Instant Messaging For Introverts 311
adamengst tips an article up on TidBITS that explores the persistent reluctance of many nerds to embrace fully new communications media such as IM and Twitter. In this thoughtful article Joe Kissell explores, from the inside, the mind of the introvert and how this personality style often struggles with new "always-on" media. The result is a sometimes exasperated incomprehension on the part of the more extroverted. Well worth a read.
I would get a frist post (Score:3, Funny)
Sorry but the first half of that long post (Score:3, Insightful)
NEWSFLASH! Some people don't like IM! Film at 11. *yawn*. Bring on the pink ponies.
Re:Sorry but the first half of that long post (Score:5, Insightful)
I've currently got problems with it. I leave Skype on full time these days for Biz purposes, and my GF wants to pop up a chat window every 10 freaking minutes, breaking my concentration, effectively ending my ability to do any meaningful work; I end up just surfing instead of trying to do anything, because I know I'm just going to get interrupted anyway.
Re:Sorry but the first half of that long post (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Sorry but the first half of that long post (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Sorry but the first half of that long post (Score:4, Insightful)
What's wrong with IRC? Why do we need this IM crap anyway? It's much more fun to talk to many people or just be able to say "hi" to everyone and see if someone are there instead of sending PMs to everyone.
Back in the days people used ICQ for IM here (and maybe AIM in the US), but now all people over here use MSN, do we really need 10 different instant messaging protocols? Skype and now facebooks internal one
Retards...
Re:Sorry but the first half of that long post (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Sorry but the first half of that long post (Score:5, Funny)
Get a new GF imo.
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That's OK. Neither does his GF.
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I'd rather IM was treated like a phone - call me if you want to talk about something, but it doesn't mean I'm always up for idle chit chat.
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Plus with IM if the network goes down your offline with email the Internet has to go down for it to become unoperational so I'd consider email to be more redundant.
as for IM my favorite is Skype (or IRC for public chatting) but the only one I use is MSN because thats just what the people I know are using.
Re:Sorry but the first half of that long post (Score:5, Insightful)
And the point of IM is... (Score:3, Insightful)
You just described email.
Re:Sorry but the first half of that long post (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Sorry but the first half of that long post (Score:5, Insightful)
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That's why I turn Skype, Pidgin and Evolution off for most of the time. As for disruptions, Evolution was driving me crazy - I don't care some IMAP server could not be pinged - just get the f* e-mail. It seems the next re
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I leave Skype on full time these days for Biz purposes, and my GF wants to pop up a chat window every 10 freaking minutes, breaking my concentration, effectively ending my ability to do any meaningful work; I end up just surfing instead of trying to do anything, because I know I'm just going to get interrupted anyway.
For me it's ICQ, and almost entirely so my wife can get in touch with me if she needs to... I've managed to keep most of my business contacts off IM and on email instead... But I do agree with the distraction issues.
I don't like IM because it interrupts what I'm doing. The icon blinks, or the window pops up, and I know that someone is on the other end right now, waiting for a response from me. It feels rude to just ignore the message, I have to read it and respond. And that interrupts whatever it was
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Introversion in the future (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Introversion in the future (Score:5, Insightful)
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Instant messaging for introverts is pointless as it takes away any sense of solitude. I used to loathe being a slave to the land line at work and actively and successfully fought off getting a mobile phone (d
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If, as wacky futurists like Ray Kurzweil in his The Singularity is Near [amazon.com] human beings will increasingly maintain portions of their conscious in computer networks, is there even a place for introversion in the future? Eventually once all of mankind is networked, it'll be harder and hard to tune out.
If things were headed that way then negative feedback would prevent it. It's introverts who are tuned out who actually write the code, work out the science, design the technology to give us things like that. If it became hard for introverts to tune out, the enabling technological innovations would dry up.
But introverts have a point (Score:4, Insightful)
Actually maybe I shouldn't have been so extroverted as to post this. Alright everyone, let's not post at all in protest of extroversion...
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drowning out all the more thoughtful status updates on Facebook?
I nearly modded +1 funny for that, but I had to clean the coffee off my keyboard first.
Re:But introverts have a point (Score:5, Funny)
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gardyloo... is not the only one. It's an interesting article that talks, not from my point of view, but from one that I can recognize. The issue I would take with the article is to do with the term introvert. I think the author has decided they are an introvert (according to their definition) and attributed a lot of things to it that are actually more general. Whether extrovert, introvert or, more commonly in anyone who has reached a level of maturity in who their personal development, someone who is appop
Not necessarily introverts (Score:5, Interesting)
IM, Cellphones, SMS etc. It seems to be expected now that everyone should be instantly contactable, at any time, for the most trivial of communications.
I'm not an introvert, but prefer to be uninterrupted unless it's something really important.
I annoy people by not playing the game, by turning off my cellphone, not running an IM client (unless I want to specifically talk to someone), only checking my email twice a day etc.
The constant jabbering and twittering that surrounds us now really pisses me off. QUIET please!
Re:Not necessarily introverts (Score:5, Interesting)
No amount of heckling them about their constantly having to answer the phone seems to help.
"I have to answer it. What if it's an important call? What if my wife just got in a car accident or something?" You can't reason with them.
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My wife is a fine example. Every call gets answered, every ping! of an incoming SMS gets her immediate attention.
About the only time she doesn't react to it is when she's driving or asleep.
My cellphone, on the other hand is an 'always off' technology.
Re:Not necessarily introverts (Score:4, Insightful)
Add the iPod to the mix and it's just a disaster waiting to happen.
Naturally, I offer to drive as much as possible.
Re:Not necessarily introverts (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Not necessarily introverts (Score:5, Insightful)
And what could possibly be more rude than to temporarily ignore them to accept an interruption ?
Re:Not necessarily introverts (Score:4, Interesting)
And what could possibly be more rude than to temporarily ignore them to accept an interruption ?
My wife and I recently went to the movies... Someone, seated a couple rows ahead of us, spent the entire movie texting someone. All through the movie you could see the glow of their cell phone's screen, and their thumbs bouncing around on the keypad. They obviously weren't paying any attention to the movie. They also had another person with them, who appeared to actually be watching the movie. What are they going to talk about afterwards?
"What did you think about the movie? Wasn't it amazing when that guy did that thing" "Oh, I didn't notice, I was too busy texting..."
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Re: Gaming is more important 99% of the time. (Score:2)
Nothing, but thats not the point.
Look at it this way. An email is like saying "Hey, I have something I want to tell you, please reply at your convenience".
A phone call is like saying "Hey, I have something to say, and i expect you to drop everything you are doing in order to listen."
If some fellow humans decide to honor you with their presence during a game, movie, or eating out, you could at least have the courtesy to turn off
Re:Not necessarily introverts (Score:5, Interesting)
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Re:Not necessarily introverts (Score:4, Insightful)
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Some people need to learn to turn their phones off. Mine is on during the working day and if I'm not busy or if something is likely to come up at work in my own time otherwise I'm quite hard to find and I like it that way.
Re:Not necessarily introverts (Score:5, Insightful)
Extroverts have a low level of cortical stimulation, they need external events to stimulate their tiny^W minds, leave them in a quite room (or a library) for a few hours and they go crazy.
I expect extroverts would enjoy having people call them and give their brain something to do.
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Some of the finest minds in science, art, engineering, literature and politics have been highly extrovert.
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Seriously though, many of the finest minds in those fields were eccentric, not necessarily extroverted. Eccentricity sometimes seems like the epitome of introversion: a near-complete disregard for the opinions of others.
Re:Not necessarily introverts (Score:5, Interesting)
"Is anyone out there?"
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I'm not an introvert, but I also don't really care for people knowing everything about me either. And honestly, I'd don't really want to know about whatever nonsense my associates are up to. IM is a really good tool IMHO, but the newer stuff like twitter doesn't seem to have much of a practical application other than among students who actually care a
Invisibility (Score:4, Informative)
I also don't feel the need to instantly answer, even on private work related IM. If it's urgent sure, but urgent matters warrant a phone call generally. I place IM somewhere in between email and phone for the sense of urgency factor. Of course the actual content and context of the message matters and everything in life should be taken case by case
People stress themselves out too much with the 'OMG I JUST GOT IM'ED I'D BETTER ANSWER RIGHT AWAY'.
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I love your graefruit id. I might just steal it. Can I subscribe to your newsletter?
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Anyways, I laughed at that one, thanks. On a Monday laughs are especially needed.
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I never said it should only work one way, but you know what happens when you ass-ume
Marching Morons 2.0 (Score:5, Insightful)
And because I don't want to hear it, they're trying to frame this as something wrong with me?
Re:Marching Morons 2.0 (Score:5, Funny)
What the hell is wrong with you? Some kind of weird 'introvert' eh?
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As well, TWIT can be the acronym for Totally Without Intelligence.
So, there you go.
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introverts and IM (Score:5, Informative)
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I know if I'm out at a bar without my contacts, I can't tell which one is giving me the flirty look, which is giving me the dirty look, and which one has an adams apple.
Needless to say, this can make the situation less tha
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I don't believe introverts regard IM the same way as face-to-face communications. I know a lot of people that are socially very shy in public, that practically live in IM or WOW etc.
I think part of that is because there's a high density of introverts in such media, and they tend to be more comfortable without all those meddling extroverts. ;)
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Depending on how they play WoW, they may still be being introverted while playing - grinding on their own or whatever. The fact that they're playing an MMORPG on a PC rather than multiplayer gaming at someone's house on a console is more of an introverted preference.
Re:introverts and IM (Score:5, Interesting)
Shyness and introversion are two different things. Introversion is a preference for being alone. Shyness is when somebody feels anxiety around other people.
IM and other virtual communication can be good at alleviating the anxiety shy people feel, enabling them to socialise frequently, but it isn't going to do anything for an introvert who doesn't want to socialise frequently.
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Now, this is just a preference, so it can be overcome, but it takes effort and may not be accomplished as effectively as an Extravert (just like a right-hander writing with their left hand). Many Intraverts find it tiring, and requiring a period alone to re-energise.
IM/virtual communication can lower (but probably not remove) the effort required to communicate with others, particularly compared to the pho
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Shy is different than introversion. I am an introvert personally. I don't feel the least bit uncomfortable in a social situation in person or on the phone.
I DO avoid the phone mostly because too many people don't know when the conversation is over and too many people take it as an invitation to interrupt whatever I'm doing for a conversation they won't even remember an hour later.
I prefer less frequent but more meaningful conversation.
Introversion is confused with shyness primarily by extroverts who c
Re:introverts and IM (Score:5, Insightful)
I truly am an introvert, which is why I can't play such games (I'm more of a Si, and prefer to only use asynchronous forms of communication for everything. All these "sociable" nerds, however, are likely not introverted.. just "first world" shy!
Work (Score:4, Insightful)
The problem I find with IM at work is that some people use it instead of doing their own research. I frequently get IM'd work questions that could have been solved with 1 google search or 30 seconds with the source tree and grep. Instead, because it's so easy, they interrupt me.
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Answer, and you lose time "context switching" and being annoyed. Answer wrongly and, depending upon the size of the failure, you're screwed. Don't answer and you're probably just as screwed.
The only way to win is not to play.
Don't sign in to IM. Check your email once an hour or s
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The slightest distract
Re:Work (Score:5, Insightful)
You mean to say you take the time and thought required to write something worth reading?
There seems to be a trend in recent years for people to consider email another form of IM. Subscribe to mailing list with 10K users, and you'll find people repeatedly sending off unintelligible overly-abbreviated scraps of seemingly random thought without hesitation, forcing all 10K users to read and try and interpret their spew. For anyone that thinks, for example, one or more cryptic one-liners is acceptable, I'd suggest they stop and consider how many followups to followups are required when, by comparison, a coherent thought written out using complete sentences would have saved everyone both time and grief in almost all cases.
Too much trouble or time to bother with? See how well you can communicate with your significant other using postit note reminders stuck on a refrigerator door before a misunderstanding and a day spent stewing over a perceived insult occurs.
IM has its place and is no doubt useful (invaluable, even) in certain scenarios. If you accept that it's the quality of communication that matters, then the pervasive influence of IM can be characterised fairly as somewhere between an unfortunate habit and a disease. Not that there's ever been a golden age of electronic communication, of course. I do wonder how it is, though, that in a form of communication that's entirely written, people don't hesitate to offer the impression that they're either morons, or complete illiterates.
My use of IM has devolved into occasional replies of "This is worth discussing. Call me when you have time and we'll take it up then." The rest is noise. No point in trying to do accomplish something when neither party has the time to deal with it, is there?
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Constant IMing makes you stupid and slow (Score:2)
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Block Button (Score:3, Insightful)
If they don't listen, that's what the block button is for. Pretty much all of the current generation IM systems have it.
Maybe it just means that ... (Score:2, Insightful)
"Nerds" are the ones who realize that it is a waste of time
"Nerds" don't need to be in constant communication to feel reassured
"Nerds" don't want to waste their money on these services, unless it comes with really really cool hardware. And even then, the hardware must have cool software, and all of it must be modifiable.
"Nerds" understand that being extroverted isn't the same as being popular, and don't care either way.
"Nerds" understand that twitter, constant IM'ing
IM beats answering the phone (Score:4, Insightful)
Yes, I believe the telephone is productivity's worst enemy.
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Parent is sadly at -1 currently and may be missed by many... mods - please mod up!
He makes a very valid point. Personally, I don't use IM services very often, and like the author of TFA, I'm generally "signed in, but unavailable". If someone messages while I'm busy, I ignore it until I'm not busy, or about to take a coffee break, or cigarette break or whatever.
Email, I use almost exclusively. If someone wants something from me that will take more than 10 seconds of my time to do, the ONLY way I'll acce
Am I a tech dropout:? (Score:5, Insightful)
My tablemates were utterly confounded that I had no IMs, one of my cell phones was often off with an outgoing message of "I don't pick up these messages, so don't bother", that I never sent any text messages, that I used an old-school one-way pager, and that I actually checked incoming email "only" every couple of hours or so. They thought I was a complete neanderthal. Yet I was the IT guy for the conference. In fact, I had been specifically requested by the head of the planning team; he had worked with me before and valued not just my willingness to work long and hard but my ability to communicate face-to-face with the hordes of hyper managers and executives who inevitably showed up with work-stopping computer problem and have to be "handled" properly while they get their problems fixed.
I got the assignment mostly because I was seen as a good communicator. Yet the entire rest of his staff (who I met for the first time at this event) thought I was nuts to be so out of touch.
I've never thought that avoiding distractions and interruptions made for poor communication. Indeed, my attitude is quite the opposite. It also seems to be increasingly rare these days.
Odd. To me, this is really, really odd.
And yes, I am strongly introverted.
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That is the only situation I have used IM in. Otherwise, I do not install the client if I can avoid it. Never log in if the client is installed, and never respond to invitations. In general, e-mail
Use IRC instead... (Score:3, Informative)
I don't know exactly why it works, but somehow IRC (especially with a good GUI client) takes the edge of IM just enough that it becomes a useful communication tool rather than constant interruptions. But you can still DCC someone to get IM-like functionality, even with file transfers.
Not introversion, allergy to meaningless noise (Score:2)
I'm busy, so piss off. (Score:3, Insightful)
If your message is at all worth reading, it'll be worth reading in two hours when I have time for it. Sod instant messaging, I usually keep my phone turned off and somebody else answers my doorbell.
It's not called being an introvert. It's called being a grownup, with work to do.
Resentment (Score:4, Insightful)
First of all, I have my own reasons for not wanting to use certain "new" communication methods.
A particularly strong one is resentment. Many "new" communication methods do the same thing
that existing methods do, only worse. For example, the new method might be technically inferior
because they use the wrong tool for the job, they might be limiting because they only allow
certain types of use, where the existing tools were more flexible, or they might use proprietary
protocols where the existing tools used open protocols.
I don't like it when the new, inferior solution gets hugely popular, and then people think I'm weird
for not wanting to participate. It is they who didn't participate in the existing system when it was
there - and it is _because_ they jumped on the bandwagon of the new, incompatible system that this
is even an issue. If people had stuck with the existing system, or if the new system had been
compatible with the old system, or if the new system had been so much better that users of the old
system all jumpd ship, there wouldn't have been any issue.
For some reason, people don't understand this. They just expect me to sign up with the cool, new thing,
or be left out. Not that they would be willing to try the existing, old thing...why jump through
all the hoops to start using this thing that nobody else uses, when all it will do is give you _two_
accounts that you have to maintain and all that? I understand that point very well, of course,
the more because it is often the exact same situation _I_ am faced with!
Sometimes, I quit bitching and just sign up already. I, too, want to stay in touch with friends,
after all. Sometimes, I moan and rant until people get so annoyed they never bring up the
subject again. And, on rare occassions, I actually manage to convince them that my way is really
better. But, usually, it's a lost cause. Once enough people have started using the new system,
there is no going back, because they are locked in. And me, I just feel like a grumpy, old, bearded
hacker who thinks he knows better than everyone else - but all he's ever accomplished is
alienating himself from many who might otherwise have been his friends.
But hey, it's not all gloom and doom! I have a job that I love, where I get to use Debian and work
with open source all day, and people actually appreciate my insights. Because, in business, you
may stay afloat by doing the same thing as everybody else...but you only _really_ win by being
_better_. And no, I don't have the illusion that my ideas are always the best - but, I try hard
to make them as good as they can be, and sometimes, that leads to new insights that improve things
for everyone. That is something that really makes me a _happy_ bearded hacker.
IM for Introverts (Score:2)
IM *good* for I-leaners (Score:2)
I also find that when I need to talk to someone in an interactive way (but when time is not absolutely pressing), IM has a much lower stress ba
Heh (Score:4, Insightful)
My friends: "What do you mean, you don't want to go out for drinks?"
Me: "I mean, I had a rough week, and I'm entirely wiped out."
Friends: "Exactly, that's why you should come out to a noisy social environment where you can be surrounded by random strangers who want your attention."
Me: *shudder* Alright, but only if you can get me drunk enough to deal within 5 minutes of arrival.
Friends: Deal!
Ridiculous (Score:3, Insightful)
People don't realize it.... (Score:3, Insightful)
Introverts vs Extroverts (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Or some of us are just busy, (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Or some of us are just busy, (Score:4, Insightful)
If "Real life" is my ex-girlfriend wanting to tell me about last night's "American Idol" party or My brother ranting about the Giants'/Yankees' performance... yeah, I have no problem letting those pass me by.
Don't assume that because something involves another ugly bag of mostly water, that it is somehow worthwhile. I find that, short of sex and wii bowling, that is rarely the case.
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Re:Or some of us are just busy, (Score:4, Funny)
Can't . . . too shy.
Re:Or some of us are just busy, (Score:5, Insightful)
This is very bad advice. That's not to deny there's a serious issue involved here, which is balancing the uses you'd like to put your attention to with the uses others want to put it to.
My stance on this is that people deserve FULL attention. Which is why I don't let them demand a piece of my attention any time they please.
The best practice, I think. is to have ground rules and make sure people around you know what they are. These are the times/places/situations in which you can demand my attention, and these are the times/places/situations in which you can't. Reasonable exceptions of course apply: "I am about to commit suicide" or "the house is on fire" or "I'm pregnant" for example.
On the other hand when it's open season on your attention, you have to be ready to let them have it ALL.
The reason your brother is annoying you when he tries to engage you in a discussion about sports is that you are working at cross purposes. If you are prepared to set aside the other purpose for the moment, then the annoyance goes away. If you really listen to him, it won't feel like you are wasting your time. You may also find that people talk about different things if you really listen to them. Your brother may lay off sports because you ask a lot of stupid (ane therefore often difficult to answer) questions. Or you may find yourself learning something new, which is never a waste of time.
People are sloppy about this, because most of the time people just want a little attention. If you have the gift of small talk, it's not hard to satisfy this, and life goes smoothly and you'll make lots of friends. If you don't have the gift of small talk, it's worth cultivating it because it does a real service to other people, some of whom (presumably) you care about.
So separate the blocks of time that belong entirely to you, and the blocks of time you are willing to let others take pieces from. Then when your girlfriend wants to yammer about some television show, set aside whatever you are doing, turn to her, and treat this moment as if there were no conceivable purpose more interesting and important than to spend it talking about what she wants to talk about. Whether you are hot on the trail of a cure for cancer, or a proof that P=NP, or the reason her favorite performer got voted off the TV show, you could not possibly give her a jot more attention, nor what she has to say an iota more serious consideration.
This should be worth trying just for the prank value.
But try setting aside time for yourself and time for other people, just for a few days. Then ask yourself: the problem is really that people bother you with useless information, or that you are blaming others for your own failure to manage your own attention span?
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What I'm saying, among other things, is that good listening elicits good conversation.
You don't go fishing expecting to hook the largest fish of your life every time you go. There's a saying among fisherman, "It's called fishing not catching."
Getting pissed with somebody because they interrupted some task you were doing with something that doesn't meet your standards of conversation is like dumping your motor oil in the fishing hole because you
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That's why I use the normal/annoying set of words, it works great for introverts like me.