An Evidence-Based Approach To Online Dating 286
HughPickens.com writes Rachel Nuwer writes in the NYT that Dr. Sameer Chaudhry's online dating persona was garnering no response from the women he reached out to so he synthesized 86 literature studies on the subject of online dating in the fields of psychology, sociology, and computer, behavioral, and neurocognitive sciences.in hopes of improving his odds. As it turns out, success begins with picking a user name. While men are drawn to names linked to physical traits (e.g., Cutie), the researchers found, women prefer ones that indicate intelligence (e.g., Cultured). Both sexes respond well to playful names (e.g. Fun2bwith) and shy away from ones with negative connotations (e.g., Bugg). User names that begin with letters from the first half of the alphabet do better than those from the latter half. "As human beings, we have a tendency to give things at the top of a pile more value," says Khan. As for your profile photo, pick a photo with a genuine smile, one that crinkles the eyes, and with a slight head tilt (it's linked to attractiveness). And if you're looking for a male partner, go for that photo of you in siren red—a color that enhances men's attraction to women. "For those attracted to browse into the profile, a description of personal traits increased likeability when it: showed who the dater was and what they were looking for in a 70:30 ratio; stayed close to reality; and employed simple language with humor added. Invitations were most successful in obtaining a response from the potential date when they: were short personalized messages addressing a trait in their profile; rhymed with their screen name or headline message; and extended genuine compliments." And finally, don't wait too long before arranging a face to face meeting.
Rule #1 for successful dating (Score:5, Funny)
Do not spend your time synthesizing literature studies.
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What else would you expect from someone called Sameer Chaudhry who lives in Dallas?
I'm fairly sure he would have gotten plenty of responses on an Indian dating site.
(disclaimer: this post isn't racist, I would expect close to no responses if I tried dating on an Indian site)
Instead of fixing his online dating profile, (Score:5, Funny)
He should have just gone for an arranged marriage.
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Well, I had a dishonest advantage: My mother is a perfect offline dating service. She is a teacher in a high school. So she knows A LOT of young people very well and develops closer relations with clever ones.
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Worked for me, too.
Re:Instead of fixing his online dating profile, (Score:5, Funny)
I guess it matters who's doing the arranging. One of the happiest couples I know were an arranged marriage, but the parents who did the arranging were some extraordinary people with great sensitivity, understanding of their young people and remarkable wit.
I shudder to think who my mom would have arranged me with. Certainly not with the woman I've been married to for 27 years, that's for sure. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but she didn't know what I like in women. And my wife's parents certainly would never have chosen me.
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I shudder to think who my mom would have arranged me with too. Either a bunch of women who wouldn't have been interested in me at all, or some homely and utterly boring religious women probably.
Thank you (Score:2, Funny)
Thank you, Thank you.
I do not know how to thank you enough for this advice, I am going to make use of it from now on.
Re: Thank you (Score:4, Funny)
Are you changing your nicknames to As671 ?
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I would suggest: _Aardvark007
Re: Thank you (Score:2)
Why are women concerned so much with the heap? The stack is equally important.
Bad Advice (Score:5, Insightful)
Anyone who follows this advice deserves what they get.
The age old advice still stands: be yourself.
If someone wants you for who you're not, rather than who you are, you are better off just moving on. Here's what I posted on my blog years ago after marrying a wonderful woman I met on Plenty of Fish:
I was recently reading the front page of plentyoffish.com, a dating web site where my wife and I first met (we recreated a joint account to submit a testimonial), that provided a very long, detailed opinion piece to a young man about how to behave in order to win a girl that he was very attracted to. It was from a so-called dating expert, and contained some of the worst drivel that men cling to in hopes of landing a wife.
The given advice was to act distant, indifferent, and aloof; that showering her with affection made him look desperate and goofy. We men turn to this kind of garbage when we're not having much luck with women. We turn to this crap when we actually do become desperate.
It took me a long time to realize what should have been self-evident all along: the old advice of just being yourself is, by far, the best advice you could possibly get. Being yourself isn't intended to improve upon the quantity of women you attract. It is intended to improve upon the quality of women you attract. Not surprisingly, the exact same advice applies equally to women. Don't follow those stupid "rules" such as not making the first move. All those rules are complete and utter crap, and will just make you even more miserable than you already are.
All the little head games and misdirections that you have learned are intended to achieve one thing: a brief relationship. They are not the doorway to a lasting marriage, but rather just the path to multiple meaningless disappointments. You will not be able to maintain the charade you have built, and will always fail in the long run. She will always see through you eventually. You will eventually slip up and expose yourself for the fraud you are, and you will be back to square one.
If she is not interested in who you really are, then you do not want her (regardless of what your hormones may tell you). It doesn't matter how pretty, gorgeous, sexy, or otherwise desirable she may seem. If she is not attracted to who and what you are, then any meaningful relationship with her is doomed. She will eventually (but usually quickly) tire of you, and move on to the next guy.
I am a software developer, and spend most of my time in front of a computer. When I was dating, I tried hard to hide that from my dates. All the advice I had been given was that women were turned off by the kind of geeky guy who spent that much time with his computer. I tried to list other interests on the dating site (tenuous as those interests were), tried focusing on what I thought women wanted, and every other trick I could think of that was even remotely true (and some that were very much not true when I reached a certain point of disillusion). Maintaining the illusion was very difficult, as that isn't who I am.
In the end, it was those very traits that my wife tells me were the most attractive to her. It turns out that her life had been full of too much stress, anxiety, and drama. An easy-going, caring, intelligent, homebody of a man is exactly what she had been looking for, and couldn't find, for a very long time (we were both in our late 30's). She would not have been at all interested in the man I had tried pretending to be, but was hopelessly in love with the man I actually am. Who we really are is what allows us to connect on a very deep, lasting level.
It took us both a very long time to find each other (strictly speaking, she found me), and we both suffered some horrible emotional scarring in our prior lives apart, but that scarring is what allowed us to appreciate what we have together.
So although it may hurt in the short term, it's better to be rejected by women for who you are than to be accepted by women for who you are not. You will eventually find that woman who will love you for who you are, even if you have to go through many painful rejections along the way. The women who accept you for who they want you to be will always desert you. No exceptions.
Re:Bad Advice (Score:5, Insightful)
The age old advice still stands: be yourself.
That's fantastic advice if "yourself" is in the top 1% of the most awesome prospects. Those people don't need any advice at all.
The best the rest of us can do is to be ourselves after first improving ourselves.
Unfortunately you can't get to the long term without short term and in reality, being fake is phenomenally successful for the short to medium term. It generally works as long as the plausible deniability lasts.
Re:Bad Advice (Score:5, Interesting)
"...after first improving ourselves."
This.
This. This. This.
If you put all the free time you have not-dating toward this, you'll suddenly see all your free time disappear in the most wonderful ways.
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I once read a book about martial arts or Zen, don't remember.
As it is with those books it was full with anecdotes.
One was about a teacher and his unhappy student. When the student asked how he could beat a guy in a competition, the teacher took a piece of chalk and drew a line on the ground, telling the student: 'this is you'.
Then he drew a parallel line, a longer one, besides it and said: 'This is your competitor.'
'You have to make the competitors line shorter than yours.'
The student did not really grasp i
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Being yourself has far more to do with actually being honest in not only who you are, but the kind of people you want to hang around with.
This works if you are already the "right" kind of person. It is counter-productive for everyone else.
And you can't fool the people who have already tried it.
We're nerds (Score:2)
The age old advice still stands: be yourself.
Certainly, but most people want to make a good first impression. And most people here are willing to study how to do that. Or are you suggesting that people here should not be true to themselves, that in this special case they should go with their gut instead of studying and learning from more knowledgeable people like they would any other issue?
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All the advice I had been given was that women were turned off by the kind of geeky guy who spent that much time with his computer.
>in facebook
>online acquaintance who knows I'm a geek opens chat and is frustrated with her computer
>she trusts me enough to log in remotely through Teamviewer.
She proceeded to ask me questions, because all she really knew about me was my facebook page. No, I'm not gay, but I have a lot of gay friends thus the gay rights stuff on my page. I'm older than your sister an
Re:Bad Advice (Score:5, Insightful)
Anyone who follows this advice deserves what they get. The age old advice still stands: be yourself.
The summary provides suggestions on choosing a user name, what sort of photo to take (which it suggests should have real smile) and to include real personal traits in the description of yourself. How is this in contradiction of the age old advice?
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How is this in contradiction of the age old advice?
Is that representative of who you are? Are those things that represent your personality, or are you just doing those things because someone told you to do them? What happens when you are on your own? Or are you going to look on the Internet hoping to find an answer to every one of your life choices?
If it's not how you would have portrayed yourself, you're going to lose when you're on your own and have to stand on your own personality. You will eventually expose yourself as a fraud.
Make your own decision
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If it's not how you would have portrayed yourself, you're going to lose when you're on your own and have to stand on your own personality. You will eventually expose yourself as a fraud.
That would be true if the advisor were putting words into people's mouths (telling them exactly what to say). But my impression is that this isn't the case (beyond thing such as "wear red", which seem innocuous enough to me). Maybe you're right that this advice borders on "gaming the system" (e.g. username choice) but it's not right, IMO, to say that following this advice will cause you to present a fraudulent image of yourself. It just helps you maximise what you've got.
The advice in the article is no
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Real personal traits are, in fact, representative of who you are and what your personality is.
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The summary provides suggestions on choosing a user name,
Studman69. What else?
Did you read TFA? (Score:3)
Anyone who follows this advice deserves what they get.
The age old advice still stands: be yourself.
There is nothing in this article recommending what to lie about or how to trick someone into dating you. It is about how to put your best foot forward online. It is no different than telling someone to dress nice when you first meet someone or don't talk about yourself too much on a first date.
It has advice like "ask open questions", "respond promptly", "introduce humor", "do smile", "pay genuine compliments", etc. Oh how manipulative these recommendations are!
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It's like I'm really on 4chan /pol/.
>dissing honesty and self awareness
Good luck with that.
--
BMO
Most important parameter for men: height (Score:5, Interesting)
I perfunctorily looked at TFA, and it doesn't mention height at all. This is ridiculous, and any man with even the most basic experience with online dating knows that height is perhaps the most important number in your online profile. The higher that number is, the more likely one is to receive invitations from women. I actually made an experiment, once, where I created to fake profiles that were almost identical, except for height, and the profile that had a height 10 cm larger than the other, got about 40 TIMES more contact requests (175 cm vs. 190 cm).
Can confirm (Score:2, Interesting)
I am diagnosed autistic, balding, stack shelves for a living, have a huge comics web site and my favorite topic is tax reform. But I am also 6 foot 6. So I was never short of dates on OKCupid.
(All of that is true BTW)
And I am currently engaged to the most wonderful woman in the world, thanks to the aforementioned site: She is beautiful, sexy, intelligent, capable, funny, incredibly kind, etc. and was only single because people found her own height intimidating (she is north of 6 foot). She replied to my ini
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Rare is the American woman who will settle for a man who doesn't bring them status. Height is the easiest to go for with the usual requirement that he still be taller when she's in 4" heels. Some will settle for social status like Dennis Kucinich's wife but rest assured he wouldn't have her if he was a garbage man.
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But he speaks the truth, for this is a much-commented on phenomenon. Look through some profiles. How many men put a height requirement in their profiles? Now look at how many women.
My own solution to this problem was a radical one, and is not for everybody, but it definitely worked: move to Japan.
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If being less than average height in your era is the biggest deformity you have, you got a pretty good package.
Besides, being born tall, lean, athletic, and beautiful often leads to coasting through life. Being born short, ugly, and pudgy often leads to overachieving.
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The worst part is that all the women assume you're lying and have inflated by 1" / 3cm. It just shows how shallow they are when choosing a mate.
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man below 165cm will probably have close to zero chance
Thankfully you are wrong. Look at the averge height of women in many asian, african and latin countries: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H... [wikipedia.org]
That 165cm dude just needs to try out all the flavors of the ice cream shop buffet!
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No. You missed the boat, so to speak.
Since you write as someone from the USA, plenty of your fellow citizens and immigrants are from those countries. And I forgot to mention also the UK countries where average height below 165cm, meaning half the women there are even shorter.
So all the flavors ice cream buffet, from double choco-fudge to custard to mango to vanilla, are just a short hop away for you, and they speak English, and long term relationship possible.
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And those immigrants are already counted in the statistics for the US height.
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You use phrases and wordings in both your posts only a U.S. writer would use.
And those OTHER english speaking countries in UK, Africa, Australia, New Zealand, UK all have the "shorter than 165 cm average" going on, PLENTY of women 5cm or more shorter than that.
Those women of other (shorter) ethnic backgrounds will be in online dating in US and Canada (if you want to claim just over the river), so your point is invalid
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That having been said, I'm 5'7", and I was always intimidated by women who were taller than about 5'4". My wife is 5'2". If I had lied about my height to get more dates, I would have wound up with plenty hot chicks who would make me feel uncomfortable the whole time. As it is, I'd rather only get replies from a few girls I find attractive, who at least won't intimidate me when we go out.
I tried online dating for a w
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It was a honest typo :) But it made me laugh when I realized it (thanks to you pointing it out).
Or... (Score:2)
...you could just ask someone out that you meet in person, thus avoiding all of this investment of time and effort before you even know that there's going to be a basic mutual attraction. You're going to have to interact face-to-face eventually anyway.
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As someone in a relationship of 11 years and going (about half of that married) with someone I met online... The thing with starting with someone you know meet face to face, is that the first criterias that got you together is physical location and possibly physical appearance. The former is definitely convenient, the later is necessary to most people, but neither are usually the first thing of importance for a potential long running relationship.
If the first thing that gets you with someone is some kind of
The Rosie effect (Score:2)
rhymed with their screen name or headline message (Score:2)
wait what? Is that a thing people do?
In other words... (Score:3)
This works great in business. You get somebody hooked on your product with a bunch of promises and by the time they find out they are too deep in to back out. Not sure how well it works in relationships. Oh, wait, the divorce rate continues to rise even though there is a huge jump in the number of couples living together and not getting married at all. Huh, I guess founding your relationship on a lie is a bad idea after all.
Interesting concept (Score:4, Informative)
I'm definitely forwarding this to a friend who lost his wife a bit over a year ago and hasn't been having much luck with online dating.
What about mine? (Score:4, Insightful)
AntDude is a turn off? :(
Don't wait too long to ask for a date... (Score:2)
...or ask for a date too early. ;)
And different women have different dating time requirements. Good luck!
Re:Boring (Score:5, Insightful)
yep, women makes lists of features they want in a mate. 70%- 80% is about not only what they settle for but what they want since they want a lifelong project to change a man into their image. 100% perfect is too boring
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yep, women makes lists of features they want in a mate.
Technically 100% true, because so do men. If someone claims not to, they are almost certainly deluding themselves. However, your choice of ascribing a universal human trait only to women makes me susspicious that you have a strong "us versus them" attitude, and almost certainly a lot of misplaced ideas based on what all of womankind wants. That is of course doomed to failure since to a very good approximation there are no universal truthes about "all of
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Women lie about what they want. They even lie to themselves what they want.
Some women. And from the discussion here, some men are equally likely to lie.
When they think they have found what they want, they change the lie to themselves so it is completely different. You will never win.
You've been dating the wrong sort of women. Try finding those with whom you have some common feeling. If none exist, the problem is with you.
Never bet half your lives earnings on a woman. She will end up taking it every time. It is just too tempting of a quick get rich scheme for them not to do it.
I "bet half my life's earnings" more than 20 years ago. We're still going strong, with teenagers at school and university.
Re:Boring (Score:4, Insightful)
You've been dating the wrong sort of women. Try finding those with whom you have some common feeling. If none exist, the problem is with you.
I don't know about the OP, but I'm an engineer, and women interested in dating engineers don't seem to exist. Maybe I'm the problem, but I don't know how to not be an engineer, and how to change myself into a salesguy or a marketer or a CEO, nor do I think it's realistic to think I could completely change my personality that way.
The main problem I have in dating, truthfully, is actually meeting women to date. I've always had this problem. As an engineer, I just don't come into personal contact with women very often in life: women don't go into engineering majors in college, or into engineering jobs afterwards. So I'm limited to meeting women in just a few ways: 1) hope to meet them at work somehow, among the few non-engineers I run into (which doesn't happen much), 2) run into them IRL somehow, like when standing in line (how often does this happen???), 3) meet them at some kind of singles function, or 4) meet them on a dating site online. None of these are particularly great ways to meet compatible people; #4 is theoretically the best, but in practice doesn't work out well because so few women actually use such sites, as they have no trouble getting picked up IRL somewhere, so the women who do use such sites are usually the leftovers who can't get a date any other way. Now throw in that I'm not so young any more, and women in my target age range (30s) are mostly married with kids (or divorced with kids and nearly unable to date because they have no time away from their kids), and the situation is very bleak.
My advice is to find a really good partner when you're in college, and don't graduate until you do. Go for a Master's or a second degree or something if you haven't found someone. After you leave college, it's all downhill.
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To me it doesn't sound like yo
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No, I'm not being *that* picky, I just don't want to date someone who's 250lbs and who's idea of fun is watching NASCAR.
Divorced with kids isn't a deal-breaker, but I did try to date one woman like that not long ago and it fell apart quickly; she just didn't have any time to meet. It's workable with a woman with teenage kids maybe, but if the kid(s) are under 10, forget it. She'll never have any time to put into the relationship, and will never be able to get away with you alone.
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Well that's my impression too now that I'm on the market again, but the place I'm living in probably isn't too different culturally than Kansas, and that, I think, is the #1 source of my dating problems.
Do you have any plans to move out of Kansas? I'm already working on planning my exodus from this place.
Re:Boring (Score:5, Informative)
Perhaps try a 'better' or different dating site? ... or simply do something exotic. There are plenty of sports where women train together with men. And like in everything: the amount of divorced or otherwise solo girls is in such an area just the same as everywhere else. Benefit: even if a women is slightly overweight, if they do sport they usually are attractive nevertheless (better muscles, more charisma, more self confidence).
I recommend http://www.okcupid.com/ [okcupid.com] plenty of women there who like engineers.
Regarding dating women with kids, there is that invention of a baby sitter. You could help her organize one. Sure, you might be asked or feel obliged to pay for the sitter.
Also you might find it possible to 'date' her including the kid, like going into a zoo or a circus (cinema only works if you have time before or after the movie).
Another way to meet women in RL is to make sports. Go dancing. Best sport ofc is martial arts, some where groups are mixed gender. Karate, Aikido etc. even Judo is usually mixed gender. Or Caipoera, Escrima, Silat
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Perhaps try a 'better' or different dating site?
I recommend http://www.okcupid.com/ [okcupid.com] [okcupid.com] plenty of women there who like engineers.
Um, yeah, that's the one I'm on. (I did briefly try Match.com, but I quickly concluded that it's a total scam and most of the women's profiles are fake. I get emails from Match.com every single day telling me I've gotten so many emails from women, when all I did was hastily put up a profile and never followed up when it became apparent they just wanted me to subscribe
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The problem I currently have is the area I'm in, which is a rather conservative east-coast metro area with a large military presence. All the women here seem to love: country music, big dogs, Jesus, horses, "muddin'", and guns. My theory is that all the educated women from this area moved out when they went to college, and never came back.
Oki, I understand you.
If you don't know where to move too yet, or lets phrase it the other way, if you have no strong preferences, I know a few extremely high qualified am
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I have some experience in Aikido; I attended a dojo about 12 years ago for a while, got up to yellow-belt. That dojo definitely didn't have any hippies; that's funny. I might have to check this out again now that I'm back on the market.
My only worry is that any dojo here (Aikido or otherwise) would be heavily dominated by (ex-)military types. My prior dojo was run by a couple of them. I'm not a big fan of anything military these days (which really doesn't help me, living in an area where it's a big part
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Well, as I said, I know a few nice dojos.
Washinton DC, some Saotome Dojos, New York, Yamada and Donovan Waite, somewhere in Collorado, Dave Duran, in Portland, Oregon is a Dojo where the (former?) husband of Yoko Okamoto is teaching. I can dig a few more out, but that was what I have on my mind. Hiroshi Ikeda is mainly traveling right now and giving seminars. No idea if he still has a 'home Dojo', but I can ask him. I have an address in Florida, but forget the name, have to ask a student of mine. Then there
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It's hard to understand an American who's unhappy where they live on account of it being too American.
This shit isn't "American culture", it's Southern culture. The South is not representative of America as a whole, thankfully.
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The culture I described was never the culture of New England or the rest of the northeast, among many other parts of the US. You're seriously deluded if you think that San Francisco, LA, or NYC have ever been places where NASCAR, guns, and 4-wheeling are popular pasttimes.
My tips (Score:4, Insightful)
What you do isn't likely to be a draw unless it is exotic, either by virtue of rarity, or by virtue of publicly visible achievement (CEO of a major company, etc.)
Who you are, on the other hand, is something you demonstrate with everything you do. Worthwhile women (as opposed to self-destructive barflies and NASCAR fans) are most often looking for several things, usually in the following order.
First, looks and character. You don't have to be a beautiful man, but you will do best if you carry yourself with confidence, and no matter what you should be clean and smell good or at least not smell bad, you need to groom your hair, keep your fingernails and sweaty parts extremely clean without telegraphing obsession, and you should dress like someone who can afford to dress well, because...
Second, security. You should project the sense that being with you is a better state than being without you. A nice car, a nice ring or watch, clean clothes in excellent shape, these send two messages: that you will spend for comfort and that you can spend. Most women of breeding age (even if you're not interested in having kids, I assume you're still interested in going through the motions) are looking for a fellow who is able and willing to make that nest. That's true even if they say, and if they really mean, they don't want kids themselves. Security is a very good thing, and they've been seriously tuned up by evolution to seek it out. Also, as a life goal, a great nest is an excellent thing to aim for, to achieve, and to share.
On the subject of security, kill any debt you have if humanly possible. You'll have more money in the end. A debt-free person is a lot more attractive than one who brings such things to a relationship. This isn't always achievable, but if you can get out of debt and/or avoid it entirely, you definitely should. Financial rule #1: You don't want to pay interest. You want to charge interest.
Once you are interacting, STFU and listen. You can initiate conversations, and steer them, and you should, but you need to be a good listener more than anything else. Let her speak and encourage her to speak more, and visibly enjoy the experience (don't fake it -- build a mindset where you are interested. It's entirely a good thing.) The time for you to speak at any length is when you are asked a question. Which you answer carefully and in the most interesting way you can. Otherwise, short and sweet is the rule. This aids in making you intriguing and in projecting interest in her.
I speak from a lifetime of experience, and a great deal of success in courting the women I went after, ultimately, finding and keeping someone of such profound worth and compatibility that to this day, after decades, I am still deeply in love with her, and she with me. I'm almost 60, BTW. And yes, I am an engineer and a geek, and I am not a beautiful man. However I am confident and I am extroverted but can listen well without having to interrupt with my own take or story (one of the most obnoxious conversational failures ever, IMHO, is to interrupt, or answer, a story of someone else's with a recitation of something similar or related that happened to you. Instead, ask questions about the story and as it is told, respond to it within its own context. You can take that one right to the relationship bank. No matter how strong the urge, don't tell stories about yourself except when explicitly asked to do so. Mystery trumps bragging every time.)
When the day comes when you're trying to seriously figure out if a particular lady is "the one", watch out for serious areas of conflict that the rush of romance has (temporarily, I assure you) pushed aside: religion, politics, impingement of extended family fuckarosis, drinking or drugging habits and seriously divergent philosophical outloo
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The basics you list at the beginning aren't much of a problem for me. I'm not debt-ridden and poor; I am an engineer after all, not a minimum-wage worker. I drive a nice Volvo. I frequently get confused for someone 15 years younger; I'm tall, fit, and I think I dress well enough (nothing fancy, but not baggy crap or anything) and am pretty meticulous about my grooming.
Some women do seem very interested, but I'm just not interested in them as they look like the NASCAR fans hoping to score someone who can
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Ah. Well then... concerts; recitals; record stores (now re-appearing); CD stores; instrument shops; look for clubs and charities where you can contribute; if you can, start a small scholarship fund and otherwise make yourself useful to a music academy; another thing you can do is enquire at a music school if anyone is in need of an instrument purchased for them, repaired, or restored; host a dinner for one or more
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After you leave college, it's all downhill.
Because you will rarely enter a comparable environment again. What makes college special is that you live in a place where you spend a lot of time, are basically forced to meet new people regularily, in a shared environment with shared interests and a higher interest in cooperation than competition.
It's rare to find that after college. Work usually has more competition and less overal interaction, clubs and hobbies offer less time exposed and (after the initial phase where you are the new guy) a lower turno
Re:Boring (Score:4, Interesting)
Yeah, probably.... :-(
Honestly, when I think about it, and considering the 50+% divorce rate and the huge number of children raised in broken homes and by single parents, it seems like our society's model for creating and building relationships is utterly broken.
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Wrong, wrong, wrong! This may have worked in the past
Well, to be fair, I went to college in the mid-90s and graduated in 1997, so that's where my mind is. I haven't really been on a campus much after that. It was kinda bad back then too, but I'll also admit that, at the time, I didn't make that much of an attempt to get out and meet non-engineering majors after I moved out of the dorms.
The moment you step out of the STEM cultural ghetto into any part of campus where women are to be found, your every datin
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That's why I always start with penis pictures. I'm still single.
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I'm not sure it's possible with current machine earning algorithms, but attempting a match without a computer is disasterous. For instance, I married a beautiful 23 y/o with an education and a good job and now 10 years later she's a 48 y/o crack whore. IDENTITY FRAUD IS SERIOUS. Keep your systems patched.
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Of course it is not irrelevant.
Call me what ever you want, but I find the idea to have sex with a 'woman' that was a man before so disgusting I likely would vomit on her bed if she told me.
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I don't care if you call it gender or sex, read my parent. It is perhaps irrelevant for you, not for me, though.
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Biological gender a huge issue for most people, your viewpoint is in the minority. Natural disorders in biological gender are farily rare, 0.1% or less
Not XX and not XY one in 1,666 births
Klinefelter (XXY) one in 1,000 births
Androgen insensitivity syndrome one in 13,000 births
Partial androgen insensitivity syndrome one in 130,000 births
Classical congenital adrenal hyperplasia one in 13,000 births
Complete gonadal dysgenesis one in 150,000 births
Vaginal agenesis one in 6,000 births
Ovotes
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I think I have an insight on homosexuality and transgenderism ("Oh boy, this should be good," you're thinking - no, no, I'm respectful and support their pursuit of happiness): So, I know this lesbian couple. One female is petite, very feminine, big boobs, quite traditionally attractive. The other partner is a more blocky sort, more male, big, has kind of a beer belly sort of female. She looks like a friend of mine, who's a guy, a former top high school athlete who's let himself go.
I thought - interesting h
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Unless the "female" you've been talking to is actually a male and has themselves convinced that you'll accept them anyways once you get to know them.
I've seen this happen on more than one occasion, and oddly enough the gender changer wonders why they get a violent reaction because they have themselves convinced that the whole world thinks your actual gender is just whatever you decide it is.
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To claim that there's a significant number of transgender people out there like this is simply ridiculous. They are out there, but they're a tiny, tiny minority. Most of them state quite clearly in their profile what their situation is.
Also, if you're having trouble telling a born-female person from a MtF transgender, you might want to get your eyes checked. There aren't very many who actually "pass" that well. Tip: look for an Adam's Apple.
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Care to explain for what to look?
I for my part don't see a difference in a female adams apple or a male one. Both have it, no idea why people prefer to call the male larynges an adams apple and the female not.
Sure, the male one is often a bit bigger, but often not at all. Mine one you wont really see, and trust me, I'm not female or have any feminine looks (nor am I fat, I have like 140 pounds).
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It's not one single feature, it's a bunch of them. Men usually have more pronounced Adam's Apples with bony ridges, women do not (men with a lot of neck fat won't show it as much though, and not all men have a really pronounced one). Men have bigger hands and feet. Men have a squarer jaw line and a heavier brow (which evolved for taking punches to the face). Men have wider shoulders and a bigger torso, while women have wider hips and narrow shoulders. Obviously, none of these factors are 100% for eithe
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Perhaps because I'm a fan of androgyny looking girls I have a hard time to find such marks.
While you are right in your generalizations, it is just generalizations. I live in germany, and while the girls have female hips here, they usually have broader shoulders than hips. Just like males. And actually a girl with broad shoulders looks really attractive to me, at least from behind.
So bottom line I doubt you could figure a Thai or Brazilian trans gender from a true female.
Does not really make clear what is up
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On average, yes, the male one is larger and more prominent and bony. Mine for instance has a very sharp, protruding ridge on it, which probably wouldn't look out of place on a Klingon. I can't shave it because the razor would just cut it open.
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http://www.davidbrin.com/neote... [davidbrin.com]
Brin explains the differences....
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To claim that there's a significant number of transgender people out there like this is simply ridiculous.
I've only encountered 3 in my life, and two were from people I know who had the exact situation I described happen. I think for both it was just kind of a date that didn't last longer than a few minutes.
Tip: look for an Adam's Apple.
That's just cartilage, isn't prominent in all men (and is even prominent in some women) and even failing that it's not terribly expensive to have trimmed. Considerably less expensive than a boob job and even less expensive than bottom surgery.
In my actual experience, hand size is the biggest giveaway, follow
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That's just cartilage
No, it's not, it's a bone called the Hyoid bone [wikipedia.org]. It's a unique bone in that it it isn't rigidly connected to other bones: from the article: "Unlike other bones, the hyoid is only distantly articulated to other bones by muscles or ligaments." It does start out as mostly cartilage, but turns into bone with adulthood. But you're right, it isn't prominent in all men, and can be trimmed surgically.
I agree about the other factors though: hand size, voice, and shoulder breadth.
Neither hand
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If it's for a life partner, it's the result of a gross misconception. Your profile in dating sites is supposed to restrict your responses to those from people you might get along with, not to maximize responses. Of course you want to maximize responses from people suited to you, so you might want to refrain from posting pictures in unflattering lighting or of, say, your penis being inserted into a meat grinder (even if well lit). Unless it's really important to you that your would-be partner approves of tha
Re:Define "success" (Score:5, Informative)
If it's for a life partner, it's the result of a gross misconception. Your profile in dating sites is supposed to restrict your responses to those from people you might get along with
No, this is a gross misconception. A profile tells you almost nothing about whether you will get along with that person. You just want to meet as many people as possible that meet your basic qualifications. I am happily married, and have two kids with a woman I met through match.com. There was nothing about her profile that said "this is the one". I didn't know that until we met, and a coffee at Starbucks was extended into a dinner and a long walk in the park. At that point, I had been using match.com for about a year, I had sent hundreds of invitations, and met more than 30 women face-to-face. Many of them were nothing like what their profile described. A few of them were a bit out of my league, and didn't respond to my followups. Three of them led to relationships that lasted at least a few weeks, and one of those led to a family.
As a successful user of on-line-dating, here are my suggestions:
1. Be honest, but highlight your good points.
2. Avoid anything that could be perceived as "creepy".
3. Mention that you like dogs or horses (unless you don't).
4. Put up multiple pictures of yourself, doing active stuff, especially if it involves dogs or horses.
5. When you send an invitation, mention some things from her profile, and compliment her on something specific.
6. Move as quickly as possible to a face-to-face meeting, usually within a few days.
7. Keep the first meeting short and simple. A coffee at Starbucks is good.
8. Go to the gym right before your date.
9. Have realistic expectations
When I would send initial invitations, I got about a 30% response rate, which I have heard is very good. Early in the week, I would send about 10 or 12. I would get 3 or 4 responses. We would send a few messages back and forth, and then I would suggest we talk on the phone, and send my number. If she called, and sounded like a nice person, I would try to set up a face-to-face. I would usually meet one or two women for coffee dates over the weekend. If we hit it off, I would sometimes ask to extend the date into dinner, and I would followup with an email or phone call later that night. But for every invitation I sent, I had only about a 10% chance of meeting her, and only a 1% chance of anything beyond a single meeting. You need to cast a big net.
Re:Define "success" (Score:4, Insightful)
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It doesn't even have to be "life-partner" - it could just be a partner or companionship. It's a big fork in the road - Is one looking just for sex, or is one looking for companionship in addition to sex.
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Good question about the study, but I'd suppose that the larger the sample you get to meet, the more likely you'd find either.
So you should check off bi-sexual? The logic being that we suppose (for the sake of argument) the female response rate might drop off a bit as a result, but you'll more then make up for it with the additional male responses increasing the gross total, thereby improving your odds of finding that special someone!
Hmmm....
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or simulating with pr0n and a hand
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Re:Smart men avoid marriage, period. (Score:4, Interesting)
Gee, you've made me realize my 18 year old marriage will go up in smoke any minute now, I'm so scared. Shoulda stayed single. Should never have had those children.
Marriage can work if both people want it to work.
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Still, marriages can work as long as the man keeps the funds coming in, does whatever the wife tells him to, and sacrifices his sex life.
That's what it takes to "make it work" men!
The real problem is (of course), that if you have to "buy" a woman, then it's prostitution anyway, and she doesn't really love you. :(
So why bother with marriage at all?
Face it, if she really loved you, she'd stick with you without needing your money, or needing to be married. However, we all know how that works out
Works out fine
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Looks change over time. If you are that fixated on appearance, I would doubt that you're going to have a happy marriage as you get older.
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There's more to looks than the face. Maybe it was the codpiece?
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I am/am not logged in and can/cannot disable ads, and can/cannot access pages. This is fun. I just realized -- run by Dice, controlled by dice.
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Delete the browser cache and/or the cookies.
But you are right, the site is quite buggy.