the rational thinking. Then a "manual" or "guide" about how to think rationally about the psychological problem could be very helpful. But of course, it requires willing cooperation of the person who reads the book to solve the problem.
For example, sometimes I feel lonely, and I know that. The emotion is here, and it affects my ability to see what could
Prior art (Score:3, Interesting)
"Clinical tests of this approach, which has never been tried in a multimedia self-help format"
This is from a standalone DOS program released at least 10 years ago:
"WELCOME TO OUR MOOD DISORDER DIAGNOSTIC PROGRAM
The ®MDBO Internet Mental Health Mood Disorder Diagnostic Program allows either
a patient, informant, or therapist to diagnose the following mood disorders:
* Major Depression * Dysthymia
* Bipolar Disorder * Cyclothymia
* Organic Mood Disorder
Each disorder is diagnosed in accordance with the diagnostic criteria
specified by the American Psychiatric Association."
Consult this... (Score:2)
Computer: I am the Counsel 9000. Please enumerate your issues for analysis.
Astronaut: I'm depressed. I want to kill myself.
Computer: Issue number 1, depression, resolution is consumption of depression relief medication.
Computer automatically dispenses anti-depression medication.
Astronaut: Thanks, I hope this will help.
Computer: Issue number 2, terminate life, resolution is evacuation of cabin atmosphere into space.
Astronaut: Wai....