$500,000 Prize for Faster Airport Security Checks

coondoggie writes "A security company is willing to fork over $500,000 in prize money to the person or company that comes up with an innovative technology to speed airport security lines. The company making the offer, Clear, says the winning technology must meet a number of criteria including TSA approval and it must reduce inconvenience by, for example, allowing for no divesting of shoes or outer garments."

So let me get this straight...

[nweaver]

A company which is trying to rake in millions by providing a "You paid more so you can skip the line" service, which promised shoe scanners etc, has to resort to trying to give a (rather small, given the need to get TSA approval) prize purse to make their business model work?

Scrubs

[Anonymous Coward]

This guy [blognonymous.com] has the right idea.

Heck,

[Hawthorne01]

I'll kick in a few bucks to the pot myself if it results in some actual time-saving.

Maybe if we get it up to $500,007 dollars, they'll get it here sooner.

Ooh!

[Greyfox]

Time to dust off my plans for the automated-anal-probulator(tm)! Coming soon to an airport near you...

Naked

[mrtroy]

Naked airlines. No carry-on.

Where can I claim my prize?

I heard that my favorite science company

[Anonymous Coward]

Apparently, Aperture Science (my favorite science company) has technology which can facilitate the speedy transferal of people and objects from point a to point b. You can read more about it during their next "Bring your daughter to work" day!

http://aperturescience.com/ [aperturescience.com]

Occam's Razor my friend.. Occam's razor...

[Cathoderoytube]

Institute a nude only polcy at the airport, and no carry on luggage allowed. Your ticket is duct taped to your chest, if you set the metal detector off they tazer you and throw you into a wood chipper.

No divesting of outer garments?

[Foolicious]

But the inner garments are fair game? Interesting. Very interesting.

my submission

[microcars]

(see attached diagram)

The travelers arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives.
The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed.
The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these...

Re:Occam's Razor my friend.. Occam's razor...

[FauxPasIII]

> if you set the metal detector off they tazer you and throw you into a wood chipper.

My colleague who has a bolt holding his knee together would be strongly opposed to this plan, methinks. ;)

Then again, I suppose he _could_ be a Terminator.

Stand in line!

[EmbeddedJanitor]

Dear Sir/Madam

There are many people after this prize and you need to stand in line. To expedite processing please remove your shoes and place your keys and watch in the basket.

not possible with given conditions...

[PhreakOfTime]

the winning technology must meet a number of criteria including TSA approval and it must reduce inconvenience

Isnt that the problem? That those two conditions are mutually exclusive? If you have one, you automatically do not have the other.

Re:When do I get my money?

[PrescriptionWarning]

How about make the security so tight that very few people actually want to fly anymore... brilliant!

Or you always do more profiling, I hear thats popular these days when you don't want people to fly.

You can also put the terror alert level up to code Magma Hot Super Extreme Red. Red means bad, so people will avoid flying for sure then.

Re:People are still removing shoes?

[Cro Magnon]

In fact, at both airports I took off my shoes, and both times the security person who saw me told me to put them back on, as it wasn't necessary.

I think that had more to do with your foot hygine than with any change in policy.

Re:The whole point behind removing shoes

[Anonymous Coward]

We should all be very very thankful that no terrorists have been caught with explosives in their rectums.

Re:Yes and no

[2names]

"Sure, be nice, it may make it a lot harder to motivate people to blow themselves on your plane..."

Come again?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Re:Move to another country

[Cousin Scuzzy]

Not wearing pants will get you put on the no fly list. I'm not sure how the TSA handles sweatpants, or other garments which have no fly though.

Re:Easy

[paxgaea]

Yes, I'd like to declare that I just got out of the pool...the water was cold...really, I swear!

Re:No, you are incorrect...

[jftitan]

I have a better idea than Z.... Let everyone on the plane carry a gun. DONE, no one will fuck with anyone if everyone has a gun. (say that 10 times fast)

Thank you, I'll be waiting for my check. you may mail it to... wait this is the internet. contact me directly please.

Re:Insurance

[ragefan]

Should an aircraft go down as the result of Terrorist actions, pay everyone on board $1,000,000 from the fund.

How do you plan to pay $1,000,000 to the people on board a plane that crashes? I will gladly accept any non-collected payouts, just to keep the accounting straight, of course.

Thanks.

Re:The whole point behind removing shoes

[sharperguy]

You'd have to kill someone pretty fast to stop them pronouncing a silent letter.

Re:When do I get my money?

[Anonymous Coward]

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm!
Lisa: That's specious reasoning, dad.
Homer: Why thank you, honey.
Lisa: By your logic, I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Hmm. How does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work; it's just a stupid rock!
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Hmm... Lisa, I want to buy your rock.
Much Apu About Nothing [wikiquote.org]

Re:No, you are incorrect...

[LucidBeast]

Would the screener be more gentle if he first felt my gun before going for my nuts.

Re:Liquids etc.

[itlurksbeneath]

Tastability, to my knowledge, is not an established indicator of a substances ability to combust.

Aye... Bacardi 151 and Everclear come to mind right off the bat.

Re:The whole point behind removing shoes

[attonitus]

In 2002, I flew out of La Guardia wearing sandals and no socks. I get pulled aside by a security bloke for some kind of random screening (which happened every time I flew one-way anywhere - very random). I was asked to sit down whilst he wanded my feet. The wand beeped, so he asked me to take off my sandals. He proceeded to ignore my sandals and wand my bare feet.
Incidentally, the lesson for terrorists everywhere is to do what Jesus would do: Wear sandals and make sure that everyone thinks that you've planned a return journey.

Re:The whole point behind removing shoes

[JavaRob]

If you have a significant portion of the population armed at all times then the chance of terrorist getting much further than "I have a bom..." before someone drops them would reduce the chances of such act to virtually zero.

Thank Jeebus Cripes I don't live in such a world. Why, just yesterday I was affronted by the temerity of a fellow plane passenger, and I stood up immediately, shrilling "I have a bombastic style of poetry! And I am prepared quote at will!"

Re:No, you are incorrect...

[Loki_1929]

Don't you know anything about bullets? They explode on impact, make a cool "pew" noise, cause sparks to fly up in the air, and blow huge holes in airplane skin. Once there's one hole, all the passengers nearby get sucked out through it (no matter how small it is), and then the whole fuselage peels open like an aluminum can! </anti-gun retards>