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Windows Operating Systems Software It's funny. Laugh. Editorial

Dvorak on Microsoft Confusing the Market 456

Posted by Zonk from the funny-dvorak-article-blink-and-you'll-miss-it dept.
DigitalDame2 writes "With news of there being 7 Vista editions, PC Magazine Columnist John C. Dvorak takes a hilarious spin on the different Vistas with some recommendations of his own. How about the Vista Porn Edition? All the great porn sites would be pre-bookmarked. Gamer Case-Mod Edition? It can be ultraoptimized for games with a blinking hard-drive light. You can even go as far as the Microsoft Vista for Costco Customers: the Cheaper Edition."
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Dvorak on Microsoft Confusing the Market More

Dvorak on Microsoft Confusing the Market

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  • Good informative link (Score:5, Informative)

    by TripMaster Monkey ( 862126 ) * on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:26PM (#13549893)

    An excellent description of all the various flavors of Vista and their respective features and intended niches can be found here [winsupersite.com].

    I'm bookmarking this page...it's only a matter of time before I'll be required to know this information.

    • No such thing (Score:5, Insightful)

      by DogDude ( 805747 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:31PM (#13549955)
      An excellent description of all the various flavors of Vista and their respective features and intended niches can be found here.

      Do you mean all of the beta versions that 3rd parties are guessing will exist, or did they actually go into the future to get this information?

      As of this point, "Vista" is still very much in early Beta. It hasn't been released to the public as a finished product, and hasn't come anywhere near being finalized, I'm sure. What's the point of punditizing something that doesn't even exist, and will probably still change substantially between it's current beta and final release? That's like critiquing next year's pop bands today.

      • Re:No such thing (Score:5, Funny)

        by Quinn_Inuit ( 760445 ) <Quinn_Inuit@ya h o o . com> on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @03:12PM (#13550354)
        That's like critiquing next year's pop bands today.

        Well, that's not very hard, now, is it?

        For instance, the boy band is going to be somewhat effeminate and very popular with young girls. It'll be a shame that none of them can play instruments, but their androgynous crooning will win them the hearts of many.

        The edgy female punk/pop singer, OTOH, will be a big hit with the high school goth crowd despite her questionable singing voice and constant fights with her band members, most of whom are more talented than her.

        The country music phenom of the year's hit song, "American to the bone" will be a gritty, patriotic anthem of the NASCAR dads in the country, but later albums will reveal that they only bought this one because of the picture of the singer and his supermodel wife on the cover.

        See? I've got all my snarky pop culture commentary out of the way for the whole year. Sweet!

    • "hilarious", huh?

      Anywaym, If that winsupersite link is reasonably accurate...jeez. If it wasn't crippleware in terms of # of apps and what not, I think tons of people would be happy with the "start edition".

      It seems like most of the further variations aren't really "OS" things, but bundled apps. Actually, more annoyingly, they sneak in one or two things that belong at the OS level (like Wi-Fi config) with a bunch of other app crap.

      'the goal of the product edition differentiations in Windows Vista is to prov

    • Re:Good informative link (Score:5, Funny)

      by hcob$ ( 766699 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:47PM (#13550112)
      Gotta love the conceptual diagram:

      Vista Enterprise: "Optimized for the Enterprise"

      So.... is that NCC-1701, NCC-1701A, NCC-1701B, NCC-1701C, NCC-1701D, or NCC-1701E?

    • Re:Good informative link + Karma Whore (Score:3, Informative)

      by Anonymous Coward
      Of course you neglected to tell us this is your site, and you post this link for EVERY windows story.

      Such is the life of a Karma Whore

    • Re:Good informative link (Score:5, Insightful)

      by man_of_mr_e ( 217855 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @03:42PM (#13550658)
      Hmm.. I don't know why thy don't simply offer the extra features as feature packs. Well, ok, I do know. People are much more likely to buy "the best" version of anything they buy, and a lot less likely to buy "add-ons".

      It's strange, they'll ask themselves "Why do I need that?" for an add-on, but will think "What won't I get if I buy the lower level edition?" of the main product.

      Microsoft must have a whole team of psychologists out there.

  • Hmm (Score:5, Funny)

    by NanoGator ( 522640 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:26PM (#13549896) Homepage Journal
    "How about the Vista Porn Edition?"

    Go on....
    • That's going to be part of all 7 versions. Hell, It's been built-in for the last 10 years. Just browse to any porn site with their built-in browser, and you will forever be presented with a constant flow of pornographic material. It's a feature!

      • Re:Hmm (Score:5, Funny)

        by wo1verin3 ( 473094 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @03:17PM (#13550394) Homepage
        Reminds me of a tech support call from 5 years ago.

        The guy kept complaining since he visited a certain website a little animated woman was dancing on his task bar and offering him more pictures of her for $30.

        I thought about this for a moment and asked...

        "For $35 I'll help you remove her but for only $30 you can have more pictures... you're sure you want to go ahead with this?"

  • Other Versiona (Score:5, Funny)

    by gbulmash ( 688770 ) * <semi_famous&yahoo,com> on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:26PM (#13549897) Homepage Journal
    Perhaps they could have a Microsoft Vista "n00b" edition with a one-click link to AOL and a special "me too!" button on the keyboard.

    Then there would be the Microsoft Vista "Infect Me" edition with a special version of Outlook that automatically opens all attachments.

    Add to that the "Miriam Abacha" edition which sends all your banking info to Nigeria.

    My favorite would be the Vista "Office Gamer" edition which includes 25 variations on Solitaire.

    - Greg

  • Ain't it funny? (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Lispy ( 136512 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:27PM (#13549903) Homepage
    After years of fragmented Windows versions they finally made the one true merged OS that they had been praising for so long. Windows 2000 was really one OS to rule them all.

    But as soon as XP came out they invented a home edition, a professional edition, delayed the server and splitted up again. Why? And now this.

    It seems it's really all about the money. Sad, in a way. Since, other than with Unix, the most exploits still work cross Windows platform. :)

    • Re:Ain't it funny? (Score:5, Funny)

      by nb caffeine ( 448698 ) <nbcaffeine@g[ ]l.com ['mai' in gap]> on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:30PM (#13549938) Homepage Journal
      at least they got SOMETHING working crossplatform :)
    • After years of fragmented Windows versions they finally made the one true merged OS that they had been praising for so long. Windows 2000 was really one OS to rule them all.

      No. Win2k was only for business use and was not targeted at the home market. That's what WinME was for. WinXP was MS attempt at building both the Home and Business versions off the same core.
      • No. Win2k was only for business use and was not targeted at the home market. That's what WinME was for. WinXP was MS attempt at building both the Home and Business versions off the same core.

        Well, unlike the difference between workstation and server versions, there is no technical difference between home and business markets. To split them is artificial and only to confuse/fragment/exploit the market. We'll never know if the strategy is valid, because WinME sucked.

        I still run Win2K (whe

    • Re:Ain't it funny? (Score:2, Informative)

      by Joehonkie ( 665142 )
      Win2k did have a home edition, it just didn't sell well. They released Millenium after they realized this.

    • Re:Ain't it funny? (Score:4, Insightful)

      by Scuff ( 59882 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:41PM (#13550059)
      After years of fragmented Windows versions they finally made the one true merged OS that they had been praising for so long. Windows 2000 was really one OS to rule them all.


      and would that "true merged OS be windows 2000 Professional, Server, Advanced Server, or Datacenter Server?
    • Comment removed based on user account deletion

    • Re:Ain't it funny? (Score:3, Insightful)

      by interiot ( 50685 )
      Windows XP's split into personal edition (needs to be activated separately) and corporate edition (doesn't need to be activated separately) makes sense.

      Vista seems to be a somewhat intelligent extension of this, with an ultimate edition (does need to be activated separately) to draw the pirate's interest away from the corporate edition (one OS to rule them all).

      On the other hand, I don't know if it will really matter. Either Ultimate will be cracked quickly, or pirates will resign themselves to using t

    • Re:Ain't it funny? (Score:2, Insightful)

      by lowe0 ( 136140 )
      Unifying the versions was never about The One SKU. It was about maintaining a single codebase, so that effort could be spent improving the latest version of Windows instead of propping up an OS far past its prime.

    • Re:Ain't it funny? (Score:4, Informative)

      by Ckwop ( 707653 ) * on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @04:09PM (#13550974) Homepage

      Ahhh.. you have to ask former microsoft employee [joelonsoftware.com] why..

      This man needs +5 insightful tattooed on his fore-head.

      Simon

  • More of the Same (Score:5, Insightful)

    by ranton ( 36917 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:27PM (#13549904)
    It doesnt seam to me that all these different versions are much different than what has been done in the past. I just helped my girlfriend buy a laptop online, and she had the choice between XP Home, Media, and Professional. And that doesnt start to cover any of the current server operating systems.

    If Microsoft is doing anything confusing with Vista, they have been doing the same thing with XP and Windows Server for years.

  • Porn Edition Already Exists (Score:5, Funny)

    by deutschemonte ( 764566 ) <lane.montgomeryNO@SPAMgmail.com> on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:27PM (#13549910) Homepage
    Just install XP w/o service packs or a firewall.

    You'll have a computer loaded with porn (pop-ups) in no time.
    • Me: Yea umm you seem to have a lot of spyware on your computer. Lots of porn dialers and other garbage.

      Client: Hmmm. I think my nephew was over last weekend and was fussing around on the PC. Yea, that's it.

      Of course in that case I never use the possessive term "your porn dialer", its always "the porn dialer" wants to connect to Russia with your credit card information.

  • Another Edition Request... (Score:4, Funny)

    by Kjuib ( 584451 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:27PM (#13549912) Homepage Journal
    How about a Vaporware Edition?!
  • From the article, "If they want to sell different kinds of tweaks, this can be better done as one grand distribution, with tweaks within the code that can be turned on and off during installation (or whenever)."

    Just imagine how fast that would be hacked. Lots of the most inexpensive version would be sold and a crack would unlock everything (assuming they don't just get a pirated version anyway).

    • Re:What a bad idea (Score:3, Insightful)

      by nine-times ( 778537 )
      I thought the idea was that Microsoft could sell one edition and only one edition instead of purposefully crippling functionality. Instead of needing to buy the "Gamers Edition" or "Business Edition" or whatever, they give you tools to help you tweak your own installation, adding or removing whatever components you like. For example-- oh, I don't know, maybe I don't want IE, OE, WMP, MSN IM, or... MS Paint, maybe they could let me make those choices.

      But you're right, that's a crazy idea.

    • Or just tie the version IDs into the install key. Not too hard to do (different version keys checksum to different values.) MS already does this anyway; you can't use a Dell XP pro install disk and a retail XP pro key, it won't work. Same deal with the educational keys.

      The hackers will always do what they feel like. As long as you make it hard enough for everyone else you've done your job.

  • XP (Score:5, Insightful)

    by DeathFlame ( 839265 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:28PM (#13549919)
    How many versions of XP are there? Aren't there already like 7 versions?

    Why does it matter how many versions there are?

    I thought having more choice was good rather than having some sort of be all end all version that takes extra time/space to install for features that most will never use.

    • Re:XP (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Overly Critical Guy ( 663429 )
      As the title of the article says, it confuses the market. Do you need Home Standard Edition or Home Premium Edition? Which Professional edition do you need? What is Ultimate Edition? Microsoft could easily release one version that does everything, or three versions--Home, Professional, and Server. I wondered at first if there was some devious reasoning behind this, but now I think their marketing people really are this dumb. My evidence is a series of very recent dumb marketing ideas:

      1.) The name "Wi

  • Cars (Score:5, Insightful)

    by the_Bionic_lemming ( 446569 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:28PM (#13549920)
    When people step into a ford dealership to buy a car - I suppose they get all confused on what all the models are.

    "So why is the f-150 bigger than that escort? Aren't they both Fords?"

    "Do they all have 4 wheels or more?"

    "Whaddya mean I get get it in diesal or Gas or Hybrid"?
    • the car analogy doesn't work. you're comparing hardware to software.

      A better thing to compare to cars is the computer hardware (multi HDs, extra RAM, more optical drives, etc)

      Or, compare some aspect of the Ford to the choice of OS.

      ie:

      whadaya mean I could get an xbox, ps2 or gamecube in the back seat? I'm confoosed. What's better?

      or

      So, I can get a stereo with built-in radio, or get the XM/Sirius option? Or I could get the CD player/cassette combo... or the mp3 playing stereo. What's this about the ogg vorbis

    • Re:Cars (Score:4, Insightful)

      by An Onerous Coward ( 222037 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:48PM (#13550123) Homepage
      Well, say you started asking about the differences between cars, and the dealer said, "Well, the F150-Xtreme is basically the same as the F150-Standard, except that we take this little rubber band off the fuel intake so that you get maximum horsepower. The F150-Standard is a better deal than the F150-Minimus because the Minimus has a nine hundred pound lead weight in the bed to keep you from accelerating quickly. Now, you'll probably want to splurge and get the air conditioning. It's installed on every car on the lot, but if you don't give us $500, we poke a hole in the casing to let the freon out."

      Once again, physical items and data have completely different economics.

  • Hmm.... (Score:5, Funny)

    by tktk ( 540564 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:28PM (#13549929)
    How about a Blacklist Dvorak edition? One where the OS censors any mention of him?

    I'd almost be willing to pay for that.

  • Looking at the screenshots for Office 12, perhaps they could make Vista Uniform Edition, where all the programs look the same! :O

    Too much to ask? :(

  • Let's see the spin on this one... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by daniil ( 775990 ) <evilbj8rn@hotmail.com> on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:30PM (#13549940) Journal
    Let's see: Countless Linux distros = good, as it gives you the liberty to choose between many distros. But different versions* of Windows Vista = bad, as it's confusing???

    What am I not getting here?

    * How about Vista Dvorak edition, automatically spouting bullshit every few days?

    • How about Vista Dvorak edition, automatically spouting bullshit every few days?

      They were planning on it, but decided to release the functionality in the `Robert X. Cringley Plus! Pack for Vista' instead.

    • The thing about Linux is that it's not supposed to be super easy to use. If you're installing Linux, you'd better have some basic competence and an idea of what you're doing - at least enough to pick the distro you're going to use (assuming you plan to do anything with it besides use it exactly as it comes packaged, with the apps that area easy to install with a single click). The goal of Windows is for it to "just work" - you're supposed to be able to use it no matter who you are. If your average user is c
    • You're missing the blind Microsoft hatred. It reminds me of elementary school when kid A makes fun of kid B for wearing a shirt that's "stupid", then wears the same shirt the next day. If Microsoft were to release a form of BSD/Linux/[Open Source OS], people would complain about that.

      I am glad to notes that most of the comments so far, though, have called Dvorak on his idiocy. Seems not even /. has succumbed fully to lunacy.

    • Comment removed (Score:5, Funny)

      by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:53PM (#13550164)
      Comment removed based on user account deletion
    • There are "countless" Linux distros from different companies and organizations. Microsoft will be selling various flavors of Vista with little obvious differentiation.

      If it were just three versions ("limited" for bargain PCs, home, and professional) this would be a non-issue. Like it has been in the past.

    • Re:Let's see the spin on this one... (Score:5, Insightful)

      by chris462 ( 656034 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:53PM (#13550170) Homepage
      I'd have to disagree with you here.

      One of Linux's biggest barriers to the consumer desktop market, IMO, is its absurd level of fragmentation. There are more than half a dozen "major" distros and an impossibly large number of "minor" distros. How the hell do you just pick one and use it?

      Then you've got nutcases like Stallman and his war on semantics and ESR and his general dumbass tendencies weighing down the entire community.

      Dvorak tends to be a bit off the wall, but he's right. MS really needs to take a(nother) note from Apple here and realize they only need one flavor of OS. There's nothing wrong with a "server" version, but consumers don't need seven different choices for a standard OS.

      There's enough trouble these days with XP Home, XP Pro, XP 64-bit, and XP Media Center. Adding more variants to the mix just sounds like suicide to me.
    • Linux = UberGeeks = multi distribution safe
      Windows = Uncle Bob = Press the Any Key

    • Re:Let's see the spin on this one... (Score:5, Insightful)

      by aramael ( 892701 ) <aramael@gmail.com> on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:57PM (#13550204)
      What am I not getting here?

      I have never seen a distribution that restricts you to three simultaneously running applications. Nor a special Linux that only allows two users at a time to connect remotely.

      The differences between Linux distributions seem to be about empowering the user; the Windows ones seem to be trying to find a price point.

    • Re:Let's see the spin on this one... (Score:4, Insightful)

      by mystik ( 38627 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:58PM (#13550216) Homepage Journal
      countless linux distro's each seem to have their own ideologies (see Suse/RedHat/Gentoo/etc, packaging)

      These Windows 'distributions' are the same ideology, but just w/ features added or removed, to force users to choose and pay for the features they think are important to them.
    • Since when are all the different Linux distributions perceived as good? Perhaps you've missed the countless Score:5 Insightful posts here on Slashdot, and every lauded Linux Is Not Ready For The Desktop article which bitches about how many distributions there are.

      I, for one, don't care how many Linux distributions there are, nor do I care how many versions of Windows there are. Of course, I think the Windows situation is a little harrier, since each has slightly different restrictions and functionality (am

    • Re:Let's see the spin on this one... (Score:4, Insightful)

      by Cyno ( 85911 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @04:12PM (#13550998) Journal
      Let me help you.

      How many versions of RedHat Linux are available? Counting back to day one, I'm sure we can put together a list of something like 50. But today, there are only 3 versions available for commercial support and use. Workstation, Server and Advanced Server.

      How many SuSE editions are available? Same thing.

      How many Slackware versions are available? One. Slackware just has its single distro. It updates it every year or so, but its just one distro.

      How many Debian Linux distros? Stable, unstable and developement? So like 3. Sure, they're available for every architecture they can support, but there are only 3.

      The problem people seem to have with Linux isn't the choice between distros, its understanding that Linux comes from MANY DIFFERENT BUSINESSES.

      Microsoft is one corporation. And in this case they're still behaving like a monopoly.

      What people want is for them to fix their bugs, fix their security problems, which are design, not implementation problems. Fix their incompatibility issues with not supporting open document formats by default. Fix their web standards compliance.

      They are the largest and most wealthy computer business on the planet but they can't afford to make their web browser compete with Firefox? Mozilla is a non-profit organization.

      And then this. They offer what, 3 additional choices from their code base, instead of including all the features they touted 3 years ago and all the requested features EVERYONE has been asking for.

      And then appologists like you go off and complain how Linux has millions of distros so we shouldn't pick on Microsoft's behavior.

      This has nothing to do with choice, it has to do with technical merit. If they were fixing their broken stuff or offering something of value, such as a gaming edition that costs $50 for people like me who only use their crappy software to play games, then we wouldn't bitch so loudly.

    • Re:Let's see the spin on this one... (Score:4, Insightful)

      by at_slashdot ( 674436 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @07:55PM (#13552992)
      At least with Linux (in most cases) you don't have to pay to try a distro.

      Another difference is that all distro maintainers try to give you everything they can, while Microsoft tries to restrict you and to make you pay more for different "features" -- that's the main difference and if you don't get it I'm sorry there's no hope for you.
  • Thanks. That was really funny. I have to go to the dentist to get my teeth pulled out now, so please excuse me.

    Has there actually been any confirmation from Microsoft about these various editions of Windows Vista? Whoever made the list seems to be including server versions, and there are several current server versions of Windows not on the list. Also, there is no Tablet or Media Center edition, and last I heard, Microsoft hadn't decided if these should be separate SKUs or rolled into the mainstream versi

  • Makes sense really... (Score:4, Funny)

    by Drasil ( 580067 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:33PM (#13549979)
    ..., if you are Microsoft. The world is screaming out for choice when it comes to operating systems, this is Microsoft's way of giving it to them.

  • Surely people aren't that stupid... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by LexNaturalis ( 895838 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:39PM (#13550036)
    Surely people aren't so stupid as to be confused by 7 different types of Windows Vista. If someone had done a similar article about the number of Linux distros out there, would it have been posted on the front page of slashdot? Sure, Microsoft is a power-hungry greedy company convicted of monopolistic activities, but this is going a bit far.

    I hereby propose some legitimate reasons to bash Microsoft:
    1) They refuse to play nice with Open Source developers.
    2) They actively seek to destroy any competition, regardless of whether the competition is actually helping the computer community or not.
    3) They are promoting legislation that will change patent law from "first to invent" to "first to file."

    Those are all (I think) legitimate complaints against Microsoft. Calling Microsoft "nutty" for releasing 7 versions of an OS is rather stupid and petty. I have no doubt that the average person can simply read a chart that has little checks next to "features" and decide which of the 7 they want. This will actually help people, I think, because it will prevent people from getting extraneous software that might increase their risk of attack.

    People often complain about Microsoft bundling too many things in their OS and how there's a lack of flexibility, and now they complain because Microsoft is "too" flexible and might "confuse" the poor ignorant user who is incapable of choosing between 7 different forms of Vista.

  • The Dvorak Troll Edition (Score:4, Funny)

    by Skjellifetti ( 561341 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:40PM (#13550038) Journal
    Hi, I'm Clippy. I see that you are trying to write a column. Would you like to troll the Linux fans?

  • I want the 10% edition (Score:4, Interesting)

    by sane? ( 179855 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:40PM (#13550044)
    I'm sick of the MS marketing department trying to hold hostage key bits of functionality to make new versions at higher prices.

    In an age of freely available OS, and the threat that Google will pose with their eventual OS, I want the Windows 10% version - which is guaranteed to cost only 10% of the cost of the system hardware (one off fee). You get, and can use, whatever functionality you want.

    That would ensure that the Windows tax was affordable, and its simple to implement as well.

  • Trying too hard to be funny. (Score:4, Insightful)

    by fahrvergnugen ( 228539 ) <fahrv@hotmail.cDALIom minus painter> on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:42PM (#13550062) Homepage
    Is it just me, or is Dvorak sub-par when compared to most of the other bloggers out there cracking wise about tech issues?

    He was so much more interesting before there was Livejournal.

  • Ballmer (obligatory chair throwing) (Score:5, Funny)

    by putko ( 753330 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:42PM (#13550064) Homepage Journal
    ZONK: They see through your market segmentation strategy. I'm quitting.

    Ballmer: Anybody but Dvorak. Just tell me it isn't fucking Dvorak who sees through my segmentation strategy.

    ZONK: Yes, it's Dvorak. He sees right through it. And he says your Kung Fu is shit.

    (chair flies through air) CRASH!

    Ballmer: Dvorak is a fucking PUSSY! I will kill Dvorak. I've killed all the other media bitches and will so fucking kill Dvorak!

  • Bad Joke Warning (Score:5, Funny)

    by RealityMogul ( 663835 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:42PM (#13550068)
    If you take Dvorak's Kiddie Edition, and bundle it with the Porn Edition, do you call it the... no... wait... I just can't go through with it.

  • Just because it is anti-MS.... (Score:4, Insightful)

    by GeorgeMcBay ( 106610 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:47PM (#13550118)
    Just because it is anti-Microsoft doesn't make it funny. I mean... that article just isn't funny. At all. Seriously.

  • Windows Vista: Slashdot Edition (Score:5, Funny)

    by 8127972 ( 73495 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:48PM (#13550127)
    This version moderates your documents and has a Zonk process that dupes your files needlessly.

  • What if it changed versions based on your usage! (Score:3, Funny)

    by jav1231 ( 539129 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:53PM (#13550171)
    What if it changed versions based on your usage!
    Imagine: You order Vista Premium Home Edition. You're excited to have the newest version so your young high school lad can do essay research, send email, and do homework. However, inexplicably it morphs into Vista Premium Porn Edition within just a few months! Young Timmy is grounded and his Internet cable removed. You know he still needs the computer for typing up Word documents so you leave it on. Only to have it morph again into Vista Premium Gamer Edition!
  • Comes with a free copy of Duke Nukem Forever, cept M$ won't tell us when its coming out.
  • Throws your office chair at boot up and screams that it's going f'ing kill Google and immediately launches into a monkey dance.

    Vista Pimp - Looks fabulous, does absolutely nothing but threatens to beat the crap out of you if you don't get off your ass and go make bank.

    Vista Trump - Has serious performance problems, files bankruptcy then fires you.

  • Pricing (Score:5, Interesting)

    by lspd ( 566786 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:57PM (#13550203) Journal
    With news of there being 7 Vista editions...

    There will be more than 7. This doesn't factor in the versions tailored to other nations. Microsoft is just working out the details of an effective price discrimination [wikipedia.org] scheme.

  • Uhh (Score:5, Insightful)

    by MrCopilot ( 871878 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @02:58PM (#13550217) Homepage Journal
    Not funny Haha, funny hmmm.

    eg... Thats funny, this article wasn't even mildy amusing.

    On a side note, Now I have 9 different Windows OS, 10 Office Suites, not to buy.

    Many Linux Distros = Good
    You miss the point entirely.
    Choice is a good thing, unless the choices are Evil, Hobbled Evil, Crippled Evil, Evil for Tykes. Corporate Evil, or Mom & Pop Evil.

  • Who's planning on migrating to Vista anyway? (Score:5, Interesting)

    by xtal ( 49134 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @03:00PM (#13550234)
    Nobody I am currently working with has any plans whatsoever to migrate to Vista; most are still in the motions of moving to XP, if they even went that far. I'm not sure what huge features Vista is supposed to offer people, but I believe Microsoft may have themselves a real problem there.

    Fragmenting it doesn't seem like a great strategy.
    • Everybody said the same thing about XP ("I'm not upgrading right away, and neither is the guy down the street, therefore no one ever will!").

      People seem to forget: every new computer will come with Vista. That alone will put it all over the place in a very short time.

  • I'm wondering if this is a (dubious) way of avoiding anti-trust issues. Each version will have its own product number, UPC code, etc. It won't be Windows Vista having 94% of the OS market; the percentages will be split between the variations.

    Another idea: MS could be trying to make more money from developer tools. Will the executables for Home Premium run on the "El Cheapo" versions? Keep in mind that all games for the XBox are licensed, and MS gets a cut right off the top.

    (I know, there's no mod for -1 Con

  • I wouldn't mind a gamer edition. (Score:4, Interesting)

    by sTalking_Goat ( 670565 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @03:01PM (#13550252) Homepage
    something stripped down, zero flash and optimized for games, it could even be CLI to actually launch the games. It's all I use XP for anyway...
  • It appears that Dvorak is already working with Windows Vista : Desperate Journalist Edition.

  • Windows Vista Mental Enhancement Edition (Score:3, Insightful)

    by ruben.gutierrez ( 913239 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @03:14PM (#13550366)
    Possible themes: Dyslexia - word processors jumble words instead of correcting them Tourrets - random errors and popups containing obscenities ADD - programs constantly lose/change focus

  • God (Score:4, Insightful)

    by TheSkepticalOptimist ( 898384 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @03:19PM (#13550421)
    Will the bias and double standards against Microsoft ever stop?

    While I am no fan of MS, I get tired of the constant default criticisms aimed at MS everytime they do something.

    First, look at how many versions of XP MS was forced to implement.

    While MS started off with an ideal Home and Pro versions, then the OEM Media Center and Tablet Edition, they were forced by governments and the European Union to implement a stripped down version (N) version for both Home and Pro, as well as pretty much been forced to implement a stripped down version of XP for developing countries. This means there are 8 versions of XP around.

    Mostly this was FORCED on MS by governments and consumer backlash.

    So, MS takes the initiative to try and please ALL the special interest groups and take a pre-emptive stike against future government hassles by offering a range of products that MS are ALREADY FORCED to impelement in XP. The difference is the MS is doing this WILLINGLY!

    Also, confusing the market? Every try and pick out a Linux distro? 30+ versions, multiple GUI interfaces, which Kernel to run, 2.4 or 2.6 and which subversion is stable or powerful. Countless number of GNU shareware plauging Linux with cryptic names starting with G? If MS is confusing end users, then what hope does Linux ever have of becoming a mainstream OS.

    If anyone will shine above all this will be Apple. With there limited choice in hardware and 2 flavours of OSX (Server and Not Server), if anyone is confused by MS and Linux, then they will flock to the Apple platform.

    Hey, I think it is dumb that there needs to be 7 versions of an OS, but the EU and consumers pretty much brought this on themselves with all the countless numbers of lawsuits and government pressure. Microsoft is just giving you what you want!

  • Already done! (Score:3, Interesting)

    by realityfighter ( 811522 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @04:19PM (#13551064) Homepage
    Let's not overlook Microsoft Vista--Kitchen Edition. People are putting computers in the kitchen, aren't they? Well then there should be a rugged kitchen edition with a file system specifically suited to storing recipes and videos of Jacques Pepin cooking his way.

    At Frys, they sell a refrigerator with a computer built in to bring up recipes, check your email, etc. I believe you can also use it to keep track of your groceries. It runs Windows XP.

  • Pirate Edition (Score:3, Funny)

    by erik_norgaard ( 692400 ) on Tuesday September 13, 2005 @04:43PM (#13551310) Homepage
    Somehow, I think that the Windows Vista Pirate edition is the only one that will be released on time...

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