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Software Security

'Uber For Armed Guards' Rushes To Market 72

Posted by BeauHD from the state-of-fear dept.
An anonymous reader quotes a report from Gizmodo: Protector, an app that lets you book armed goons the same way you'd call for an Uber, is having a viral moment. The app started doing the rounds on social media after consultant Nikita Bier posted about it on X. Protector lets the user book armed guards on demand. Right now it's only available in NYC and LA. According to its marketing, every guard is either "active duty or retired law enforcement and military." Every booking comes with a motorcade and users get to select the number of Escalades that'll be joining them as well as the uniforms their hired goons will wear.

Protector is currently "#7 in Travel" on Apple's App Store. It's not available for people who use Android devices. [...] The marketing for Protector, which lives on its X account, is surreal. A series of robust and barrel-chested men in ill-fitting black suits deliver their credentials to the camera while sitting in front of a black background. They're all operators. They describe careers in SWAT teams and being deployed to war zones. They show vanity shots of themselves kitted out in operator gear. All of them have a red lapel pin bearing the symbol of Protector. If the late UnitedHealthcare CEO had used Protector, he might still be alive today, suggests Protector in its marketing materials. A video on X shows "several fantasy versions of the assassination where a Protector is on hand to prevent the assassin from killing the CEO," reports Gizmodo.

The app is a product from parent company Protector Security Solutions, which was founded by Nick Sarath, a former product designer at Meta.

'Uber For Armed Guards' Rushes To Market More | Reply

'Uber For Armed Guards' Rushes To Market

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  • I can't wait for the present to be some dystopian nightmare that's also some bonkers Silicon Valley memedream

  • Really? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Retired Chemist ( 5039029 ) on Tuesday February 18, 2025 @05:28PM (#65177441)
    If I needed and could afford bodyguards, why would I be hiring them from an app? I would want people that I know and trust. This sounds like something that a wanna-be would use to show off, not a real product. Also, the liability if one of your renta-goons actually did something would be a problem.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by Mordain ( 204988 )

      I guess you are putting trust into the companies desire to maintain and build a good public image, which would certainly be hurt by robbing or abandoning their clients. Might be more reliable than doing extensive interviews and background checks of private individuals, assuming they do that themselves.

      • Re: (Score:3)

        by taustin ( 171655 )

        There's a lot of security companies around that do all that, and always have been. They generally expect a longer term commitment, where this, in theory, is for very short term, like a few hours, with no further obligations.

        Sounds like a pretty stupid idea, to me, and typical of the tech-bro startups, the only real product they'll ever have to sell is their stock.

        • Yeah, if you need armed guards on a semi-regular basis, there's many companies that will arrange everything, including using trained (more than just "ex police/military") and background checked guards, armored vehicles, and more.
          I'm thinking black rock, pinktertons, etc...
          A quick search turned up no less than 50 national companies.
          Now, you call up with a sudden need for bodyguards *today*, it's going to get pricy. Not only do they need to find the guards and get them to you quickly, they have to figure tha

          • (more than just "ex police/military")

            I'm ex-military, and I would be unqualified as a bodyguard.

            I know how to call in an airstrike and place heavy machine guns in a defensive perimeter, but none of that is relevant to being a bodyguard.

            • I'm also ex-military, and I'm not arguing. The use of "ex military/police" is what "Protector", the "uber for armed guards" in the article is listing as their training standard.
              Thus my saying "more than". Military/police can be a start, but it's nothing more than a start, unless you get a very specific sort of military/police veteran.

        • Re: (Score:2)

          by Rei ( 128717 )

          I think the main purpose they're going for is rich men who want to impress a date.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by taustin ( 171655 )

      This sounds like something that a wanna-be would use to show off, not a real product.

      I agree. I wonder who these clowns' daily rates compare to just hiring a real actor from SAG/AFTRA, where their credentials can be verified.

      Also, the liability if one of your renta-goons actually did something would be a problem.

      The bit about all their goons being ex-cops or ex-military is how they want to convince you that won't happen. Which is to say, marketing hype is a lot cheaper than liability insurance, especially when you clearly have no idea what you're doing.

    • My first thought, loyalty to and familiarity with the client seems pretty important for bodyguards. Sounds like this is for someone who wants to be seen with bodyguards for a specific event, not so much to guard their body.

      I imagine it will be popular with rappers and "influencers" making promo appearances. Probably why they are operating strictly in NY and LA.

      • Loyalty to the paycheck is a known thing. See Pinkertons. Heck, see the police, where principal can have them protecting some very bad people from other very bad people, such as witness protection.
        You need more personal loyalty if it's going to be more than a day or so.

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by kmoser ( 1469707 )
        Pretty sure desperate actors would be willing to cosplay as fake security for far less than this company is charging. Come to think of it, I just thought of a way to undercut their business model!

    • > If I needed and could afford bodyguards, why would I be hiring them from an app?

      If you needed and could afford a private driver why would you be hiring them from an app?

      I presume the business model is for a CEO from Minnetonka who needs to go to NYC for a meeting?

    • "why would I be hiring them from an app?"

      Because your previous set of goons just did something that you need to be protected from.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by spitzak ( 4019 )

      It also seems like you would want guards who are famiiar with the places you go and any routine you have. I suppose the market is small enough that you would keep getting the same guards though.

    • Absolutely. If you want to experience a case where you actually need this for real rather than theatrical effect, go to South Africa. There's occasional video posted to YT of attacks on some of these guys, and you really don't want to tangle with them. One of the videos has the CEO of the company that makes the armoured glass used in the vehicles standing behind a windscreen while live rounds are fired at him. Talk about standing behind your product...

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by mjwx ( 966435 )

      If I needed and could afford bodyguards, why would I be hiring them from an app? I would want people that I know and trust. This sounds like something that a wanna-be would use to show off, not a real product. Also, the liability if one of your renta-goons actually did something would be a problem.

      And that's where this brain fart fails. If you're rich or important enough to require guards, you'll already have somewhere to get them that's trustworthy. If you require round the clock security you'll know them by name.

      But you're thinking of body guards rather than armed guards... Think about temporary protection for a store or site.. but again, it's the same problem that if you need this kind of thing you'll already know where to go and it'll be someone who does proper vetting and evals to ensure that

  • No argument that having a few extra pairs of eyes, including one always looking behind you, would have stopped the United Health care exec from being killed. The attacker was not especially rapid.

    But realistically is anyone going to hire this service 24x7? It seems like if you hired a service like this there'd always be some kind of gap in coverage someone could find just by watching you for a few weeks. I got the feeling Luigi was actually keeping tabs on the guy for a while in order to know when he was

    • I tend to take it less as a 24x7 service, and more something like making a special appearance. I personally think this "service" is more about show than protection.

      The CEO, for example, might have considered the protective measures on his house (in a gated community) and such enough for day to day, it's only the high-profile appearance at the stockholder's meeting that needs more security. That kind of thing.

  • Goon Gig (Score:5, Funny)

    by nickmalthus ( 972450 ) on Tuesday February 18, 2025 @05:35PM (#65177465)
    I am sure it won't take long for hired "Armed Guards" turns into indemnified hired thugs.

    "Pesky journalist asking too many questions? Goon Gig will lead their investigation into a new direction!"

    "Annoying social media detractors irritating you? Goon Gig will give them something else to talk about!"

    "Union advocates in your workplace? Goon Gig will provide a work education they will never forget!"
    • All with pre-emptive pardons bought at high price from the monopoly supplier.
    • This service is basically what you've described. It provides off duty police and ex-military. This is das öber app for their services. The sort of work Derek Chauvin used to do in his spare time, now available on your phone.

      No doubt you can easily find qualified security personnel, just like Uber has some reliable drivers, but you can also find some shady drivers on Uber fairly easy too.

      And just like wealthy people hire good drivers away from Uber to be their private chauffeur for cash, you can
    • Based on what I've read about weinstein, all this new "app" is doing is bringing it to the masses. https://www.vogue.com/article/... [vogue.com] And he wasn't even that wealthy. Imagine what really wealthy people do. And they can keep it all under wraps much better. Diddy is another example. And do we really know how many kids musk has. https://www.tmz.com/2025/02/15... [tmz.com] And do you think this woman who is claiming Elon is the father has a prayer in court over child support if it is his? Will she even be successful in an

    • Re: (Score:3)

      by kmoser ( 1469707 )
      Since it seems to be fashionable to give your gig economy app a German name (e.g. Uber), I think a fitting name for this company would be Sturmabteilung.

    • Re: (Score:3)

      by necro81 ( 917438 )

      I am sure it won't take long for hired "Armed Guards" turns into indemnified hired thugs.

      I mean, that's pretty much what happened with the Jan 6 insurrectionists. Trump assembled an armed mob and sic'ed them on the Capitol, then later pardoned all of them. He has, in essence, created a model for a private army, totally separate from the military chain of command. My guess is that sometime in the next four years, we'll see major violence from the brown shirts...ermm, red hats...MAGA enthusiasts...patrio

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by mjwx ( 966435 )

      I am sure it won't take long for hired "Armed Guards" turns into indemnified hired thugs.

      "Pesky journalist asking too many questions? Goon Gig will lead their investigation into a new direction!"

      "Annoying social media detractors irritating you? Goon Gig will give them something else to talk about!"

      "Union advocates in your workplace? Goon Gig will provide a work education they will never forget!"

      The problem is with getting your goon off an app, you're going to be getting people who can't even get a job as a goon from their local mafia/gang/teamsters union.

      Although, I'm off to register the domain thugaroo.com

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by kackle ( 910159 )
      Hired goons? [youtube.com]

  • Look how much effort the average DoorDasher puts into their delivery [reddit.com]. Now imagine the same degree of customer service from your gig-guard.

    Who really think this Protector Security goon's gonna bullet for anybody? Yea, you know that service ain't included if you don't leave at least a 50% tip!

    • Who really think this Protector Security goon's gonna bullet for anybody?

      I would not expect them to take a bullet for me. I'd expect them to raise enough suspicion that should anyone try to take a shot at me that the chances of return fire went from near zero to near 100%. That won't stop every attempt since some people are suicidal, and there's not much that can stop people with that level of crazy.

      The kinds of people that go looking to kill often expect to be able to drop their weapon, raise their hands, and be arrested by police. If they see four military veterans that are

  • Point of armed guards? (Score:3)

    by SeaFox ( 739806 ) on Tuesday February 18, 2025 @05:38PM (#65177469)

    Private security forces are not ordained law enforcement officers. They cannot legally use deadly force on someone any more than a normal citizen can.

    • Offer not void in Texas and other states.

    • Re:Point of armed guards? (Score:5, Interesting)

      by MacMann ( 7518492 ) on Tuesday February 18, 2025 @06:40PM (#65177599)

      Private security forces are not ordained law enforcement officers. They cannot legally use deadly force on someone any more than a normal citizen can.

      The normal citizen has considerable latitude on deadly force once deadly force is used on them or an innocent bystander. I don't see a problem here. Their job is not to enforce the law, their job is to return fire if fired upon.

      Oh, and in some states there are licenses for becoming a private police officer with all arrest powers of a police officer hired by a city or state. This goes way back to the times when train robbers would ride up on horseback to take valuables off the trains. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/... [wikipedia.org]

      The idea of railroad police has expanded into other areas. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/... [wikipedia.org]

      Wasn't there something on Slashdot before on how FedEx has their own police force? Found it: https://yro.slashdot.org/story... [slashdot.org]

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by dargaud ( 518470 )

        ...private police officer...

        Somehow those words put together evoke something deeply grating.

      • Re: (Score:3)

        by mjwx ( 966435 )

        Private security forces are not ordained law enforcement officers. They cannot legally use deadly force on someone any more than a normal citizen can.

        The normal citizen has considerable latitude on deadly force once deadly force is used on them or an innocent bystander. I don't see a problem here. Their job is not to enforce the law, their job is to return fire if fired upon.

        In the US it's a free for all with violence... However here in the UK if you bother to read the CPS page on self defence rather than the Daily Mail (CPS - Crown Prosecution Service, I.E. the actual law) there's quite a bit of latitude of how much force you can use. The litmus test is "how much danger you feel you are in" as the idea of the reasonable person (A.K.A. the man on the clapham omnibus, for those familiar with UK legal fictions) goes right out the window as you can't be expected to be objective wh

    • They cannot legally use deadly force on someone any more than a normal citizen can.

      Nor any less. Now, where is it not legal to use deadly force to prevent murder if no other solution presents itself?

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by kmoser ( 1469707 )

      They cannot legally use deadly force on someone any more than a normal citizen can.

      Laws? Where we're going, we don't need laws!

      Any group of goons who commits murder will be given the benefit of the doubt, because the corporate veil will shield them from actual culpability.

  • "Right now it's only available in NYC and LA"

    So there will be Protector: NYC and Protector: LA

    Sounds like a winner for the action TV genre

  • It's the guy who can't get my order right or find my apartment. That's a guy that you know you can trust.

    Somebody needs to sit the multimillionaires down and explain to them that they're not going to come out ahead in a Russian style kleptocracy. Their kind gets thrown out of windows so their property can be stolen by the real oligarchs
    • Haha. Yeah, sooo ... tell us exactly why you need body guards on short notice, please, ma'am. You can trust me. I'm an app, surely one of the most trust worthy inventions of our age.

      Hardly any reason to think that might be abused.
    • They're clutching to a dream where they can give away a small bit of their fortune to protect the rest of it.
  • They better have their cybersecurity straight, or I would think anyone who needs goons might be a sitting duck if the 'when and where' they need guards was for sale on the dark web.

  • Finally a way to visit the US without risk of being shot by a child, deranged lunatic, NRA supporter or republican. But I repeat myself.

  • And the job has been around since well before ancient Egypt.

    But now, I present, the internet version. It’s also AI-enabled, and we have a presence on “X”. After you stop drooling, please deposit the truckloads of investor cash directly into this hole in the ground, please. It’s the most efficient way.

  • If the late UnitedHealthcare CEO had used Protector, he might still be alive today...

    If Luigi Mangione had used Protector, he might have been able to get away from the cops trying to catch him.

  • 1. Observe the mark with the rented high-profile security.
    2. Follow the mark at a discreet distance (a fleet of Escalades is pretty hard to lose track of) until the rented security goes home.
    3. Rob/threaten/kidnap the mark at your leisure.
    4. Repeat with the next mark who is stupid enough to publicly advertise that they have something valuable for the taking.

    • I recall someone pointing out to me the old home for Axl Rose, or maybe some other member of Guns N' Roses, out in the middle of nowhere Indiana. If someone that is popular in Indiana calls up for some added security while in LA just how motivated must some robber be to follow them back to bum fuck Indiana to rob them? If they know where this guy lives, and they know that they'd be in LA on whatever date, then why not try robbing the home while they are away? The place I saw had some decent security with

      • This is for people that come in from far off places, like bum fuck Indiana, for a short visit to make a speech, put on a play, perform in a concert, or whatever, then go home to where they have their own local 24/7 security.

        I suspect people who fall into taht category and already have 24/7 security at home are working with a company that can provide security for when they travel as well.

  • Wake me up when there's an app to hire a good squad to un-protect someone, with prejudice, but discreetly, so I don't get caught for it.

  • Sigh (Score:3)

    by ledow ( 319597 ) on Wednesday February 19, 2025 @03:30AM (#65178381) Homepage

    And there's the beginnings of the "private army" section of the OCP future in Robocop.

    In my country (where armed guards aren't allowed unless they're accompanying a president and an awful lot of armed police officers), this is called being a mercenary.

  • soldier of fortune gun for hire app!

  • Totally not end-stage capitalism we're witnessing!

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